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Edited on Sat Jul-17-04 11:14 PM by slinkerwink
Home has become stifling to me. The thick smell of cooking, the muted din of the television in the den, and the loud, classical music in the small parlor all conspire to drive me slowly mad. Violins wail and thunderous piano music echo through the large Spanish adobe home. I imagine that the roof clay tiles must be on the verge of falling down onto the ground from the classical music that my older brother continuously plays. It's hard for me to listen to my own brand of music since my older brother has an obsessive control over the stereo remote. I sigh inwardly, tugging on my shoes to the sounds of cooking utensils clanging against each other in the kitchen, and my mother looks at me. Her lined, worried face peers through the steam of the boiling pasta and the bubbling tomato sauce on the stove. I pull out my car keys and the expression on her face changes from worry to slight annoyance.
"Are you driving off again like the last time? I swear ever since you got your car, you're always driving off somewhere. Where are you going to this time?" My mother rests the large, wooden spoon on the bland white tiles next to the stove. My eyes focus on that spoon as I turn the keys over in my palm, feeling their comforting weight against the small fingers of my hand.
"I'm going to the library to study. I've been falling a bit behind in my AP English class and I want to get caught up on Chaucer." I lie effortlessly, cracking my gum, feeling the mint flavor explode against my taste buds.
She nods, finally resigning to letting me go. Ever since I got my '89 Honda Acura Legend, I've always used it as a means of escape from the accumulating pressures of schoolwork, my mother's expectations, and the classical music I've come to hate that my older brother, Tim, seems to play at all hours of the day. I hear a bark from the next room, and my dog, Dill, hurries over to my side. I decide to take him along with me. Dill is the only one in my home who never question my motives or ignores me, he simply accepts me for who I am without any expectations except that I love him unconditionally. He pants loudly, his small tail wagging his entire silver-gray body. I can't help but smile as I pick him up in my arms, and head out to the driveway.
The heat suddenly hits me with a ferocity, making me sweat instantly. Dill licks the sweat pooling on my collarbones, panting even louder in an attempt to cool himself off. I can even feel the hot Texas heat through the soles of my Birkenstocks on the hot concrete pavement as I get into my car. I'm glad my car doesn't have leather seats because if it had leather seats, the heat from the sun on the leather would have slightly burned my skin, leaving red marks on my shoulder blades and my lower thighs. However, I don't like the scratchy feel of the cheap fabric against my skin so the seats are covered in sheepskin, one of my few indulgences on this crappy car. I put Dill down onto the passenger seat and he immediately puts his paws on the small shoulder rest on the inside of the car door and looks outside, his tail wagging in excitement.
I finally turn the engine on, pressing on the gas pedal a few times because my car only starts if I pump the gas pedal, finally happy to hear the blast of alternative rock from the scratched radio and the feel of the cool air coming from the fan somewhere inside the car. I look at Dill and he looks back at me with a panting grin. I turn my head back to the cul-de-sac of the street. Several cacti line the front yards of homes where rock gardens are cultivated gingerly instead of grass. I hate this street. All the front yards look the same with their rock gardens, cacti, and desert plants. The only reliant green here were the thin conifer trees lining the driveways. The few yards that had grass belonged to rich homes who had gardeners painstakingly water them on odd or even days, according to the last number of their street addresses.
I shift the stick from P to D and slowly move out of the driveway, the taste of freedom growing more intense with every gaining yard down the street, and the landscape move from distinct shapes to fast-moving indistinct blurs as the speedometer inches up past 30. I've rolled down the car window a bit so that Dill can stick his head out and pant freely to the amusement of the other drivers on the road. I have no idea where I'm going yet but it's going to be something that will be an adventure. I hear the song "Yellow" come on and I sing along with the radio, patting the steering wheel in rhythm to the song, not caring if I'm singing horribly. Happiness fills me as I sing "Oh, and it was all yellow, oh, what a thing to do, I came along, I wrote a song for you, and it was all yellow" as the familiar landscape of the suburbs slightly change into the downtown area of El Paso. I see the Taco Tote sign flash by, briefly thinking about their delicious fajita tacos, but then I see the Caffe Dali sign come up on the road that I'm on.
