I'm growing weary of dating women in their early 30s', and here's why:

[CanuckAmok]

The last time I was dating, before i got married, I was in my 20s. The women I was dating were between 24 and 28 or so, and understood the concept of dating for the sake of just enjoying someone's company, either with or without a sexual element. There was no need to set some sort of timeline or agenda to anything, nor did there seem to be many expectations beyone the immediate.

But now... I've been on a handful of dates since my separation, and they've smacked of some sort of...I don't know..."expectation".

The Feeling I'm generally getting is that within the first ten minutes of the first date, all her conversation seems to have the underlying subtext:

"I am looking for someone to be the father of my children, and I don't have time to get to know you; either you're ready for that, or we're on opposite courses...quick, make up your mind, because my biological clock hasn't got time to dilly-dally!"

or

"I am looking for immediate exclusivity. There's no time to be spent testing the waters here...either I'm the woman of your dreams and you want to spend the rest of your life with me, or you don't. Look, we've been talking for ten minutes already...what could you possibly still need to know about me?! So which is it, buster? Lifetime with me, or picking up the check on your way out?! We're born astride the grave, so speak up or just jump in the hole!"


So, I'm beginning to understand the appeal of dating women ten years my junior...and, at 37, I didn't expect to be that kind of guy!

Is this some sort of 'arrested development' thing? Or just bad timing, or what?

Is it too much to ask to meet a woman close to my own age, who is completely self-absorbed, wrapped-up in her career and her interests, and who is completely at ease with the truth that she doesn't have time to maintain a full-time relationship?

on edit: oh, and can she have a butt that won't quit, and a shoe collection rivalling Imelda Marcos'?

[physioex]

1. Hey Dude...

Whatever makes you happy. Just find the person that is right for you and don't get pressured into making a quick decision......But don't generalize women, I don't necessarily think that about women in their 30's, some don't want children and are content......

[CanuckAmok]

5. Oh, yeah, I'm not making a generalisation...

...it's just 100% of the women I've met, so far.

I can't be pressured into fatherhood, in any event, because I've been 'snipped' :P . It's a non-issue for me.

[eleonora]

2. because women in their 30s have learnt not to waste their time with

booty calls ;)

[Pithlet]

3. Best comeback today.

:yourock:

[CanuckAmok]

7. Somewhere, between "booty call" and "lifelong commitment", lurks...

...my perfect relationship.

I've already had one "lifelong" commitment; maybe I'm just more realistic now.

[bettyellen]

16. Unless we are making the booty calls ourselves!

[Nordic]

113. Whoa! The women I know are WAY into doing the booty-calling!

and they're in their 30's

[AlCzervik]

4. So why not someone older instead of younger?

[CanuckAmok]

8. No reason at all...

...I'm free on Friday...

[AlCzervik]

15. I'm not free on Friday

thats overtime , but i do validate parking.:evilgrin:

[lady raven]

6. good luck!

As a 32 year old with a 4 year old son, I can understand. If something happened to my husband or if we divorced and after awhile I found myself back in "dating land", I wouldn't be actively seeking a father for my son, but i'd want to establish the fact early on that IF the relationship were to progress, he would have to be someone who could and would be a good father to my son. That's a pretty stressful thing to think about early in a dating relationship.

I can assure you that there is no shortage of self- absorbed, self involved women my age- In fact, I know lots of them. The problem is that they are often so self absorbed that they're not that pleasant to be around. Maybe someone who is just career oriented but not self involved would be better if you want to have a good time with her. (lol)

I don't think it's an arrested development problem at all- Lots of women this age are feeling the pressure to get married and have children, and it doesn't always make it easy on the men.


Rebecca

P.S.. I have a butt that won't quit, but the reason is that it's big! LOL! (hubby seems quite fond of it though)

[girl gone mad]

9. I've been married since I was 19..

so I can't help you.

You might consider dating a single mom, though. Since they've already got kids, the biological clock might not be as loud and they probably have more realistic expectations as well.

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

10. If marriage and kids are out, the trick is to find someone ...

... in my position. Early 30's, divorced, teenager (yes, I was very young), and not remotely interested in marriage and DONE with kids.

If you want that someday, good luck. You may have a hard time with someone in between extremes.

On edit: we can be ESPECIALLY fun because it's "newly found freedom". Out of a horrible relationship and kid old enough to stay occupied while mom goes out to play - or just party like a rock-star, that's the montra these days for me, anyway.

[crispini]

11. I can give you some insight here,

being 36, female, and all.

I'm pretty career and politics oriented. Busy girl, like my life. Also like being by myself too. But see, if I'm just looking for a quick hop in the sack, I can pretty much pick up a wide range of guys. Guys are easy that way. So if that's all I'm looking for, why not go for a younger guy? If I'm dating an older guy, I'm pretty much expecting him to be a bit mature and at least THINKING about a commitment type of sitch. Just IMO, of course.

Oh, but younger women? They're generally looking for commitment too, they're just not quite so upfront about it. Older women will pretty much tell it like it is. :D

Now watch me get flamed out of existence. :evilgrin:

[girl gone mad]

63. I agree with you about younger women.

I was thinking the same thing when I read his post.

All of my friends in their mid-twenties talk constantly about finding "the" guy. They may not be letting their dates in on it, but they're constantly sizing men up for enough fatherly and husbandly attributes.

Also, their expectations can be fairly outrageous. I laugh at some of the things they complain about. For instance, one friend's bf planned a romantic getaway for her, but she came down with stomach flu on the trip and got really upset with him for taking her in the first place.

[Tom Kitten]

12. What I'm most interested in is...

where do you meet these women for dates? Do you feel like sharing? :D Not that it matters, I'm a proven loser...
Seriously, though I cannah begin to help you...it sounds like you travel in some cutthroat circles!

[Zomby Woof]

13. I grow weary of baseless gender generalizations

Maybe you are choosing the wrong women because you have poor judgment. Look at yourself and your choices first before you go slandering women of a certain age group.

[CanuckAmok]

18. Yes, it's my fault.

If you'd read all the posts clearly, you would have noticed that it's an obsevation based on the women I've met so far, not on all women.

I don't think I have poor judgment, but as far as I'm concerned, that's the whole point of dating; to meet people and decide if there's chemsitry between you. If there is, then you proceed; if there isn't you don't. That's where the judgement comes in, not ten minutes into your first contact.

Maybe I'm growing weary of your constant pious sweeping judgements of everyone on this forum.

[bettyellen]

29. don't blame yourself-- who was ever actually good at dating? the patho-

logical freaks who are happy lying through their teeth while on dates they are on just to get laid,, get a proposal..... get whatever it is they think they want at the moment? Yes, they are the happy daters. Them and the cheerleaders or the better looking athletes.
But most people are only comfortable and expectation free when they are in the throes of good conversation and or great sex. that's when most people start to enjoy dates. the rest is just a big ball of nervous expectant drivel that the conversation/ sex makes you forget all about. Otherwise you'd never do it again.
My advice, go out with a girl friend and see who she thinks fits your bill. Try to notice if / how that varies from your pattern of who you fall for. We all have these types we go for, you may just have the hots for types that want some commitment-- are you a lot less attracted to women who seem to be independent? You could could work on learning to love that trait, or just broadening your field a little.

[miss_kitty]

53. it must be heaven being perfect

maybe we will all be told about it someday. :P

Good luck. I saw someone suggest an older woman. I am amazed at how young some of us look!
My dad liked his women in their 20's.:eyes: My sister finally banned him from dating women my age or younger.

[bettyellen]

14. i get the flip side of this...

speaking as a woman, guys think i'm freaky because i'm kinda casual and try to let things evolve. i loathe instant commitment. i'm not sure i want to even live with someone again anytime soon, and kids, forget it. guys get freaked i don't ask anything of them. i certainly don't fish for compliments or let them effect my self esteem too much. but i'm old enough to have had a few serious crushes that were based on god knows what. so sometimes i go for the chemistry and it's fun adds up to zip, and sometimes i end up really jonesing for guys i wouldn't give a second look to. a lot of guys assume you want a relationship if you don't high tail it out of there at the crack of dawn. or if you sleep with them more than once.
i think i'm just more focused (than a lot of women) on the short term, and will figure out the rest later. i have been accused of thinking like a man more than once though!

[justjones]

96. I've learn thinking in the short term works.....

I've figured out that if you focus too much on the long term, worry about the future, or fool yourself by "planning things out," you don't enjoy today to the fullest and you never end up in the place you planned anyways. So it's best to just focus on the short terms, perhaps with tentative plans for the future, with the knowledge that you will adjust when necessary and that everything will work itself out.

This approach to life makes you less insecure and therefore more confident, more attractive to guys, etc. I think learning this is inevitable, but most people figure it out in their thirties.

Unfortunately, from the experience the lead poster describes he has with thirty-something year old women, I guess some of us don't make it there as fast as others.

[RummyTheDummy]

17. Been there. Done that.

I found women in that age group (mine) to be unusually weary of men and probably for good reason. Men, as a general rule, are dogs. Those who fall into that category have been wronged more than once and just aren't very trusting.

Im not blaming them at all. But it sure makes it hard on the nice guys out there. I finally married someone seven years younger than me.

[Yupster]

28. "Men as a general rule are dogs"

You go girl.

And what are women as a general rule?

[CanuckAmok]

38. oh, no...please let's not go there!

I didn't mean for this to be come another DU gender war!

[RummyTheDummy]

62. And what are women as a general rule?

"Sugar and spice and everything nice"

[Iris]

66. Seems like that's just going to be the way it is for that age group. I'd

say either date older or younger.

But younger is going to get to that poin sometime as well, and they may be more interested in finding a sugar daddy.

[WindRavenX]

19. Now, I'm not in my thirties...

But generally, I don't sleep with someone til it is exclusive.
Just my 2 cents. :hi:

[CanuckAmok]

41. I'm all for that...

...no hurry, here. My point is that exclusivity and/or parenthood are being negotiated far too early... how can one decide on such significant issues without a truly informed opinion of the other person?

Waiting for sex... I kind of like that, believe it or not. Plus, if it's worth waiting for, including a battery of STD tests, it can be enjoyed 'barrier free', which is nice for someone like me, with a mild alergy to latex. :P

[Zomby Woof]

20. I have read your posts about dating/women before

This is more misogynistic tripe.

[CanuckAmok]

21. Can you do me a favour?

Can you fuck off?

Thanks.

[HEyHEY]

45. We've got to take away your hardcore logo DVD

;-)

[CanuckAmok]

51. "Not only is this the last night of our HUGELY successful reunion tour..

...but it's the last night of Billy Talent's FUCKING LIFE!!"

[JVS]

55. There is a hide thread box to get rid of threads you don't like

There is also an ignore button to get rid of people you don't like.

[Zomby Woof]

68. I have been on DU over 3 years

I am well-versed in its many excellent features. But I also have the freedom to comment on the ignorance or hate in any post I read.

I appreciate the mini-lesson on DU features. OMG!

[Wat_Tyler]

71. Good. Here's another lesson for you.

MESSAGE BOARD RULES (SHORT VERSION)

1. This is a message board for Democrats and other progressives.
2. Treat people with respect. Don't be rude or bigoted. Discuss the message, not the messenger.
3. Don't post entire articles. Instead, post short excerpts (not exceeding 4 paragraphs) with links.
4. Respect the wishes of the moderators and administrators.

[Zomby Woof]

73. In a scolding mood aren't you?

With your "lessons". Hahahaaaa. Hit alert if you think I am attacking him. But calling someone's POSTS misogynistic is not the same as a PERSONAL attack. Too bad, you lose. As always. OMG!

[Wat_Tyler]

74. OMG! ZombyWoof's dipsensing advice! ASK ME ANYTHING!

[Zomby Woof]

76. I love that I annoy the fuck out of you

But the scolding, now that's priceless. LOL.

[Wat_Tyler]

82. Nonsense. I can arrange a small fee for the scolding, should you wish.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

79. How soon before you're accused of stalking and put on ignore?

[Wat_Tyler]

69. People will treat you as you treat them, ZombyWoof.

Perhaps you should ease up on the unnecessary personal insults, eh?

