Is it OK for a Lesbian to flirt with a Box Turtle?

[Misunderestimator]

:bounce:

[noahmijo]

1. Absolutely not

Unless you live more than just "down the street"

;-)

[Misunderestimator]

4. Are you saying that she wouldn't be accepted...

in my gated community? We can just pretend that she's my pet until America wakes up to the injustice of it all.

[m-jean03]

2. Only if...

She's femme and it's butch.

Or the other way around. :P

[Misunderestimator]

3. I prefer turtles that can go both ways...

:P

[shance]

5. I just wouldnt want you to feel boxed in.

:)

[Misunderestimator]

8. Well, she is a bit possessive, and non-communicative...

:)

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

6. This is wrong on so many levels...

But I suppose it would be harmless fun!

[Misunderestimator]

7. Why wrong? Or I should ask, Why harmless?

:)

Isn't she lovely... just look at that NECK:

[floridaguy]

9. It's so BIG!

:evilgrin:

[Misunderestimator]

10. See? YOU get it!

:)

[Deja Q]

11. Okay...

:eyes: :-)

[Misunderestimator]

12. Okee doke...

:eyes: :P

[LynneSin]

13. BOX TURTLES!!!!! Have you no shame

Children post here at DU and now you're thinking of relations with BOX TURTLES

HAVE YOU NO SHAME!!!! SINNER!!!! HEATHEN!!!!

There is a spot in hell with your name already in reservation

:grr:



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<SARCASM> :loveya:

[Misunderestimator]

14. Which commandment tells me it's wrong?

just curious... :shrug:

and :loveya: too

[LynneSin]

15. I'm sure there is something in the bible about Lesbians & Box Turtles

I mean, I haven't read my bible but I know it's in there because “I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn’t do my job." Now watch this drive!

[Misunderestimator]

16. LOL, yeah it's in Leviticus...

"A woman who lies with a box turtle is an abomination unto God." Leviticus 69:2

[LynneSin]

17. Yes, but you're a Lesbian

and it just HAS to be wrong because Senator John Cornyn said so!


:loveya:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

18. As long as she respects the Box Turtle's personal space

doesn't get grabby and backs off if her advances are not welcomed, I see no issue.

[Misunderestimator]

19. Not grabby? She has never complained about that.

She doesn't seem to like it when I massage her shell though.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

33. maybe you're rubbing her the wrong way

I'm available if you need a practice dummy :D

[Misunderestimator]

34. Damn, you always make me splurt soda out of my nose.

;)

[guitar man]

20. Why not

that's always been my favorite flick in my porno collection. :evilgrin:

[trof]

21. Negative. It's right there in The Lesbian Code:

(Sec. VII, Article 12-A)
A Lesbian shall have no dealings whatsoever with Terrapene carolina carolina (the eastern box turtle), Terrapene carolina triunguis (the three-toed box turtle), Terrapene carolina major (the Gulf Coast box turtle), nor Terrapene ornata* (the ornate box turtle).

Definition: "Dealings" shall include (but not be limited to) association with box turtles as a food source, alligator bait, object of sexual gratification (for Terrapene OR Lesbian), household pet, knick-knack, bric-a-brac, doorstop, or paper weight.

*note: Terrepene ornata MAY be worn as an article of jewelry if properly mounted and in a deceased state.

[Misunderestimator]

22. LOL... That must be an amended manual you have there...

I swear it's the first I've heard of it. And there's no going back now!

[trof]

24. Ignorance of the LAW is no excuse.

I wanna see your badge and ID card on my desk forthwith.

[Snoggera]

23. This is a complicated question, and depends on so many factors.

If the lesbian in question is a Catholic, she should seriously consider that procreation is not in the picture if a relationship with said turtle is pursued. This may be a sin requiring numerous repetitions of hail mary's and our father's, and that still might not do the trick.

If the lesbian in question is a Southern Baptist, then by all means, this could turn out to be a beneficial relationship for both. That depends entirely on the following, however: the lesbian renounces her membership in all lesbian-type community activities (such as; Lesbian Veterans of Foreign Wars or participation in the annual Lesbians for Jesus Bake Sale), and the turtle is saved in a public ceremony.

Flirting is serious business, missy, and I hope you take it seriously!

[Misunderestimator]

25. Oh no, I was going to make a Pineapple Upside Down Cake

for the bake sale. I had no idea I was alienating myself so thoroughly. I'd better rethink this.

You forgot that if she's a Baptist, she's not allowed to dance with the turtle either. :)

[Snoggera]

28. I forgot to bring up the potential problems

incurred should said box turtle be a lesbian orthodox jewish turtle. You may be attracted to the curls, of course, but watch out! I have yet to meet anyone who has gotten satisfactory answers from a lesbian orthodox turtle regarding the acceptability of flirting with said turtle.

[Misunderestimator]

29. Well, thank god she's not orthodox... but now you got me worried

Will her parents think of me as a shiksa? I mean, I may never meet them or anything, but now I'm really concerned.

[Snoggera]

31. From my limited understanding and perspective

I believe the following could be expected:

Parental turtles go into their emotional and physical shells for a time. Then they gather all the friend and neighbor turtles around them for support (be careful, they are angry and potentially dangerous at this time. DO NOT go near the WATER!!!!!) After a suitable period, which in turtle time tends to be relatively short, they will be accepting and invite you over for a dinner of kosher flies. All will go well from that point, assuming, of course, that the object of your affection is not a fickle turtle whose non-stereoptic eyes have been turned by the flirtations of another.

It could happen differently, but it is always best to be prepared in these situations.

[m-jean03]

26. I think you're silly today, Mis

And my, this is a long thread for a copycat! :hi:

[Misunderestimator]

27. I'm feeling a bit of cabin fever with the rain all day today...

And, yeah... ain't it long? I guess it's just a testament to my brilliance at copycatting. :hi:

[ForrestGump]

30. Yes, but it'd be disaster for ME to emulate such behavior with a

snapping turtle. :o


Ouch.

[Misunderestimator]

32. And you think that would just be dangerous for a MAN?

I was in love with a snapping turtle once, but everything went to hell when I found out that she was into S&M. :D

[ForrestGump]

35. Ouch. That's pretty harsh. That sort of thing could leave you without

a leg to stand on. :P