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My pal Bill Martin suggests this --
A longtime favorite of the Mexican Army, this recipe has caught on with guerrilla fighters in several Central American countries in recent years. Because of the expense and preparation time (one week), it has only recently found it’s way to the U.S. where, at large outdoor affairs in Texas, New Mexico and Arizona, it has proven to be a unique and festive experience for partygoers.
To prepare, you will need the following:
1 - 50,000 gallon swimming pool
2.5 tons - corn tortillas
(yellow, white or blue corn as preferred)
5.5 tons - cheese (mild cheddar or Monterey Jack recommended)
200 gallons - whole jalapeño peppers
500 lbs. - fresh cilantro (finally chopped)
12 - medium size suckling pigs
4 - Texas longhorn cattle
44 - chickens
1,500 gallons - vegetable oil
1,500 gallons - gold tequila
1 - 1957 Chevrolet Bel-Air convertible
Drain and clean the pool. Pour the vegetable oil into the deep end, making sure you first plug the drain. Carefully add the tequila, allowing it to float on the surface of the oil.
Light the tequila and quickly step back from the flames. (If safety is a concern, as it should be to any responsible chef, you may prefer to stand a good distance back from the pool and throw a lighted highway emergency flare into it, then duck as the shock wave passes over you.)
When the oil begins to bubble, add the tortillas. A thermal safety suit like the ones used by oil-field fighters will protect you from hot splatters. (Some have found that renting a dumptruck for the day is less expensive than the cost of the suit, but take care: a gas tank explosion will add a nasty petroleum taste, much like that of too much charcoal starter on an open grill.)
Use a clean garden rake to test the tortillas. When they are crispy, it’s time for the cheese. Hand-grated is of course preferable, but if you simply don't have the time a wood chipper is a great short cut.
Allow the cheese to cool and set for 72 hours or until a large cheese bubble forms on the surface. Don’t be alarmed, this is the natural result of a sulfurous gas buildup beneath the surface of the cheese. You might also hear “stretching noises,” as if a large balloon were being slowly rubbed. When the bubble is approximately 5 feet higher than the surrounding cheese, it’s time to lance it. For this you will need safety goggles and a 10 to 12 foot long pole. If you do not have one, your long-handled pool cleaning net should do the job nicely.
Over the next two days, the flavors will intensify. Use this time to equip the Chevy with as many chrome accessories as your budget will allow: extra lights, mirrors, wheel rims, antennae, exhaust pipes, etc. will all add that authentic ”South of the Border” touch. If you want to go all out, there's nothing like the look of a custom
“Tuck ‘n’ Roll” interior.
It’s Party Day! Test the surface of the cheese by walking to the center of the pool. If you sink no more than ankle deep, it’s ready. Let about half the air out of the Chevy’s tires and drive it very slowly onto the surface of the cheese. If you’ve followed the steps carefully it shouldn't sink any deeper than the license plate. Now fill the passenger seat with the jalapeños and the driver's seat with the copped cilantro.
Wait until just before the guests arrive to add the animals. Gently press each of the chickens, feet first, into the cheese up to about the level of their thighs. Next, the larger animals. (Although the ancient Aztecs and Mayans used rope and slave labor while chanting to a ritual drumbeat, a simple forklift makes it a one person job today!)
Congratulations! You’ve done it! There’s just enough time before the guests arrive to scrape the cheese from you shoes and pour yourself a well-earned Margarita. Who needs to hire a band when the food IS the entertainment? The squawks, grunts and bellows of the struggling, cheese-covered animals mingled with the pounding beat of “La Bamba” from the Chevy's vintage eight-track tape player is something your delighted guests will be talking about for years.
Whatever the occasion — wedding, class reunion, political fund-raiser, even a uniquely different Memorial service — you’ll be saying “Que Delicioso!”
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