Things You'd Love to Say at Work, but Can't

[baldguy]

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

more:
http://www.stamey.nu/Humor/ThingsYoudLikeToSayAtWork.htm

feel free to add your own

[Xipe Totec]

1. Things You CAN Say:

And get away with

Thank you very much for your input (translation: STFU)

Consider it Done! (translation: don't hold your breath)

[LynzM]

2. My favorite of those...

"We love a challenge!" = This job sucks. Couple people where I used to work made it into a banner and put it up in their office. We laughed our asses off, corporate thought it was great. Joke's on them!

[camby]

3. Go Fuck Yourself

I like the sound of it. Unfortunately, I'd get fired for saying it. Dick Cheney gets admired.

[DS1]

4. You lost your ID? Wow, you ~must~ be stupid.

Stand over there.

[greblc]

5. "Keep in touch with yourself"

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

6. Your crisis does not equal my emergency.

Something I have said to my boss: "Bite me."

[Xipe Totec]

10. Or This Variant:

Lack of planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on my part.

[Sporadicus]

7. 'This is What Happens When Bean Counters Make Technical Decisions'

Actually, I DID say that...out loud...at a department meeting. And I wonder why I'll never be promoted to department head :eyes:

[Obamarama]

8. SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE, WOULD YA??

I work in the same cubicle hell as two co-workers who endlessly replay their pathetic personal lives to one another, at 80 decibels, every day, all day. Then they bitch because they have more work than they can possible do in a day.

[flvegan]

12. We must work at the same place!

Sadly, that's a problem in lots of places, I betcha. I have a whole team of folks one cube farm over that spend an hour each morning discussing what to get for lunch, the next hour debating who'll go and who'll collect the morning, then, someone (or two) leave for an hour to pick it up, then spend an hour eating. When done, they bitch about how fat they are, and how behind they are in their work.

[davsand]

9. Your WHAT hurts????

I just can't bring myself to say it--yet--but man, it is coming!! I'd love to just one time look at a secretary bitching about some perceived slight and SCREAM as loudly as possible:

"YOUR WHAT HURTS???"

I must be more infantile than I want to admit.


Laura

[BuelahWitch]

11. One I saw posted years ago at a former job

"I only work here because I'm too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too damn tired to have an affair."

[Racenut20]

13. "Tell me one damned reason why you CAN do it"

used to have that on my wall behind my desk.

And as my VP used to say. "Don't put sh*t on my desk without a shovel".

[Southpaw Bookworm]

14. Don't get me started

. . . you're college students, not fucking third-graders, now stop giggling over the medical encyclopedia.

. . . Just stop giggling period.

. . . Do. Not. Give me shit when I remind you that computers in the library are for research, not for playing e-pool or reading blogs.

. . . If you don't like it that you can't upload files from disks to open them and work in a word-processing application that we so altruisticly provide despite the problems it causes, buy a fucking computer. Or, novel idea, do your homework earlier than 10 minutes before it's due. Also, maybe you should have a talk with your fellow students who so kindly deliberately downloaded viruses and trokans, thus making these security measures necessary.

. . . No, I'm not asking you to tone down your conversation because I don't like people of your hue, I'm telling you that because this is a research library in an academic institution, and some people are trying to do weird things like research and studying that usually require quiet and concentration.