What Metallica's New Album Will Sound Like

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I found this on Metboard. Funny shit! :evilgrin:

I bet they were sitting talking and the conversation went like this:

J: Oh shit, I mentioned the new album by accident today, you're prob gonna get asked about it tomorrow. *Takes swig of NOLIES Vodka ("The only tr00 vodka")

L: Fuck. What'll I say? It's not like we have any fucking idea what it's gonna be like. Fuck.

K: Tell them that we're going to-

J: Make up something like we did with St. Moaning. Remember me and Bob told everyone it was going to be like Puppetz II?

L: Oh how we laughed, old boy, how we laughed. Fuck.

K: Well I was actually thinking, we could-

J: I know! Pick a random band and we'll tell them that's what our next album will sound like.

L: Erm....Thin Lizzy? Fuck.

J: *Looks thoughtful while taking a sip of MANSKY ("We put the HIS in Whiskey. For tr00 men.")*
Na...they'd never fall for that.

K: Pink Floyd?

L: Hey, I got one, how about Pink Floyd? Fuck.

J: What an idea! I swear, Lars you are a genius! Remember that time you said we should take the bus after that gig in Sweden, mighta been '86, when we could have had the plane. And the time you decided that suing napster would get us more mone-fans? You have the best ideas!

K: But-

Lars: *Snorts 17 rails* I know. Fuck.

K: Sometimes I feel like you guys-

J: Pink Floyd eh? I like that...um...what's the name....ah.....*grabs and gulps down a Guinness* that...Money.

L: Yeah, me too; you're going to love the idea I have for this next album. If we just put prices in Europe up by about 15%....Fuck.

J: Erm.....

K: I think he means the s-

J: *Shakes head* Anyway... so where's Rob these days?

To be continued....



Act 1, Scene 2.

TWO DAYS LATER. ROB STILL HASN’T RETURNED. THE THREE REMAINING MEMBERS SIT ALONE IN THE STUDIO.

J: I dearly miss our beloved brother and wish he would come back to his Metallica family soon so we can begin the creative process of making a new album- a fresh and bold statement of our intent as a brotherhood and as a fellowship. My brothers-

L: James the camera’s stopped rolling months ago. We’re not being documented anymore.

J: Oh, erm…right. Well then, where the fuck is that Latino bastard ? I want to get the first half of this album written tonight.

L: Good, good, I have some lyr-

K & J (in unison): I don’t think that’s such a good idea….*Kirk backs away slightly*

L: Oh yeah? (To Kirk) *mimics the sound of a dying frog * Mr-Live-it-or-lie-it?*

K: Just….just shut up you. At least-

DOOR BURSTS OPEN. ENTER ROB.(MAN)

K: Where the hell have you been?

SILENCE *Everyone stares at Kirk., who looks sheepish*

K: I erm..I….well…..

J: Where have you been? We were looking all over for you!

R: GAAAAHHHH!! *Walks like a gorilla, climbs a small tree, eats several banana and settles down in front of the TV*

L: Eh….yeah.

Scene 3

A WAREHOUSE. OUTSIDE AT LEAST 39 PEOPLE WITH TAPE-RECORDERS CAN BE SPOTTED, TAPPING PHONELINES, LISTENING OUTSIDE WINDOWS, MOVING AWAY MANHOLE COVERS. ENTER DAVE MUSTAINE.

DM: Soon my fiendish plot will bear fruit. Metallica will go bust and Ill become rich. I can see it now, “Megadeth: Some Kind Of Genius.” We’ll be more popular I tell you, more popular!!! *drools onto shoe*

And they’ll never suspect me……

To be continued…

What has Dave Mustaine planned?
Will Metallica lose money?
Will Rob ever talk coherantly?
Will Metallica lose money?
Will the pile of drool under Dave begin to form a distinct ecosystem?
All this, special guest stars and more in the next exciting episode...

[name not needed]

1. kick

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2. kick again

:kick: