How do people stay positive?

[SarahB]

Seriously, I am a person who tries to be kind and considerate to others- in every facet of all kinds of relationships. I hold the doors for old people. I'm neither shallow, nor materialistic. I have manners. I truly want to contribute something good by my existence in this world. Increasingly though, I realize that it simply doesn't matter to the rest of humanity. I find myself angry and not caring so much anymore. Too often I think, I have been too stomped on and my feelings, words, dreams have been treated as absolutely meaningless by family, friends, realtionships, etc. and I'm truly tired of it. How does one retain any level of a good spirit in this world?

If you're a positive person, how do you stay positive? It just seems harder and harder sometimes to ever think I'll have returned to me what I try to give the rest of humanity.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

1. Go out on the next sunny day and lie underneath a tree.

[ulysses]

24. you forgot the part

about bringing a large bottle of whiskey.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

26. Hey, Buddha never specified that.

Rum does just as well.

[Nlighten1]

58. Fig trees.

Ever eat a ripe fig? Yum

[flamingyouth]

2. This might sound cheesy

But I've found that a regular yoga and meditation practice has really helped me in this way. Having a good sense of humor helps too.

The most important thing is that you realize that you ARE doing good things - you just may not see the fruits of your good work right now. But keep doing what you do. We don't always get answers right away (or ever, it occurs to me).

You're going through a hard time and it's totally normal for you to feel like this. You've got lots of friends here who love you.:hug:

[SarahB]

12. Thanks.

I went to yoga for awhile and enjoyed it, but anything I do for myself becomes a fight.

[Nlighten1]

59. Indeed...

I haven't done yoga but regular meditation practice has changed my life.

[DS1]

3. Right now, my answer would be find someone that annoys you

and beat them within inches of their life.

Barring that, make some time for yourself that's free of interruption.

[sus]

6. isn't that from the bible?

[DS1]

15. Beats me

:P

[SOteric]

46. To within inches of your life?

:P

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

54. In the Bible, they use rocks.

[SarahB]

61. I like your plan.

I'd like to beat the crap out of a few people in this world.

I had a little time alone (guess I am now), but not without smug comments. I need to decompress and need space sometimes. Healthy, in my opinion.

[arcane1]

4. it ain't easy, that much is certain

I am somehow able to spin even the worst disaster into something, anything, positive, although sometimes that means I have to really grasp for it!

That, and I'm just too damned stubborn to let life get the last laugh on me :D

:hi:

[prolesunited]

30. I agree!

You do have a knack for finding the silver lining in every situation.

:hi:

[arcane1]

36. often just a silver sliver

but I'll find it, dammit!!!! It really pisses Life off when I do that :D

:hi:

[SarahB]

64. I tend to attempt to be that way.

Can't say I always make it though. Sometimes experiences I've gone through in life knock the crap out of me, but I always seem to recharge, and try to learn something from it.

[22181]

5. Well, the meds help...

:)

[Taverner]

7. I'm not exactly a positive person

But I like to think that even in a miserable world, it feels great when someone out there lifts my spirits - so if I can do the same than it's a good thing.

[SarahB]

62. Yeah, that can help.

Sometimes I have to figure out what feels right for me in lifting spirits. I have a lot of need for self-protection right now. When someone with an already battered heart allow someone in, only to have it further squashed, it can make a person not even trust their own judgement and therefore not wanting to hurt anyone else in the process.

[Raven]

8. Make up your mind every morning to find

at least one good thing in the day ahead. I do this and I always manage to find one good thing...even on the worst of days. It helps.

[dawg]

It matters to me.

Anyone who reads these boards can see that you are a kind person. That makes a difference in the world whether you realize it or not. I sometimes feel the same way. Only difference is that you, at least, seem to make a good impression on people even if they turn around and dump on you. I, on the other hand, start with the best of intentions but somehow come across as a jerk before it's all over. And, of course, I get dumped on too.

For anyone who has seen Spiderman II, I will compare it to living a Peter Parker kind of life. ;)

[SarahB]

67. Thanks.

You mean I don't come across as an old grouch? :D By the way, you don't come across as a jerk at all.

[sundog]

9. you're sad today...

you sound like me last night--

It's not a matter of getting back what you give, it's a matter of being able to took at yourself in the mirror -- that is a gift in itself :)

[DebJ]

16. AMEN.

[sundog]

20. cool... u catch the drift

:hi:

[m-jean03]

10. I give a lot of credit to how and what I eat

I think that the macrobiotic diet is an important yet much-overlooked tool to providing health, happiness and optimism in this uncertain world.

You should check out "The Self Healing Cookbook": http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0945668155/qid=1089833443/sr=8-1/ref=pd_ka_1/102-8627437-3666568?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

Other resources:

http://www.foodandhealing.com

http://www.cybermacro.com

I used to feel a lot like you do, Sarah. You might just amaze yourself with the power of this natural diet, I know how amazing it was for me to experience.

[SarahB]

33. I'm not macrobiotic, but...

I eliminated sugar and white flour from my diet and eat very little of anything processed. It has helped a lot. I'm not really depressed or anything, just a bit upset with humanity right now for a multitude of reasons. I don't want to have to feel strong all the time. Maybe it would be nice just to not feel like I always have to be.

[m-jean03]

38. I get where you're coming from

That's great you cut out sugar/white flour. Those are definitely the big bads. :)

And I don't think you have to feel strong all the time if you simply are strong by default. Do you run or lift weights? Rent Rocky and make him your hero for a while. :D It sounds funny but I used to really worry what people thought of me, but a part of what helped was imagining I was some heroic figure, so strong I couldn't be hurt, whose purposes and dreams were so noble, they were above the comprehension of the common man. :D While it may give you an inflated ego, it works (at least in my experience.) :D

Someone on this thread mentioned the Spiderman life. I think that's exactly how you should think of it. And then there's Jesus -- He said some interesting stuff, one thing that I always remember goes like "I am not of this world". Your dreams and good deeds are rooted in "Heaven" or a place that exists above and beyond the pettiness of human cruelty and misunderstanding. In other words, you are better than them!

In purity and goodness is the ultimate strength, and you seem to have plenty of these things. :hug:

[Nay]

11. You're normal. You can't be positive all the time.

You just have to do what you know is right (keep up the manners, etc.) and not worry about what other people say.

Also, don't tell others about your dreams and aspirations. Too many people love to stomp on them, and really, they are none of their business. Don't dilute them that way. If you want encouragement in your dreams, I'd go to Barbara Sher's website and join a team for that very purpose. (Google it)

[Pale Blue Dot]

13. Fall in love.

I mean it. I know it sounds nuts, but find someone who makes you completely give in to that emotion. No matter how difficult or absurd the relationship seems on the surface, you will get a whole new outlook on life.

Trust me, I know of which I speak.

[SarahB]

27. Ironic.

I thought I was for awhile briefly. There was a man I got to know last year who I was able to share anything with who was open, kind, and was wonderful to me. He was going through something similar as me and we understood each other, or so it seemed. There was a strong mutual attraction as well. He made a lot of claims to me about how he felt about me and then decided it would be better to just drop out of my life. Not much could have happened between us at this point in our lives, but it was nice and there was a nice connection going. I never asked for anything really and I've continued to be understanding despite everything, but it doesn't matter. I'm treated as meaningless. Par for the course though. I was stupid to believe that I mattered to him.

I don't think I'm going to allow myself to feel much of anything for a long time. It's only been shown to me over and over than when it comes to me and men, they are only interested in one thing. I enjoy the one thing, the one thing is nice, but I'm more than just that and I want more than that.

[Bonhomme Richard]

31. Leave the computer, go for a walk and..........

get some ice cream.

[Pale Blue Dot]

45. I'm so sorry, Sarahbelle.

I do really hope you find what you're looking for. :hug:

[YellowRubberDuckie]

14. Mine really isn't eloquent...

but, I believe that no matter what happens in our lives, it goes on, and we might as well have a sunny attitude rather than wallowing in what ever crap we're going through. That sunny attitude also helps us through whatever we are going through, to know that we're going to get through it. We always worry about what people think of us, but if you're kind and considerate, and if you just acknowledge those older people as people and being there, even if you just smile at them, I've found that it makes their day. That positive attitude rubs off. Its a cycle.
Duckie

[sundog]

17. Do you feel better today?

I do... You consoled me yesterday :)

[YellowRubberDuckie]

32. I don't know...

But I'm so glad you do. :)
Duckie

[sundog]

39. all part of the ebb & flow...

you'll feel better before ya know it B-)

[TXlib]

18. I scuff me feet on the carpet

That keeps me positive, until I shock some hapless sucker. Then I scuff again. :evilgrin:

[SarahB]

63. I find that argument quite static.

:P

[HEyHEY]

19. Medication

[Guy Fawkes]

21. don't do what I just did...

and clean the leads on what you *thought* was a dead laptop battery... using steel wool....

ouch.

[BigMcLargehuge]

I write

I put all my negativity, anger, and assorted other anti-social feeings into my writing. I also participate in strenuous exercises, both Hapkido and Kuhapdo/Kumdo classes that send me home exhausted, bruised, battered, and generally impressed with myself.

That helps alot.

When I feel REALLY shitty, I grab Ian and Mrs. McLargehuge and get the hell out of town for an afternoon or evening. A change of scenery is REALLY helpful.

These all work for me, hope this helps.

[Bonhomme Richard]

22. Confidence in yourself and your beliefs.

I'm very much a people person but I do not expect positive feedback from those around me. They have their own set of problems and complexes.
I just live the best way I can, realize that I and others are going to screw up from time to time, and try to look at each moment as a new opportunity.
Hah! If I wake up and my names not in the obituaries it's a positive start to the day.
The rest is what I make of it because it is my responsibility alone.

[m-jean03]

25. Yeah, that's excellent

I meant to mention that, too.

[sus]

23. my grandfather used to say:

"Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of the women!"

but personally, i would just take a mental health day and read a good book or something at HOME. with the tv OFF. after that, try not to take what people do and say personally. remember that it has nothing to do with YOU. it's THEIR baggage. you're just one person and you're doing the best you can.

:)

sorry. i suck at advice.

[ashling]

28. Prozac

I'm serious. I have battled depression for years, been through several different medications and therapies.

Prozac helps me.

:dem:

[bif]

29. I'm almost always positive.

Whenever I get down, I find that beer and wine help.

[meti57b]

34. cats! get a cat! better yet, get three!

[TEXASYANKEE]

40. No!

You must have FOUR!! :-)

Seriously though, my 4 frisky felines help to keep my spirits up every single day.

[meti57b]

49. okay .... I agree .... four cats!

Doesn't take much to convince me!

[plcdude]

35. the alternatives to being positive

are not you. Just be yourself and true to yourself. Each day is a gift to enjoy. Sit down and write a list of what you are thankful for and be honest. Everyday you wake up to yourself so be good to yourself. Life is way too short, too difficult, and too complicated to piss away with negativity. Can you walk, can you see, can you hear, taste, smell, think, dream, laugh, cry, lust, rest, talk, and believe? Well then life is good now and now is all we've got. Enjoy.

[blindpig]

37. why bother, be a pessimist

We're usually right and pleasently surprised when we're wrong.

[jonnyblitz]

41. i stopped depending on others for my happiness

I learned how to be alone therefore anybody who DOES come along who is cool and enrichs my life is a bonus.... :hi:

[TrogL]

42. stay away from negative people

(first answer didn't make any damn sense)

[northzax]

44. no, that's negative you speak of, trogl...

and I reccomend every now and then throwing something, preferably breakable, into a solid object. and cocaine, that helps.

[SarahB]

71. The post that provoked last night's fight.

My husband came in when I was on the computer.
I said, "I'm trying to figure out how to stay positive."
He said, "What did people say?"
I told him a few ideas from people. Then when I got to this one and said, "stay away from negative people", he said, "Then why don't you stay away from yourself." I started crying. It was another hurtful dig disguised as a joke. When I became obviously sad, as usual, he went on the attack with criticism and defensiveness instead of caring to know that it upset me and why. It set of whole chain reaction downward spiral again.
You see the problem is that I love my husband, but I love him in a human way. I always did, but it was never much more than a compatibility, friendship kind of love. I thought maybe that was better for me because it feels like when it comes to romantic love, I love too deeply, so much that it hurts too much sometimes. Then, after years of being hurt in various ways through my husband's addictions, behavior toward me, etc, I gradually just drifted away from whatever good feelings his companionship brought me which lead to now with me wanting a divorce. Meanwhile, he is still very much in love with me, but the way he shows his sadness is defensiveness, possessiveness, and anger. I can understand, but it doesn't make it easier. He openly tells me this, yet is unable or unwilling to change it. I don't know if I can resolve myself to what is essentially, for me, a loveless marriage for the rest of my life. I haven't been even happy with him for years.

