Am I a bad doggie mommy?

[fugue]

I've tried not to do things disrespectful my cocker spaniel's dignity as a being. He has only been taught practical commands (e.g., sit) and not "tricks." I try to compromise on everything but housetraining. For instance, he insisted that sleeping had to be a communal activity and wouldn't use the dog bed I put next to mine. My bed wasn't big enough for both of us, so I bought a bigger bed.

Because I can't take him out to socialize as much as he likes (he's very social, even as dogs go, and I am very not social), I've enrolled him in a program that takes animals into retirement homes, special ed classes, etc., in the company of students from the local university. He loves it. He is very fond of his three handlers and very much enjoys his trips out. (He in fact has made it clear he wants them to be an everyday occurance. Sigh.)

Halloween is coming, and one of his trips will be during a retirement home's Halloween party. I was asked to put him in a costume for the event. Generally I wouldn't do this kind of thing--my idea of a "Halloween costume" in past years has been the bandana my sister bought for him that has cartoon bats on it. He does have a raincoat that he wears when it is raining, but that's because it takes so long for him to dry out. (He won't let me use a hair dryer on him, and he sits and looks woeful for six hours until he is entirely dry.) But apparently it's a big deal at the retirement home, and they felt strongly about the costume thing, and it is a bunch of sad people who have been more or less abandoned by our society.

So tonight I bought him a doggie tux. He'll be going as a Secret Agent Dog. (The outfit comes with a top hat, but I am not willing to go that far.)

And I'm feeling terribly guilty about it. My poor baby. Public humiliation at the hands of his very own human. That he won't understand it makes it seem worse: doing it because I can, you know. But I'm told it really perks up the residents, and they've got so very little to perk them up.

Sigh. . . .

[Cerridwen]

1. Okay, here goes, from someone who won't put either of

her "babies" in costumes for much the same reason.

Sit and have a talk with him and explain to him how much it will mean to the people he'll be visiting. How much it will entertain them and raise their spirits.

I wouldn't be surprised if he wore his costume proudly.

I haven't bought a bigger bed for us, but I have rid myself of a boyfriend or two if my dogs don't approve.

And non-animal folks will think we're both insane.

:hi:

[havocmom]

2. Hey, he may like dressing up.

After the movie Titanic came out, my brother and his Pomeranian got a lot of attention. The wee dog looked just like the one in the movie. As a joke, I got him a top hat (craft store supplies for doll making) and presented it to him. Told my bro that the mutt was probably gonna get a lot of invitations to swank parties and gala openings.

Joke was on me. The dog loved that hat. And my sister's dog got his nose outta joint because I failed to get him a hat too. He let me know, in no uncertain terms, that he was hurt about being hatless.

Went back to the craft store to no avail. A bear dog has a much bigger head than a Pom.

[Nite Owl]

3. When my boys were little

they dressed up our dog and took him trick or treating with them. He was a football player. He loved it. He was out seeing all the kids and felt a part of everything. As they got older and didn't want to take him they had to do it every year thereafter. He has since passed, he was such a ham. Loved be the center of attention.

[havocmom]

4. If the dog really hates wearing the costume,

tell the residents he is really a 42 year old midget and the spaniel suit is his costume.

But he might surprise you. I have known many critters who will do much for a laugh. Had a cat who pestered a birthday party when my daughter turned 8. The girls finally resorted to putting a party hat on his head, figuring that would send him off in a huff. He loved it. He loved it so much, that every single morning for two friggin weeks, he would spend time ramming his head at the hat, trying to put it on. He would ye-owl until one of us put it on and put the chin strap on him so it would stay on for a couple hours. I kid you not!

My sister's dog, the hatless one, likes walking around with a cigar butt in his mouth. Go figure :shrug:

[dflprincess]

5. I don't like costumes for animals either

and your dog may not be happy when you put him in it - even if you explain why you're doing it. BUT he may get so much attention when he gets to the retirement home and told how handsome he is that I imagine he'll decide he looks pretty snazzy and forgive you.

[RebelYell]

6. My cocker's Halloween costume

He's a cross dresser and loves the attention

[Momma Mia]

8. Rebel Yell ...

You are funny!

"A cross dresser."

Ha! Ha!

[jukes]

7. my doggies

like dressup. makes them feel special.

[fugue]

9. Oh, you all make me feel so much BETTER!

The little guy loves to be the center of attention, of course (is there a dog that doesn't?). Even with an explanation, he probably will hate me until he gets to the retirement home and gets fussed over. And then I may have trouble getting the tux off him!

I hadn't thought that there might be something to make him like it, but the extra attention and approval will probably do it. I know he didn't want to go on the trips at all at first. "Leave MOMMY?!" He cried so much as the handler tried to get him into the car the first time that all my neighbors came out to see what was wrong. One of them had thought he had gotten hit by a car. The second time, he glanced over his shoulder to see if I was coming and then trotted off happily with his handler.

Thanks again!

P.S. Love the cocker in the tutu. Unfortunately my dog has masculinity issues. He likes to play with very large dogs and wrestle and growl another otherwise try to (as my sister puts it) "convince us all that he is not a cute curly little girlie dog." So x-dressing didn't seem like something he'd care for.

[UTUSN]

10. I Had Two Cockers, the Best, and Dislike "Game/Dressing"

(Preaching here: ) Dogs are just dogs and the games are OUR games, not theirs.

Cockers are SO smart and SO loving. I'm on my last dog (not a Cocker) and if I EVER would have another dog, a 15-20 yr commitment, it would be a Cocker.

So.

It's probably woeful with you because you're putting all these trips on it. It just wants to love you and play with you. & care and be-cared.

[fugue]

12. Well, he does love the trips

I'm sure he'd like them more if I went along but I can't do that. (I've got Asperger's syndrome, so I actually need to not socialize.)

He does need to get out more than I can. I tried for two years to get out as much as he needed, and it made me suicidal. After I gave up and we stayed in together, he got depressed and then he started having nightmares. Bad ones. The first time I thought he had hurt himself, but he was lying there completely out, howling as if in pain. Once when I woke him, he turned on me with his lips drawn back, growling, clearly not realizing it was me. "Sweetie, it's Mommy!" I gasped. Whether his nose or his ears informed him first, I don't know, but he was instantly my sweet boy again.

The nightmares disappeared shortly after he started the program. About the same time, another woman in the program (a retired teacher) started taking him to a local park, where he can play at least with her dog and usually with a whole bunch of dogs.

Except for his trips to socialize and my infrequent errands, we're together. I telecommute, and he's with me all day every day. At least every evening (sometimes more often) we have a rousing game of "KILL THE CHICKEN!" (Not a real chicken, of course.)

Trust me, if the trips out were making him less happy, I wouldn't do them. As I told the program, yes, I'm glad they're grateful to have him, but as far as I'm concerned, this is not altruism on my part: it's a needed social outlet for my dog. The program is very concerned not to overstress him, so all his handlers have been briefed on (and one has experience with) signs of stress in dogs. I've watched for any hesitation to go with his handlers, but last week he nearly dragged me down the stairs to get to them.

Cockers are the best, aren't they? Even at the times we've been struggling to find a way that worked for both of us, I've been glad to have him, although I have wondered if I was doing the right thing by him in keeping him and not giving him to someone who would keep him in a more social environment. I kept him mostly because I know that I am in a position to put him first; in another home someone might have to choose between their human child and him, and he'd undoubtedly lose out. No doubt but he's good for me.

Don't worry: if he really hates the costume, I won't make him wear it. I'll give it a trial run by taking him to our local UPS Store--they're dog friendly and whenever I have something to photocopy or mail, I take him along. If he hates it after everyone there has cooed over him, then I'll just tell his handler it made him miserable and put on his bat bandana instead.

[UTUSN]

13. The Costumes Ain't the Issue, and I'm Sorry for Being Insensitive

about whatever your own (human) situation is. The problem is that Cockers are the MAX in SOCIALBILITY. So, Dear, if it's not a match... (I can't say it)

My first Cocker was a Xmas present from my parents when I was five years old. She lived for 13 years (and I don't have the time/space to describe what a blessing she was, here).

My second was when I was 25 years old. I bought him out of a newspaper ad and he stayed with my old parents while I was out making a living/surviving.

He loved me more than anything. He was always in our back yard.

Little did I know that Cockers are WATER dogs. One day I took him to a park that had a water thing in it. He LOVED to fetch a tennis ball. I threw it, many times. Then it BOUNCED off a rock and "landed" in the WATER. Hotspur-----------BOUNDED without ANY hesitation into the water. Well, I didn't know...

[fugue]

18. About it being a match . . .

I'm not a "right dog for you" person. I'm a "right relationship for both your dog and you" person.

I'll never forget the night I got him. His previous family, who were moving somewhere that they couldn't have him, dropped him off around 7pm.

He cried all night, finally collapsing in exhaustion around 4am. Nothing I could do helped at all.

I knew then the burden was on me to make it work. I have come close to giving him to other, more social people a couple of times, folks who I knew would be good to him. In the end, though, it's my responsibility. I'm the one with the big brain. I have to find some way for him to be him and me to be me, and both of us to be together.

He's enjoying the visits to the retirement homes. He cries with glee whenever he sees his handlers, and he was upset on leaving with them only the first time, before he knew that he'd have a great time and that he was coming back. Now he bounces into their cars with great eagerness. He in fact has been something of a problem on days without visits (pulling me to open cars and trying to get in them): he wants to go on another one and doesn't understand that I can't make them to order.

I think we're working it out. As I said, his nightmares are gone. I am not having hysterical crying fits. We're together more than most dog-human couples. Doesn't that mean that I've found a way for him to be the right dog for me and for me to be the right human for him?

[Lorien]

11. Oh, come on!

Dogs are happiest when people are paying attention to them. Costumes bring them more attention, thus more happiness (unless the costume is difficult to function in. Animals don't like to feel bound up in any way).

Teaching a dog to do "tricks" doesn't make them feel undignified, either. It's how the trick is taught that's important. I think you would agree that cats are more concerned with their own dignity than most dogs are. My Maine coon cat was clicker trained, and he LOVED the process! (I feel guilty that I haven't the time to teach him new tricks, in fact). I taught him "come", Jump up", "get down", "Sit" and "High five". "High five" sounds highly impractical, but it's a valuable trick for us both; instead of meowing at me when he's hungry, he simply raises one paw for a high five (he meows when he wants play time instead). Clicker training is a great "game" to almost any pet; it provides practical and impractical behaviors for both of you, and valuable mental exercise for your pet. Check it out: www.clickertraining.com

[GRLMGC]

14. You wanna hear something awful?

I go to class one day and come back to see my dog (I guess I share him w/ three other girls) gone! They lent him to some girl who hasn't brought him back. I'm pretty mad but they don't want him back. I think this is really really horrible. You are not a bad mommy!

[UTUSN]

15. They DON'T WANT HIM BACK---------?????

Grab him and the two of you MOVE OUT!!!!!

[GRLMGC]

16. I wish it were that simple

I don't know where he is and I have a lease. Also, I'd rather give him to someone who can really take care of him. I know this apt isn't good for him and he deserves better but I also don't like the fact that he's with some random person. How do you lend out a dog?

[fugue]

17. Yeah, I've scoped out the folks I let my dog go with

even for a short time.

For instance, there was (until very recently) a family down the street with four dogs. I watched them with the dogs for quite some time before I left my dog alone with them. The visitation program he's in requires that the handlers spend five hours with me and the dog before he goes on the program. That was very rough (all those hours in two weeks between the students getting back for fall and the screenings for the program) but I did it for my sweet boy.

My heart goes out to you. I know how I'd feel if anyone took my dog away.

I'd find a subletter and get out of there, with the dog or not. Obviously these people cannot be trusted when your back is turned.

[Magrittes Pipe]

19. No, you are a good doggie.

But don't call me "mommy."



Come on, you walked right into that one. ;)

[ProfessorGAC]

20. That's Not Being A Bad Mommy

I don't even get the "no tricks" thing. Dogs are eager to please, and every dog i've ever had enjoys the interaction of the "tricks".

My dog gets so hyped up when we do some of our play tricks that he tries to think ahead of what i'm going to ask him to do. It's obvious that he's happy and enjoying himself.

Dogs crave attention. Ask any vet. Involving your dog in any of your activities is not exploiting him.

Quit worrying about that, and just love your doggie. He/she will love you back.
The Professor

[DemWitch]

21. I bought Kyra

a 3 inch wide solid rhinestone collar a few years back. It's her "dress collar". She knows when she has that put on she's going somewhere special. At first I thought it was my imagination, but she really does strut around like she's Queen Shit when she has it on.

I tried Reindeer Antlers one year for Christmas... didn't fly... were on for all of three seconds and then she ate them.