"Want some coffee, Dill?" I ask him, my voice full of hidden laughter. He barks in agreement so we pull off the busy street and into the small parking lot behind the coffee store which is the size of a gas station. Maybe it used to be a gas station but who knows with the ever-changing architectural landscape of El Paso? The coffee store is in front of a cheap strip mall, with a rock clothes store, a porn video store, and a bead-making store. I'd walked into the porn video store once by accident because I had seen one of my friends, Eric, go into there and wanted to say hi to him. He'd been so shocked to see me in the middle of the porn video store, surrounded by naked women doing all sorts of sexual acts. I had laughed at the expression on his face and the fact that I'd accidentally walked into a porn store.
A car horn honks loudly on the street, breaking me out of reverie. My foot's still on the brake pedal so I move the stick from D to P and turn the engine off. The air conditioning shuts off abruptly, and so does "Yellow" on the radio. Dill leaps from the passenger seat to my lap, pressing his paws against the driver's side window, begging to be let out. I open the door and he jumps out, and pisses against a statute of Jim Morrison in front of the rock clothing store. I laugh, and pick him up as we head to the outside cafe tables in front of the coffee store. I spot my friend, Nick, with two girls at one of those tables. He waves hi at me and then whispers to the other girls, probably telling them who I am. I sit down at a table in the far corner of the front yard, putting Dill on a leash to one of the chairs next to me.
"Hey Aimee, how're you doing?" Nick shouts from the other table, his black hair shining against the hot Texas sun, as his muscles slightly strain against his rock t-shirt. I notice one of the girls sitting next to him. She's cute in that slightly elfish way, and I wonder if she has pointed ears underneath that short light-brown bob. She smiles at me, white teeth momentarily blinding me as a dimple appears in her right cheek, followed by the slight raise of her well-groomed eyebrows. The other girl is slightly overweight with a permanent frown on her face as her tiny, blue eyes squint in my direction. Her lanky, greasy blonde hair makes me feel faintly ill. What was Nick doing with those two girls? I decide to get up from my chair, leaving Dill behind to chew on a stick, to find out.
"I'm doing fine, Nick. Who are those beautiful women with you?" I grin and wink at the cute girl, making her blush. I can see almost all the way down her red long-sleeved shirt, mesmerized by the creamy skin being hid by her black lace bra, or what I could see of the bra. Her long legs stretch, and cross over each other, making me think about what's underneath that short black skirt.
"Well, Aimee, they're interviewing to be a part of my band. This one here is Nikki, and the blonde one is Cheryl. Nikki's looking to do the part of the vocals for my band and Cheryl's possibly thinking to be the drummer." Nick gestures at the girls as he introduces them to me, and I know Cheryl will never get the part of the drummer because of the way she looks. Her dour expression would cost the band gigs at showplaces like the Strip and Castro. I look back to Nikki and she smiles at me again, making my heart skip. She'll definitely get the vocals part with her looks but so far I haven't heard her voice.
"What songs do you usually like to sing?" I ask her, curious to hear what she sounds like. Nick raises his eyebrows, having finally caught on that I'm making a move on Nikki. To him, my bisexuality is no secret since I'm out at my high school, but he's never seen me make a move on a girl since the loss of my last gf, Lauren. He smiles at me, his eyes twinkling behind his thick emo glasses, sipping on his coffee nonchalantly as he watches me talk to Nikki.
"Well, I love to sing "Yellow" and "Bohemian Rhapsody" but I never get to sing them whenever I play with bands. Do you like to sing?" Nikki asks, her cheeks faintly blushing in the hot heat. I'm not sure whether it's the heat making her cheeks blush or that I asked her a question.
"I love to sing but I'm a terrible singer. "Yellow" is my favorite song though. I'm an incurable romantic sap. My dog, Dill, can howl at the appropriate choruses, since he's heard it so much." I point to my dog who sits straight up and cocks his head beseechingly at us. Nikki awws and makes cooing noises to him and he wags his tail. Finally a girl who loves dogs instead of cats.
"I hate "Yellow" because it's a stupid romantic song. I've heard it so much on the radio that I feel like barfing whenever I hear it." Cheryl's grating voice makes me wince and Nikki sighs, shooting a sharp look at the overweight girl who pretends not to see the look. What a bitch. I'd like to slap her across the face and force feed her a bunch of crappy romantic songs up the wazoo, I think to myself, scowling a little bit.