The problem is that there is a man here that completely understands what I'm going through as he's going through something similar and I fell in love with him and at least for a time, I think he would say the same thing about me. From a relatively young age, I promised myself that I would never let another man get under my skin and I certainly didn't expect it to be because of something like this. While we know that neither of us are ready for much at this point in our lives and officially it's been "over" for awhile now, there's a certain tension or ambivalence that remains in the air. I've tried to find peace or some type of balance with him and he can't even handle dealing with me anymore. I'm either hated by him now (which doesn't seem to be the case given responses toward me publicly) or there's still those feelings for me on his part too, that he just can't or is too afraid to handle. That's his prerogative and I try not to bother him, but in the meantime, this place that used to be a sanctuary for me is a daily reminder of this and it kills me inside.

For that reason, I need to take a break from here. I'm not sure how long. I don't want to start some thread about this, so I kept it here, hidden enough that unless someone was really looking for my posts, it couldn't be otherwise be found easily. I don't want to add any fuel to the drama here, and it's essentially very private anyway, but I needed to get this out. It'll probably be easier with me gone anyway.

I can no longer be PMed, but anyone who has my e-mail can e-mail me or others can click the icon on top. I think I'll be back, but I'm not sure when. Maybe I just need a couple weeks, maybe a few months, maybe it's all too much.

[johnnie]

43. I know what you mean

It can sometimes be tough to keep a good positive attitude. I have done meditation for years and also read many books on Eastern Philosophies in search of keeping my chin up.
For the most part, I think it just has been years of conditioning myself to think in a spiritual way toward things that keep me grounded these days. Not a religious nut, but more of always having the big picture of everything in the back of my mind all the time and referring to it when I find myself getting down.
I always think to myself, life is easy...just breathe and also I keep in my mind the story of the man who was complaining that he had no shoes until he came across the man with no feet.
I don't believe there is a simple answer to staying positive, but there are some small changes you can do with your thought patterns that can make a bit of a difference. I also believe in changes in diets, as been talked about above my post.
If I had a magic wand to help you, I would certainly use it.
Oh, and also try not to think that the world is any worse than back in the day. The world has always had it's share of good and bad, and today is no different. There are a lot of good things going on in the world today and unfortunately you have to look for them...but they are there.

[floridaguy]

47. The positive feelings come from within Grasshopper

Sometimes the world makes it damn hard to keep a positive attitude.
Remember that you do the things you do because they're the right thing to do, and not because someone either appreciates it, or even acknowledges. For instance, giving is way better than getting. Getting can be cool, but it doesn't effect your soul like giving.

As far as relationships, that's a different story alltogether. To love someone, and to be loved, are two of the greatest things in life. However, to have your heart shredded by a friend or lover will make you think it's not worth it. But it is.

Your journey right now may be filled with assholes and idiots, but you'll at sometime reap the benefit of your chosen path. The right way.

Lastly, don't take any of it too seriously. When it all appears to be negative, a silly movie or a belly laugh over the dumbest things can change your outlook.

One of them smart philosophers described "optimism" as expecting the best possible outcome for any given circumstances. A corollary to that is the fact that 90% of the gloom and doom most people concern themselves with, never happens.

Outlook is everything. Tomorrow you can wake up determined that you will make every encounter you have a positive experience. Just try it. If you get 80%, that's a B, and that aint bad, it's good.

Good Luck,
CH
Naples, Florida

PS. Oh yeah, it's ok to be angry once in awhile. In fact it's healthy. Just don't let it overcome you like any other emotion.

[floridaguy]

48. I'm not a professional. but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last nigh

:P

[jus_the_facts]

50. Endorphins....

.....LOTS 'n' LOTS of 'em!! :evilgrin:

[Beaverhausen]

51. The Four Agreements

Great book and philosophy.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1878424319/qid=1089843038/sr=8-2/ref=pd_ka_2/102-5261519-6717748?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don't take anything personally
3. Don't make assumptions
4. Always do your best


sounds so simple but it's brilliant.

[Donkeyboy75]

52. Hook myself up to an anode.

Seriously, though, you have to be a tad selfish to be happy, I think. Take some time for yourself. Think of how much worse off many other humans are than you...and how they manage. At least, that's what works for me.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

53. You have to be positive AND assertive

it's a good combination and it works well for me. I am a very happy, positive person, but I don't let anyone stomp on me or my feelings.

[CBHagman]

55. Some sort of sense of humor helps, and so does music.

If you have a particular type of music that either soothes or energizes you, try that, at least some of the time. It can be a real centering device.

If at all possible, find something to laugh about. Grab a friend or relative and go to a comedy festival, a hilarious movie, etc. Watch a puppy or kitten doing something ridiculous. Find the absurdity in the grocery checkout line or traffic patterns.

