Why is my divorce turning me into a misogynist?

[CanuckAmok]

Seriously...I'm harbouring a very DEEP mistrust of all women, particularly attractive ones.

I see one on the street, and my first instinct is to ask myself "what's her angle? Who is she fucking over?"

So far, my case is sliding my wife's way, despite her stating in court that she's involved in criminal activity, and not paying her taxes (some "Socialist"!). I find myself hypersensitive to people faulting men, even in jest, and I keep hearing horror stories about men being financially ruined by wives who end up with 70% or more of the family assets... My lawyer says to just not make waves...let her rant and rave and don't bother opposing any sily motions she tries to pass, and just focus on the division of assets. The end result of that advise is that now I have a (civil) restraining order and a publication ban against me based on no evidence, because I didn't oppose it. How would that make you feel? Even though the judge acknowledgfes the fact that the motions passed because they weren't opposed, I still feel like I'll look like an abusive spouse in the eyes of the court....which is one thing I am absolutely not guilty of.

The division of assets trial is in February, and I have to wait until then to go on the offense. Yeesh, I hate this. And in the meantime, my wife and her harpy of a lawyer (looks like the Wicked Witch of the West in a Halston suit), just piss me off on a daily basis. And I transfer their actions to those of all women.

I suck.

Boy, I hope this passes...I'm usually such a nice guy!

[Worst Username Ever]

1. You are a man, and therefor can not be trusted.

I am a man too, so you might not want to believe the statement above.

[GOPisEvil]

2. You didn't oppose a restraining order on you?

Is your lawyer afraid of her lawyer?

I think your mistrust is valid, although you've got to learn to separate your ex from the rest of the population.

[CanuckAmok]

4. It's only a civil order, not a criminal one...

...it's not a big deal. My lawyer says that even with a lack of evidence, most Judges grant restraining orders to women anyway, because they don't want the political consequences of a woman being harmed by an estranged spouse if an order isn't granted. My lawyer said that it would likely go through anyway, so it would look better to simply say "I don't care; I never want to see her again anyway", than to oppose it and have it go through.

on edit: "civil" in this case means there's no police involvment, and the order is dissolved at the conclusion of the divorce proceedings; there's no permanency to it, on my record, or anything like that. And, ultimately, since she got her publication ban (don't get me started on that), neither of us can ever be identified in the press or publically anyway.

[GOPisEvil]

5. Oh ok...I'm glad there's no permanence to it.

That makes me feel a little better. :-)

[Aftershock]

3. It happens to me whenever I break-up with a girl.

I'm bitter towards women for a time. I guess that's a normal feeling. :shrug:

I'm sure you're not a misogynist. You're just harboring some strong emotions right now.

Stick it out. Things will get better for you. :)

[yellowcanine]

6. You need to get in some counseling to deal with your anger and sense of

loss - No joke. The last thing you need is for the bitterness to build up and make you "snap" and do something that could only hurt your cause. It would probably help if you had a female lawyer so that you could start having some positive interactions with women. A female counselor might be helpful but don't get a crush on her (or your lawyer).

[CanuckAmok]

7. I already have a psychologist, who is very good..

He's a guy, though, and not a particularly striking one, so no worries there.

DU is cheaper, though, and it's nice to sound-off on some of this stuff with people who's only expertise is 'life in general'.

[bloodyjack]

44. HAHAHA

It's as simple as paying someone to listen to you talk about your PROBLEMS

LIFE IS GOOD

[Speck Tater]

8. So what I did when I got divorced for the second time...

... was to not only ask what SHE was in it for, but what was I in it for? It turns out I was just as needy as she was. I expected all kinds of things from the relationship, which, as it turned out, were just attempts to compensate for my inate feeling of incompleteness.

I came to the conclusion that Women who need men are not emotionally healthy enough to have a good relationship, and men who need women are not emotionally healthy enough to have a good relationship.

I started getting really happy when I learned to stop needing women, and to stop hating them for how they done me wrong, and just learned to enjoy being unattached. I've been very happily unattached for 11 years now, and looking back on my 26 total years of being married, I'm much better off now than I was when I was attached, and even better off than I was when I was still holding a grudge against women.

Put it all behind you and move on. But most of all, find your completeness in yourself. Then you can be a good friend to another.

I don't hate women any more, but I don't think I'll ever completely trust them. Not the needy ones any way.

[Jack_Dawson]

19. Define "unattached"

You haven't had a girlfriend in 11 years? Or you haven't been married for 11 years?

[Speck Tater]

48. Unattached defined:

No girl friend for 11 years, as in 11 years of voluntary, and frankly, rewarding celebacy.

[Jack_Dawson]

49. W-O-W

I don't think I could go that long. Props to you, tho.

CD

[TrogL]

9. I lost my house, my car, my kids, what remained of my sanity

but oh how she can swing my favourite axe.

[TrogL]

13. OK, so don't ask

[TrogL]

23. OK, so I'll tell you anyway

My wife and I are having an amicable divorce (after a rocky start and several incompetent lawyers later). Last night I had to deliver some camping supplies to her and the kids and she was there with her combat boots using my axe (she borrowed it) (the favourite bit is a Pink Floyd reference) which I always found a bit of a turnon.

We've gotten on a lot better since I quit trying to be straight and she gave up any pretext of being feminine.

[Book Lover]

25. Careful with that axe, TrogL!

I just had to deliver the line. I'll go back to my desk now...

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

10. It is turning you into a misogynist because you turn your power over

to women based on sex appeal whether you even like them personally or not. In a sense, you are so used by your sexuality, that you will torture yourself, put yourself with the wrong woman just for the turn on..allow her to be abusive to you and then be surprised when it happens.....you know I am saying this based on our friendship..not on any judgements I have of you...I've been there..I used to think :"Who needs her of she CAN'T rip my heart out?"...I am happy to say I've grown out of that one...it is POSSIBLE to have a stimulating relationship with a beautiful woman who is also a beautiful person...your wife's beauty was skin deep...her head is fucked up (based on what we've discussed was the issue)

[JVS]

11. Start piping your money to switzerland and try to screw her over

that'll help

[BiggJawn]

12. Can't help you. I'm in the same place.

And it's been almost 8 years since the last rubber stamps got beat on the papers...

It gets worse. you're only distrustful right now, wait till regret and bitterness sets in, the "I can't BELIEVE I wasted that many good years with that ****!" feelings.

I got therapy. It got me through the anger and rage OK, but wasn't able to address the dis-trust and bitterness towards the gender as a whole. My current screwed-up situation isn't helping either, but when you're as emotionally fucked-up as I am, you take what you can get....

[Tyler Durden]

14. Ah FEEL yer PAYN.

I have been divorced from my ex for 11 years, and she has "fucked" me more times than she did when we were married.

I lost $30,000 CASH, a house and a car. I did get custody, but the lawyer's fee (even though the ex had turned "pro," if you get my drift) was another $5,000.

The last one was spending SIX HOURS in an airport when she was sending home my son (I have custody, but it cost me big time). The plane was held up/re-scheduled/then boarded. 3 HOURS after he's supposed to show up, the wife gets a call from the kid: the ex decided 4 hours earlier to put him on a plane in the morning.

So I spend 2 hours in traffic getting to and 2 hours from the airport, 6 hours at the airport, same deal in the morning with a 2 hour delay on THAT flight. All with no contact.

As I say often. My ex is just plain inconsiderate. All I ask of her is to fall under a speeding gas truck, taste her own blood, and be cremated in the insuing conflagration so we don't have to deal with a corpse.

Is that too much to ask? SEE? Inconsiderate.

[tcfrogs]

54. Ditto

sorry, Tyler

[Th1onein]

15. You have a lazy shit of a lawyer, my friend.

I just helped my nephew go through a very nasty divorce. It's sad to say, but divorce can be a VERY adversarial arena, and you need a PIT BULL of a lawyer to get you through one relatively unscathed. STOP paying your lawyer for doing NOTHING!

[Nay]

27. I second that. You have a lazy or dumb lawyer.

Change now!

[Raven]

16. You DON'T suck!

What you are going through is very normal. I assume that you don't have kids...if that is true, you're lucky because the only assets you are dealing with are inert ones. Give yourself time to heal and maybe think about changing lawyers!

[supernova]

17. Comes with the territory

I was a man-hater for a while. But you learn to work through that and eventually just see people as individuals again, albeit you are more cautious.

edit: I recently let go of a job-hunting contact because frankly his demeanor reminded me too much of my ex. I could see that it just wouldn't be a productive exchange.

