I made my wife cry and I feel bad

[Nightjock]

She wants me to go to her high school reunion and I said "no way."

I think those things are so shallow and pretentious. I would never go to mine or ask her to come with me.

She says I'm selfish and high school reunions are not all about who got fat, who has the better job, ect.

I said she's naive.
She said she really wants to see people she has not seen in 20 years and I said if you really wanted to see them you would have tried to stay in touch. That made things worst!

By the way...My wife is skinnier than she was in high school and has a great job. I think that's part of the reason she wants to go but I would never say that to her face.

I'm looking for support here...(but I'm not sure I'll get it)
...am I really wrong? If you are TOTALLY honest about it?

High School reunions are Bulls***!

[CO Liberal]

1. Awww, Let Her Go

I haven't been to any of my reunions. Now that I'm in my 50s, I might consider going to the next one - even though it will be in New Jersey, and I'm in Colorado.

[Gavinicus]

6. Don't be an asshole

Go. I dragged my wife to my 20-year and had a great time. It was fun seeing these people after so long. But, frankly, I don't want to keep in touch with most of them. Those I like, I still talk to. It brings you back and puts you in touch with people who knew you when.

[Nightjock]

24. She wants ME to go and won't go without me.

[tigereye]

36. have her go alone, trust me

my husband went with me to my 25th and he was bored shitless and there was nothing much for him to do. I enjoyed talking to old cronies and neighbors and all he did the whole time was say when can we leave. We left when everyone started doing the YMCA dance. (gag) That was my little experience. No one will care who looks good and who doesn't - everyone I saw seemed to be past that or had forgotten the past.

[hunter]

51. Go. Don't be an idiot, just go.

I went to my wife's 20th. I thought it would be awful, but it was sort of fun.

[polmaven]

50. Umm...LET her go????

Excuse me? I think he said she is in her fifties....Does she need his PERMISSION to go anywhere?

[johnnie]

57. Well..not to be a smartass but..

He said she hasn't seen those people in 20 years. I would think she is about 38. Just sayin :)

[polmaven]

66. Oh, 38...well that makes a difference!

Then she DOES need permission, 'cause, after all, she just can't be trusted to decide for herself.

[johnnie]

67. Well....

I wasn't disagreeing with you on that point. I was just being a pain in the ass. Sorry :hi:

[polmaven]

75. I'm sorry if I jumped down your throat.

I just get a little touchy when I see things like "Let her go"! It wasn't you who said it. I know.

It scares me when some men seem to think they have the right to control a woman's life and tell her what she "can" and "cannot" do. I have some experience with that, and it is mainly why I live alone.

[mooky]

110. "Let" her go?

I get touchy about that stuff to. I never tell my wife what she can and cannot do, nor does she do the same to me.

We have a loving relationship built on mutual respect.

She won't let me buy a 62" LCD TV, but I think it's because she likes the money in the bank better.

[Nightjock]

64. She's 38 years old and

I could never tell her what to do. She'd kick my ass.

[ewagner]

2. Suck it up

swallow your objections

go to the reunion

smile

get drunk

This too will pass.

[veteran_for_peace]

3. Dude,

Just go! It is only one night. It is like watching Terms of Endearment, just do it.

[Selwynn]

4. Jesus, just go because its important to the person you love...

..screw all the other analysis. :)

[KurtNYC]

5. I thought similar till I went

Really not bad. Several who were successful didn't show because they weren't successful enough (in their own minds).

Puts a perspective on your life you can't get anywhere else.

You should go.

[SpiralHawk]

7. She wants to show her old friends the man she loves

and who is her family. She wants them to know that part of her and her life.

To me, it sounds like a loving request to stand up beside her and support her, and to have fun with her, and to connect in some way with who she was and who was in her circle when she was in school.

[quispquake]

8. Reunions can be pretty intense...

But at the 20th (which is the first one I ever went to), all the cliquish thing, who's fat, etc, is secondary to just seeing everybody alive. I was a real black sheep in high school, and it was good to go to mine. Most of the biggest jerks in high school were super nice people now, and genuinely happy to see me.

So, I understand where you're coming from. I had to be talked into going by an old friend, but it turned out okay...

So, I guess I'm sorry to say I probably take your wive's view here :)

[JVS]

9. Let her go and show the assholes how well she's done.

c'mon

[Worst Username Ever]

10. Eh, I'd say give in on this one

On a list of battles to choose, this probably isn't too high. It sounds like it really means a lot to her...

I would never go to mine, I have no desire to see anyone, but if my SO wanted me to go to hers, I would go, for her.

[theorist]

11. I think you should just do it. Let her show you off! n/t

[Downtown Hound]

12. Aw, why not go?

I agree with you that it's bullshit but so what? It'll make her happy, and it's just one night of you shaking hands, maybe dancing, and having some drinks. And then, she'll love you all the more for it and next time she'll have to do something you really want to do.

[Bunny]

13. Go with her. Just this once.

Find another miserable husband, and hang out with him by the bar.

FWIW, I went to my first HS reunion a couple of years ago (the 25th reunion) and I had a great time. I honestly didn't care or even notice who had money, who got fat, who was an asshole, etc. It was a great time.

[meti57b]

14. she probably just wants to show off what a great catch she got....

Where is the reunion? Go in two separate cars, you just stick your head in and meet people .... then say you have to be somewhere else and split while she stays.

Reunions suck major big-time. Everyone is exactly the same as they were in school except fatter.

[Nightjock]

52. It's in Manhatten.

We live on Long island and would have to take the train or park in a garage.

[DoBotherMe]

15. It's more fun to go to the reunion w/o a

date unless the date knows some of the people in the reunion class. From experience, I had more fun at the reunion w/out the husband. IMHO

[LoZoccolo]

19. Yeah, I hope she ends up making out with some other guy. n/t

[helnwhls]

16. marriage is about compromise

but I would hate to be arm dressing for a gloat fest

[LoZoccolo]

17. I can't believe you; what a jerk!

Do you get in arguments like this all the time?

You should feel bad!

(If you've seen my posts you'll know I am not exactly an overly-sensitive new-age guy, and even I think this is too far.)

[LoZoccolo]

26. Plus this is a not-much-in-a-lifetime chance.

The nerve of you to take that away. You are a little man.

Hey, you wanted our opinion. This might sound like way personal attack, but you did start a thread about you, so I don't think those rules apply here.

[Nightjock]

38. ouch

[LoZoccolo]

47. Now I know you can do better than that.

I know you're strong enough to provide your woman a good time and all that, and you can do this for her. Go and apologize, and then go out of your way a little to be enthusiastic. Go do it, and you'll have done a good job. You can make up for it, and then some, so do what you have to, cuz you can do better than that. I'm already proud of you - don't let me down.

[indigobusiness]

18. I'd rather stick needles in my eyes than go to one of those things...

and said so when invited.

But, I would cheerfully send her off, if I were you. As much as I agree with your opinion, I question your wisdom.

Peace in the valley, and all that.

edit to add--- I don't know how I misread that....go with her?
my advice can be found in the post below.

[indigobusiness]

22. She wants you to go with her?

Lock her in the closet.

[prolesunited]

20. If it's important to her

would it kill you to go along with her, and NOT act like you're hating every minute. If you can't do that, would she consider going alone and you could be supportive about that.

This isn't about YOU or how you feel about these things at all. Even if she does want to gloat a bit, is that so wrong?

[Nightjock]

54. She won't go alone

and yes, I could act like I'm having a good time.. but ....

[prolesunited]

61. But what

Is making your stand, based on your preferences or principles, worth the toll it's talking on her (You've already made her cry.) and your relationship?

I could see if it was something important and long term, like dropping a friend or voting for Bush, but this is not really a big deal.

Why would you chose to dig in on it? Sounds more like power and control or just plain orneriness. I would go for my boyfriend and I certainly believe he would do the same for me.

Perhaps there's something you've wanted her to do and you can make some kind of trade.

[Dookus]

21. just go

if it's important enough for her to cry over, just do it, ya big noodlehead.

Jeez, it's one evening.

[curse10]

23. In my opinion, you should go apologize and go to the reunion

Whatever her reasons are for going, you should support her.

[Bjornsdotter]

25. Take her to the reunion...

...it's one night...do it for your wife.

