Two news stories from next year...

[jmowreader]

which one will come true?

IF BUSH "WINS":

WASHINGTON (Spurious Press): Acting on the theory that the only reason to strictly obey the law is that you've violated the law and you don't want the police to notice you, Attorney General John Ashcroft today manned the first "do-gooder checkpoint" in American history.

"We pull over people who are strictly obeying the speed limit, following properly, and using their turn signals correctly, and we charge them with a felony," said Ashcroft. "So far we have captured three rapists, two child molesters, a counterfeiter, five murderers and a man from Iowa who liked 'Let The Eagle Soar.' All of them say they didn't do it, but you know how those people lie."

The American Civil Liberties Union, a whiny bunch of fairy liberals who like nothing better than aiding and abetting terrorists, has come completely on board with Our Great Attorney General's program. "We think it's a wonderful program, and ever since we endorsed it the suspicious fires and shootings have stopped completely."

* * * * *

IF KERRY WINS:

WASHINGTON (Spurious Press): Former President George W. Bush and former Vice President Richard Cheney reside in jail this evening.

They were sent there in a roll-up of all former Bush administration members.

"So far, things are looking good for the government," said Elizabeth Edwards, second lady of the United States and lead counsel for the United States. "We're getting some serious plea-bargaining, and if a couple of charges go exactly the right way for the defendants, Mr. Bush will be granted the great honor of being buried in an unmarked grave."

This reporter has seen the statement of charges filed against the former president and his staff. Suffice it to say the Manhattan phone book is thinner.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

1. I'm hoping for the second option

the first one is too scary to be funny.