[Jack_Dawson]

18. How long were you married?

How long til the bliss ended?

[SarahB]

20. Women are people. They're all different.

I'm not in a great marital situation right now. There are things I could use if I wanted to and I have an attorney for a father too, but I'll be damned if I'll be one of those kind of women. Besides, I do have children and no matter what happens with us, my husband is the father of my children, so they need him (and I do too). The last thing I'd want to do is hurt them, hurt him, or burn those bridges in a bad way. I'm not cut out to be a cutthroat type and neither is he.
When a couple doesn't have children, assuming everyone is healthy and able to work, they should take whatever assets they came with, pay what they spent, and not expect some handout. Hell, I don't even expect a handout and I put my career stuff on hold for a number of years while he was able to grow in his. I just ultimately want a shared, joint responsibility for the children. I'd rather earn my own way thank you very much and I'm probably considered an attractive one for the most part too.

[Gothic Sponge]

21. I'm in the same boat emotionally

Right now, i don't trust anyone! I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. Try not to let her drag you down. I think it's better to be single. No headaches!

[fishface]

22. Next time just find a woman you don't like and buy her a house.

Saves all the aggravation and trouble of getting married.

[jukes]

24. happens to everyone

in a bitter divorce. my ex was cool, till her friends talked her into seeing a lawyer. became a banshee overnight.

perjured herself on the stand on several issues, including accusing me of abandoning her w/o child support. luckily i'd made several of the mutually agreed upon payments by check. judge was ready to lock her up, but i was a cop then & interceded because of our son.

she was awarded $25.00 a month child support, though she was demanding what ammounted to $200 less than my monthly net.


oops, sorry for the rant, but see what i mean? divorces bring out the worst in us.

this will pass, even if she cleans the floor w/you.

BTW, do everything your lawyer says; they're paid to be dispassionate, & you're too emotionally involved to trust your own decisions.


i ALWAYS read your posts, man. you're a terrific guy, & def no misogynist. you're just hurting right now, and angry as hell.

[MissMillie]

26. I kind of know how you feel

I'm going to turn 40 this year, and that means I've been dating about 24 years of my life.... and not one of those men ever meant it when they said they were planning on staying in my life.

My last guy and I broke up 5 years ago this month. I spent 3 years not trusting men.

I have now evolved into not trusting myself to pick a man. I'm convinced that I only pick losers.

So here I am frozen in non-relationship limbo. I've sought professional help, but to no avail.

Do yourself a big favor and spend a lot of time just dating. Be as nice as you can to the women you date, and date plenty of women, but save sex and commitment for a while. With a little luck, one of the women you date will turn out to be a wonderful friend, with whom you can build a more substantial relationship.

[Dastard Stepchild]

28. Divorce cases tend to favor women...

Unfair but true. The male "stiff upper lip" syndrome generally prevents the courts from fully acknowledging the hurt a man feels, thus he is viewed in terms of a provider, and the provider has to make sure his provisions are shared with the little woman. It's all so tidy and perfunctary, and leaves little wiggle room for male emotion. It offers neither side any justice, and only perpetuates the animosity between men and women. Maybe you distrust women, maybe not, but I gather that you might also be feeling the court room shaft - an unequal playing field can be a terrible bitch to stomach.
I'm sorry to hear about your divorce, and wish you well.

[LWolf]

29. I think this is a different issue.

Rather than a gender problem, I think it's a trust problem. It happens to fall on women, because that's where you've been burned.

I'm a woman, and I have some of the same problem with men. Not that I don't like men; I do. But there are only 2 significant men in my 44 years that haven't burned me...badly. Those 2? My grown sons. I am so grateful for them.

In case you need to hear that not all women financially ruin men:

When my last husband of 12 years announced...out of the blue...that he'd fallen for a young woman at work and wanted a divorce, I was gone in 10 days. I took my clothes, a couch, a chair, my books, and half the dishes. And $2500 from the $10,000 we had in the bank. Just enough to pay my way into a place to live. I also took the extra couple of acres we'd bought for our future dream home; and made the payments until it was paid off. It's not worth much. I took no equity out of our home. He got it all. He got my barn and horse facilities, although he didn't want the horses. I got the older, paid off vehicle with 150,000 miles on it. He got his new life. I got mine ripped to shreds. But I didn't take it out of him in divorce court.

