Is okay to spank your children?

[onebigbadwulf]

If so, to what degree?

If not, why not?


I was spanked as a child and I think it kept me on the right track. From personal experience I think I would spank my children. What about you guys?

My spankings were pretty bad, but I think a few slaps on the wrist can go a long way.

[unblock]

1. it is not ok for you to spank my children, you perv!

oh, nevermind....

[coloradodem2005]

4. A woman at a job I had once...

...threatened to spank me when I was teasing her.

[krkaufman]

2. Not my children, no. n/t

[Zomby Woof]

3. uh oh

[Rowdyboy]

5. "Boy, go out to the hedge and get me a switch..And you know, if you

get a little one, I'll send you back..."

We're talking 1960 in Mississippi, a time long ago in a land far away. I was adored as a child (first grandchild on both sides) but I also got spankings. I really don't think it led to violence or inappropriate behavior on my part. I didn't misbehave in public as a child, nor do I today (not much, anyway). JMO...Good luck

[DemBones DemBones]

29. Oh, yeah, The Switch! Could be worse than The Belt.

:scared:

[yellowcanine]

38. Yeah that was my Dad's line also - with any luck I got him laughing and

escaped the switching altogether.

[No2W2004]

6. (ducking)

[XanaDUer]

7. As I said on the other thread

I am not really for corporal punishment, because it may instill a might-makes-right type of attitude in a child, like physical violence is a way to solve problems.

I remember having friends who were terrified of their parents, who would give them severe spankings for what seemed minor infractions, to me.

There was always this pervasive feeling of fear in their households.

Maybe a light smack on the wrist. But, I had one friend whose father would whip him with a belt! My god, thinking back, I think that was child abuse. And, I attended school just before coroporal punishment was taken out of the schools. THey used to hit "bad" kids with this chunky stick called "Crunchy". THis was a Baptist, born again school in the Deep South (circa 1969-70), and that place was nuts for a variety of reasons.

So,I think it is very hard to say if coroporal punishment is good, bad, or neutral.

[Rowdyboy]

10. I could never justify using a belt on a child, or any other human

Swatting a toddler's hand or behind is a very different matter. Babies need to know that certain behavior is off-limits, unacceptable, and generally bad.

[XanaDUer]

12. I remember the terror of that household

and I was never corporally punished, so this, to me, was very foreign behavior, and odd.

I mean, a big old belt.

[DebinTx]

40. There are times that a smack on the behind is good.

I used time outs - it killed my son to be in time out. He had to sit in the kitchen so that he wouldn't turn on a TV, radio, etc. just had to sit there, no talking, no eating, nothing.

Then one day, after enduring his timeout, as he's walking from the kitchen, he kicks me! "I hate you and your stupid time outs!". Two good swats on the behind, which caused him to cry - then I explained that he hurt me and now he knew that I could hurt him back only worse. Then I sent him to time out again.

I saved swats for when he directly challenged me or later, cursed at me. They're not needed very often.

[anti_shrub]

8. Personally I think a well-placed swat does wonders.

I know that my dad only hit me maybe 2 or 3 times my whole life but it was enough to get the message across.

There's lots of kids nowadays who run around wild because all they have to face for bad behavior is a time out and a stern talking to. Most of the time something like that works, but sometimes you need to take the next step.

Sadly, there's some people here who were abused as children and think that any spanking counts as child abuse. I can understand why they would think that, but IMO disciplining a child requires the occaisional swat.

[Rowdyboy]

13. My dad hit me twice in my life that I remember...

The last time I was 4 and he cried and rubbed lotion on my butt, so I really can't bitch. Sounds like something out of a Beth Henley play (Crimes of the Heart etc)

[LastKnight]

9. who ordered the flamewar? nt

[anti_shrub]

11. It's sad that this topic is such flame material

It's also sad that some people who suffered real child abuse can't distinguish what they experienced from normal, rarely administered, spankings when they needed to be dealt out.

Hell, 9/10ths of the reason spankings worked on me is that they were so rare that when I got one I know I did something seriously wrong.

[XanaDUer]

14. I think rare

would get the message across, as opposed to severe spankings for anything. I mean, there are graduations in bad behavior, and not everything should be dealt with as a serious offense.

[anti_shrub]

17. I agree

I've seen both ends of the spectrum:

1. When I was in grade school, I was at the house of a classmate and he did something minor that pissed off his dad to the point where I thought the dad was going to break the kid's arms off.

2. A person I know has two kids, the boy is 8 and allegedly has ADD when anyone with eyes can see the kid's an attention-seeking little shit who acts bad because he knows mommy won't punish him cause he's "special".

