I just finished my first week of nursing school! ASK ME ANYTHING...

[Heddi]

This week we learned about theraputic communication techniques. Ask me anything so I can respond as a good nurse would :)

[4MoreYearsOfHell]

1. what is the airspeed velocity

of a fully-laden swallow?

[Heddi]

4. Good Nursing Response

I see you're confused about the airspeed velocity of an fully-laden swallow. Let's talk about that for a bit. Are you having confusion over European vs. African swallows?

[Beer Snob-50]

2. I took viagra five hours ago

and have had an erection for four of them. what od i do?

[Heddi]

10. You're concerned about your erection...

let's talk about that...

[Beer Snob-50]

16. I have had it for four hours!!!

The instructions say to seek medical attention. It is really quite large.

[Heddi]

18. Proper Nursing Response

Four Hours? Let's talk about that

Improper Nursing Response:

Mind if I take pictures?

[Beer Snob-50]

21. in jfetoe's fantasy world....."sure, but can i have a sponge bath first"

:evilgrin:

[4morewars]

3. What's this thing on my thigh ?

[Heddi]

6. Proper Nursing Reponse

I see you're troubled by the thing on your thigh.

:-)

IMPROPER NURSING RESPONSE:

Oh dear Jesus get that fucking thing away from me.

[4morewars]

15. That second response....

Tends to scare the patient !

PS: Shouldn't you be doing your homework ?

[Heddi]

22. Yes, the second response is bad

we saw some korny films yesterday---totally 1990 bad video technique with hammy actors that were in no way realistic---about what to say and what not to say to patients.

It was HILLARIOUS.

We had an exercise in class yesterday where we had to come up with improper things to say to patients, and one of the scenarios was about a woman with breast cancer and my "improper" response was to call the woman "lumpy" ha ha. It's not funny, I know, but it was the most improper thing I could think of.

And I AM doing my homework. this weekend we have to practice reflection, paraphraising, validation, etc---effective communication techniques. :)

[4morewars]

37. Ahhhhhhh

So we are helping you with your homework ? I could imagine the corny factor of the movie, kinda like the filmstrips we had in high school !

PS: You're Monty Python proficiency was duly noted !

[physioex]

28. No...No...

IMPROPER NURSING RESPONSE:

Hold on, let me get my magnifying glass and tweezers....

[liberalnurse]

5. What level of nursing?

LPN, RN,AD or BSN?

[Heddi]

9. I'm in an RN program now

and right before I graduate, my husband is going to start the RN program as well, which will take another 2 years. During that 2 years, I'm going to go to a local college out here and complete my BSN so in about 4 years I'll have both RN/BSN :)

Sure is alot of stuff I gotta look forward to in the next 2 years. IN a few weeks I start my *first* clinical assignment at a nursing home. I was told to expect alot of butt wiping these first 2 quarters....

[liberalnurse]

19. Great....the BSN is where the jobs are going.....

The first 2 years, will be a complete sacrifice of your time, and hard.....but it is worth it. I suggest setting up a peer study group.

The BSN program, the next 2 years is the fun part.

Have you completed nurse aid training yet? Thats a lot of butt whip...in Ohio it is a pre-requesite.....

[Heddi]

23. No, no nurse aid training

We're not required to do that. THe program out here is designed for people who have no experience in the health care field at all. Of course, a good 80% of the people in my class have worked as CNA's or something of that nature, but they start you off on page one and assume that you have no knowledge of ANYTHING and just work you through for the next 2 years.

I have phlebotomy experience and worked in breast/ov cancer research for the past 6+ months, but nothing involving hineys :)

Of course, I had to take a year of prereq's (Bio, Chem, Anatomy, Phys, Micro, etc), and those were HARD classes. I'm glad I finally get to start putting the past year+ of classes to the test and get on with it!

I'm very excited. I have to go out and buy my stethescope this weekend. eee!!! :)

[liberalnurse]

Good luck......

I'm always excited when folks enter nursing. I suggest you join the State Nursing Association. If you like politics....you can get lots of on-hands experience with your state legislation. I'm our district legislative liaison......essentially, it is the state level of the American Nursing Association. A very powerful lobby! Senator Harkins is our champion at the Federal level.

[Bronco69]

7. Does this look infected to you?

n/t

[Heddi]

12. IMPROPER nursing response

Fuck yes that looks infected. What the fuck did you do? Go to Infectionville and swim in the infection River? Jesus God almighty get out of my face with that stinky fucking gangrene thing. Good god.

[tsakshaug]

8. may i have a sponge bath?

[Heddi]

13. No. It indicates on your chart

that you're known for purposefully shitting when get to your tender areas. I shall not be subjected to that, thankyouverymuch.

PS...the night shift nurses have been substituting your vallium with OTC cold medicine. Just so you know.

