Rumsfeld Sick of Jokes About His Fat Girlfriend

[Worst Username Ever]

WASHINGTON, DC—During a coffee break at the Pentagon Monday, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld announced that he will no longer stand for jokes made at the expense of his 5'7", 197-pound girlfriend Mavis Delsman. "I can enjoy a good laugh just like anybody, but the next person to make a crack about my Mavis will be making jokes in the unemployment line," Rumsfeld said. "She's a very nice person and doesn't deserve to be talked about in that way." Rumsfeld added that he will take punitive action against the entire department if he even hears the phrase "junk in the trunk," whether it's in reference to Delsman or not.

http://www.theonion.com/nib/index.php?issue=4030&nib=1

[Feanorcurufinwe]

1. Once again Rummy lies. I heard she dumped him months ago.

[Raven]

2. How did I miss this??? He has a girlfriend???

I thought he was Mr. Happily Married for 100 Years. He's got a girlfriend and she's bigger and taller than he is? Wow. I'm impressed!

[UTUSN]

3. But Seriously, He Has a Real Life Groupie

A few months ago on Book Notes, some old biddy was featured for a book she wrote about him. He was in the audience. She went on and on, interpreting his every (known) thought, word, deed as being a breath from God. It was incredibly erotic (to them). She climaxed by saying that, who would have thunk it, to crown his lifetime of achievements, his latest incarnation was as a SEX SYMBOL. She went on to quote a bunch of media whore blatherings about how sexy Darth Rums was. Darth Rums would look down blushingly. It was clear that this biddy was in love. Ewwwww.

[JVS]

4. Did you see this one?

http://www.theonion.com/opinion/index.php?issue=4030