How do functional people have relationships?

[Radical Activist]

Ok seriously, this is not just a copycat thread. I've lived in this new city for a few months now so it shouldn't be so hard to meet women. It has been so long that sometimes I can't imagine how people actually get started in healthy relationships. I mean, I have my fair share of dysfunctional qualities like anyone, but nothing I need to take meds for. My biggest issue is being treated like crap by the bad relationships I've had in the past. I'd rather not be in a relationship than be in a bad one, but meeting someone would be nice right about now. Bars are lousy and I work too much to get out often.
So...what the hell? Why is meeting someone so hard?
ugh I feel better now that I got to bitch about it. :)
Feel free to ignore my lame problems.

[theivoryqueen]

1. you had me at... hello

seriously - I totally understand your dilemma. i also feel it's waaaay more fun to be single than in a lousy love relationship. I think however a person is situated, the main thing is to really enjoy where we are at. I think more people are attracted to me when I am having a really good life time, than when I am miserable.

[Radical Activist]

3. Good point

I'm good at enjoying myself when I'm not with a girlfriend. But sometimes things get lonely, especially in a new place.

[tigereye]

4. bookstores, concerts, rallies, ?

I met my husband at college when I was running for student govt. It can be hard in a new city. Get invited to some dinners/or have a few people over. Good luck.

[theivoryqueen]

9. Plus meetups!

meet likeminded folk

[theivoryqueen]

8. well, if ya get down to dallas, pm me

there's lots to do in my neighborhood.

[Joy Anne]

2. how to meet someone wonderful

I met my husband while blogging.

[jukes]

5. fuck if i know

played the game for years back in the day. best i cd hope for was breaking even, w/o my apartment burgled or tires cut.



best bet these days, i'd think, wd be protest rallies. @ least you'd have political orientation going your way.

[sundog]

6. post enough, maybe you'll run into someone here...

never know...

If you're alone, use it as an opportunity to explore your own mind to the max...

[no name no slogan]

7. Pick up a guitar, write a couple songs, form a band

because everybody knows that bands are chick magnets, right? ;-)

Seriously, if you have an artistic bone in your body, USE IT. I actually met my wife of (almost) eight years when I was playing a crappy tuesday night low-paying gig at a local club. I invited her roommate (whom I vaguely knew from college and who just got a job at the place I worked) to the gig, and she came along with her. I couldn't keep my eyes off her (my future wife) the entire time.


Two days later, we had our first "real" date, and a week after the day we met (Valentine's Day) we became exclusive with each other. Two and a half months later, I proposed to her. Sixteen months later, we were married, and we've been together ever since.

Seriously though, the more you "worry" about meeting someone, the less likely you will. When I met my wife, I had just about given up on dating, and was concentrating on other parts of my life. But once I stopped trying so hard, something happened.

Of course, your mileage may vary :D

[theivoryqueen]

10. LOVE that

mileage may vary....

[Radical Activist]

12. Isn't that the truth

Women are so easily impressed by someone who can play an instrument. I've been trying to learn acoustic quitar so I can play Woody Guthrie and Bob Dylans songs, but that's going very slow.

[TrogL]

14. Forget the wife, how's the band?

[Lydia Leftcoast]

11. Join something

It doesn't matter what it is, as long as you enjoy it.

After moving back to Minneapolis, I joined a church and better yet, its choir, a political campaign, and the YWCA (for exercise classes), as well as connecting with a performing group that I had been in twenty years before. I also hang out at the same coffee shop every day and take the occasional short-term adult education class.

I have not found true love in any of this, although I have made friends. But getting out and around among congenial people is the first step in not feeling so miserable.

As for my love life--well, there are possibilities in the air from another source, and that's all I'm going to say about that. But it's as if I had to feel comfortable and reasonably contented in my new environment before anything could happen.

BTW, I'll reiterate what I said in another thread: envision the kind of woman you'd like to meet, and then figure out where she'd be.

[Radical Activist]

17. I've done that before

Its harder now that I'm not in college and work all the time.
But I like your line about figuring out where the type of woman I'd like to meet is. I helped organize and spoke at a few protests against the Iraq war, and I never left the protests alone when I did that. :D I think the answer to that question is probably that she's not in this state. There are way too many conservatives here!

[Lydia Leftcoast]

20. Then look for the ONE liberal woman in the area, who is

probably wondering where all the good liberal men are. :-)

I'm serious about this. I'm reminded of a fellow graduate student who accepted a job at a large state university in the South. He was Orthodox Jewish and lamenting about the unlikelihood of finding Orthodox Jewish women in his new home--or even an Orthodox community.

He ended up marrying the ONE Orthodox single woman in town.

[TrogL]

13. They hire secretaries

*just begging for a spanking*

[Radical Activist]

18. That goes back to another post I made

a few weeks ago asking if people thought it was wrong to date someone who works for you. Most people who posted were right. Its a very bad idea, even if she is begging for it.

[REP]

15. I Ran An Ad in the Paper

I met someone and we're still together, 12 years later.

[BlondieK143]

16. This is simple.

You shouldn't have left TN! :D

[Radical Activist]

19. No kidding

I had much better luck when I lived in Tennessee. I wonder if there's anyone there now that I could ask out...hmm...can't think of anyone. :shrug:
;-)