How balance self care with responsibility?

[MaryBear]

Old Mr. Rabbit is recovering from heart surgery (valve replacement, bypass, pacemaker), at 93, and my friend his son and I have been going almost daily to see him (an hour's drive). For ourselves we want to be with him and for his self we want to be there -- but we're worn out. Combined with a recent death and other drama in the family, it's a lot to hold, emotionally. I notice my posts on DU are snippier than usual.

[havocmom]

1. If a vessel has a slow leak, it cannot serve well to carry water.

Take care of your own needs or you will not be there for others.

Balance? Yes it is difficult and perhaps it is best to be adaptive to the changing needs of all in your life. In a crisis, we act immediately to do what is required. Day to day, one must take care of the self or one has nothing to give.

When the pressure is on, my advice to friends ( and I would like to say GrandmaBear is a good person and I would love to have a friend like her)
is that we should be as good to ourselves as we are to our dearest friends. Do no less for yourself at this time as you would do for your loved ones.

Strength to you and yours at this time. Your DU friends and fans can just be a bit indulgent of you as you weather these storms. Take time and breathe. We want you to stay among us.

Be well, GrandmaBear.

[MaryBear]

2. Thank you, havocmom,

for the good advice and kind words.

[flamingyouth]

3. It's helped me to take advantage of the help of my friends

Even if it's only to talk, or even chat on the computer, it helps me immensely to be able to let it out (and thanks to those of you out there in DUland - you know who you are:loveya:).

Also, the next time someone offers to help you do something, take them up on it. It was a hard thing for me to accept at first, but people really do want to help out.

Try to spend sometime each day doing something nice for yourself. It doesn't have to cost anything; it can be as simple as taking a nice bath, making sure you're wearing a favorite scent, or spending 15 minutes reading. The important thing is to know that it's for YOU and that you are taking care of yourself.

It sounds like you've got a lot going on, and I can sure sympathize with you. Best of luck to you.:hug:

[havocmom]

4. And you, young lady... are you doing OK?

Good advice about taking friends up on offers to help. Some of us are a bit reluctant to do that and in a way that can be selfish. Think how good it makes you feel when you can help someone else. Now, be generous enough to allow someone else that good feeling when you need a hand.

We have all the ingredients to make this life heaven or hell. With any luck, we have the wisdom and good fortune to meet people along the way to at least break even.

Love is something which increases the more we give it, provided we give wisely and to ourselves too.

Peace & strength to both of you ladies.

hm

[flamingyouth]

5. I'm actually well, thank you

I'm surrounded by the most amazing people in the world - seriously.:loveya:

[havocmom]

6. Glad to hear it

Take care. Lots of us care about you.

[mykpart]

7. I wrestle with the problem of balance every day.

My shrink made an interesting comment which I remind myself of from time to time. It's this: When you're traveling by plane with a small child, you are told that if the oxygen masks drop down you must put the mask on your own face first and then tend to the child's mask. This is because you can't help someone else unless you're OK.

[flamingyouth]

8. That's a great thing for all of us to remember

Thanks. :hug: