I had a weird morning, need advice

[Emops]

This morning I came home to my apartment after spending the night at my dad’s.

Opening my door, I notice a man sitting at my computer- oh my God, it’s Bill Gates!!!

And not only that, he was masturbating to an illegally downloaded copy of The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie!

I screamed, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?” He looked at me, very startled, zipped up his pants, grabbed the stereo from my entertainment center and jumped out the window, running away.

I called the police, but of course they didn’t believe me. So I got an idea…I’d call the one person in America who is just nuts enough to help me.

That’s right…



So I gave him a call and said, “Listen, Johnny, I know you just resigned, but I have a problem I think only you can help me with. This morning, Bill Gates broke into my apartment, illegally downloaded a pirated copy of a movie, and stole my stereo.”

He said, “Sir, I don’t think you’ve been paying attention these past four years. White people don’t commit crimes. Especially rich white people.”

“But the thing is,” I said, “he was masturbating.”

He got very angry. “MASTURBATING?!?!? WHAT?!?!? Now, it’s a matter for the federal government.”

So John Ashcroft came over to my place a little while ago and I was telling him the story again when his cell phone rang. He talked for a few seconds and then told me, “I’m sorry, but I’ve got to get back to Washington. We have in custody a pretzel wanted for the attempted assassination of President Bush, and I’m urgently needed.”

With that he ran out of my apartment, and I’m left without a stereo. Do any of you know someone who could help me get it back? Do some of you want to form a vigilante group to go to Redmond, Washington to kidnap Bill Gates and try to get him to tell us the location of my stereo?

Any ideas?

[Ilsa]

1. Learn the words to "Let the Eagles Soar" and maybe

you'll get some action from Asscroft before you have to deal with Gonzalez.

[LSparkle]

2. "Let the eagle soar, like she's never soared before ...

From rocky coast to golden shore, let the mighty eagle soar ... soar with healing in her wings, as the ground beneath her sings ... only God, no other king, let the mighty eagle soar."

The brilliant short "Asscroft" was wounded me for life.