I got dumped.

[Phillycat]

The relationship hasn't been good for a while, but I really loved him and it still hurts like hell. I've been smoking a lot of cigarettes and listening to AC/DC and that's helping. Give me your best post-breakup beat-the-blues tips. Thanks.

Edited to add: I don't drink. Thanks.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

1. chocolate. alcohol.

[demnan]

2. Work out

Hey when you start going to the health club regularly you get in shape and lose a little weight and your complexion becomes rosy. Then the next time you see him, he wonders why he ever let you go, but you're already too busy seeing someone else!

[Champ]

13. He basically said what I was going to say

What I do is work out, nothing else relieves pain better. Then basically what demnan said, if he sees you it is going to kill him that he let you go. Even more when you find someone better you deserve.

[Phillycat]

15. I weigh 115 pounds, I don't think I want to lose weight.

I walk 4 miles a day, but I might start running again, just for the stress relief. Thanks for the suggestion.

[demnan]

23. Well lucky you!

So continue your good routine and go get a cute sexy haircut, try some highlights or something. Whatever suits your face. You know the kind you didn't dare get because when you're dating you're careful not to change your look.

Another thing you should do is buy yourself a pretty holiday party dress. And accept all invitations this holiday season.

[Phillycat]

28. Hmm, highlights. I've been thinking about going red.

I didn't want to do anything drastic, for the reasons you said, but I think it might be time.

Holiday parties...I'll try to do what you suggest. :)

[demnan]

40. Good!

That's the right attitude! Have a lovely holiday!

[hippiechick]

64. Red is good ...

If that's what will help you cope.
Gets alot more attention than the "regular" colors.

If you're the type who wants to be left alone to sort things thru,
don't go red.


:hippie: <-- can't hide from the red hair

[Zynx]

41. You could lift weights

That doesn't burn all that many calories. Plus it releases aggressive brain chemicals that really "up" you.

[MemphisTiger]

44. Try adding a weight lifting routine to your workout

You won't get big or veiny if you don't eat big, but it will give you that sexy girl muscle tone to your shoulders, arms, and legs that will be great this summer. This can be a goal to set for yourself to take your mind off your ex.

[Phillycat]

52. Hmm.

I have good legs, but I'm very skinny from the waist up, I could definitely use some muscle tone in my legs and shoulders. I will consider this. :)

[Left Is Write]

115. I wholeheartedly endorse this idea.

I lift weights three to four times a week, and it's made a huge difference in my shape! I'm one of those pear shapes too - when my lower half looks slender and normal, my top half looks scrawny and skinny. Weight lifting has given me muscular, toned arms, shoulders, chest and back.

Added benefits - weight lifting reduces the risk of osteoporosis AND it's a great way to burn off negative energy. I did many, many vigorous mornings of weight lifting during the latter portion of the presidential campaign.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

3. I use the contructive method:

I curl into a fetal position, become incontinent, and isolate.

;-)

[JimmyJazz]

4. Aw sweetie, I am sooooo sorry.

I think a nice cup of coffee is just what the doctor ordered ;)

:hug: You know where to find me if you need someone to talk to.

[Phillycat]

16. Thanks.

:hug:

On my 3rd cup today. Love the lovely coffee and cigarettes. My friends. :loveya:

[JimmyJazz]

18. I didn't mean by yourself.

;)

[Phillycat]

20. Well, I'm at work, so not technically al....OHHHHHHHH.

HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! I seriously just got that while I was typing that out! Yes. Hmm. Hmm.

Give me a week. AC/DC, Chaka Khan, 5 million cigs, and I think I'll be ready. Keep you posted. ;-)

[JimmyJazz]

32. So, does that mean you smiled at least momentarily at that thought?

If so, my work here is finished.

[Phillycat]

34. You have accomplished your mission!

You're pretty good at this. You should be a motivational speaker. :)

[JimmyJazz]

38. How's this for some more motivation?

[Phillycat]

50. *drool*

Yum!

[short bus president]

5. Wish I knew what to say, sweetie.

My best prescription is to call in sick to work, grab a hoagie, and spend the day being thankful you're not in Tucson. Then, when you start to see some sunshine peeking around the clouds again, give me a call for some pizza-paddle spanking, m'kay?

:pals:

[Phillycat]

25. I'm at work and glad about it.

Keeps me busy and away from obsessing. This is a good thing. I appreciate the well-wishes, though. :hug:

[Richardo]

6. How could he dump anyone who is hot and wears Kerry gear?

I'm mystified.

:hug: to ya, janesez.

[Spiffarino]

7. Yeah, must be nuts

Liburrrlz make the best girlfriends. And wives. And mothers. Etc., etc.

[Phillycat]

26. You and me both, pal.

His exact words were something like, "You're a really nice girl, you treated me great, you're beautiful, the sex was great, we had a lot of laughs and it was fun. But I don't love you."

:wtf:

[Richardo]

WTF is right...

...please tell me he didn't play the 'it's not you it's me' card. :grr: That's the ultimate cop-out.

Wallow for a while, janesez, and I hope another (more appreciative) guy comes along when the time is right.

[Phillycat]

30. Actually, he played the "it's you" card.

Something like, "I just think you're not 'the one'." Can't really argue with that. I'm trying to see it from his point of view, and he can't make himself love me. It's been 8 months and he's been honest the whole time that the feelings just weren't there. I was hanging in there, hoping and being patient. I guess I should have broken it off before, but I really loved him and I still had hope that he was just being cautious and eventually he would see that he can trust me and he would open up to me. But it never happened. His theory is I'm just not "the one". And maybe I'm not. But it's baffling when he says he likes everything about me, but he just doesn't love me. It feels like a total rejection of me. It really hurts. :(

[Richardo]

35. :-(

:hug:

[mac56]

47. Now more than ever, I reiterate -

His loss. Not yours.

[Niccolo_Macchiavelli]

63. 2 Months ago

i broke up with my GF for exact the the same reason after 2,5 years. She was nice, honest, loving, very caring and had lots of other great traits. The brain sais "hey that's the gal" but the heart stays mute. As little love can be explained the absence can and neither can really be enforced just posed. I hoped and i wished i would fall in love with my GF but the candle didn't light i liked her a lot but it never went to love.

Without knowing your ex-bf i think he wanted to fall in love for you and did't want to lose such a nice girl.but couldntenforce the feeling of love for you.(if he can i'd like to take lessons). I can feel with him and with you. It's not about playing a card it's beeing honest.

Would you want a bf that doesn't love you, would you have a BF who is a nice person but you ultimately don't love?

think of it and stay well my best wishes for you :hug:

[Phillycat]

74. Thank you for that.

I am trying to see it from his point of view. I do love him, and I want him to be happy, and so I wouldn't want him to stay with someone he doesn't love. He deserves the chance to be happy with someone he's really in love with. I just wish it was me. :(

[bettyellen]

66. No, It's not a total rejection of you! There are some things we can do

nothing about- and the mysterious feeeling, that extra element that makes a person set off those sparks is not something you can do anything about. It's wired in the brain, and often has some really stupid past signifigance or early memory embedded in it. This is why so many guys end up with carbon copies of their Mom. Why serial killers and lots of nice guys too, keep going after the same type of woman again and again.
Promise yourself that you don't go out with another guy who is ambivelent about you, give someone a shot who's really into you, so you make sure you're not going to repeat this or let it become your pattern.

[Phillycat]

75. I promise to try my hardest.

It seemed he was very into me in the beginning, and I fell too hard and too fast. How about this, I will promise to fall in love as slowly as possible, and hopefully the other person will be on the same wavelength before I start having those feelings.

Thanks. :hug:

[bettyellen]

98. It ain't easy, I been with a few jerks who fit a pattern and

am really working against it myself. honestly, i still get the hots for the unreliable type. what's changed is my expectations, i don't kid myself so much that sometings going to come of it. and i do give the benefit of the doubt to guys i don't find an immediate connection with. sad but true, the immediate connection thing is all about fixing what was all fucked up about my family. and i ain't ever actually going to do that. look up imago, it's a theory about this kinda stuff that let me see it all a bit clearer. i realized, just like a lot of men out there, my hormonal reactions are not to be trusted. they send me down the wrong path every frickin time!
good luck!

[Modem Butterfly]

71. What a weenie. You're better off without him.

I know it's hard to believe right now, but the decks have been cleared and you'll soon be ready to move on and meet someone that can really see the forest for the trees.

[underpants]

43. WHAT?!?!

That sounds pretty damned great.

Sorry to hear this. Maybe a big Hardee's burger would.....oh never mind.

Seriously I am sorry to hear that.

[Phillycat]

45. Heh.

Thanks. :hug:

[Tyler Durden]

57. In the future, don't date psychotics off their meds.

He describes you as a dream come true, but your not "the one??"

The voices were telling him lies. Euthanasia sounds like something he should consider. Sterilization at the very least as there are more than enough crazy guys out there.

Happily married here, or I'd offer you a date with an option for rings.

Hang in there kiddo.

[Phillycat]

77. Your post made me smile. :)

I think he's crazy too! I can honestly say I treated him like a king, and he knew it. He told me when we first started dating that I was *by far* the best-looking girl he's ever dated, and after a couple of months, he told me I was the best sex he'd ever had, too. So WTF???? I guess you can't explain what makes that spark light, as some other people said above. It's a mystery, and maybe he wanted to fall in love with me, but he couldn't make it happen just by wanting to. I wish he could. :(

[nine23]

8. I'm not sure if anything beats AC/DC as great break-up music!

I'm happy to hear you don't drink; it's a temporary fix at best and in fact usually makes things worse. Besides that, all I can really say is: we ALL go through it at least once in our lives, it's a bitch while living through it, BUT IT WILL PASS, and you'll look back on it as a learning experience/character builder. Honest.

Hang in there, luv.

[Phillycat]

29. Yeah, there's nothing so bad that a drink won't make it worse.

That's been my experience, anyway. :)

I'm hanging. You guys are very sweet. :loveya:

[Brewman_Jax]

9. Sorry to hear

I had one crash on the launch pad. Fortunately, we've known each other for a while. Tried to hook up before she went home to check on her mother, who is in poor health. I sent e-mails and phone messages for her to call me when she returned. Caught up with her online Thanksgiving Day. She wasn't feeling well that morning. She hadn't "heard" from me, she thought that I wasn't interested, so she's started going out with some other guy.

All she had to do was call me when she returned from her trip. Is that so freaking hard?

Sometimes I can't buy a break. :(

The remedy? Very good beer and techno/dance music (or old funk, or old school hip-hop, or classic rock) and/or a good kung-fu movie, at least for me. :thumbsup:

[Phillycat]

17. Sorry to hear it.

:hug:

[Brewman_Jax]

22. Thanks

:hug: to you, too. She said that I'll have to wait 'til he gets tired of her. Well, I'm not waiting. Does she think that I'm crazy? :crazy:

There's always the great breakup song, "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor.

[bettyellen]

67. she sounds like an asshole.. you'll have to wait?!? Oh my the princess

has a cue going huh? You dodged a bullet, dude!

[Brewman_Jax]

69. She's just full of crap

I wonder how serious she is since she didn't return my e-mails. This is the 21st Century, I know that women can call men, also. We'll just have to see what the future holds. :shrug:

[bettyellen]

123. classic bullshit, when they start with the excuses about returning calls..

you know you have a selfish asshole who is trying to play all the angles. Fuck her. You were friends. You only pull that shit to people you regret giving your number to because you were drunk, not friends. I bet the minute your not interested, she tries to get your attention again. Don't fall for it!

[Justyce]

10. Better healing thru love-sucks type songs

I Don't Care Anymore
I'm Movin' Out
Big Shot
Survive
Sail On
You Oughta Know
etc...

[northzax]

87. and when you want to be sad

go with Rufus Wainright's version of "Hallelujah"

[Phillycat]

91. Ack.

Rufus Wainwright makes me cry at the best of times. I love him. I think I'll wait on Rufus for a little while. Thanks. :)

[Aiptasia]

11. how ever long you dated

is how long it takes to get over him. Sorry to hear about that. I always make a post-break-up mix CD with songs on it like "Hit the road, Jack.." by Ray Charles, "You oughtta know" by Alanis Morrissette and "Piss up a rope" by Ween.

That might be theraputic..

[Phillycat]

14. 8 months.

That's not too bad. I've yet to pull out my copy of "I Can't Make You Love Me If You Don't" by Bonnie Raitt, though I've had to stop myself about a thousand times. This is progress. "Highway to Hell" is my friend.

[mac56]

12. Better days ahead.

The Rolling Stones always did the trick for me. Also J. Geils Band: "Love Stinks". Yeah, yeah...

Caffeine, chocolate, and fun superficial conversation with friends. Lather, rinse, repeat.

His loss, by the way.

[Phillycat]

19. My friends are amazing.

They refuse to not be there for me, even when I want to isolate. Love my friends. :loveya:

[Aristus]

21. I'm sorry, sweetie.

Here's a hug. ((((((((((janesez)))))))))) :hug:

Not enough, I know. but hang in there. :loveya:

[Phillycat]

31. It definitely helps.

:hug:

[Crankie Avalon]

24. Howzabout...

...one of those kooky, "transitional" relationships with someone completely surprising? :smoke: ;)

Seriously, though, my condolences and I wish you the best of luck in moving on and hope you find someone new when the time is right. :thumbsup:

[Phillycat]

33. Ha!

Interesting thought...

Thanks. :hug:

[sniffa]

27. foot rub for you

;)

[Phillycat]

37. Eeeeeeeeeeeexcellent.

/MrBurnsVoice

[StopTheMorans]

36. i'm sorry

make sure you get some exercise, but temper that with eating whatever the hell you want when you're done (ice cream is cliche, but always good; i just had some incredible candy cane ice cream last night:) play music loud, and do not resist the urge to throw things (as long as they will not break anything) around the room once in awhile if it comes. rent a few great movies, and watch them all in a row. remind yourself that he is the one who will regret this in a few weeks, and amuse yourself with the fact that you won't answer the phone the first time he calls at 1AM on a saturday night looking "to talk". this too shall pass :hug:

[eyesroll]

39. Oh, I'm sorry, Jane...

:hug:

I know you wanted this to work out...

But do ask yourself -- are you better off for having been in this relationship? Are you (and he) better people because of it? If so, it can't be considered a failure. And if not, there still was growth and learning and a lot of goodness, too.

I firmly believe that, whether a relationship lasts for an hour at a coffee shop, a lifetime, or somewhere in between, that they can still be considered successful if the people involved are better off because of it.

Hang in there.

[Metatron]

42. What has worked for me in the past

is watching Monty Python's Life of Brian. There is something about watching a bunch of people singing on crosses that always cheers me up! Sorry you have to go through this right around the holidays. :hug:

[Phillycat]

54. Thanks.

I watched the entire LOTR series since it happened and that's really helping. Total fantasy, total escapism. I will try Monty Python, it sounds good. :)

[Phillycat]

48. Thanks.

I don't know if I'm "better off", I have definitely learned some things so I suppose that makes me a better person in the long run.

There were good parts, for sure. Good memories I can look back on fondly. And none of them were recent enough to make it really ache now.

I'm hanging. :hug:

[Goldmund]

46. Bitchin'. So, you're available?

[Phillycat]

49. Ha!

Um...I suppose I am. :)

[Goldmund]

106. Well Heavens! I need a girlfriend who smokes cigarettes and listens to AC/

DC. I do kinda hate AC/DC myself, but I dig chicks who like'um. Especially while smoking cigarettes. And after a breakup. Fuck. None of that "hug my teddy-bear, get my pink nighty and melancholically stare into the wall" horseshit.

So get on your Harley, come up to New York and kick my pansie hippy ass!

Yeah!

[Phillycat]

107. How can you hate AC/DC?

They're so pure rock-n-roll. I don't think it will work between us. :) But I appreciate the positive attention! :hug:

[Goldmund]

108. Alright, alright, I like AC/DC!!!

Ah fuck... I can't do this.

I don't think it's pure rock'n'roll. I think they're corny, an exercise in every pop/rock musical cliche they could think of. They are to rock'n'roll what "Titanic" is to movies -- competent and expensive, but can't take it seriously for the life of me.

[Phillycat]

109. Oh, no, you are wrong.

They are corny, but they're NOT farce. They are totally sincere and they're having a blast, and the guitar riffs are among the most memorable in rock history. The opening riff to "Back In Black" or "Highway to Hell"--instantly recognizable and everyone starts banging heads and flashing devil horns. They are not remotely "expensive", if by that you mean overproduced in the way Titanic was overproduced--they are stripped-down and minimalistic.

We will have to agree to disagree. :)

[Goldmund]

112. haha sorry

Even thinking that someone would sing about a "Highway to Hell" makes me chuckle...