"Anyway, I'm going to get coffee inside. Nick, will you watch my dog for me?" I ask and he nods, looking at my dog with the intensity of laser beams. Nikki gets up, to my surprise, and also mentions that she's going to get coffee with me. Is she interested in me also? I wonder, smiling as she walks over to me and we enter the coffee house together.
The rich, intoxicating smell of coffee hits all of my senses as I take in the sight of dozens of glass canisters containing coffee beans of all varieties and strains, and the sounds of the electric coffee grinder in the background. Coffee is one of my favorite vices, next to sex. I can feel my blood race faster at the prospect of drinking a rich, decadent mug full of highly caffeinated coffee. Nikki’s arm accidentally brushes my chest as she leans forward on the counter, her skirt hiking up her legs a little bit. I can’t breathe. I feel like all the oxygen’s gone out of me and a slow, maddening heat spreads through my face.
“I’ll get a café mocha. What about you, Aimee?” She speaks softly, gesturing to the beverage list up on the corrugated metal wall. I nod in assent. Nikki takes that to mean that I also would like a café mocha and orders two for us. I fish out my wallet to pay my half of the total but her hand stops my hand from flipping the wallet open. With a sigh, I let her pay the total as I nervously tuck my shoulder-length brown hair behind my right ear.
As we take the café mochas from the pimply-faced barista, the simple curve of Nikki's neck captures my focus, as I dream about what it would be like to kiss that neck and then up to her lips. Nikki clears her throat and I realize I’ve been staring at her improperly so I shrug, and laugh. The heat of the hot Texas sun once again hit us as we go outside, and to our surprise, we see that Nick and Cheryl are gone.
“Where did they go off to?” I ask, curious about their absence, and nervously look over to where Dill is. He seems content playing by himself with the half-gnawed stick between his paws.
“I don’t know, but I can get a ride with you, right?” Nikki asks, sitting down in the white chair, putting her feet up onto the plastic table.
“Of course. Hey, what are you going to do tonight?” I look down into my café mocha and take a hesitant sip of it. The coffee tastes rich, creamy, and extremely chocolaty. This is the perfect cup of café mocha that I’ve ever had.
“I don’t know. We’ll see what happens during the ride.” I see a small blush going over her cheeks. Triumph comes over me in the secure knowledge that Nikki is definitely gay. I haven’t felt this definite interest in a woman since I lost Lauren to her homophobic parents. Last year, in 11th grade, I’d been involved with her intensely and wrote her love letters all the time during the holidays. Her mother had discovered one of those letters and in indignant shock, had written me a letter back telling me what an abomination I was and that she was taking Lauren out of my high school and putting her in a different high school miles across the city. I shake my head, breaking myself out of that morbid reverie, and nod back at Nikki.
“I’m done with this coffee. Why don’t we go for a ride around town?” I get up from my chair, leaving the coffee cup on the table for the pimply-faced barista to clean up after. I untie Dill’s leash from around one of the chairs and he barks, jumping up to my knees in excitement as Nikki follows us to my car which has been in the sun for too long.
I wince slightly from the heat on the seats and the burning metal of the seatbelt across my belly as I buckle myself in, starting the car up. Nikki rolls the window down again, with Dill in her lap as he contentedly hangs his head out of the window, panting loudly from the heat. We’re both silent as we back out of the parking lot and go back out onto the street. The old familiar landmark signs roll by us, the old beauty salon, the Charcoal Broiler drive-through restaurant, and the UTEP campus. I think about possibly going to UTEP and the very thought of it makes my upper lip slightly curl up in disgust. Why would I bother going to a poor state university where everyone from my high school will attend? It’d basically be another four years of high school with the same old people. The air feels a bit cooler as the sky darkens to an intense blue broken by the red, violet, and golden hues of the sunset. This is a part of why I love the desert. I don’t care if it’s the pollution from Juarez, our Mexican sister city, or that it’s the dust in the air because the very sight of those sunsets makes me appreciate the stark beauty of the desert.