Cheers,
Kim :toast:

[yorgatron]

30. c'mon,think of all the FUN you could have

get loaded and spend all night flirting with the women she hated most back in school :evilgrin:

[ScreamingMeemie]

27. Just apologize and go, Nightjock. MrG and I both do not want to ever

go to our reunions (we graduated same class, same year, but not high school sweethearts per se), but if he ever changed his mind and wanted to-and said it was important-I would go. :hi: Now go hug her and buy her dinner.

[Heddi]

28. It's been 20 years--it's NOT about who's fat or who has the best job

that's what 10 year reunions are about.

My mom went to her 20 and LOVED IT---she HATED her 10 year because of the "ooh...so you had a child after high-school...how...quaint" bullshit from the preps and cheerleaders.

10 years isn't enough time to get your head off your shoulders.

20 years is.

She said that all the people that were assholes in high school were assholes at 10 years. But at 20, they had mellowed. They'd gone through life, some rough spots, had kids, got married and probably divorced. Saw that life wasn't all about proms and who has the best job.

At 20 years, you are more your own person that you were at 10. At 10, you're not even 30 yet...at 20, you're almost 40 (which can be a real eye-opener for people).

As far as your dig at her that if she wanted to see these people, she should have stayed in touch----that's kind of rude to say.

There are TONS of people I was super friends with in high school that I never saw after graduation. EVER. They went off and did their thing, I moved, they moved, some people got married---life goes on and the 'out of sight, out of mind' comes really easy when you've got your own life to live.

I've been out of high-school for 11 years now, and there are STILL people that I think "gee...I oughta look him/her up and have lunch"...of course, they don't live in the same city, I live on the other side of the continent....and it's just not feasable.

Yes, you are being wrong about your approach to this. Go with her. She's your wife. One of the things about being married is sometimes doing things that you don't want to do if it makes your spouse happy.

Go with her. I'm assuming that you didn't go to high school with her---this is YOUR chance to get to know a part of her that you never met. Meet friends of hers that you never met.

I ask you---in all honesty---have you EVER---EVER---EVER asked your wife to do something that you had a feeling she didn't want to do? Did she do it anyway? Didn't it make you feel better to know that she was willing to support you in YOUR wishes even if it wasn't something she wanted?

Little things go a long way. THis will make her happy. Is it the end-all, be-all of a marriage? I hope not. But she wants you to go. I promise it won't be that horrible. I've been on this planet long enough to know that things are RARELY, if EVER as bad as we make them out to be.

Who knows---maybe she WILL reconnect with old friends. Maybe her life will be fuller because of this. Maybe you too will find common interests in the people she went to school with. Perhaps both of your lives could be fuller and more joyous because of it.

Or maybe you'll just make your wife happy this one night. Rest assured that after the 20 year reunion, few people go to the others. Life goes on, the kids need feeding and the house needs re-painting and the dull and boring things in life can always be expected to be waiting around the corner.

Do this for her. Do this for your relationship with her. She has a right to do something that she sees as fun even if you don't see it as your idea of a good time. Show her you care. Put on your best outfit and a happy face so that SHE will be more happy. It will be MORE awful if you agree to go but be an asshole all night, whining and moping around and asking every 10 minutes "Can we go now? Can we go now?" Just prentend. I'm sure the way that she orobably pretended to be happy when you bought her the wrong thing for Christmas, or made a dinner that didn't taste too good.

It's part of being married, and it's just wonderful.

[Enraged_Ape]

105. Great post, Heddi

I agree with every single thing you said.

The 10-year reunion is a drag, but the 20-year reunion is great. People actually seem like they are elated to see you, even if they barely knew you in high school.

[Philostopher]

29. I went to my 20th.

I didn't really want to go -- Mr. Nownow didn't go to his, the year before. My mother worked at the school and lives in the town I grew up in (small, just shy of 1,000 people), she's the one who needled me into it. Like you, I kind of felt like if I'd wanted to deal with those people I'd have stayed in touch with them all along.

So we went. The good-looking guys were all bald, the ones who'd struggled in school were doing much better than expected, the jocks were all overweight, and half the women in my class had been married several times to losers who were a grade or two ahead of us. I did enjoy looking at the women from my class and feeling like all the cheerleaders had wound up 'just normal women' -- nobody had really set the world on fire, and most of the smart guys were selling insurance or working line jobs at a factory somewhere.

It wasn't a good time or a bad one, particularly. I felt as ambivalent driving away as I had driving up.