So yes, if done on a regular basis, corporal punishment is wrong. If not done at all you run a very high chance of having a rude brat of a child who doesn't worry about the consequences of his/her actions.

[LastKnight]

15. i was spanked when i was a kid, i turned out ok...

at least i think im alright...

granted i only got it when i diserved it, and i probably diserved a few more the way i acted when i was a kid. even the most basic brain understands reward and punishment... the human brain is no different, as long as its not overused or overadministered.

its sad that anything really degrades to flame wars... but thats what you get with strong opnions and independant thought... sometimes people forget or in some cases ignore civility...

*forrest gump voice* and thats all ive got to say about that...

-LK

[Misunderestimator]

44. When I was your age, I also thought I turned out ok....

Turns out, in hindsight, that the emotional remnants of physicial punishment sometimes stayed buried deep within our psyches for many, many years.

[Dogmudgeon]

16. Feel the Hate

There's another thread of people gloating over children who get hurt, too. Participate in the love-fest here. So it's official -- a whole lot of DUers like the idea of children suffering.

For their own good, of course.

Just to teach them responsibility. The world is a harsh place, and a good (sic) parent can never start showing them how harsh it is too early ... right?

I guess tomorrow night, we'll all show our deep and abiding concern for children by ranting about torturing pedophiles to death.

--bkl

[XanaDUer]

19. "gloating over children who get hurt"?

Lighten up.

[anti_shrub]

20. You know what

If the parent in that other thread had given her little precious darling a swat on the ass, maybe the events told about wouldn't have happened.

But hey, better a child never be punished and never learn basic respect for other people right?

[XanaDUer]

22. In that case, all she had to do was pick him up before he got

hurt or caused an accident. I don't think he was even old enough to see the cause-and-effect of what he was doing.

[Riptide]

48. You are confusing not hitting with not disciplining...

I never hit my children, but I do discipline them. It takes more thought and effort. That is a big problem with people who advocate hitting, they think that the only choices are spanking or letting your child run wild.

I am actually stricter than many of my friends who spank. I have high expectations for my children's behavior and there is always a consequence for bad behavior. It just doesn't include hitting.

[Dookus]

21. You seem to have missed the point of that thread, BKL

I was advocating that the mother DO something about the child before he got hurt. I really WASN'T happy that he got hurt - I was using sarcasm and hyperbole.

[Susang]

18. I'll do your spanking for you

But only if you ask me real nice. }(

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

23. It depends on the child.

What would make one child wake up and change their behavior would crush another child's spirit entirely.

[AmyDeLune]

24. It's tricky...

It should be the punishment of last resort, but shouldn't be used to bully or terrify children into doing as they're told without question. A child shouldn't be afraid to admit that they've done something wrong for fear of a spanking.

My dad had undiagnosed depression, so sometimes we got a swat on the butt because we deserved it, and sometimes just because he lost his temper...

[lazarus]

25. One thing to consider

when spanking became frowned upon, ADD-type behaviour skyrocketed. Virtually every one of these "kids from hell" that I've ever known or been around was raised in a non-spanking household.

I don't advocate spanking on a regular basis, and I condemn use of a belt or paddle or anything like that. But a quick swat on the butt can do wonders to get a child's attention without hurting them at all.

You can't reason with a 2 year old child. Their brains don't work like an adult's. To try to explain why something is bad to a 3 year old child is just a waste of time without some form of reinforcement.

[onebigbadwulf]

26. Yes I agree completely

I think ADD is a byproduct of an untrained and undisciplined psyche.

[lazarus]

32. not completely

I've got ADD. My daughter has it. It's very real.

And all the discipline and training in the world can't fix it if it's a bad enough case.

But that doesn't excuse bad behaviour or "kids from hell", by any means.

[Spirochete]

27. Only at a really young age

because that's the only way to get through to them. I got spanked a lot when I was a kid, and it never fazed me much, but when the spankings stopped and privileges began being taken away, and restrictions imposed, that was what made me unhappy, and got my attention a lot better than the spankings did.

[Spinzonner]

28. Perhaps a controlling criteria should be

that if you're doing it because of what YOU feel - i.e. anger, frustration, etc. - then you're that's the wrong reason to do it.

It should be done after the flush of emotion has initially passed - but soon enough for the child to connect the behavior and punishment.

And, of course, the purpose should be to make an immediate emotional impression - not a physical one or a permanent psychic one.

[Skittles]

30. NO

no matter how you slice it it is physical abuse

[Misunderestimator]

31. Looks like we get one of these "Is it ok to hurt your children" threads...

every couple of weeks. :shrug:

[theboss]

33. If used judiciously, yes

I think I was spanked three or four times growing up. Each time, I had done something pretty grievous. The lesson sticks, considering I still remember each time, and I don't remember any other punishments.

