Airline Humor: HILARIOUS!

[Bhaisahab]

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor! Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Skittles]

1. LOL

note to DUers - check out professor_pot's picture in the Gallery - I LOVE IT !!! :thumbsup:

[Bhaisahab]

4. ahem... thank you? :)

join me for tea sometime eh?

[Skittles]

20. how did you know I grew up in England?

:D

[Bhaisahab]

21. i didn't. we drink tea here in India too u know!

B-)
i studied in england though... post grad in film theory...

[Skittles]

22. INDIA!!! Too freaking cool!

:thumbsup:

[izzie]

2. Just great and to think my printer will not work.

Makes me think about a time my husband was called to a big meeting on a navy base. They were all trying to get cars to stop at a place and when it got to him he said, "Put up a stop sign." The next day with all the ways to fix this great problem, there was a stop sign up.

[MildyCC]

3. Very funny

Been around for awhile. First time I saw it, it was USAF pilots and maintenance techs. Makes more sense when you realize Quantas doesn't have target radar!

[Bhaisahab]

5. WELCOME MildyCC!!

[MildyCC]

6. Thank you!

Long time lurker...kinda afraid to post.

[HawkerHurricane]

7. My father was in the Air Farce...

as a radio/radar repair tech, he was one of the people required to 'review' the gripe list, and swears he saw...

P: Aircraft relief tube too short.
S: Relief tube proper length. Pilot's relief tube must be too short.

(For your information, a 'Relief Tube' is a funnel/rubber hose so the pilot can 'relieve himself' in flight...)

[MildyCC]

8. Hey, it's

Air FORCE to you squid. :-) Ever notice that every popular movie about the Navy features airplanes....

[BlueCollar]

9. Somebody has to show the Air Farce

how aircraft are supposed to be flown...might as well be a Naval Aviator...

:-)

[MildyCC]

10. But shouldn't they show them how

to fly CORRECTLY? I mean we already know from the French what NOT to do, why does the Navy need to reinforce it? :-)

[Johnyawl]

17. I'd like to see an Air Farce pilot land on a short, moving air strip

Those Carrier pilots are an arrogant, strutting, macho bunch, but those boys can FLY!!

The Navy and Marine pilots flying the F4s in close ground support in Vietnam in 1969 were absolutely fearless. They did some amazing stunts to put the ordinance right were it was needed.

I've got a real soft spot for anybody who crewed on a carrier, and kept those planes flying. There were a couple of times I was almighty happy to see those planes.

[MildyCC]

18. YAWN

The don't have to...they were smart enough to join the Air Force!

[HawkerHurricane]

11. Yeah, like "Hunt for Red October" and "Under Siege"...

And how many top rated movies are about the Air Farce?

[MildyCC]

12. The Hunt for Red October

and Under Siege are not really navy movies in the vein of Top Gun (about airplanes) and say Crimson Tide (true, about subs) Most of the top rated Air Force movies are OLD and outta date. Sorta like the squid posse that we call a navy.

[Bhaisahab]

13. speaking of airplane movies...

when i was 5 or 6 we went to see Airport 77, and man, i shat in my pants :( (hey not because the movie was scary, but because i polished off two bags of chips before the movie was into its 21st minute!)

[MildyCC]

14. LMAO!

[BiggJawn]

15. You got into DemoTex's notebook, didn't you?

:7

[ProfessorGAC]

16. Very Funny! Thanks

I was laughing out loud, alone in my office. Good stuff. Thanks again.
The Professor

[bif]

19. Thanks for the morning chuckle

It has indeed been around for a while. but some gems are worth resending once in a while.