Wow, a whole right-wing blog entry devoted to ME! I'm so proud.

[Plaid Adder]

Found this on a blog called "Four Right Wing Wackos: Resources for Embattled Conservatives" at www.4rwws.blogspot.com. (Yeah, I know, 'embattled' my ass.) The funniest thing about this is that it's a review of my unpublished fiction, which this guy has apparently actually taken the time to read just so he can slam it. *Taken Child* is a long friggin' book, so if he actually finished it (which is unlikely, given the superficial and inaccurate 'review') he at least can claim intellectual superiority over Georgie Boy. Here it is. Enjoy.

********************
Dissecting the Serpent

Reader Dan D. Doty send this along for the pleasure of our readership:


One of the regular feature contributors over at Democratic Underground is a woman who calls herself "The Plaid Adder". Her articles are weekly rants about the evils of the Republicans, railings of various ‘isms and objurgating about people who don’t share her narrow point of view. But this feature is not about her features. P.A. has had pseudo success when she writes for DU; after all she is preaching to the dysfunctional choir.

No, it is the fiction of the regressing reptile where criticism is most needed.

And badly.

The reason why I can do this is simple. You see I’m a writer. I write stories dealing with science, fantasy and horror. I was one of the play testers for the 3rd edition of Dungeons and Dragons. My poetry has been published as a chapbook as well as appearing in magazines and newspapers. My shorts stories (twelve of them) are in a book called MONSTER NEWS –THE BOOK.

Plaid Adder has a web site linked to DU, where she talks her unpublished novels and short stories. After reading her work, I know why. This article is for the most part explaining to the reasons to Ms. Adder herself. If she’ll listen is another matter.

The first reason why P.A. is not moving her work is simple. She bases the main character on herself. Most writers base the main character on elements of themselves, but totally on themselves. When the heroine is a red headed left wing lesbian, we all know who you are talking about. The reading public expects a little imagination out of their authors.

The second mistake P.A. makes is not following the rule of conservation. For those who do not know what the rule is, it is simply this; don’t use a hundred words to say something that you could have done in ten. Writers who ignore this rule usually do so to hear themselves talk. In other words being longwinded. This tends to raise the yawn factor and lower your fan potential. Not a smart move.

The third and strangest mistake Plaid Adder makes is trying to create the anti-fantasy novel.

Trust me, there’s no market for that.

J.R.R. Tolken and Robert E. Howard are giggling in their graves.

The fourth and most fatal mistake Plaid Adder makes is injecting a heavy dose of her politics into her works. People on the left have tried this before, and it doesn’t turn out well. Socialism (both left and right) has been pushed on the American reader since the 1930’s. Its always wordy gunk that tries to convince people that they would be better off having a statist government running their lives. But when people discovered writers like Heinlein, Rand and Bradbury the Utopia peddlers fall by the wayside; left to slink along the ditches dreaming of the past that never was or will be.

After all, who wants to read a story where the hero is the all powerful, all knowing state who struggles to stop an individual from thinking and living for himself?

The fifth and final mistake that Plaid Adder makes is putting her hates into her writings.

On her web site, Plaid Adder has a second rate drawing of her avatar constricting three classic Greek looking male statues (which is weird, because adders are in fact vipers). These stony figures represent all she hates; Capitalism (the free market), Patriarchy (men) and Imperialism (America). I can understand the free market because she can’t get anyone to publish her. Men she needs to blame for her failings, after Adder can’t blame herself, now can she ? America is that land that does not obey her commands. Its people do what they want and not what she thinks is better for them. How foolish.

And one last bit of advice before I get back to my fantastic fiction.

If you can’t put your real name on anything you write, then it wasn’t worth the time creating it in the first place.
Oy!
*******************

So, as you can see, I'm doomed: the author of twelve "shorts stories," and a play-tester for Dungeons and Dragons, no less, has pronounced me unsaleable. I'm off to burn all my manuscripts now.

Yee ha,

The Plaid Adder

[terrya]

1. I like his last comment about putting your real name on your writings.

I guess, if that were true, Mark Twain, Saki, O'Henry, among others who have used pseudonyms as writers, have put out worthless junk. :-)

Wear his condemnation as a badge of honor, Plaid Adder. :-)

Terry

[Iris]

10. Here's an experiment you could try.

You and he could submit the same manuscript to various publishers with your real names and, assuming your names identify you as male and female, see who gets the most bites.

[rasputin1952]

2. I like the self promo...

"writer of science, fantasy and horror", with the exception of science, he sounds like a RW aficionado, plenty of fantasy and horror in the GOP, but certainly no science.