I won't be going again, whether my mother likes it or not. But ask yourself if it's really worth the battle. It means something to her, whether it does to you or not. I understand your ambivalence, but you have to pick your battles. Is it really worth it?

[AlCzervik]

31. what? It would kill you to go for one night?

Has she ever gone to one of your things that maybe she didnt really want to but did anyway?

[JVS]

32. CRUCIAL QUESTION: will there be an open bar?

[Terran]

33. You should be supportive of her and just go.

Besides, she'll owe you one afterward.

PS: I had a lot of fun at my 10 year reunion. I'd have gone to the 25 year too but couldn't afford it.

[No2W2004]

34. I feel EXACTLY the way you do,

about HS Reunions, and since you've made it plain that you don't want to go, maybe she should back off,

BUT...

This is about someone you love, right? If it makes her happy, and she really desires for you to be with her, then ya gotta suck it up, (and rake in those "husbanding points") and be happy you get to be with her all night.

[flamingyouth]

35. If I were you, I would go

Obviously, it means enough to her that she cried over it.

[JVS]

37. Giving in would be encouraging such behavior.

[ScreamingMeemie]

41. Oh come on. She's not a six year old. She's a wife, who asked for

a relatively small favor. Now, if she asked for a matching set of diamond earrings and a pendant to go with it...that would be over the top. :hi:

[JVS]

48. She'll start putting on the waterworks whenever she wants him to go...

somewhere or do something. Sooner or later he'll have to go to lots of lame crap. I posted above that he should go, but it has to be for the right reasons. The right reasons for him to go to the reunion are all about letting his wife show what a good life she's made and how all her enemies can eat shit and die. Going because she cried is wrong. Crying is not allowed as a persuasive device! Thus he may go if it is for the former reason, but must abstain if it is the latter reason that would make him go.

[LoZoccolo]

40. He probably gave her the Jack Ryan treatment on account of it.

That "you don't look pretty when you cry" bit. Now we all know how he ended up!

[DrZeeLit]

39. In sickness and in health..

...better or worse...
You Promised!
Be supportive!

Don't worry. You'll be in deep company in the bar with the other guys. Hopefully you'll be able to watch some game and drink. That's what my husband did the at the first reunion.

I didn't even want him at the second (20th) reunion. I was in the best shape of my life: size 10, still 5'11", long hair, great hot pink silk strapless cocktail dress, hot pink spiked heels. OOOh baby, baby. I sent him on vacation. And I party-ed!

We are no longer married.

I rest my case.
The ball is in your court!

[JVS]

46. Look, I think he should go, but to say it is his duty by his marital vows

is beyond Bullshit

[DrZeeLit]

49. sarcasm, sarcasm... doesn't translate here, does it?

[skygazer]

42. I've never wanted to attend one of those things

I feel similarly to you about it - in addition, I've not kept in touch with any of those people, I wasn't close to them to begin with and it all strikes me as a colossal bore.

That said, though, your wife wants to go and wants to go with you. It would be better if she could just go alone and enjoy herself but evidently that's not what she wants. Is it so bad to do it, to make her happy, to show her you care about what she cares about?

I compare it to those times when my hubby would like me to go to a football game with him. I don't have a lot of interest in football, but I have a whole lot of love for him. If it makes him happier to have me along, then I'll go along and I'll have a good time because I know he's happy.

That's what love and compromise are all about.

[necso]

43. If you have

made it past the first stage of the tears thing, you are doing well.

But who usually wins these things?

If she is going to wear you down eventually, you might as well go there promptly -- and gracefully.

I'm all for hanging tough myself -- you couldn't get me to a reunion in a body bag.

And she made herself cry.

[geniph]

44. Why on earth won't she go without you?

Now, I don't particularly like going to most things without my husband, but in a case like this, where I really wanted to do something (and already knew the people) and he did not go, I'd go alone. I do think you're being a bit childish and overly precious about this; clearly, it's important to her and you're acting all snotty and superior about it. Her motivations for going aren't the point; what's important is that you're ridiculing something that's important to your spouse. That doesn't make for good marital relations, my friend.

[Rowdyboy]

45. Loving people means you do things you hate once in a while....

Just for them.

Go, drink too much, misbehave and she'll never ask you again!

[Taverner]

53. Go and let her go

She wants to show you off...what's the harm in that???

Think of it as a boost to your ego...guys (well speaking for me) always like that aspect.

[rene moon]

55. Dont be a tool and just go!

My husband went to my 10th 2 years ago. He wasnt crazy about going but he did. I was on the reunion committee and it was ok. We had a good number of people and a nice time. It was fun.

Some people acted the same way they did in high school but overall, most people were pretty cool!

[MadHound]

56. Ahh dude, c'mon, its your wife, go ahead and go

It sounds like she wants to show off, not only herself, but you and your relationship also. It it one evening out of your life, it will make you wife happy, which could lead, in turn, to your wife making you happy. It sounds important to her, so do it, it won't hurt.

It is all part of being married, each has got to do things they don't want to on occaison, but it makes their spouse happy. She will remember this when you want to do something she doesn't like.

What goes around, comes around.

And you never know, you could have fun.

[tjdee]

58. Does she do things YOU want to do??

Part of being in a family is doing things that suck because another family wants to and you love them.

It also includes: crappy grammar school band shows, visiting the in-laws, etc.

High school reunions are stupid. So not the point.

[MsUnderstood]

59. you are wrong

IMHO, She wants to take you to "show you off" as well as catch up with people.

I had my 10th and neither my partner nor my kid went. It was kind hard because I had so much success in life and wanted to show off the best fruits of my labor and they didn't go. . .

Also during the awkward moments when you are waiting for the next person to come talk to you about the good ole days, it is nice to have a friend next to you.

So I gotta say you may think they are wrong but it is sure not right to punish your wife for your view points.

[Phillycat]

60. You SHOULD feel bad, you're acting like a jerk.

Who gives a shit what YOU think of reunions? This is about HER! You go to support her, not to endorse the event with your presence. You sound incredibly selfish and immature.

[johnnie]

62. I guess the support you wanted fell thru...

Honestly, I think you should go also. It's a few hours out of your life and it means a lot to her. Some of us aren't lucky enough to have someone ask us to go to their reunion with them, so enjoy a bit of what you have.
I'm not much in to the High School stuff either but I went to my 10th, it was fun. I did blow off my 20th last year though.
Go, have fun and hold it against her..lol. Kidding :hi:

[Nightjock]

63. I'M ALMOST SORRY I BROUGHT THIS UP!

Jeez!
Look..... I know I am being selfish and not the ideal husband here.
But I would never ask her to go to mine!!!!!

Isn't there a point in your life (I'm 43 years old) where you can just say NO to doing certain things that really suck?!

I appreciate all of your input (even the hurtful ones)and I don't know what I'm going to do yet.

BTW....I can tell some of you are "professional" wives because you are very good at the "Guilt Thing."
Thanks.

[tjdee]

65. I'm sure you ask her to do plenty of things she'd rather not.

If you both agree not to do things that "suck" that the other wants to do, that'd be fine....

it's like you're overemphasizing the REUNION part and you want to be right about the reunion sucking. I don't think anyone's disagreeing with that.

[sangh0]

69. Not until you're dead

*THEN* you can relax.

:-)

[geniph]

70. Why not offer her a trade of some kind?

"I'll go to the reunion with you if you'll go do <whatever> with me, okay?" Maybe it's going to visit your mother, whom she dislikes, or going to some kind of concert for a band she isn't fond of, or hanging out at some club that she doesn't much care for - whatever. Find something you want to do and trade the events with her, or else do your best to talk her into going alone.

It really IS just one night, fella. Don't you think you're being a bit of a drama queen?

[DS1]

73. LOL Fire, meet gasoline

"professionals", damn

I'm outta here

[WilliamPitt]

77. I'm an unmarried man

but have been around the block enough to know that, no, you will never reach a point where you can avoid doing nice things for your wife if she really wants them.

[Taverner]

79. LOL...professional wives

I think that word's a keeper, may I borrow it?

Seriously, you can totally use this to your advantage. Go, enjoy yourself as much as you can, let her show you off, and then when it comes time to do something you want to do that she doesn't, remind her of this.

[Pithlet]

80. It's one night. If you don't go, she may resent it

for some time, particularly since it seems so important to her. One night, going to some lame event is NOT asking all that much. This isn't a big issue, like new job/new house/relocation/whether you have kids, so just go. When it's over, you'll be glad you did.

[Pithlet]

83. Oh, and about the "professional wife" dig?

*Insert flame here* I'm too sick right now to think of anything particularly biting. But, dude, that does reveal just a little bit about how you view relationships. That isn't revealing anything good.

[slinkerwink]

93. Look, as a partner or a spouse, you have to compromise in relationships

And there *are* plenty of things that we don't like to do in a relationship, but we do it to make the relationship healthier. From my past experience, it's best to go when asked because it makes the one you love very happy. It also gives her a chance to show you off, because the reason she won't go without you is because she doesn't want to show up without the person that's very important to her.

I agree with others that you are indeed a jerk, and you need to suck it up and apologize to her. If you keep belittling your wife or acting this way, you'll find yourself losing the person that you love and that will be a very sad thing, indeed. Don't take her for granted. The more you do stuff like this, the higher the chance that your relationship will fracture because you're not willing to take a couple of hours to be with your wife.

[ulysses]

102. oh, for fuck's sake.

Isn't there a point in your life (I'm 43 years old) where you can just say NO to doing certain things that really suck?!

No, in fact, there isn't.

BTW....I can tell some of you are "professional" wives because you are very good at the "Guilt Thing."

Nightjock, thy name is "target". :eyes:

[buddhamama]

108. the guilt thing

no one can make you feel guilty. if you feel guilty it's because you have something to feel guilty for; your behavior, maybe. and yes, that's my professional opinion.

doing stuff that sucks is part of the game called life!

[RetroLounge]

68. Go ahead, go to the reunion

you might meet your next wife :D

RL

[Shakespeare]

71. ofergodsakes--it's a couple of hours out of your life!

GO! Jesus Christ on a pogo stick--you'd think she asked you to donate a kidney to Bush or something.

And you made her cry, to boot. x(

I'm sure she's just excited to have you on her arm, and you should be glad your wife wants you to go. Hell, you should worry if she didn't want you to go.

Just go, and try to be nice about it.

[geniph]

87. "you'd think she asked you to donate a kidney to Bush"

that gets my nomination for Coffee-on-the-Monitor post-of-the-day. ROFL!

[spatlese]

72. My question is...

What are you doing at DU reading this?????

Go cheer her up and tell her that you will take her to the reunion... the big smile on her face will be more than reward enough... but who knows what else you'll get later, eh??

:)

[IronLionZion]

74. don't ruin it for her man, just let her go

if you don't want to go, then that's your problem.

In 20 years if I am rich and Republican, I may go to mine.

[supernova]

76. Not going to pile on..

about reunions. I didn't go to my 20th several years ago either. If there's a 25th coming up I might go now.

However, I will say that I got told "no" once too often. I got told "That's a stupid idea." one too many times.

Now I'm not married anymore, so I don't have to listen to the whining.

[jukes]

78. nightjock

sorry guy, but you're being a jerk. life is full of bullshit. this is the one person you SHD eat a shitsammich for...

[IdaBriggs]

81. Its not always about YOU - she's asked you to go with her.

If you value her, suck it up and go WITH A GOOD ATTITUDE. Sometimes its not about whether or not you will have a good time or anything like that -- its about being gracious about something that she has asked you to do. She's not stupid; she probably quickly figured out (or knew in advance) it wasn't something you would want to do, but its obviously important to her, so she asked YOU -- her partner, her lover, her best friend -- to go with her.

And you smacked her down, belittled her interests, and all but called her a fool. Not a very nice thing to do to someone you supposedly love and cherish.

Will the class reunion kill you? No. Will it bore you? Yes. But like I said in my subject line ITS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU AND WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD; sometimes its about earning the points for being a good guy even when you really don't want to do something.

You need to apologize for behaving like an insensitive, selfish jerk. Kiss up properly, and tell her how much you value her. Be a SMART guy, and start showing her! I suggest you wrap your arms around her while apologizing, take "kiss up" seriously, and be creative about SHOWING HER how sorry you are that you were less than her best friend.

[Nikia]

82. I agree with most of the other people

Go to the reunion. It is one event. It isn't like she is pestering you about joining some club or other type of activity you dislike where you would have to committ to going regularly or something. Going to big events, which to her the reunion is, is part of being married.

[Tesibria]

84. You GOTTA go

don't you get it -- especially based on what you said -- she obviously is PROUD of you and wants to "show you off."

Reunions ARE part BS -- in that they can be "retribution" for those who saw themselves or who were seen as as geeks...or heavy...or ugly...or otherwise "undesirable") but who are now successful.

They can be a drag, especially for the "signifcant other" who has to go. But -- so are family holiday parties.

You have to go. And should be glad that she WANTS you to go (what would that say if she wanted to go alone????)

[SayitAintSo]

85. Why wouldn't you give 4 hours of your time to someone you love ?

And yes, it's that simple. Suck it up and be a man.

[TrogL]

86. Go. Get drunk. Throw up on her "friends".

[miss_kitty]

88. go and apologise for making her cry. tell her you'll go

might be a nice little make-up surprise when you do. Then go. No Martyr thing-she's proud of you. She wants to show you off. Make it super special. Get a room near the reunion and I'll bet you get a second reward.:evilgrin:

[union_maid]

89. I'm not a huge reunion fan either, but....

I'd have to say, so don't go to yours. It means something to her to have you go to hers. She wants you meet the people she knew back then and maybe share a little of that part of her life. Maybe she even wants to show you off. That's not so bad, is it? That she considers you enough of a prize that she wants her old friends to meet you? Go, be nice and make her memory kind to you. Otherwise it's always going to be a time that you let her down. Really.

[VOX]

90. Yes, reunions suck. But be glad she asked you. It'd be a gift to her...

...if you went. It's something she wants to do, and she wants to do it with you -- and if you can just let go of a few hours of your time, you'd make her very happy.

A couple of years ago, I went with my wife to her 25th reunion. Now, I hate these kinds of canned shindigs, but I can actually shift into a mode where I can have a reasonably good time. Before you know it, the night is over, and you're free again. In the meantime, you've given sort of a gift to your spouse -- she gets to enjoy the evening, and she gets to be proud of her husband.

There's no right or wrong here, it's just doing something nice for her. She knows that you don't want to go; so if you do, it'll mean all the more to her.

One more thing -- if you go, **no** bitching, no matter how difficult it is on you. Without any resentment, just give her the night that she wants. It'll come back to you in a good way!

Hang in there -- :toast:

On edit: Remember, there will be many spouses/partners there -- men and women -- who are in the same boat as you (not their idea of a good time, either). There's your icebreaker, and there are some very interesting conversations to be had with those who have no particular stake in the reunion itself.

[Astrochimp]

91. Went to mine, and I didn't even go to my prom.......

I had a great time, talked to people I had not seen in 20 years,and best of all, got to see how people turned out. Not weight, not jobs, not looks, but how they grew up or didn't.

20 years turned out good for me, I didn't go to any before,not sure if I will go again, but it gave everyone time to "grow up"


I would guess your wife also want to "show you off" a little, nothing wrong with her pride.


Now, I could make fun of MANY in my class- or I could post my photo (38 year old, w- long hair and a Lagerfeld suit that I did NOT buy for reunion) or I could tell you about the friend who's diploma was not signed, yet just sold a $$$$ Co.

Was finding that some turned out ok better than some got bald and fat? Yes. (but bald, fat and divorced still makes me laugh!)

[Maddy McCall]

92. It's a milestone in her life. If you ruin it for her, she'll never forgive

you. And I don't blame her.

[Benji]

94. You should let her go

You should show her how much you love her by letting her go. If she wants to then why not?

[SarahB]

95. If you don't want do go (and will be an asshole) don't go.

I went to my 10th four years ago. My husband (soon to be ex-husband) who is a recovering alcoholic (sober when we met; DUIs, arrests, etc before we met) decided to pick that night to get absolutely wasted and embarrass me (who was sober). I didn't even have a boyfriend in my grade back in high school, but he was so freaked that some guy I had a crush years earlier on was talking to me, he had a meltdown or something. He also kept going on and on about not wanting to go before we even went, but did his "duty" begrudgingly. In hindsight, I should have gone alone, but he would have freaked out and gotten pissed off at me if I did that too.

Loving spouses want to do nice things for their partners. I'm talking males and females alike. They don't blame them, pull guilt trips, and act so fucking selfish and psycho that they wreck everything. All I'm saying is if you go, do it because you love her enough to actually want to do something nice for her. If not, don't bother. That's probably why she's crying. It's because you care so little for her in her mind that what she thinks, feels, values, needs, or wants to do is nothing more than a silly, meaningless joke to you.

[NightTrain]

96. I told my alma mater's alumni committee that I'm dead.

That tells you how much I want to see my old classmates again!

[havocmom]

97. Not about you & your classmates. If you have trouble see that fact

you are indeed in trouble. What is the cost to you to go and be charming to please your wife? Is it too much of a price to pay to maintain good will in your marriage?

Or is you marriage worth less than making this one point? Cuz, pal, that is what will ultimately be on the line. If her wishes are worth less to you than just one evening out of your life, she will seethe, simmer and eventually boil over. It may not be now but you will have told her how little she really means and someday that is gonna bite you in the ass, HARD.

By denying this rather harmless request, you are making a statement about what your relationship with her means. She will eventually look at the balance sheet, decide she doesn't like being devalued and there will be hell to pay.

Of maybe it will happen sooner. Stay home. Maybe she will go alone and find out someone else values her enough to make accommodations.

Your call. What is your marriage worth to you. The reunion is NOT the big issue here. The big thing is you plan to deny her something which is important to her and cost you very little. She will resent THAT equation forever.

[NightTrain]

99. Excuse me, but you're chiding the wrong guy.

I ain't even married, fer chrissake!

[Forkboy]

98. LMAO

funny thread.Maybe not for you of course... :shrug:

Quit whining and go.

[Jack_Dawson]

100. Dude PICK YOUR BATTLES

This ain't one of them. Christ women live for shit like this...proms, weddings, reunions. OK so we don't "get it" and of course we'd rather do just about anything. But...it's not always ABOUT us! Suck it up and go. :beer:

[ulysses]

101. duty calls, guy.

Try to look like you're having a good time. :D

[Nightjock]

103. OK. I TOLD HER I'M GOING.

She is very happy.
I am dreading it with every fiber of my being, but I will not let her see that.

Now go beat the shit out of George Bush or someone else. I feel punch drunk.

Thanks for your input. I hate you all.>(just kidding)

[Enraged_Ape]

106. You have chosen excellently, my son

Please tell us how it turns out. I really think you are going to have a lot more fun than you think you will. Don't forget that there will be lots of alcohol, maybe some pot, and a lot of other spouses of either gender who are in the same boat.

[miss_kitty]

111. you will be well rewarded!

really. I know you got a million answers, but if you didn't read mine consider this: Have a nice hotel room ready to go for after! flowers nice bottle of bubbly-you know! Little impromptu honeymoon. Have something for you to look forward to on that night. buy her some nice lingerie for the evening...:evilgrin:

[Heidi]

104. Not to rain on the parade of . . .

"do your duty" posts here, but it seems to me there's something not so grownup about turning on the water works when we don't get our way in a relationship, and then refusing to do the thing we wanted to do in order to spite the spouse. I mean, geez, I'm 41 years old, and perfectly capable of going to my high school reunion alone, and I wouldn't dream of dragging my husband along to "show him off." He's not a trophy, after all. He's my partner, and our interests aren't always parallel.

[samplegirl]

107. High School Reunions are a waste of time

Ive found that every high school reunion I have gone to is about people who are not really interested in conversing with old chums
but to boast about what status they are presently at.
It seemed the losers never really show up because they either cant afford it or dont want to be exposed to hearing about "life as a
yuppie"
The last reunion we had was a 3 day golf outing by a few golf fanatic
committe members.
Great if you golf i guess, but i dont golf nor care to learn.
Then there is the infamous class reunion booklet complete
wtih your aomplishments...your job title (most sound fabricated)
where you have traveled and with your address & phone
number (like your ever gonna hear from anyone or care to.)
To me class reunions are like being in a room full of egotistacal
Republicans waiting to be praised.
If it really means this much to your wife, go with her let her
have her couple of hours of bragging, pin on your Kerry button
to your lapel and go talk about how conservatives are ruining
the world you wont be there long.

[mooky]

109. Support your wife

I didn't want to go to my wife's reunion, either. I went because it made her happy. I met some really nice people (and ignored those that weren't) and had a great time.

IMHO you should do whatever you can to make her happy. She's the most important person in your life.