[Zomby Woof]

72. no thanks

I will keep on calling out hateful and ignorant people as I see fit. I love the scolds coming after me, lol. OMG!

[Wat_Tyler]

75. 'Hateful and ignorant'? Hmm, that sounds like a personal attack on CA.

Funny that.

[Zomby Woof]

78. then hit alert

Since you're the self-appointed expert on DU rules. :loveya:

[Wat_Tyler]

80. Nonsense. I did a college course for this diploma.

Respect my credentials!

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

77. Soon you'll tell me to have anoher drink won't you - or am I on ignore?

hmm?

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

70. Wait now are you disrespecting him?

I know how you hate disrespect!

[miss_kitty]

97. hey! when you are perfect, and the arbiter of good taste (hahaha!)

and the keeper of the knowledge of what is ignorant, you can be as hypocritical as you want, no? :hi:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

105. It seems that that is the point thats been proven here

Good God!

[Vanje]

22. Have you tried dating men in their early 30s?

Hey Babe. Take a walk on the wild side.

[CanuckAmok]

23. Hmmm.... well, at least parenthood won't be an issue...

I'll take it under advisement!

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

24. I think you are just meeting and/or attracting the wrong women

I don't think it's an age thing.

I'm almost 34. If I were single, you'd love me. I'd be all casual, I'd know a date's just a date and I wouldn't be auditioning you for Future Hubby and Sperm Donor. I've already got the one kid I am going to have and if I were suddenly single, it would mean I was divorced or widowed (God forbid), so I would NOT be in a hurry to get married again...possibly ever. Been there, done that, not in any rush to do it again, simply because I think the whole notion of marriage a bit odd, not because I don't love my husband.

I am rambling now. I think you just need to date someone who has already set the snooze button on that biological clock (or unplugged it completely as I have) and possibly someone who has been married and thus is not in any hurry to get married again.

[CanuckAmok]

48. hey, are you pregnant? congrats!

neat.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

54. No, LOL!

I had my one kid ten years ago this month! No I meant I already had the one kid I am EVER going to have. So I don't care about biological clocks. Don't have one anymore when it comes to reproducin'.

But thanks anyway! LOL!

[bvar22]

25. I also resist global gender generalizations, but...

...I have observed that confident, career oriented, successful women are pretty quick to spot juvenile hustlers who don't have much to offer. Maybe you set your sights too high?

[CanuckAmok]

31. oh, ouch!

I don't think I'm either...if it was just casual sex, that would be something else...

I'd like an intellectual connection, sex, and friendship. Maybe even waiting for sex.

I'm not saying I don't want a relationship, I just feel that "relationships" need to evolve organically, not on a Palm scheduling programme.

My days of juvenile hustling are sadly long over.

[Wat_Tyler]

108. Feminism works both ways.

Women deserve respect, and men deserve it too.

[the Princess]

26. Date older women

we're over the *baby* thing and looking to have fun. Over 45 I would say. :)

[yvr girl]

27. Have you dated women without children?

I think if you have young children, it is always going to cast a shadow over your dating life. Your first responsibility is to the kids.

I'm 37 and no kids. Would I like to get married, sure. But I am also quite happy with my life. I've seen enough friends go through divorce that I know that marriage is not a solution or a destination, it's just a different path.

I must admit though, that if you are finding women who really, really want to have children you will always feel the clock ticking. You need to find someone who isn't in a hurry. Most of my friends aren't ready to jump into a relationship straight away. But we're all looking for someone who we enjoy being with, and who adds to our life, not just someone who can supply some sperm.

[CanuckAmok]

32. I've only dated women without children...

...except before my marriage.

I meant that the ones I'm meeting these days are feeling the need to have children, which I suppose is atavistic at a certain age.

the former Mrs. Amok didn't want children, and that was a good thing we had.

Now I've had a vasectomy, so I can't have children (even if I wanted to, which I still don't).

on edit: I guess that's part of the issue; I find it odd to be discussing serious issues like parenthood on a first date; there's so much more I would want to find out about a person efore I even considered her for such a significant role in my life/my child's life. It's almost as if "do you want to have babies with me?" has the same converstional relevance as "do you like hockey?" and "do you smoke?"

[yvr girl]

35. You need to find someone who doesn't want them or who

is ambivalent to them. We're the minority, but we're out here.

[CanuckAmok]

36. Yeah, "ambivilant"! That means they like chicks, too, right?

No, I hear ya!

You know, I've always figured I wouldn't want children, but now, for the first time ever, I'd consider it (maybe an adoption is in the cards)...

but only with someone I was involved with for a long time, as opposed to getting involved with someone for a long time because we wanted to have children... does that make sense?

[yvr girl]

40. It totally does

I met this couple when I was in the Cook Islands. They were in their mid 40's. They didn't have any children. They had decided that they would never have them, unless they both wanted them at the same time. They never did.

I visit my 3 year old niece, who is completely adorable, and I think maybe I could do this. Then I visit my friend who has 3 boys under 7 and I am so glad I don't have her life.

If I have children, I want to do it right. But it is a pretty daunting commitment. You need to both be fully on board, or don't do it.

[CanuckAmok]

43. exactly. It's not like buying a unicycle.

You can't just take it back to Canadian Tire if you don't like it.

[yvr girl]

46. I don't know about the Canadian Tires on the island, but

I am pretty sure I have never seen any unicycles over here. Do all the MLAs use them to get around the legislature? (BTW do you have a secret past as a clown that we need to discuss?)

[CanuckAmok]

47. Yes, I was a clown for Cirque Du Soleil...

"And 'ere 'eez Canuqueamoque...'e 'az lost 'eez r-rainbow... can you 'elp 'eem fahnd eet?"

[yvr girl]

50. Well, you're practically famous

Can I have your autograph?

p.s. Can you do any other acrobatic maneuvers?

[CanuckAmok]

52. Are you kidding?! I've been swinging on this totem pole for an hour now!

where are you, YVR?! The Sikhsters are getting suspicious...

[yvr girl]

57. didn't you see my message

I have consumed way too much alcohol to drive. Why did you pick the airport anyway. If you came by plane, and I don't think you did, I'm sure that it was on floats and you landed on the water somewhere near the Bayshore.

[CanuckAmok]

59. Because you're YVRgirl, not BAYSHOREgirl!

I figured the YVR meant you hung out at the airport, picking up pilots or something.

[yvr girl]

61. I can fly a plane, but I don't hang at the airport

unless I have luggage in tow. Besides, I have a phobia about Richmond.

[seaglass]

67. They're just being efficient. If a woman has a dream to have

a child and you don't, then why should she waste her time?

Some people have non-negotiables in their lives.

I think a woman in her 30s is more in touch with what she wants than a woman in her 20s. Why not eliminate those who cannot meet her goals as soon as possible?

[gollygee]

90. I should have just read yours before posting

and not wasted my time posting basically the same thing. LOL

I agree with you 100% obviously!

[gollygee]

89. I suggest you date women who already have children.

Most women want them at some point. If they already have them, they won't expect it of men in their future. But if you aren't going to be able or willing to give them children, they are going to want to know right away so they can consider other men.

Everyone has non-negotiable terms. For a lot of women, that is non-negotiable.

You might get lucky and find a woman who is in her 30s, has no children and doesn't want any, but there simply aren't nearly as many women in that circumstance as the other.

I'm married and 35 by the way. And I have one child.

[JVS]

30. Then date younger women

[exJW]

33. Well, Arafat is dead

I'm just sayin'... have you seen Sufa?? Yowsa! Bet she'll just wanna play for a few years.

[CanuckAmok]

34. Still?!

And, yes... Sufa, so good!

[Pithlet]

37. Having been through the divorce thing

That time period right at the point where you're suddenly not mourning the split, or not mourning it as much, and you feel like you should be getting right back out there in the singles scene. And so you do. It's tough, because you aren't the same age as the last time you were in that scene. And you do seem to attract the clingers and the people who want to move fast. I think that type is just naturally attracted to newly separated adults. Yes, that happened to me, it happens to women, too. But, you will get through it. What will happen is time will go on, your status as recently separated or divorced starts to fade, and you will relax more, and not throw off that vibe that brings the commitment hungry people flocking, and you start making some connections with people who are like you and want some of the same things.

At least that is how it happened for me.

[CanuckAmok]

39. That's a keen observation!

That's what my house-mate said, too.

[Pithlet]

42. And it is one I wish I'd known.

When you're in the grip of the aftermath, it can feel very overwhelming. Your whole future the way you thought it was going to be has been ripped aside, and you don't know what place your in, or where it's going to take you. Those first dates are testing the waters, and they are almost always SCARY. If I had had any way of knowing that things would change from that point, and that I would mellow out and be happy despite all that had happened, I wouldn't have been so stressed.

One good thing that came out of that time is a guy I briefly dated really wanted to become serious. He was a Southern Baptist who still lived with his parents and had very conservative views. In the short time we were together, I'd changed his worldview. When we broke up, he told me "You were my smart, city girl. I learned so much from you" it was so sweet. These little relationship blips can be a great thing to boost your confidence and move you on to better things, and find out what you really want from a partner.

[CanuckAmok]

44. I had one 'mini-relationship' this summer...

...with a very nice woman, and hse did alot for my shaken self-confidence. It was really good, actually, but in the end, I wasn't that attracted to her (we didn't have that much in common), and she wanted more commitment then I was willing to offer.

But it was a positive experience.

[Stephanie]

60. Positive for you

Don't practice on women you're not attracted to. That's really not cool.

[CanuckAmok]

64. No, you misunderstand...

I wasn't practicing... we really hit it off in the beginning, but the more we got to know one another, the more I realised we weren't an ideal match. We 'clicked' on a number of significant levels, and shared some real intimacy, but there were enough "insignificant" things, which totallled up to be less than sustainable.

I still really like her, though. She knew my history. Hers was similar. I had said from the beginning, that I didn't want to get too serious, and she said she understood that and felt the same way...but things got blurred. I didn't blur them, and I certainly didn't try to exploit them.

[Stephanie]

49. Don't "date"

Who "dates"? It's such a bizarre concept.

Just hang out. When you meet someone cool, get to know them. If the moment's right, give them a kiss.

Forget dating - it's too freaking weird.

[CanuckAmok]

56. to me, that's "dating".

I guess it's just an old-fashioned word...but you nailed what it should be like.

[flaminbats]

58. so touchy...

let's get serious, but not too serious. Ohh I love how you look at me, are all men only interested in sex? please let's go somewhere fun, ohhh why did you have to smile at so many other women tonight? Honey..why don't you smile more often? Do you love me? Honey, ohh I'm just not ready for anything longterm. You men are all the same, you never make any commitments. Why don't you talk about how much you love me? I'm sorry, but I'm just not ready for anything this complicated yet...:crazy:

[SarahB]

65. It's sounds like she was a bit premature there, but...

Realistically, women in their early 30's are going to be either in 3 places:

1. They have decided they don't want children at all. (Overall, there are less of these women, but there are some. Sounds likes this is where you need to look, although be prepared there are less of them.)

2. Women who already have children and aren't in any hurry to have more. (That's where I am. If I were to get serious with anyone after my divorce, they would have to like children enough to deal with that factor 50% of the time. I know realistically there are some men who could handle this and many who couldn't.)

3. Women who don't have children, know they want them, and their clocks are starting to tick really loud.

It's just the way things are. Women know they only have a limited number of years for children, so they have less time to waste. You need to find yourself some #1's and ponder over the #2's. The #3's are out.

[Zomby Woof]

81. so very telling

Projection galore... "arrested development", "self-absorbed"... etc...

And very telling that you are already looking for that trophy woman, having to be younger and all. And the crack about shoes... I could go on, but it's breath-takingly obvious why women want nothing to do with you.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

84. You are so full of personal attacks their coming out your Zombyass now!

stunning!

The women of the world have no prouder a champion!

[miss_kitty]

107. "The women of the world have no prouder a champion!"

no shit :eyes:

[SarahB]

88. Zomby...

I don't want to get between the stuff between you and Canuck here (because I'm nothing if not diplomatic :)), but speaking as a woman who has been in the place of being a very young women who felt as though I was pursued and married because I was a cute, malleable trophy of sorts (and as I matured, my ideas and need for independence was treated with anger, contempt, and insecurity), I know too well there really is this mentality and there are some men like this and there are women who appreciate the men who aren't.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

91. So you're agreeing with Zomby?

:shrug:

[SarahB]

94. I understand too well his point.

I've lived it. I know where Canuck is coming from too as far as divorcing and being in no hurry for a serious relationship. There's nothing wrong with that either.

Things aren't just black in white or simple with this stuff that's all and it's possible to see both perspectives in some sense.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

98. Yes but it seems to Zomby its black and white enough to personally attack

and you seemed to be with him by agreeing to that attack thread. Do you feel that CanuckAmok is a mysogenist?

[SarahB]

102. It's not like Zomby needs anyone to defend him.

He's far more than capable on his own. I just understand his point and know him well enough to know he's a good person. He has a knack for pissing people off, but that's him. If the mods think he crossed a line, they'll delete the posts. I never called anyone a name, nor would I presume to.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

103. He won't respond to me cause he's ignoring me. And I disagree with your

whole post.

Listen - Sarah - "it's breath-takingly obvious why women want nothing to do with you." is a personal attack. That's what I'm saying.

[SarahB]

104. Sometimes, it's the nature of human relationships.

There's a couple of people here I absolutely cannot stand, but there are people I like who like them at the same time. It's just the nature of life at times. I've been in situations where I felt personally attacked by someone as well. I get it, believe me. All I'm saying is that you can like the messenger and in part, understand the message without necessarily agreeing with it 100%.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

106. I'll say it again:

"it's breath-takingly obvious why women want nothing to do with you." is a personal attack.

[Donkeyboy75]

112. So very telling

that you need to respond to the OP three times. :eyes:

[CanuckAmok]

115. Excellent observation...

Of course, you're the one assuming I'm looking for a trophy wife.

But don't let me stop you assuming things about me.

I think I'd be more receptive to your dating advice if you actually dated people, instead of being here 24/7 making arch comments about people you've never met.

[NewJeffCT]

83. I was 32 when my now ex-wife filed for divorce

So, that would have made me a prime candidate to date women in their early 30s. I ended up dating a ton of women between my ex filing for divorce and my meeting the woman that is now my wife. They fell into a few categories:

1) hot college aged women that wouldn't give me the time of day when I was in college. Obviously, they didn't want anything serious, and at times, I did not either.

2) women in their mid to late 20s that were often still not sure what they were looking for in a man. The college women from #1, just a little more mature and with a source of income.

3) Divorced or divorcing women, most of them with kids. I didn't have a hang-up about kids, but was hoping to find out if they were open to having more, as I had always wanted at least one.

4) Serious women in their early 30s with good jobs & no kids looking for a decent guy with no kids. I met several nurses, school teachers and businesswomen, including the woman that became my wife now. But, I tried to proceed cautiously, as I was hoping to find exactly that. I made sure they knew up front that I was divorced.


My advice - pack up & get a job teaching English at a university in China. Being Lao Wai, you'll have more women than you know what to do with. Just don't get the job in Shanghai - Shanghai women expect men to do all the housework!

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

85. Ha!

:thumbsup:

[NewJeffCT]

95. ha what?

I met my wife in Stratford, CT. She's from China & not from Shanghai.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

100. No - I meant the bit about going and being a teacher

I thought that was a good reply

[NewJeffCT]

110. thanks - have been trying to convince a friend to try it

He's been out of work for nigh on 2 years now and I've suggested it a few times to him. Instead, he's learning carpentry in hopes of becoming an independent contractor after spending years in the I/T field making pretty good money.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

111. Know alot in the IT biz who are getting out-the writings on the wall

[YellowRubberDuckie]

86. You're dating the wrong women.

I have no idea how old you are, but in this day and age, you have nothing to lose dating someone 25. Just be prepared to spend some money.
Duckie

[Bridget Burke]

87. Did you say you'd had a vasectomy?

If so, why not just tell them on the first date? Or maybe the second.

[Wat_Tyler]

93. Maybe not the first date, eh?

I think I'd go with that on the second. :D

[Donkeyboy75]

99. I'd get a "snipped' tattoo on my forehead, personally.

[CanuckAmok]

117. I thought I'd just whip it out and show them the scar.

Why beat around the bush?

Hey, was that an unintentional pun?

[Donkeyboy75]

118. I don't know if it's a pun,

but if you've been snipped, there ain't no need for the "around" in your sentence...

[Maddy McCall]

92. It's not the age of the women, it's the kind of women you are dating.

I'm 39, been married before, and I would love to date a guy just for fun. I am married to my career and devoted to my kid. My only expectations from dating would be that we hang out when I want to--but I don't want to get married again.

There are women of all ages, from 19 to 90, who are looking for husbands instead of dating for fun.

It isn't the age, it's the type of women you are attracted to.

[redqueen]

101. Look for divorcees, women just out of relationships

Sounds like you're dating never-been-marrieds. Date someone who's already got kids and she won't feel under the gun. Or someone who doesn't want them. If they're single and want kids and in your age range they're in a hurry, that's just life... sorry.

[DemBones DemBones]

109. You're 37, dating women in their early thirties and wanting

permission to date younger women???

Why not, oh, 37 year-old women?

[skygazer]

114. Dating sucks

I was married young (19) then after that failed, I rebounded into Disastrous Marriage Number 2 at 26. Marriage sucks worse than dating, as far as I'm concerned but that's another story.

The reason there seemed to be no timeline or agenda when you were in your 20's is because when you're in your 20's there seems to be all kinds of time. It begins to dawn on you in your 30's that time is slipping by at an alarming rate. There WAS an agenda back then - it just wasn't so obvious. I mean, the whole point of dating is not so much to "enjoy each other's company" but to find someone you want to spend your life with. Perpetually dating would be kind of pointless, after all, if it was with the same person. Then it would be a relationship.

So what I'm gathering is that these women are in too much of a hurry to make it a relationship. You must be very charming. But there are certainly people out there in that age group who have the security and good sense to take their time. They're just harder to find now because the pool is smaller.

[ismnotwasm]

116. Oh hell.

Dating is dating. You're certain to find someone at some point who fits what you want. If you think they are bringing up the subject too early, tell 'em, I say. Communicate. "I'm curious, why are you bringing that up on our first date" (however phrased) Might make for some interesting conversation. Jeez. Or, go ahead and date younger women. (My daughter, however who is 25, will reject men for the wrong facial expression--never have seen anybody so picky in my life. And since she's very attractive, they just keep on trying. I think that's why, maybe I'm making a generalized statement of men?)

[Missy Vixen]

119. Married, but used to "date"

Okay, here's my analysis. In the interest of full disclosure, DH and I celebrated our 11th anniversary a few months ago.

Find a woman in her 30's that does not want to have children. There are 13 million of us according to the last Census, so it shouldn't be that hard.

Here's another heads up: Those who are still looking for a relationship probably aren't interested in someone who is "dating" multiple people, especially if they are sexually active. Just throwing that one out there. If she's wrapped up in her career and too busy for a relationship, she's already found someone in a related industry she sees when it's convenient for her.

If you're serious about finding someone closer to your age, good for you, but I'm not sure if you're truly serious. The "butt" and the shoes comment lead me to believe that you're actually seeking someone much younger. IMHO, YMMV.

Julie

[CanuckAmok]

120. butt/shoes is secondary...

...and not essential. Half-joking, actually.

I have met some under-thirty women lately, and there's not much of a connection there, so I don't really want to pursue it... Now this *is* a sweeping generalisation, but I think it's a rare, rare 25-30 year old who is going to have the intellectual/life experience I need to feel a cerebral connection.

Or, maybe I should just focus on a trophy wife, as someone else already suggested ;) .