Congrats on being noticed by the neo-cons, you are now officially considered a "threat to their existance"....:D

[Screaming Lord Byron]

3. Play-tester for the 3rd edition of D&D. Sorry DU nerds, that's priceless.

'The reason why I can do this is simple. You see I’m a writer. I write stories dealing with science, fantasy and horror. I was one of the play testers for the 3rd edition of Dungeons and Dragons. My poetry has been published as a chapbook as well as appearing in magazines and newspapers. My shorts stories (twelve of them) are in a book called MONSTER NEWS –THE BOOK.' :evilgrin:

[Iris]

11. Yeah. What an idiot.

Does he really think he alone is worthy of writing literary criticism based on those credentials? Has he studied any other literature besides his own? How much has he actually READ and in what genres?

[NewJeffCT]

25. people volunteered to be D&D playtesters

I try to play D&D when I get the chance, even though I'm old (37) and a father now, so my time is very limited. Yes, I am a geek and readily admit it.

However, I know when the 3rd edition of the game came out in 2000, they did extensive playtesting ahead of time and most of the playtesters were volunteers who contacted D&D's parent company, Wizards of the Coast, when Wizards put out the call for playtesters.

It had nothing to do with writing ability at all - you played the test version of the D&D role-playing game and provided feedback to the game designers at Wizards.

[lil-petunia]

4. congrats plaid!

Print it up and get it framed.

[prolesunited]

5. Well, obviously you have no talent

:P

Seems like his literary credentials are something to be reckoned with:

[zeemike]

6. That is a real badge of honor

I can only dream of being attacked by freepers for what I have written.
Keep up the good work

[MrBenchley]

7. Good for You!!

Keep up the good work!

[arwalden]

8. Congratulations!! That's Quite An Accomplishment...

I'm proud of you.

-- Allen

[NashVegas]

9. Wow, This Guy Needs a Shrink

to help get over his obsession.

[JayS]

12. I always enjoy your writings. I'm glad others do also. :) n/t

n/t

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

13. Now go to the next step!

Have an entire right-wing BLOG dedicated to you!

How many have achieved that? Chomsky, Moore... who else?

We're now into serious "Menace to the Western Christian Civilization" territory! Be proud!

[Misunderestimator]

14. Proud dysfunctional choir member here!!

Keep it up! You KNOW you've arrived when Dungeons and Dragons fanatics start to squirm.

:thumbsup:

[regularguy]

15. FEAR THE CHAPBOOK!

Sheesh.......

[gpandas]

28. wtf is a chapbook? eom

[Bossy Monkey]

32. Short book of poetry

I could be wrong, but I think they're usually, uh, self-published.

[gpandas]

39. thanks eom

[jmowreader]

40. A lot of them come from small-college presses

You will find poems like these...

http://www.methodist.edu/longleaf/redland.htm

http://www.methodist.edu/longleaf/logic.htm

http://www.methodist.edu/longleaf/loshijos.htm

http://www.methodist.edu/longleaf/birth.htm

in the chapbooks the local Methodist college puts out.

[Misunderestimator]

16. Someone needs to give this guy "Writing for Dummies"

"The first reason why P.A. is not moving her work ..."
"The second mistake P.A. makes ..."
"The third and strangest mistake Plaid Adder makes ..."
"The fourth and most fatal mistake Plaid Adder makes ..."
"The fifth and final mistake that Plaid Adder makes ..."

strangest, most fatal and final...

Weirdly uneffective style, man.

[floridaguy]

17. Congratulations!

While during the primaries, I was ecstatic to find a copy of one of my blog posts imbedded in a Freeper rant. I know that I tingled for a few days, so I'm extremely happy for you.

Keep up the good work!

[Make7]

18. I is a writer too.

"Most writers base the main character on elements of themselves, but totally on themselves." - Dan D. Doty

"Plaid Adder has a web site linked to DU, where she talks her unpublished novels and short stories." - Dan D. Doty
---------
Are me making sense yet? Has you learned anything?

I's read gooder than most peoples too:

"The fourth and most fatal mistake Plaid Adder makes is injecting a heavy dose of her politics into her works. People on the left have tried this before, and it doesn’t turn out well. Socialism (both left and right) has been pushed on the American reader since the 1930’s. Its (sic) always wordy gunk that tries to convince people that they would be better off having a statist government running their lives. But when people discovered writers like Heinlein, Rand and Bradbury the Utopia peddlers fall by the wayside; left to slink along the ditches dreaming of the past that never was or will be." - Dan D. Doty
---------
No politics in these:

The Moon is a Harsh Mistress - Robert A. Heinlein
Atlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand
Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury

Not a word. No political slant in this "review" either.

Nice reading and writing skills Dan. I wonder why you aren't writing book reviews for the New York Times.

-Make7

PS - After a review like this I just have to go and see what the fuss is all about. This guy will create more fans and interest in your work than he will ever know. You should send him a Christmas card. :)

[tigereye]

37. Marge Piercy and Margaret Atwood

didn't do too badly, either.

[Richardo]

19. "Shorts stories"?