[achtung_circus]

30. I left my wife, as I was tired of being the bad guy.

I thought we had agreed to divide assets equitably- if you get the lawyers in only the lawyers win. We spent some time e-mailing to agree on the value of things. I got her estimation of what equitable would be. I was buffaloed. She was getting everything. Don't ask me how her math works.

I spent one hour with a lawyer, who told me exactly what to say, told me to record the call. I did so, scared the shit out of her. Our last communication was her asking what items my family should pick up as they went through the small town in BC we had been living in, as well as what "I" wanted to see in a separation agreement. I've got my fingers crossed, but I think I'll be OK, no kids, thank Christ.

I've been able to separate the bitch from women in general. I'm seeing a woman, not in love, but happy together.

We're tied to the wheel of life- live it.

[sendero]

31. From a purely legal...

... and property standpoint, a man would have to be a fool to marry - because if it ends, regardless if he is at fault or she was blowing the boss and the pool boy, the man will get taken to the cleaners every time.

My ex wisely held to our agreement when we parted ways, she kept what was hers and I kept what was mine.

Maybe that's why we get along :)

[HEyHEY]

32. Remember, no matter how good lookin' she is

Somewhere, there is a guy sick of putting up with her shit. ;-)

*Ducks*

[politicat]

35. And if it's got testicles or tires, it's gonna be trouble.... :)

Ducks back!!

I'm no manhater, though I might have reason to be... I raised my ex's daughter from 8 to 12. I was her mom, but because the ex and I never married, I have no rights to my step-daughter. He was barely present in her life - he came home, played computer games, might pause long enough to kiss her good night. I did the parenting things.... while going to grad school and working in community mental health.

When she called me in tears after I left him (for falling in love with another woman, then getting pissy when I developed a FRIENDSHIP with another man, for hitting me, and for sexually assaulting me) because he was bringing home a new girlfriend every night (literally), and several of them had said very nasty things to my SD, I called him on it, on the fact that his behavior was inappropriate for father with a near-teen age daughter (she really did need to see that her father VALUED women) and that if it kept up, I'd be forced to call him in to Child Protective since I'm a SHRINK and that's kind of oh, required by my license.....

This caused him to get a restraining order against me. I've not seen my SD in 4 years. Last I'd heard, she was in foster custody because he'd thrown her out. I wish I could have been there for her.

Right now, you're feeling raw - like you've been sandpapered. So what you need to do is let things calm down, and then separate your feelings about her from your feelings about us from your feelings about the world in general. Don't blame us because the legal system tends to favor a gender instead of looking at each case individually - that's a failing of the LEGAL system, not the individuals. There are lots of us women who are gentlemen, who leave relationships with only what we brought to them plus half of the acquired loot. Some even give up that.

Take some time. Learn to love and trust yourself again, and then you can talk about loving and trusting someone else. I'd bet you're also feeling angry with yourself for not seeing the signs...

Politicat

[PVnRT]

33. Is Lionel Hutz your lawyer?

Seriously, I would fire his ass and petition the ABA to disbar him.

[CanuckAmok]

34. The thing is...

I now have two lawyers, and one articled for the judge...they are somewhat friendly. The judge has a sympathetic streak for my wife for some reason, and he tells my lawyer that much of what he has decided is for 'political reasons' I can't really get into on this forum.

Basically, my lawyer is telling me to shaddap now, because with this judge, it will benefit me more when it comes time to divide the assets. All the rest of the actions are just side-bar.

Plus, if I don't contest motions, I don't pay for them, either. I don't know if it's the same in the US. If my wife tables a motion and I don't contest it, she has to pay the costs of the motion. If I contest it and I lose, I pay.

So just in that, she's blown around $5000 or so.

I understand there's a biger picture here than just defending myself; ultimately, it's all about how much I walk away with. But it's touvh to keep my tongue in check, I tells ya!

[Nlighten1]

36. Let go.

It will pass. Good women find nice men attractive.

[liberalhistorian]

37. But do good men find

nice women attractive? :evilgrin: :P

In all seriousness, CA, I'm really sorry for what you're dealing with and, as a gal, I apologize on behalf of my gender. Both men and women can be real pissers in these kinds of situations and it sucks big time.