It's also not a bad idea to call someone who would appreciate hearing from you. It will probably make both of you feel better.

If you can laugh with somebody, it's especially soothing. I recall times of intense grief in which I went out to the movies and dinner with a friend, and we managed to laugh and cry together. It was very healing.

ALL THE BEST TO YOU.

[historian]

56. am in same boat

but i store my disgust and anger for repukes in conversations and for the religious loonies who come to my door. I havent hurt anyone, since i dont think much of them to begin with, and im ready for another day or two of life

[SOteric]

57. Even the naturally positive can't be positive all the time.

Unless you're a Barbie doll you're going to have stresses and grief and pain in your life, even the occassional free-floating anxiety.

I'm going through some things myself right now, both longing for and resisting change; longing for and resisting the status quo.

Much like we say of the media, it matters what we chose to say to ourselves. There is a host of self-talk, things we say to ourselves in our minds as we go through our day. Successfully editing those internal conversations takes years of work for most folk, instead it can be useful to highlight some of the conversation.

I like to think of it as a kind of running catalogue I keep of the events of my life. The internal conversation is much like the blurb next to a catalogue item. Much like FOX News the catalogue can get a bit one sided in it's reporting, especially when we're faced with some of those griefs, pains and anxieties. It's easy to take even the good things in life and filter them through poop-coloured glasses.

So, about redirecting that negative self-talk. Maybe look into one of the many free online diaries or journals, such as TheOpenDiary, or LiveJournal for instance. Chose an anonymous identity and write out some of your angst. You can decide how much of your thoughts to open to the community and which of them you'd like to keep private. The diary will have a password. In that Diary, consider a gratitude journal. Keep a daily list of things in your life which are good, rewarding, things for which you are grateful. Your children, your health, sunrises, dark chocolate, summer rain, - whatever is good or beautiful or working in your life.

Don't overthink it, don't let yourself filter the joy through your negativity (in other words, don't start worrying that your children will in some way suffer your choices, don't worry about afflictions your family gets as they age. Right now, your children are happy and a joy to you. Right now, your health is excellent...or whatever).

It really doesn't take a lengthy time before focusing some small amount of your attention on good things in life takes the overwhelming aspects of negative thought out of one's mind.

Sure, you're studying to be a medical professional, so you well know that this won't help if you've got a chemical imbalance. It really never hurts to get a professional evaluation from a competent practitioner. But assuming that all other systems are functioning normally, try a diary and some attention to the things that are a joy.

[SarahB]

60. Thanks for your response.

I'm not chemically balanced, my health is excellent, and I already have a journal, much of which is to help me to continue to be positive. I spend most of my time time concentrating on the positive things. I have no choice. If I didn't, things would be a lot worse. I have tried to be an open, decent person at every turn in life, looking at the positive, growing within myself to the best of my ability in many facets of life despite challenges at times, yet caring for others at the same time. Yet perhaps in part due to the family I was born into, and lousy choices on my part at a young age, in part stemming from the family I had, it's become irrelevant. I deal with continual criticism ALL the time from a number of people in my life that I am unable to avoid. Do people actually know what that's like? What it does to a person? I'm not a stone, but for a long time, I felt like I had to be one, that I was lost to even myself. I'm not anymore, so it probably hurts more.

I'm sorry that you're going through difficulties as well. I hope that they are able to be resolved in a peaceful and positive manner. You're very fortunate to have a supportive family who can be there for you.

[SOteric]

65. I don't keep records,

I'm just aswering your post. :hi:

[SarahB]

69. changed it

sorry if the way I worded it didn't sound right

[dolo amber]

66. In the immortal words of Marge Simpson:

"Well it doesn't matter how you feel inside, you know? It's what shows up on the surface that counts. That's what my mother taught me. Take all your bad feelings and push them down, all the way down, past your knees until you're almost walking on them. And then you'll fit in, and you'll be invited to parties, and boys will like you, and happiness will follow."

Failing that, I second (or possibly third) DS1's suggestion in post #3. :D

[SarahB]

68. Oh, that doesn't work.

:scared:

On the outside, things are fine. If I stuff my feelings down, I'll end up pigging out on ice cream and then my outside will end up pretty lousy too.

[VoteDemocratic2004]

70. I don't hold animosity towards people

Some people feed on hurting others and they get off of treating people bad.

They are filled with hate and I look over them because they are negative and I don't allow them to bring me down.

I stay positive by keeping hope up and a good outlook on life.