“Beautiful sunset, isn’t it?” Nikki smiles, the rose-colored light falling across her face, giving her lips an even deeper color as her green eyes takes in the entire panaroma of the sunset all around us. I drive off onto a side street that winds up into the mountains up to the scenic point that overlooks the entire city. As the sun sets down even further, lights start going on all over the city, chasing away the darkness momentarily with their brightness. Nikki gasps in awe as the lights on the mountains turns on into a well-lit shape of a star on the east side of the Thunderbird mountain. Traffic goes by us slowly on the winding road, and the scenic point is finally within sight as I speed up faster, eager to get a decent parking space. We finally find a parking space a few feet away from the scenic point where park benches and telescopes line the area next to the mountainside railing. I leave Dill in the car because I don’t want him to bounce out into the traffic on the road. Nikki takes my hand as we walk across the road together, heading for one of the park benches on the outermost right side of the scenic point area to get a better view of the entire city.
We sit down next to each other on the bench, each aware of the other person but pretending for the moment that it was just two people relaxing on a park bench. I look at her and she seems almost far away so I slightly stroke her hand, bringing her back to wherever she was.
“Where were you? You seemed so far away. Any reason why?” I shiver as the temperature starts to drop, the heated air turning into cool air as the sun finally sets beneath the horizon.
“Well, there is one reason. Just wondering if it’s okay for me to kiss you.” The words coming out of her mouth shocks me, and I lean in forward, kissing her passionately from the shock of her words. Her lips feel so soft and smooth against my own lips. The sounds of the traffic become muted as I only feel and hear the soft smack of our lips together.
“I take it that it’s a yes.” She laughs as we break the kiss finally to the cheers of several teenage boys a few benches away from us. We look at them in contempt until they return back to their hacky-sack game. I kiss her again and she kisses me back, holding my face gently in between her hands. There are no ifs and buts about it, I’m definitely in lust with her. The thought of that makes me smile broadly as she smiles back, holding hands with me.
“What time is it, Nikki?” I ask as she looks down at her watch. The digital face of the watch reads 8:45PM. I curse inwardly, pissed at myself for letting time go by so fast. My mother will be angry for me for coming home so late from the library where I’m supposed to be at. I take Nikki’s hand and we run to my car and get inside hurriedly, starting up the engine.
“I’m really late. I was supposed to be home from the library at 8:30. At the rate it’ll take us to get off this road and to drop you off, I’ll get home at 9:15. My mother will definitely not be pleased with me. You see, I’ve been lying to her for a long time now since Lauren went away about where I’ve been going in my car. She doesn’t know about what happened to Lauren, only that my “best friend” went away to a different high school due to personal difficulties,” I take a deep breath and keep on forging on as Nikki listens to me patiently as the car moves down the mountain, “Mom didn’t know that Lauren and I had been dating for a year. I’ve always known I was gay since I was 13 when I first started dating Camille, who was my “best friend” at the time. Lauren was always over at my house and my mother loved her. She thought that Lauren was a good influence on me. Little did she know! Home’s just become stifling to me and my older brother, Tim, keeps playing his damn classical music all the time because he lost his seat in the El Paso Symphony Orchestra. I just don’t feel like there’s any room for me to breathe in my home. The only person who really knows who I am is Dill, my dog. I think it’s kind of sad that Dill’s the only one I look forward to seeing whenever I get home.”
I stop talking, shocked by how much I’ve poured out to Nikki, a girl that I’ve just known for one day. But it feels so good to be able to tell her all this and I know I won’t be judged for what I say by her. Nikki looks at me and leans over to me, kissing me on the cheek so tenderly that almost makes me cry.
“It’s okay, Aimee. You don’t have to drop me off at home after all. It’s a Friday night and why don’t this “new best friend” sleep over? You can say that you met me at the library and that we got to talking for so long that we forgot the time. Your mother will be so pleased that you finally found a new friend that she won’t be upset that you’re late.” She giggles, kissing my neck which makes me hold onto the steering wheel tighter.
Will I ever stop being shocked by this girl? I think to myself, amused at this turn of events. I finally nod, agreeing to what she says. Dill moves around in Nikki’s arms, licking her face roughly as she laughs at his antics. Ok, an amazingly cute girl who kisses well and loves dogs is definitely a “new best friend” material.
“Fine, let’s go straight home then. Let’s see if supper is still on the table for us.” I finally smile, feeling like a heavy burden has been lifted off my shoulders as the car gets off the street to where home is waiting with spaghetti on the table and riotous classical music being played by my depressed older brother. Home doesn’t quite feel so stifling anymore with Nikki and Dill by my side, and tomorrow, there will be a new dawn and a new ride out in my car…
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