My mom's mad at me because I'm in marching band...

[AlFrankenFan]

She keeps on saying it "fucks up" her life (and I know it definitely requires a lot of my time and hers when it comes to driving me and picking me up) and it pisses her off, and I hear her talking on the phone to her stupid friend about how I'm being a jackass because I have a sectional on Tuesday and I don't know if it's mandatory nor do I know the section leaders phone number (who honestly does?)...I don't know why I'm posting this but know one listens to me and it just makes me feel bad...and I don't know why.

[liontamer]

1. maybe you can work out some kind of carpool with other band members

If I hadn't done marching band in high school my parents probably wouldn't have let me have a car... the hours are insane, even more so for them

[AlFrankenFan]

3. The only weird irony of it is is that I don't know anyone well enough

for my mom to allow me to ride in their parents cars :eyes:

[liontamer]

8. Is this your first year in band

if so, give her time

[Misunderestimator]

2. That's really awful... Don't let it discourage you.

That would make me feel bad too. Do whatever you can to stay devoted to it. Here's hoping that she comes around and understands the importance of it.

[NC_Nurse]

4. You're mom is stressed out and

taking it out on you. Try not to take it personally. My mom was that way (I had a disabled sibling too) and she really regrets it now.
Hang in there! I think it's great you're in marching band!

[AlFrankenFan]

9. A lot of it is because of that

I have to remind myself that...though it's hard sometimes to completely believe it, if you know what I mean. It's just human nature to take it personally I suppose.

[NC_Nurse]

18. I know, I did...

it's hard not to feel guilty when your parent is stressed and your sibling is struggling. It's okay for you to want to have a normal childhood. There is NOTHING wrong with it. That doesn't mean you are selfish or you don't care.

If you ever need some support from someone who's been there, feel free to PM me. :hug:

[richmwill]

5. Sorry to hear about that

My father was almost the same way. My sister and I weren't even allowed to join any clubs or after-school organizations because it would be a "pain" for him to have to come pick us up. So, just letting you know that I can sympathize with you. Stay strong.

[MichiganVote]

6. Awwww...my kids have been in band for years. Good for you.

Now get on the phone and hook up a ride with some other band members or talk to your teacher about getting help with a ride to and from practice. Its no fun to feel picked on esp. by a parent but, this is one thing you can change to suit you.

P.S. Your mothers language is wrong. Don't adopt it as your own.

[Sequoia]

7. I'm sorry she feels that way

maybe you should say, "Great mom, I'm sorry I was born and taking away your quality time with your loser friends. Maybe I'll join the army and get out of your hair. Oh, and by the way, if I get killed for protecting your American lifestyle, don't bother with taps at my funeral, too much trouble ya know."

[meti57b]

10. hey, hang in there!

I was in marching band in high school and it was so much fun! You don't usually get chances to do something like that in your adult life, so do it now.

When I was in college, they wouldn't let young women in the marching band. Maybe it was .... way y y too strenuous or maybe they wanted to have a macho image? who knows.

Hand in there!!! Marching band is a great experience!

[YellowRubberDuckie]

11. What is wrong with your mother?

She should be bragging that her daughter has her head on straight, isn't doing drugs, and is very smart. Instead she's bitching about having to run you around? Yeah, her priorities are fucked up. If you want me to make a late night phone call to her, I'd be happy to do it. I really don't understand parents sometimes. Mine used to bitch about taking me to church on Sunday mornings. Instead of being happy I wasn't on probation for underaged drinking and running away like my sister, they were bitching about taking me to church, or having to pay for basketball. Made no sense at all.
Duckie

[AlFrankenFan]

12. That's an excellent point

Believe me, if I could drive, I would, but I've got to wait about a year and a half. I mean, at least I'm not smoking pot and failing every class - given our situatation I could very well be doing just that.

[JVS]

16. Smoking pot and failing class puts no demands on your mother's time

[JVS]

13. Learn to drive

[AlFrankenFan]

15. I'm 14 - I've got a year and a half or so to go n/t

[medeak]

14. You sound terrific!

Your Mom loves you am certain..perhaps she has some personal problems..believe parents do the best they can do with the limitations they have.

Is there someone you can talk to? Band teacher? any teachers or school counselor (good to cultivate those folk for college recommends)

At any rate... these things don't last forever...please know life gets better. You are obviously a smart and talented young lady...mother and daughter dynamics are mysterious..but not fatal.

hang in there and keep us posted! big celebration coming Nov. 2nd!

[AlFrankenFan]

20. Yeah, things are kinda gettin' to her

My stupid step-father is away in Ohio for a contracting thing...AGAIN and my sister is disabled...but sometimes I wonder why she lashes out at my brother and I when we both deal with pretty much the same things but we don't scream about it...

[medeak]

27. you have excellent positive coping skills...

expressing your feelings here..and how articulate you are. Do you keep a journal? If not you should...definitely have writing talent.

just remember to tell yourself how wonderful, whole, and good you are..it's very evident.

[AlFrankenFan]

28. "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonit, people like me!"

I should keep a journal. I generally write down stuff on my Xanga, but a written record would probably be a lot better. I used to, but my good for nothing dad took it away from me (twice) thinking I was conspiring against him (:wtf:)...which took away my one way of coping with going to visit him.

[medeak]

44. allright....

SNAP OUT OF IT!!!! We've all had really ridiculously hideous childhoods... and recovered and became terrific human beings....you will too darling. Stay positive and do the things that make you feel good about yourself..

I can tell you will persevere.

[Nikia]

17. My mother was like that too

I know that parents are under stress a lot of the time, but some are really selfish and always see their children as an inconvience. I had to have my guidance counselor talk to my mother for me about letting me stay in track. She was angry at me, but picked me up everyday. When I got really good and people started saying good things about me to her, it was no longer a problem to pick me up from track.

[Maddy McCall]

19. Aw, your mom should be proud to have a daughter like you!

Aware of the world around her. Participating to make a difference. Involved in extra-curricular activities.

Does your mom always speak to you like this? Well, just know that we DU parents are proud of you, and those of us with young kids would be proud if they turn out to be as good a kid as you are.

:hug:

[sbj405]

21. Sorry about your mom. How'd your competition go on Sat? n/t

[AlFrankenFan]

24. Funny story kinda. We got 5th in something and 2nd in something

This "organization" or whatever "SCSBOA" is different than the ones we usually do, the WBA ones. Appparently this one has a stupid rule that staff members can't help with technical stuff. A staff guy had to untangle a cord and plug it in, and apparently it pissed the judges off, so they deducted 5 points from every score. We would've been first, a close third, and fifth in some things (it was very hard to hear what the announcer said). Our band teacher though it was kinda funny and typical of SCSBOA. But when we go to the WBA comps, they aren't picky like that. We only did this one cause it was closer.

Overall, the whole experience was a lot better than I thought it would be. It rained for about a half an hour during practice, and the bus rides and watching the other bands were quite fun. I'm sure we could've done better (I guess our overall tone quality was bad because for a lot of people, like me, it was their very first comp and we were understandablly nervous), but we have another comp in two weeks to prove ourselves!

I can't wait for the WBA final thing in November. It'll be my first time in Northern California!

[Spinzonner]

22. Do you let her know how much you appreciate it ?

Often parents feel taken for granted and even exploited, in addition to all the stress that others have mentioned.

Do you try and do things - including your general responsibilities - to reduce the demands on her ?

And the more you are prepared for the band events, including getting information well ahead of time and letting her know and getting the names and phone numbers of people you should know and communicate with, the easier it will be for her to support your activities.

[AlFrankenFan]

26. I should more often. Thank you! n/t

[Richardo]

23. Nice talk, Mom.

Hey, I was in marching band in high school and it rocked! (Well, not literally, but you know what I mean.)

Good for you, stay with it if you can, and I'm sorry your Mom seems so selfish. There's a million other things you could be doing that would get you in trouble and you're trying to do the right thing.

If you lived in Houston, I'd give you a ride to practice! ;-)

Hang in there... :thumbsup:

[JohnKleeb]

25. Sucks did you get my PM?

Hell that would be like my dad giving me shit for having to take me to democrats events. Good for you, I was too stupid to join the band.

[JohnKleeb]

29. well thanks for giving me the go-ahead on the copycat

You really do have my sympathy though.

[AlFrankenFan]

30. no prob :)

n/t

[JohnKleeb]

31. I should use my gypsy power for better use

ahh well, maybe I could use my flower power against bush.

[AlFrankenFan]

32. LOL! n/t

[JohnKleeb]

33. now where would I get flower power

\

[tnlefty]

34. Everyone wants to be heard. Perhaps you feel that she isn't listening and

you are frustrated because it feels like she doesn't respect you or what's important to you in regards to your "no one listens to me and it just makes me feel bad".

I'm a band mom and my oldest is also a member of the youth philharmonic with the symphony in town. It does get hectic at times as well as expensive. Perhaps if you have your schedule in advance it would help. I know that it helps me a lot so that I know in advance when we may have to eat on the run, when I need to have dinner ready at home, when we have to have everything together to walk out the door, etc. I'm sure if your Dad isn't available to help out it is putting more demands on your Mom. Perhaps it would be helpful to ask your band director for phone numbers of booster parents or some parents in your section so that your Mom can contact them about any last minute schedule changes, or to work out carpooling.

It does get hectic at times, but marching season doesn't last that long and usually the hectic place slows down a little bit. Try to work on solutions with your Mom and hang it there!!!

I think that music and also marching is good for my son. The 6th grader who just started this year can't wait until it's his turn to march, and to audition for clinics, etc.

[miss_kitty]

35. It's good for you to do band

I am sorry your mom is cranky about it. I know from reading your previous posts that your mom has a lot of pressure. It is not nice of her to talk that way. She loves you though. It's hard to feel it sometimes. And of course it makes you feel bad. That is only normal. You want your mom to say she's proud of you and not be cranky. THAT'S why you feel bad.

My mom had a few years of hard times when I was your age and older. It doesn't help that you are changing a lot at this same time.

I am glad you have someplace to come when this happens. I hope it gets better soon for your entire family. We listen to you here, sweetie. And take help from people here who offer it-I noticed NC Nurse invited you to PM her if you needed, and while you don't know me very well, I offer you that option, should you feel like it.

Chin up. After you get through this, you'll be able to get through anything.

[AngryAmish]

36. You are in marching band -

So why don't you march to the sectional?

And why does your mom swear around you? Ask her to stop.

[SarahB]

37. Sounds like my mom.

I rarely was able to do any activities as a kid because it was always inconveniencing her (granted, my dad was never much help either) and it majorly sucked. It didn't change either (I'm sorry to say in my case) as she's still whiney and is still critical and unhelpful as a grandma. Just realize in your gut that you are more than she says you are and find some way to sustain that. Surround yourself with as many positive people as you can who don't bring you down. :)

We love you, Sweetie. :loveya:

[2bfree]

38. Bless your heart..............

14 was a rough time for me as well, just know that things do get better. Sorry your Mom is being a bitch. Talk to your section leader and see if they have any ideas on who could pick you up, suck up a little if need be. Good luck.

[PatriotGames]

39. I was in marching band. It was pretty cool...

Tell your mom you are just going to out and smoke some weed instead. She'll love that. At least it won't take up much of her time.

[curse10]

40. Been there dude

before I got a car it was hell getting to band practice- especially if it was during the day. My dad worked and my mom doesn't drive. My solution: befriend the section leader or drum major. When I was section leader and drum major I carted dozens of freshmen around in my VW.

[liontamer]

41. out of curiosity

what do you play? and is your mom this annoyed by concert band season too?

[JimmyJazz]

42. aw sweetie. I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through.

Unfortunately, parents are incredibly flawed people. I'm sorry that she has let you down. I understand that feeling all too well. I wish I had some sage advice to give you or a way to make you feel better about this, but I don't. I can give you a hug and tell you that I agree with you that your situation sucks.

Consider yourself :hug: ed and if you need anything, please post again or give one of us a pm.

[Mr Bojangles]

43. Marching band

Was the best 8 years of my life. High School was fun, but when I got to college, it got a *MILLION* times better.

Hang in there, kiddo. I've got a million stories. PM me if you'd like to hear an old man ramble =P