I've never been married, but when the father of my now-13-year-old son threw me out of the house when I was three months pregnant (we were engaged at the time) because he didn't want to deal with it and accused me of sleeping around on him and all kinds of nasty shit that simply wasn't true, then ignored me for nearly two years until paternity was established and I went through the pregnancy and birth and all the other parenting stuff alone, I was a true-blue bona fide man-hating bitch. I hated and distrusted all men and was extremely bitter for a long time. It took several years to really get over it. But get over it I did, and I learned to separate that SOB (who's now a real freeper intent on getting our son into the military as soon as he graduates from high school in six years-over my dead fucking body, I tell you) from men in general and to get over it. You'll do the same in time.

You have every reason to feel this way now and it's only natural. I'd be surprised if you DIDN'T feel this way. Just know that we're not all like this, just as not all men are like that POS SOB of a poor-excuse-for-a-father ex of mine. Again, I'm really sorry you're going through this, CA.

[MaryBear]

38. Sorry but I have trouble believing

a restraining order was placed with no evidence.

[jukes]

41. G/B

if a motion is proposed, & unopposed, the motion usually stands unless the judge sees it as frivolous. in this case, since it wasn't contested, the judge felt no hardship wd be opposed & granted the motion.


it's all chess, in civil court.

[MaryBear]

42. OK then

i get awfully tired of "done to" folks around failed relationships. i spent many wasted years being one! ultimately we do to ourselves.

[CanuckAmok]

45. Hey, if I deserved it, I'd be the first to say so.

I think not opposing it was a mistake, but as the judge told my lawyer, he would have ordered it anyway, because of the risk of being taken to task if I DID turn out to be a psycho spouse. It was kind of a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' situation. At least this way, my wife had to pay for the motion, and the slate is wiped clean once the settlement order is executed, in any event.

on edit: G/B, my lawyer said my position should be "I don't care; I just want to get on with my life", which is true, and as my wife and I live in different cities now, the restraining order is no skin off my nose. All it means is I can't go to her home, which, along with the RNC, is the last place I'd want to be, anyway (unless it's to throw rocks through the windows--I'm talking about the RNC here!)

[MaryBear]

59. Well, CanuckAmok,

the "system" doesn't seem to be doing you many favors. It's not an easy road you are on. Maybe it comes down to, not whether you trust women but, whether you trust your self, and your judgment. That's been a big one for me at any rate -- trusting my self.

[jukes]

47. that's true to a large degree

things are just things. you can always buy new things. or replace things w/values or interests. most of us own to much crap, anyhow.

seldom is a broken marriage only 1 person's fault; no matter how it starts, both parties tend to lash out in escalating fashion.

it's all an ugly fact of life; & divorce brings out our most vile qualities.

best to let it go & walk away, but SO much easier said than done.

[Nevernose]

63. Hold on there, GandmaBear!

In most places, a TPO rewuires the least amount of evidentiary requirement: the satisfaction of the judge. The person to whom the order is being applied against doesn't get a chance to respond at first, because that would "potentially endanger the applicant" -- almost always a woman. I've seen literally thousands of these things, and I've yet to see a single one rejected. Usually the woman needs it, almost always in fact, but it's easily abused.

In 4-8 weeks, depending upon the length of the order, the recipient can contest it. This is not easy to do.

I was the victim of a malicious TPO -- an attempt by my crazy ex-wife (she was ordered to psychiatric evaluation by the divorce judge) to lay a case for custody. I had to go six weeks without seeing or hearing from my daughter. I thought I would die; she is my entire world. I would never have gotten it dismissed had I not hired the best father's rights attorney in town ($2,000 for 15 minutes of work), and even then it was iffy. Most people don't even bother trying, guilty or not. The woman just made stuff up, but I had no way of disproving it -- a TPO court is the only place (other than the IRS) where one has to prove a negative in one's defense.

[bleedingheart]

39. Don't let it do that to you

...there are women like my coworker who gave her ex everything and left the state to get him to stop stalking her...she had to buy new clothes and re-start her life....

...there are men like another coworker whose wife ran up every credit card and left him for another man, his in-laws sided with him and disowned their daughter....

for every jerky guy...there is a jerky gal...so don't let it turn you into a woman-hating guy cuz it will come through in your personality and any future relationships will be stained by it.

My husband's ex-wife was a first class jerk, she cheated on him and treated him like shit...but he never let it stain his life...he moved on and he and I will be married ten years this fall....He is a liberal, card carrying male-feminist...