Talk about a narrow area of interest... :eyes:

[Screaming Lord Byron]

21. Ah, yet another RW tool obsessed with homosexuality.

:evilgrin:

[Plaid Adder]

26. I know, that's my favorite part.

I mean what exactly is a "shorts story?"

A SHORTS STORY
by Dan D. Doty

once upon a time there was a little pair of shorts. They were nice and clean and white and they played a lot of tennis. But they had always wanted to be long pants. They tried and they tried, but they were still barely covering their owner's tight, muscular buns. All the other shorts said that they should appreciate the good things about their position. "I mean think about it," said Dick Cheney's shorts. "At least you get some exercise. Pork Chop Boy has just about squashed me flat just by sitting on his ass 18 hours a day, and I'm so friggin' tired of this undisclosed secret location." But the white shorts did not listen to this corrupting influence, for they knew that anyone who tried to inject politics into a story must be very bad. So they went to the Fruit of the Loom Fairy and asked to be transformed into long pants. "I can do that for you," said the Fruit of the Loom Fairy, "but it's going to cost you." "Anything," said the white shorts, trembling with anticipation. "I'll do anything." "All right then," said the Fruit of the Loom Fairy, and POOF! the white shorts were transformed into a pair of black and white pinstripy trousers. Oh, the shorts were so proud, especially when they walked into court, snugly hugging Ken Lay's nether half! And then, because this is fantastic fiction, the little white shorts that had grown up to become beautiful pants lived happily ever after. THE END.

C ya,

The Plaid Adder

[Richardo]

30. HA!

:D:thumbsup: PA!

Also - on a weird note - Mike Nelson (of MST3K) actually DID write a "shorts story" in his collection "Mind Over Matters", from the POV of a $100 pair of shorts he once bought and then never wore.


Pretty funny book!

[ET Awful]

20. I wonder what he thinks of O'Reilly's soft porn :)

Has he reviewed that yet?

[soupkitchen]

22. So I just went over to Amazon and looked up Monster News-the Book

And there is a book of stories by that name written by a Cherly Duran.
Now being that the guy who wrote the commentary identified himself as Tim. And received his copy of Plaid's book from a Dan D. Doty. (get it: science fiction, 3-D, Dandy) I think he might have come up with a a variation of the pen name device. Instead of putting a pseudonym on something you write, just give yourself credit for something you didn't write.

[Plaid Adder]

23. Actually I think Tim just runs the blog.

Dan D. Doty was just providing guest commentary. But if s/he is publishing and/or posting under a pseudonym, well, that's just priceless.

C ya,

The Plaid Adder

[soupkitchen]

24. For everything else you have master/slave card

Well, I find it hard to believe that anybody is actually named Dan D. Doty. But then I would also find it hard to believe that some one would think that Dan D. Doty was a clever psuedonym.

So what do you think: Chap book of poetry or crap book of poetry.

[ThreeCatNight]

27. "A play-tester for Dungeons and Dragons"....

What magnificent credentals!
I wonder if his partents let him put up Star Wars posters in his basement room?

[Plaid Adder]

29. BTW, if you want to see what all the fuss is about,

you can read about these books that Dan D. Doty objurgates so heavily here:

http://www.plaidder.com/wof/

The first chapters of the first two books in the series are online for your viewing pleasure, and who knows, maybe that's all DDD read. I will say that there is one legitimate point in DDD's critique, which is that these books are long. They are very long. However, some people find them entertaining anyway. There is also a little politicking, especially in the third and fifth books in the series, but as for this crap about the all-powerful state crushing the individual, I truly do not know where the hell DDD is getting that.

C ya,

The Plaid Adder

[Bossy Monkey]

31. Dangit! Have you been objurgating again?

Actually, I'd never encountered the word, but according to the Am. Heritage dictionary, he used it wrong. Big surprise there, I know. Also liked "This article is for the most part explaining to the reasons..." Literacy, thy name is Dan D. Doty.

[Plaid Adder]

33. Yeah, and this guy is beating on *me* for being longwinded.

If there is one thing I can't friggin' stand, it's people who think the way to be a good writer is to dig the most obscure words you can find out of a thesaurus and spray them all over the text. Seriously, when in your life are you going to encounter a situation where "objurgate" is exactly the word you need?

C ya,

The Plaid Adder

[Bossy Monkey]

34. You just did; this guy's skatin' for an objurgatin' n/t

[Plaid Adder]

38. LOL! That's the only context in which I will ever use it from now on. n/t

eom

[soupkitchen]

36. For $2,000, what is the word that comes between objetrousve and

oblanceolate in the dictionary?

[Catfight]

35. I couldn't get through the long winded diatribe of this narcissistic

email. In cheney's famous quote, "go fuck yourself Dan," YAWN! Good thing he has the empty zombies of the religious right to read his insipid views. I can hear this exact account on any talk radio, it's the same message with a different author..BORING!