"Screaming Lord Byron's Visit to IKEA"

[eyesroll]

So, there I was, minding my own business, when the wife comes over and tells me that the water broke.
"Again?" Nice of her to warn me, I thought.
"No, you twit. The waterbed."
Oh. Thank Christ.

So I have to pull myself away from a film featuring Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Hank Azaria and load up the kids and drag them to that suburban monstrosity known as IKEA, with the bizarre restaurant and young things pretending they're urban hipsters, but really they're just cheap.

So, several throngs of underpriced humanity later, and we're checking out the beds, and quickly discovering that cheap + pretty - comfort - back support - sturdiness = no more wailing pink things pulled from the wife's stomach, and then the wife says to me, "hey, isn't that Hedges?"

Since the wife has never met Hedges nor seen that snapshot, I had to assume she thought "Hedges" meant "generic naked guy pleasuring himself into an indeterminate product called K€RLEKS…RT.

When my kid called my wife "Fenris," I knew it was time to leave, but not before picking up some ONSKA,a KRISTER and a nice tin P€LS for the dog.

Somehow, my mother-in-law showed up just as I was checking out, but that's really irrelevant to this story.

[Fenris]

1. Dammit, our marriage was annuled!

[flamingyouth]

3. Is there something you need to tell me?

:scared:

[eyesroll]

4. awww....

Hey, I just posted a big "my mother in law may have caught me making eyes at a woman" thread...ain't nothin' scary 'bout Fen...

[Screaming Lord Byron]

6. Non-consummation, I'm afraid. Those Viagra peddlars will pay!

[Fenris]

9. You should have used VIAGACOR!

[eyesroll]

11. I think you're missing an umlaut.

[Magrittes Pipe]

10. You should have paid attention to the "en1arge ur pen1s" email I sent you.

sux0r

[Screaming Lord Byron]

12. So you are Napoleon Wondercock?

I did have my suspicions.

[Magrittes Pipe]

13. Yes.

Yes I am.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

2. The naked man pleasuring himself was a hallucination caused by

over exposure to the Water Boys

[Screaming Lord Byron]

5. I saw the Whole of the Moon, damnit!

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

7. Wait for it...............................................................

That's no moon

[Screaming Lord Byron]

8. God no! It's like a giant floating arse!

Beware the tractor beam!

[tigereye]

14. cute story, eyesroll

Now I am afraid to go to Ikea. And it's about time for my semi-yearly trek. Now I will be thinking about what you have said when I go.

:scared: