Ank is driving me insane

[TrogL]

He never comes to DU anymore so it's probably safe to talk about him here. I certainly don't have anybody else to talk to.

He's pretty much gone off the deep end.

Daily suicide threats. Daily threats to other people (not me, for some reason). Two weeks ago he slashed his arm with a knife.

The slightest little thing drives him wacko. He hates his parents but insists on travelling to see them. The weeks leading up to these visits are living hell. He gets there, has a wonderful time and comes back feeling fine.

His boss is a complete idiot. He used to run the store with his wife (the brains of the operations) until she got mad and moved out of province. Now he's trying to do it himself and he doesn't have a fucking clue, so he gets Ank to do everything.

At the moment the boss is having a dispute with one of the vendors and Ank is caught in the middle and the boss is threatening to dock his salary (which would prevent the parent trip) and he's on the phone to me ranting and raving and screaming and crying and threatening to smash the store.

Now remember, I'm an Aspie so all this socialization stuff drives me up the wall. I'm probably the last person anyone would want to turn to for solace or touchy-feely stuff. At best, I try to be the voice of reason. When that doesn't work, I end up going over the edge.

He's been seeing a psychiatrist for years and had an appointment earlier in the week. He's on his meds and she just put him on Larjactel (sp?) - a heavy-duty anti-psychotic but it doesn't seem to be helping much.

The problem is, I don't have anyplace else to live. I don't own any furniture, I lost that in the divorce along with my house and my credit rating. I've got a futon. That's it.

The kids are supposed to visit this weekend but in his condition that's a lost cause.

I've been hinting around about renting my wife's basement and she hasn't exactly said no but she's worried about how her long-term boyfriend might react, but then again she's still pissed off at him for wrecking her truck. Plus I doubt if I could cope with the smoking, the mess and the daily onslaught of kids. It takes all of my socialization skills just to get through a weekend - nevermind fulltime.

Another factor. I've already had one partner die on me. She was in a single-car accident that the chief medical officer rated a suicide, basically blaming me for making her life unmanageable (probably Aspie related). I don't need another death on my conscience. I'm haunted by ghosts as it stands.

Ank contributes half the rent. I can't afford the place otherwise. When he's sane, he's very supportive of me but these stretches of sanity are getting shorter and shorter. He suffers from chronic pain in his back (spondyolosis (sp?)) that pushes him over the edge.

I also can't afford to move because I need help getting my piano and other non-sitting-furniture stuff downstairs. I can't afford to take time off work right now as I'm right in the middle of my busiest season and we just had a major switchover last night.

He does not seem to understand boundaries or simple causality (but neither do most of the people around me). The cell phone that I use is paid for by my employer and the number appears on my business card so Ank knows it. He cannot understand the concept that he is not to phone it unless it's an emergency. With him, everything is an emergency.

Granted, Ank has slowly improved. He used to phone me at the office every hour. He would phone to tell me that he ate breakfast so I would "know what was going on".

He's on the phone right now threatening to burn somebody's house down.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

1. Shit, man. I don't think there's anything I can say about that.

Clearly you need some resolution quick. What that should be, I have no idea.

[Droopy]

2. It sounds like Ank is misdiagnosed

Or he could be just a difficult person to deal with no matter what the circumstances. But I'm betting he's misdiagnosed, especially if he's still suicidal. He must not be telling his psychiatrist everything, because if he were I'm betting he would be in a lot better shape.

[Mizmoon]

3. Deep breath ... time to decide your new direction

Make a goal. I think in this case the goal is "A New Place to Live".

What do you need? First you need money. So the first step is how to improve your earning capacity. What work can you do that will make the most money? Pursue ways to make the most money so you can meet your goal.

As my beloved Big Dawg recently said, "The harder I work, the luckier I get."

Peace and best wishes.

[Hawkeye-X]

4. Please forgive me.. but who's Ank?

I don't see him on the profile.

Hawkeye-X

[TrogL]

6. Ahkanten

aka. Ank the vile.

We've been living together for years.

[TrogL]

5. ...continued...

He literally cries over spilt milk.

Granted he's an extrovert but he talk and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and I can't understand what he's talking about three quarters of the time because he can't seem to understand that I can't hear him if he's in a different room or on the balcony or in the bathroom with the door closed. With all the meds he's on he tends to mumble and lose his consonants, except when he's talking with other socializers or on the phone. At times I get mad and yell "everything thought that crosses your mind does not necessarily have to cross your lips".

He goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on about his fucking goatee. He has trouble getting it straight and keeps asking me if it's all right - I have no idea. I don't even like the stupid thing. He went to a hair stylist to have trimmed and she took too much off and he started ranting and screaming and threatening suicide.

He decided that nothing would do but he had to grow back his foreskin. I hate foreskins.

He claims to be on a low-carb diet. On Tuesdays he was going on about his weight gain was because of slurpees so he said no more slurpees. Last night, nothing would do but he had to have a slurpee because he was hot. New story - he's cutting down on slurpees.

His diagnoses over the years - schizophrenia, borderline, MPD. Frankly I think it's all three. He certainly has his paranoid moments, he acts like a borderline and he has bizarrre personality switches with voice and handwriting changes.

All these "how do you meet people" threads have been making me sad because I have met people over the decades and it hasn't worked. I'm pushing 50 and I'm waaaay to old for this.

[BigMcLargehuge]

7. please call a crisis hotline [phone]

We are very concerned about Ank's well being, but DU members are not qualified to provide the help Ank needs. Please call the crisis hotline at 1-800-784-2433

Big McLargehuge
DU Moderator