[NightTrain]

40. What you're going through is perfectly normal.

Give your "condition" some time and I guarantee you, it will vanish. And I speak from experience!

[Feanorcurufinwe]

43. At least you are learning.

[jdonaldball]

46. Send your Ex a message from Smoove B, the Love Man!

Want to get it out of your system? Send her THIS:
http://www.theonion.com/opinion/index.php?issue=4030&o=2
Come on Baby, come back to Smoove. :-)

[arwalden]

50. Been There (Kinda) Done That (Kinda)

... it will pass.

-- Allen

If You Wanna Be Happy
by Jimmy Soul

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall
As soon as he married her and then she starts
To do the things that will break his heart
But if you make an ugly woman your wife
A-you'll be happy for the rest of your life
An ug-a-ly woman cooks meals on time
And she'll always give you peace of mind
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Don't let your friends say you have no taste
Go ahead and marry anyway
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don't match
Take it from me, she's a better catch
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Say man!
Hey baby!
I saw your wife the other day!
Yeah?
Yeah, an' she's ug-leeee!
Yeah, she's ugly, but she sure can cook, baby!
Yeah, alright!
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

[CanuckAmok]

51. Yes, I suppose, but I'm so SHALLOW...

Will nobody speak for the shallow man?

[Skittles]

52. I have a question

you had no clue this woman was a gold-digging wench before you married her?????

[CanuckAmok]

53. No...and when we met, there was no gold to dig.

But about a year ago, she began to change, drastically. I suspect there may be other factors, i.e. substances, at work here, but I can't prove that.

[Skittles]

56. but there usually are signs

like when women insist on extravagant weddings. :puke:

[CanuckAmok]

57. In that case, then, no. We gotr married at home (her idea)...

I have a feeling it's substance abuse, and her getting older... whatever, somone else's problem now... :)

[2bfree]

55. I am shocked!

What is up with all the woman-bashing? Sorry you are going through a rough spot in your life, but that doesn't make all women bad or make marriage evil. I wasn't expecting to hear such responses on DU. I think I will avoid the lounge for a while..............By the way sometimes it is the woman who gets screwed in the divorce. :grr:

[HEyHEY]

58. Shut up lady

No, I'm kidding. But truly I think many of the repsonses have an underlying sarcastic tone to them. ;-)

[MaryBear]

60. Some have an underlying

sarcastic tone. Many are thoughtful and considered responses by folks who seem to genuinely care.

I like to think of myself as a feminist who loves and appreciates men. And I can all to easily fall into bashing them -- witness my skepticism above. We just need to gently call each other on our baloney, and keep on working to create something better.

[CanuckAmok]

64. Total sidebar...

Being as hypersensitive as I am these days, I noticed a radio ad for a regional fried chicken chain today. Basically ther 'gist' was a woman sick of her husband's complaining about her chicken, so she murders (poisons) him.

Ha ha. Hilarious.

Picture this: It's an ad for Quaker state. This guy is sick of having to change the oil in his wife's car because she won't do it, so he kills her with a shovel.

Seriously, that would never fly, and with good reason, but men are often the brunt of jokes and so forth, and it can be upsetting. Take the Bobbit case for example--genital mutilation and aggrovated assault, but it was just a big joke...

The sexes just need to stope seeing eachother as the enemy.

Sorry, this is way off topic, and I'm not very articulate. I think I've been spending too much time talking to HEyHEY.

[Nevernose]

61. Divorced five years now

What you're going through is perfectly normal. Like other posters, I even got custody of the kid, as well as the car, the furniture, and everything else. Hell, I even got the dog and cat.

Still wasn't easy.

It is really, really tempting to go all misogynistic, I know. Just keep in mind that she's not evil because she's female -- she's evil because she's a psychotic, lying whore, and those come in all genders.

I know it sounds bizarre, and goes against every religious tenet or self-help book ever written, but there is a certain sense of peace in your bitterness. Embrace the anger, become one with it, and it loses all power. Trying to control it will drive you mad.

[CanuckAmok]

62. Hee hee-- in-joke! I hope NSMA reads this one!

[MaryBear]

65. so this was not a serious thread,?

[CanuckAmok]

66. No, of course it was...

..but NSMA and I have a discreet understanding about something, and someone just inadvertantly nailed it...