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southpaw Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-27-04 08:41 AM
Original message
Check out this e-mail!
Dear Mr. and Mrs. G.H.W. Bush,

Once again, it is that time of year when we update the
parents of our students on their child's progress, and we
regret to inform you that your son, Georgie, is not doing
as well as we'd hoped and expected when he embarked
on his four-year program at our school.

As you are well aware, Georgie was installed as class
president at the start of the school year, despite the fact
that the majority of his fellow students did not vote for
him.

We foresaw problems immediately, but were assured by
several school board members (who, as we understand it,
are friends of your family) that this would not result in any
real difficulty. Unfortunately, they have been proven
wrong.

In the area of scholastic achievement, despite our best
efforts, Georgie is still reading and speaking at a grade
level far below our usual standards. At this point, we are
not sure if his failure to learn is due to laziness and a
lack of ability to apply himself to his studies, or if he
simply lacks the intellectual capacity to improve in these
areas. His oral presentations to the class are particularly
troubling; it is apparent that Georgie has not read the
necessary materials, and he often simply fabricates facts
to hide this shortcoming. In oral exams, he tends to
repeat the same answers over and over, e.g., "The
economy is good; jobs are on their way," indicating a
profound failure to keep up with the Current Events
portion of the curriculum.

Georgie also tends to fabricate elaborate stories about
himself --which, admittedly, can sometimes be very
amusing. During a school celebration last May, he
delighted his fellow students by coming to class in a little
"flight suit" (just like the grown-ups wear!), and had
everyone in stitches with his story about the family dog
having eaten his report card from military pre-school!

On the whole, however, Georgie does not play well with
other children. His "leadership" in the classroom
continues to divide many students, one against the other.
Other study groups, such as our French and German-
language classes, are no longer willing to cooperate with
Georgie's group, even though they have traditionally done
so in the past.

Your son also displays a lack of taking responsibility for
his failings, and seems unable to appreciate the
consequences of his actions.

Although he was provided with the best textbooks on the
subjects of the Economy, Job Creation, The Environment,
et cetera, these books were damaged or completely
destroyed within a matter of months.

Georgie insists that he "inherited" these books in poor
condition, despite all evidence to the contrary. (In fact,
these same textbooks were previously used by one of our
very best students, who actually returned them in better
condition than he found them!)

During his first few weeks with us, Georgie quickly
became part of a group of other "problem students."
Despite warnings, he has consistently befriended children
whom we consider to be "bad elements," such as Little
Kenny Lay and a foreign-exchange student named
Chalabi. Both of these youngsters have been expelled
from other schools due to their involvement in cheating
other students out of their lunch money. We feel that
these kinds of relationships can only lead to no good,
and hope that you will advise your child accordingly.

Georgie often displays aggressive behavior in the
schoolyard, and recently assaulted a student in another
school district, completely unprovoked. When asked
about this incident, Georgie insisted that the other child
was armed and dangerous. When investigation into the
matter proved otherwise, Georgie changed his story
several times: he was just trying to "democratize" the
other child; the other child's school was harboring gang
members, and so on. Quite frankly, his story on this
topic has so changed from week to week, we simply
can't trust his word at all anymore.

Georgie's friends, while not great in number, are very
loyal, but tend to be over-protective. If any of the other
students point out Georgie's failing grades, these friends
simply shout them down and tell them not to speak at all.
When Georgie was summoned to the principal's office
several weeks ago, he insisted that his "best friend"
come with him. We feel that it is in Georgie's best
interest to learn to stand up for himself; failure to do so
could seriously damage his ability to handle a leadership
role in his adult years. As you are aware, final exams will
be held in November, and Georgie's past performance
leads us to conclude that he will not be able to achieve
the grades necessary to continue on with another four-
year term at our institution.

Yours Truly,

The Educators of This Nation's Public Schools
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HEFFA Donating Member (414 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-27-04 08:49 AM
Response to Original message
1. I just forwarded that one to everyone in my address book....
Terrific!

:toast:
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underpants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-27-04 08:50 AM
Response to Original message
2. Oh my God that is hilarious
I sent it out under the subject "Problem Child"
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yellerpup Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-27-04 08:52 AM
Response to Original message
3. Very clever! NT
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Arclight311 Donating Member (9 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-27-04 09:04 AM
Response to Original message
4. Very nice...
That's awesome... do you think Mommy and Daddy really care? The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree... watch out for Jeb, the other bungling idiot... he won't play well with others also... he is very smart and likes to play pranks to impress his older brother... tricky voting ballets, double punch cards, malicious voting software code, immigrants at the border (often very confused) find themselves default republicans, and the pranks go on and on...

I bet everyone (my tax cut!) that Florida will end up being another cluster fuck in this election, we need to just not count the whole state if they can't fuckin' figure it out...

Kerry in '04.

Tom
Atlanta GA
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