But I didn't live in fear of getting smacked for minor incidents. That would be abuse.

[LWolf]

34. I don't think so.

It's not that spanking can't be effective, it's the world view you perpetuate. That the reason we do, or don't do, something is based on perceived punishment or reward handed out by some "authority." And that it's ok to hit people.

I prefer logical consequences to hitting.

[redqueen]

35. No

Because it's wrong.

Talk to an obedience trainer about how successful smacking dogs is as a method of training.

Why would kids be any different?

This is one of those issues that the very fact that it's still debated makes me question my reasoning when I say the human race is somehow worth fighting for. :(

[BigMcLargehuge]

36. I will not spank my son, ever

there are other discipline methods that are more effective. I do not consider a slap on the wrist to be a "spank" however, and these are used only during times when Ian could potentially harm himself by reaching up for a stove burner, or if he uses his hands to pinch or hit his cousin (they are both about three and sometimes it's like a cock fight if one has a truck that the other wants).

But the strikes to said wrist are to illustrate that their are in danger of experience severe pain, or of dispensing it.

Redirection is the best tactic for all other behaviors and in virtually all cases, even in those mentioned above, but sometimes the time for redirection is past and forced to intervene with literally seconds to spare.

I worked in an early learning center, in all classrooms, at all level from infant to grade 5 (I ran a schoolage program) and with good redirection I was able to circumvent almost every problem child, ADHD or not. In the instances where redirection didn't work we employed time out, punishment jobs (from picking up the legos {- young kids} to doing the dishes { - older kids})

I employ these same methods at home.

[Misunderestimator]

39. Thanks BMLH... As long as those strikes are not hurtful, just warnings...

You have just increased my respect for you. And you have a very fortunate child. :)

[BigMcLargehuge]

41. they are no harder than a light clap

meant to make him withdraw his arm. It actually triggers his reflex rather than any pain response. It makes him move before his brain tells him it's time to move.

they never leave a mark, they are not delivered in anger, they are not delivered as punishment.

[Misunderestimator]

42. That's what I thought you meant... and therefore...

you have my complete respect. :)

[noonwitch]

37. It's a matter of personal choice, unless the child is injured

I don't think kids should be taken away from parents over hand-spanking. The damage of being taken away and placed with strangers is far more serious than the damage done from a parent who spanks a naughty child with his or her hand. It's not more damaging to place a kid if the child is being injured or sexually abused.

If the child is injured (bruised), it's a whole different thing.

People with serious anger management problems should never spank their kids, because their anger will cause them to use too much force, and risk serious injury.

I would probably choose not to spank, if I had kids. My sister doesn't spank hers, and it seems to be working.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

43. No.

And I think I've responded to this before and gotten flamed so I'm not explaining again.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

45. Hi Maggie!

Long time no see :hi:
Duckie

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

46. hiiiii duckieeee

:)

[Riptide]

47. I don't believe in hitting...

I have 3 children. I have never hit any of them. Have I wanted to? Yes, quite often. But, I've also wanted to hit my husband at times, too. But, I don't, because it is wrong. I believe it is just morally wrong to hit a child, just as it is wrong for a man to hit his wife.

As a teacher, I believe that if I can not teach my own children proper behavior without having to resort to hitting, then I have failed. I do not believe that some children "need" to be hit in order to learn. All children can learn without violence, it just takes more work.

I was hit as a child, but only by my father. My mom would never lay a hand on us. We grew up afraid of my dad, but very close to my mother. I love both my parents. My wonderful, gentle mother died almost 2 years ago and I thank her for showing me that you can raise children without violence.

My children are older now, past the spanking age. They are all honor students. They have wonderful manners, and are very kind people. I have never regretted our decision not to hit.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

49. Is it OK to fuck them? If so, to what degree?

Hey....you ask if violence is OK...let's check out sex too....then we can talk about selling them into slavery...

(sarcasm of course)

No....if people can not be more creative than to train via violence then they shouldn't have kids. Even animal training books shy away from violence as a form of training...why should parenting a live human being be any different? The kid at least has language.

If you want to raise a person who thinks as you do that hitting is a form of empowerment then fine...but the next time you displease someone and they walk up and cold cock you..don't complain...they are simply trying to empower you to deal with the mean old world...

Heck..some say they are protecting the kid from danger...so if you make a careless lane change and the person in the car behind you walks up to your window and gives you a can of road rage...don't complain...they are only trying to cause you to be more careful in the future.

(again sarcasm)

[Misunderestimator]

50. Well, damn... that's what I was thinking, but too afraid to say...

VERY well put.