A Ham Sandwich Walks into a Bar.....

[PopSixSquish]

and ask to place an order. The bar tender says, "sorry, but we don't serve food."

Da-dum-bum, Ching!

Thank-you very much ladies and gentlemen. I'm PopSixSquish and I'll be here at the DU Lounge all week. Don't forget to tip your waiters on the way out. Oh, and contribute to Kerry/Edwards while you're at it!!!!!

[kmla]

1. A tall man walks into a bar...

.... and says "Ouch!"

[EstimatedProphet]

2. A seal walks into a club...n/t

[KamaAina]

18. A seal walks into a bar...

...and says, "I'll have a Canadian Club, on the rocks."

(grooooaaaaaann)

[kmla]

3. A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his groin...

and walks up to the bar. Bartender says "Hey - do you know you have a steering wheel attached to your groin?"

Pirate replies, "Arrrr! I sure do! And it's drivin' me nuts!"




Sorry. Is that wrong?

[m-jean03]

20. BWAHAHAHHA!!

That's great!

[underpants]

4. A mushroom walks into a bar...

Bartender says "We don't serve your kind 'round here"

The mushroom says "Why not I'm a fun guy!!!"

fungi

[PopSixSquish]

5. A Grasshopper Walks into a Bar....

and ordered a drink. The bartender says "Hey we've got a drink named after you" The grasshopper says "Cool, you've got a drink named Jerry?"

Courtesy of someone here on DU whose name escapes me. But props to you whoever you are :toast:

[Mizmoon]

6. A pony walks into a bar

and says "Bartender, may I have a drink?"

Bartender says "What? I can't hear you. Speak up!"

"May I please have a drink?"

"What? You have to speak up!"

"Could I please have a drink?"

"Now listen, if you don't speak up I will not serve you."

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little hoarse."


Booooooooooooo!!!

[ohiosmith]

7. Jay Leno walks into a bar. The bartender says: why the long face?

[Endangered Specie]

11. Wouldn't that apply to Kerry too?

:)

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

22. And to Michael Schumacher

[underpants]

8. A piece of string walks into a bar...........

The bartender says "We don't serve strings in here"

The string turns around and goes outside. It twists itelf around several times and roughs up its top end.

The string walks back into the bar, the bartender says "Look I told you we don't serve strings in here"

"I'm not a string"

"You AREN'T?!?!"

"No I'm afraid not"

frayed knot

[Blue-Jay]

9. A freeper walks into a bar with a toad on his head.....

"Where did you get THAt thing?" says the bartender.

"I dunno" replies the toad, "It started out as a wart on my ass."

/whatever

[PopSixSquish]

10. A Horde of Lemmings Walk into a Bar.

"Ouch!"
"Ouch!"
"Ouch!"
"Ouch!"
"Ouch!"
"Ouch!"
"Ouch!"
"Ouch!"
"Ouch!"
"Ouch!"
"Ouch!"
"Ouch!"

:bounce:

[Endangered Specie]

12. Ted Kennedy walks into a bar.

Nuff said.

(sorry, sorry) ;)

[mac56]

13. A grizzly bear walks into a bar

and says, "I'll have a beer......and some of those peanuts."

The bartender says, "Why the big pause?"

[Commendatori]

14. A pink elephant, purple pig and a green rhino walk into a bar.

The bartender says "You're early, he isn't here yet."

[ironflange]

15. A termite walks into a bar. . .

And says, "Is the bar tender here?"

[ronnykmarshall]

16. Kind of a long joke.

A man walks into a bar in Scotland with an octopus. He loudly says, "I've got a bet fer ya. I bet anyone 50 pounds that this creature can play any musical instrument."

One fellow walks up, slaps 50 down on the bar. "OK, here's an electric guitar. Let's see that creature play this."

The man puts the guitar in from of the octopus and the octopus rips out a guitar solo as good as Jimi Hendrix.

The bar erupts in cheers.

Another gents walks up and slaps down another 50 and says, "Alright let's see the octopus play that piano other there."

The octopus jumps down from his stool and slithers over to the piano and starts to not only play but sing a rocking version of Little Richard's "Lucille".

The crowd is going nuts!

Finally an old Scotsman walks up, slaps down 100 pounds and a set of bag pipes All eyes are on the octopus. After a few minutes the old Scotsman laughs. "See! I knew he couldn't play me pipes!"

The octopus looks up and says "Play it? I thought you wanted me to FUCK IT!"

[ronnykmarshall]

17. Kick

we need more jokes!

[Teddy_Salad]

19. A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer....

"Listen," he says to the bartender, "If I show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen, is my beer on the house?"

"We'll see," says the bartender.

So the guy pulls out a hamster and a tiny piano out of a bag, puts them on the bar, and the hamster begins to play.

"Impressive," says the bartender, "but I'll need to see more."

"Hold on," says the man. He then pulls out a bullfrog, and it sings "Old Man River."

A patron jumps up from his table and shouts "Thats's Absolutely incredible! I'll give you $100 right now for the frog."

"Sold," says the guy. The patron takes the bullfrog and leaves.

"It's none of my business," says the bartender, "but you just gave away a fortune."

"Not really," says the guy, "The hamster is also a ventriloquist."

[Guy Fawkes]

21. Ham Isn't Kosher!!! ::melts:: nt

[AlGore-08.com]

23. A priest, a rabbi and baptist minister walk into a bar

And the bartender says "What is this, some kind of joke?"

:dunce: