I lost a patient tonight. Kinda bummed.

[maveric]

I'm a nurse in the sub acute/hospice section of a convalscent hospital. Some of my patients are on ventilators, G-tubes and other life sustaining equipment, while others are there for rehab after accidents or serious illnesses.
One of my patients name was Doug. Doug had throat cancer, grade 4. Really bad. His throat and upper chest was rotting from the inside out and I was responsible for his care for the past 9 months.
Doug never spoke a word to me because his couldnt. The cancer took his voice box and he was heavily medicated with morphine. I spoke to Doug often and got to know the man through his wonderful family who would stay with him in his room every day for 12-18 hrs a day. I knew his wife, five grown children and 6 grandkids. They were a great support system for him and we all got to be good friends.
Tonight I had to change the medipore tape on Dougs throat and upper chest area. The tape would keep infection from spreading and hold back the bleeding and secretions. He looked as he normally did as I spoke to him and made eye contact. He was basically the way he had been since he came to our facility. Twenty minutes after I change his dressings I had to test his glucose. I went into his room and noticed that Dougs breathing was labored so i put the pulse-oximeter on him to check his O2 saturation. The reading was low and then Doug took in a big breath, it was his last one. At 8:47 PM PST Doug left this world.
I had to do a post mortem and clean him up for his family who were notified and on their way to the hospital. Then the family showed up and I broke down. I've experienced death before but this one really hit me.
Twelve family members came in and it was a very sad scene. I will miss Doug and his family greatly.

I love nursing but this is the part that I really hate.

Sorry to be a bummer but I needed to express this to somebody.
RIP Doug.

[JohnKleeb]

1. Sorry that must had been tough

[DemBones DemBones]

2. You do difficult work that is rarely celebrated but should be. It

has to be difficult to lose patients, especially when you have gotten to know them and/or their families well, as with Doug. I'd say it's a good sign that you can still break down when death is not unfamiliar to you.

I know how much we (DH and I) appreciated the hospice nurses and other workers who cared for our mothers in their last days (cancer and ALS) and I salute you all.

[Pastiche423]

3. Doug is out of pain now

Remember that. But most importantly, remember for the last nine months of his life, you were there to take care of him. From the sound of your post, you did that in a loving way.

Bless you.

Safe journey, Doug.

[maveric]

4. I know, his passing was a blessing in a way.

He was in a lot of pain.
What was unusual about tonight was the fact that his family went to another family members birthday party and for the first time didnt come to see him in the evening. His wife left a phone # to contact her in case of a change in his condition.
This was the night that he passed. Kinda makes you wonder if he wanted it that way.
The charge nurse asked me to call her to tell her of Dougs passing but I couldnt do it.
I normally dont shirk my duties but I just couldnt scrape myself together to do it tonight.
The man had throat cancer and never smoked a cigarette in his life.

[AlienGirl]

15. Family and death

A lot of people seem to wait to die when their family doesn't have to see it. I know of one instance where a woman deliberately told her damily to go get lunch together, and died while they were away--it's as if they want to spare them the pain.

You're doing very valuable work seeing people through the processes of illness, dying, and grief, and I commend you for it.

Tucker

[liberalnurse]

5. Your comfort measure were truely appreciated.

It appears that Doug trusted in you and found peace in his final days. Nursing has imeasurable gifts and experiences that are hard to explain to lay folks. I have been in your shoes many times as I've worked ICU/CCU. It is a complete profession wherein we have to find balance between becoming emeshed and finding distance from our patients. It is good that you have shared and processed your feelings. Doug will always be a part of your history now. You learn how to be strong and even better for the next patient and maybe use this experience as a nursing instructor some day.

You did good..... 08)

[grasswire]

7. ....

...I'm not a nurse, but I worked for several years in an 15-bed ICU CCU as a tech and clerk, and I learned so clearly that there are worse things than dying. The most merciful act I've ever witnessed came on a Thanksgiving afternoon, when a physician let a patient go who had been suffering on a ventilator for a long time. Sweet release, an act of grace and mercy. No more pain, no more anguish.

Nurses are, indeed, angels. Bless you.

[maveric]

8. Thank you I needed that.

I've only been a nurse for one year now after 28 years in ship repair and I seem learn more about the human condition every day. This experience may harden me a little but I hope it will never desensitize me.
Death is part of the cycle of life and sometimes it is a blessing as it was in this case.
Tonight was a bittersweet experience and with time I will learn how to handle such occurances.

[unblock]

6. i lost a 7-month old once

poor little girl had blood in both ears and was not breathing when we arrived. i'll never forget the cop running at top speed, FAST, carrying the baby, yelling, "back in the rig, get back in the rig!"

we did cpr with bvm for 20 minutes while en route to the er, where the attending promptly pronounced her. they prepare you for the idea of patients dying, but they don't give enough color to give you an idea of how it really gets to you. for me, the fact that i could literally feel the heat slipping away from her body as we did cpr was what got to me.

the other thing they don't really prepare you for is the success rates on cpr. 19 times out of 20, if you need to perform cpr the minute you arrive at the scene, the patient's not coming back. chances are they've already been gone too long. it's a different story for nurses and doctors, who often can be there moments after the patient codes.

[WindRavenX]

9. you're a good guy

The nursing world needs more people like you- people who care about who they look after.
I'm sorry tonight was so rough. Don't loose faith.

[HEyHEY]

10. Nothing makes me sadder

Than hearing stories like that. Kids should be having fun, not sitting in beds with tubes hook to them.


4 billion-a-month to keep troops in Iraq, ha.

[Lost4words]

13. I think grade4 was the severity of his cancer.

Doug had grand children. Still very sad.

[Rhiannon12866]

11. You really have me choked up and I am not a crier

You did so much for this man, and you supported his wonderful family. I find myself also identifying. I lost my dad to throat cancer. The nurses were wonderful. His favorite, and thus mine, was named Susan. She was so good to my dad, at the time, and I have run into her a few times after we, eventually, lost him. You all do so much for patients. Please know how much we appreciate it.

I adopted my cocker spaniel, Sheena, from a local animal hospital because her owner had died and the estate was willing to pay to board her for a month. She had a week left when I encountered her; my regular vet was away and I needed prescription food for my other dog. I have since learned that her former owner was one of my dad's nurses, Donna. It seems to me like kismet. She was great to my dad and I now have her dog. You do an incredibly difficut job, but it is truly appreciated by not only family, but pets. Here are my dogs: :D

[TreasonousBastard]

12. No bummer...

it gets to you after a while, and you just can't keep it all inside. Death is a natural part of life, but we just can't get used to it. And we certainly can't get used to some of its faces.

You gave me an excuse to post a poem by Dusty. Dusty was a nurse in Viet Nam who still hasn't gotten over it, and perhaps you understand better than I what she feels.

http://www.illyria.com/dustyhp.html

HELLO, DAVID

Hello David--my name is Dusty
I?m your night nurse.
I will stay with you.
l will check your vitals every 15 minutes.
I will document inevitability.
I will hang more blood and give you something for your pain.
I will stay with you and I will touch your face.

Yes, of course, I will write your mother and tell her you were brave.
I will write your mother and tell her how much you loved her.
I will write your mother and tell her to give your bratty kid sister a big kiss and hug.
What I will not tell her is that you were wasted.

I will stay with you and I will hold your hand.
I will stay with you and watch your life flow through my fingers into my soul.
I will stay with you until you stay with me.

Goodbye, David---my name is Dusty.
I'm the last person you will see.
I'm the last person you will touch.
I'm the last person who will love you.

So long, David--my name is Dusty.
David--who will give me something for my pain?

[peacefreak]

14. It takes a great deal of skill

to be a good nurse, but empathy makes you an exceptional one. Blessings to Doug & his family & to you.

[MuseRider]

16. You did a good thing.

I was an ICU nurse for a long time. We would occasionally have patients for several months. It is always more difficult when you know the family and the patient really well. The other thing that was very eerie about your story is that it could have been about my mother. She suffered from throat cancer, would not go to the Doc until it was too late. Was trached, confused and very ill for 2 1/2 years before I finally had to force her into a facility (I had 2 small children and could no longer drive back and forth to her home every few hours). I wish you had been there, it was not a good thing. I would have felt much better if you or someone like you had been there. Anyway, my point. Having been on both sides I can tell you that what you did and what you do is one of the most important services you can give to your fellow humans. You know that I am sure but keep it close for times like these. Doug will now always be an important part of your life, let him help guide you.

[Skittles]

17. think

of how worse it would have been if Doug had no family members visiting. He had many people who loved him and a caring nurse for his last months. I know he's resting in peace. :)

[brook]

18. What you do...

is immeasurable. The care and comfort you gave to Doug and to his family will never be forgotten. You will never know how many words you said, how many small gestures you made over the course of his illness gave peace to his journey.

That said, be sure to nourish yourself in ways that help balance life and death. Love, laughter,family, youngsters,gardening...whatever makes that connection for you. Be well.

[jonnyblitz]

19. very thoughtful post.

People in your profession, to me, are heroes.

take care and be well, Doug

jonny

[enough]

20. Dear Maveric

Maveric, my mother (83) has been in the ICU and CVU for the past three months, lots of ups and downs after successful heart valve surgery, on the upswing now.

What I have seen there has opened my eyes to the amazing day by day, hour by hour heroism of nurses. The combination of great skill, expertise and professionalism, with this amazing inexhaustible compassion and kindness is just awesome, in the true sense of the word.

I hope you understand how much your dedication and commitment mean to the patients and to their families. Sitting at my mother's bedside while the nurses have faithfully attended to her every need over all these months, I have been aware of being in the presence of the very best in humanity.

You do your difficult work with such patience, energy, kindness, good humor. And I think the bedrock source of it is human love.

I can sometime be almost despairing about the state of the human race and the terrible things we can do to each other. Spending this time in the hospital in the presence of these nurses reminds me every day that true, loving, humanity is a powerful force. And every day I try to take a little of their inspiration into the way I live.

Even for the families of your patients who don't make it, you will never know how much you have given them.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

21. I am so thankful for caring providers like yourself

They made the end of my father's life easier to handle. IT has to be difficult given the type of patients you work with and this is bound to happen. Thank you for having the courage and skills to do what you do.

Thankyou for caring so much too!

[brokensymmetry]

22. May I suggest

the book "Life after Life", by Moody? It isn't oriented toward religion, and it has some well documented cases of people who were revived and what they experienced between clinical death and revival. I believe it might suggest quite a happy possibility regarding Doug.

[Rhiannon12866]

23. Which Moody is this?

I just hope it's not D.L. He was the founder of my boarding school and I continue to have nightmares about that place, years later.
:scared:

[brokensymmetry]

24. Not to worry.

The full name of the author is Raymond A. Moody, Jr.

[Rhiannon12866]

25. Thank you so much!

I didn't think it was the same Moody, but needed to make sure. Just last week someone posted about my boarding school and I was transported back. I have to finally realize that I have graduated from there and I will never have to go back. I would hate to tell you how long it has been, but I still have nightmares. Thanks for the edification!:-)