Time to share your more colorful sayings and witty words of wisdom...

[kmla]

"... not the brightest bulb in the chandelier..."

"... so stupid that he couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the heel..."

And stuff like that.

Come, share with us, and let us all laugh. Everyone's invited to play.

[Guy Fawkes]

1. "not the sharpest crayon in the forest"...

"Two sandwiches short of a full deck"

"republican"

[terrya]

2. It's not mine, it's Dorothy Parker's : "You can lead a whore to culture..

but you can't make her think"...when Ms. Parker was asked to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence.

They're words I've lived by, anyway. :-)

[Mallifica]

12. I love Dorothy Parker . . .

"men don't make passes at women who wear glasses"

[Jim__]

14. I like that

I like most of what Dorothy Parker said.

[GOPisEvil]

3. He's as useless as tits on a hog.

[Beware the Beast Man]

18. Hahah....or tits on a bull.

:hi:

[Sal316]

4. F***ing Doorstop.

(we use that one here at work)

[sus]

5. The most important thing in life is to choose your parents well.

(Exhibit A, "daddy, buy me a presidency!")

[VelmaD]

6. You got all day?

I am from Texas after all and we got a zillion of them.

My personal favorite is one I made up though..."He ain't the brightest lightening bug in the swarm." :)

Or there's my Dad's two mottos:
"If you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin'" and "Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat."

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

7. Negative IQ (nt)

[underpants]

8. If we are in danger and only Bush can make us safe- Why are we in danger?

:shrug:

[sus]

9. i reached my sexual peak at age 31 and decided to pitch a tent.

[CO Liberal]

10. "It's Not Easy Being The World's Only Living Brain Donor"

Heard on CB radio back in the '70s, during a traffic jam on I-80 in New Jersey.

[HEyHEY]

11. He's got a dogs attitude - If you can't eat it or fuck it, piss on it.

One of my favourites comes from Crowsnest pass Alberta. When describing a fight or a heated incident, you sum it all up with "A lot of people were yelling stuff" then trail off....

[Mallifica]

13. a friend from Florida had tons . .

"she thinks her shit's pink ice cream"

"looks like he woke up with his face sewed to the carpet"

[tsakshaug]

15. a little pain never hurt anyone

[GiovanniC]

16. "____________ can lick my nuts."

Meant in a "figurative" or "metaphorical way, said typically when someone says something I disagree with or otherwise annoys me. For example:

FRIEND: Condoleeza Rice said that the smoking gun will come in the form of a mushroom cloud.
ME: Condoleeza Rice can lick my nuts.

[Jo March]

17. Full of crap as a Christmas turkey

My stepdad always used that instead of saying that someone was full of shit.

[NoPasaran]

19. Weed will get you through times of no money

Better than money will get you through times of no weed.

[Malikshah]

20. It's raining like a cow pissin on a flat rock

Colder'n a witche's tit in a brass bra
"Christ in a bucket!"--that one I made up as a joke but have since used it enough, that folks around me use it...scary.

[Marvelous_Smarty]

21. "Well Slap Mah face and Hush Mah Mouth!"

That one is for when something surprises me. The same with, "Well dip me in shit and hang me out to dry!" I usually say those two with an exagerrated Texas accent.

I have one I made up and find myself using more and more as the election draws near. "Stupidity should never be free! If you are gonna be stupid, it should cost you."

When frustrated and overwhelmed, "This is like hearding cats!"

When something works out just okay, but not as good as I wanted it to, "Well, at least it beats a poke in the eye with a sharp stick."

To describe a dumbass, "He does not have all his dogs barking at once."

[NoPasaran]

22. Cold as a landlord's heart

[Throckmorton]

23. Caution, NC-17 saying enclosed

"I wouldn't piss in his mouth if his teeth were on fire and I pissed gasoline".

[Lydia Leftcoast]

24. I know Tom Wolfe is a Republican, but I heard him speak once, and

he described someone as being "so stupid that they measure his IQ with a tire gauge."

[Kat45]

25. Stick a fork in him, he's done.

[MrScorpio]

26. "This is your circus, Sweet Cheeks. We're just the clowns."

[MissMillie]

27. Life is a shit sandwich.....

.... the more bread you've got, the less shit you've got to eat.