[tsakshaug]

20. That's Right

or similar to what my wife the RN/BSN would say

[Phillycat]

11. "Why does it spurt when I take off the gauze?"

[Heddi]

14. I see you're troubled by your spurting

Perhaps we should talk more about that. In the mean time, can you put the gauze back on......it's spurting in my eyes, and I can't see you to make meaningful, yet non-threatning eye contact with you.

[BurtWorm]

17. "Nurse! Nurse! My remote fell into my bedpan!"

I spent a week in the hospital in August--totally unexpectedly. I have profound respect for nurses after that. What a job!

I salute you!

:toast:

[4MoreYearsOfHell]

24. can we talk about

swallows again?

[Heddi]

33. No. You're becoming bothersome

Now be quiet or else you get the cold-water enema!!! I'm going out on a smoke break before I go work on the cancer ward. Wanna join?

[4MoreYearsOfHell]

35. OMG - the cold-water enema!!!

Followed by a spanking?

[kcwayne]

25. Let me give you a real life tough one

My elderly father is suffering from dementia, and most likely has Alzheimers. In the last 4 months he has been picked up in his RV or car by the police 4 times and hospitalized because he was hallucinating and had no idea where he was. In the latest incident he was picked up about 300 miles from his home, in another he was 500 miles off course and had lost his car that he was towing behind his RV.

The doctor told him he should not drive under any circumstances, and that he should get into assisted living. We can't get his license jerked, because he doesn't have one.

He called a friend in Arizona to come rescue him (he lives in Illinois) because his kids and the doctors are trying to lock him up and take away his freedom, and he won't have it.

How does one theraputically convince a disabled parent that they need to accept the fact that they are no longer able to be self sufficient and should give up the vehicles and get living assistence?

Without getting shot, that is.

[4MoreYearsOfHell]

26. Threaten him with a coconut?

[kcwayne]

29. Wouldn't work, he is the knight that gets all arms and legs severed

and says he can still fight because its only a scratch.

[Heddi]

30. Whoah!!! THat's a toughie

Since he doesn't have a license, you can't have that revoked.

Is there any way you can "hide" the keys to his RV or car?

I don't know how he lives--whether on his own, in an assisted living facility, but if he's not in some kind of space where he can be watched, I think he should be.

The wandering off part is what bothers me. I read so many things about elderly people who just walk out the front door and aren't seen again for weeks---either someone finds them wandering, or unfortuntaely they die from exposure (mainly in the winter time). That puts him in the category (in my one-week experience, that is) of ability to cause harm to himself. THe fact that he drives, without a license, and with dementia, puts him at risk of hurting others.

Talk to his doctor about what options you have. He may not want to go to assisted living, but it's for the best interest of HIM as well as those who are around him, either on the road or otherwise.

My family had to put my great-grandmother in a care facility shortly before she died for the same reasons--dementia & alzheimers. she didn't like it but my god, we couldn't let her stay at home. She was eating rancid food, had the ability to just wander around the neighborhood, etc. That's not safe for her and as much as she hated being in the facility, believe it or not, with dementia and alzheimers after a few days I don't think she knew that she wasn't at home.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I imagine it's very difficult. I think that the fact is that you're NOT going to be able to convince your father that he needs living assistance. I think you're just going to have to do it, for his safety and your sanity.

Good luck!

[kcwayne]

39. Thanks for the input

My sister is working with a lawyer to determine what should be done, because it is clear he won't go willingly. Once we do something drastic like get him declared legally incompetent, he will think of us as the enemy, at least as long as he is still sentient, which may only last a couple of years....

Getting old is hell.

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

27. "The other nurses are organizing a union. Want to join?"

:D

My mom was an RN and she would respond to our anxiety over nonlethal boo-boos with, "Oh dear. Looks like you've got the creeping crud. We'll miss you, honey." We never thought that was proper, but it shut us up.

[Heddi]

31. Of course its proper----for your own kids

My great grandmother was a nurse and she was the best for fixing up boo-boo's because she'd bring out the gauze and surgical siscors and make a big production out of it like she was assisting in a surgery. Of course, I only had a scraped knee, but it was fun as a kid :)

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

36. Oh I agree

She was just trying to keep us from turning into little hypochondriacs. When we were really sick we got her full attention. And we got to take notes to school that said we had been absent because of upper respiratory infections, which sounded so much sicker than colds. :)

[HEyHEY]

32. Have you gotten to genital rashes yet

I'm just curious for NO particular reason...

[Heddi]

34. It sounds like you're troubled

about your genital rashes. Let's talk about it. But first, would you mind covering your chair with plastic wrap? You know---the whole "Safer than sorry" thing....

[4morewars]

38. Gold Bond Medicated powder

is all you need to know.