GOP to push for Flat Earth Amendment

[soupkitchen]

GOP leaders indicated today that they would push for a constitutional amendment to insure that all Americans recognize the Earth as being flat.
"A flat Earth is an Earth where everything is either right or left of where you're standing," explained Senator Orifice Hatchlingus, "It insures that all Americans will know where they stand at any given time. And I assure you that when Americans know that things are either left or right, and not circularly nuanced as liberals now claim they are, the American people will redraw the world map to make sure that we are the world nation most prominently to the right.

"Roundness is dangerous and anti-American," continued the Senator, "for it implies that since all the nations of the Earth are spinning through space together they somehow are all equal and deserve equal rights. When youth starts down that road it is almost insured that the young will begin thinking "globally" instead of what is in the selfish interests of all right thinking Americans. But we cannot afford to gamble our economic future on such unproven scientific theories as global warming or a circular Earth. (And by the way a Flat Earth Amendment would also be the easiest way to deal with global warming if such a problem actually did exist. Because it would insure that the excess water from melting polar caps would simply run off the sides of the Earth instead of actually flooding our coastal cities.) But since global warming doesn't exist we don't have to worry about that. And after we pass the Flat Earth Amendment we won't have to worry about global responsibilities again."
Said a Democratic spokesmen, "The Flat Earth Amendment is another desperate attempt by the Republicans to deny the truth that will ultimately do them in. Namely, what goes around comes around, motherfuckers."

[smiley_glad_hands]

1. I know this is satire, but--

don't give them any damn ideas.

[eaprez]

2. I thought they only wanted dirt roads.....its worse than I thought!!!

[Old and In the Way]

3. Good one. Next up: "The Sky is Green" Constitutional Amendment

[Killarney]

4. The Georgia Supreme Court has ruled that

the theory of a round earth must be taught side-by-side with the flat earth theory.

[The Jacobin]

5. No no no.

There is no mention in the Bible of this. The Bible is much more supportive of the Earth being the center of the universe, with the sun moving around the Earth.

But I do like the punchline. :)

[LWolf]

6. This one sparked a grin here;

where did it come from?