Official RNC Schedule

[TSIAS]

Not sure if this has been posted here yet. I actually think the opening listing is for real.

http://www.urbangrounds.com/Writing/2004/052404.htm

6:00 pm — Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 pm — Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 pm — Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd and 9th amendments)
6:45 pm — Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 pm — Seminar #1: Getting your Kid a Military Deferment (presented by Donald Rumsfeld)
7:30 pm — First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 pm — Serving of Freedom Fries
7:40 pm — EPA Address #1: "Mercury, it's what's for dinner"
8:00 pm — Vote on which country(s) to invade next
8:10 pm — Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 pm — John Ashcroft Lecture: "The Homos are after your children"
8:30 pm — Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50 pm — Seminar #2: Corporations—The Government of the Future
9:00 pm — Condi Rice and Collin Powell tap dance the Shim-Sham Shimmy
9:05 pm — Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 pm — EPA Address #2: Trees—The Real Cause of Forest Fires

9:30 pm — Break for secret meetings

10:00 pm — Second prayer led by Rev. Billy Graham
10:30 pm — Anne Coulter lecture: How Michael Moore is Perverting the 1st Amendment
10:35 pm — The Bush daughters make public service announcement urging teenagers to "Just Say No".
10:40 pm — Posthumous awarding of Lifetime Achievement Award in Bigotry and Hypocrisy to Strom Thurmond.
10:45 pm — Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10:45:15 pm — Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 pm — Seminar #3: Education—A Drain on our Nation's Economy.
11:10 pm — Hilary Clinton Piñata unveiled
11:20 pm — John Ashcroft vows to replace Bill of Rights with the Ten Commandments
11:30 pm — Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 pm — Blame Bill Clinton (for everything)
11:40 pm — Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 pm — Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
11: 55 pm — Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

[Spiffarino]

1. Nooo....stop!!

Can't....breathe....rotflmao...

The site is pretty good. You'll notice at the top, there is a Democratic Convention schedule that also makes me laugh as it pisses me off. :)

[Donkeyboy75]

2. Won't it take longer than five minutes to blame Clinton

for the multitude of problems we face as a nation? :shrug:

[PROGRESSIVE1]

3. .....................

[iconoclastic cat]

4. I think the real lineup will be much more scary and hilarious.

"These candidates make me want to vomit in terror!" -- Simpson, Homer

[DRoseDARs]

5. That schedule is incorrect about the list of black Republicans...

It'll take about a full minute to get through all two names and be able to move on; they'll have to wait until the ruckus laughter dies down before they can proceed with 3rd Presidential Beer Bong.

[LibDemAlways]

6. For all I know,

this could be the real schedule. It's what I would expect at repuke fest 04.