:hug:

[BigMcLargehuge]

51. sorry to hear that janesez

:-(

[GOPisEvil]

53. Treat yourself.

Go someplace special and give yourself a treat. Make yourself feel better.

Have a cheesesteak and tastykakes - that'll help.

I'm sorry - it will get better though, promise! :hug:

Edit - that guy sounds like a dumbass! He had it all - everything a guy could want...sigh...oh well - his frickin' loss!

[Phillycat]

80. Butterscotch krimpets, here I come.

Thanks. :hug: I'm not eating too well, but I'll give it a shot.

[GOPisEvil]

120. Well, just do something nice for yourself.

You know, something HE hated, but you love!

Or just something that will put a smile on your face.

[AlCzervik]

55. I'm sorry to hear it but if it wasn't good than you made the right decisio

This may sound a tad strange but when I'm down or stressed i clean and try to get my house organized.

[Phillycat]

81. Doesn't sound strange at all.

It sounds like a healthy way to feel like your surroundings are peaceful and serene so that it doesn't drive you nuts while you're already upset. It's an excellent suggestion and I intend to follow it tonight. Thanks.

[pdx_prog]

56. So sorry Jane...

You can't be happy if you are sceptical of a relationship though. You just gotta get back on that horse and try again. You're someone is definitely out there girl....:)

If you wasn't so far away I would buy ya a drink!

[Phillycat]

82. I'll take a diet coke.

:)

[skygazer]

58. Sorry to hear that

He must be a moran - how could he not be in love with a smart Democrat with a great sense of humor? :wtf: Long walks outdoors always do wonders for me (as opposed to long walks indoors, I suppose, which would have to be at the mall or something like old people do for exercise - god, I'm an idiot sometimes) -

Anyway...... hugs for you :hug: Hang in there! :hi:

[Phillycat]

84. Thanks.

You're sweet. :hug:

[gollygee]

59. I'm sorry

I know how hard it is. I had a nasty breakup not too long before I met my husband. At the time I thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, but now I look back and think, "Thank God that relationship didn't work out!" I hope you end up looking back on it and being glad that things turned out they way they did.

Just give it time. :hug:

[Phillycat]

85. Thank you,.

I hope my experience is similar to yours. I would really like to find the right one and settle down. :hug:

[frictionlessO]

60. Hi Jane, dont know ya but wish you well on the single scene and a speedy

healing of emotions.

Might I suggest something a lil offbeat? Like maybe getting a massage, you could go above board and get a normal relaxing one or get smutty (sorry not to cross post but its a good word) and hire an escort for a sensual massage. Sometimes being touched by another human after a breakup reminds you that you will be touched again..does that make sense?? Hope I didnt offend..

Peace and Love will find you Im sure..

[Phillycat]

86. No offense at all...

A massage is a wonderful idea. Thanks. :hug:

[Dora]

61. Not just any chocolate...

Good chocolate, in small yet frequent doses. It's entirely medicinal and therapeutic. Stay away from the dimestore crap - get yourself as many Lindt or Guittard or fine imported chocolate bars as you can afford in as dark a flavor as you can stand, then medicate medicate medicate!

I used to throw myself into a good thick novel or four. Reconnecting with old friends that I'd neglected during the relationship always helped in the immediate days after the breakup. Writing letters and composing horrible poetry for a ceremonial bonfire also helped.

CDs at high volume are okay, but get out and see some live shows if you can. I always love being alone in a club at a good show. Blues, metal, whatever. Maybe you could find an AC/DC Hoot Nite in your town!

Hang in there. Love is everywhere.

[Phillycat]

88. I'm going to re-read Bridget Jones' Diary.

Mindless girl-power novel. :)

Thanks. :hug:

[Beaverhausen]

62. Oh Jane- so sorry

This happened to me recently. I started exercising and it really helped but you already do that.

I was so depressed that I stopped eating and lost a bunch of weight- there was a bright side.

And of course I cried and cried. It helps. Let yourself do it.

Just try to know that it is for the best. You had talked on some other threads (threads about my bad relationship I think) that he wasn't giving you what you needed. You (and I) deserve to be loved the way you want to be. You now have the freedom to find the right person for you.

:hug:

[Phillycat]

89. I'm sorry this happened to you too.

Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

You are right, we both have the freedom to find the right person. And if I do the proper healing from this mess, I might even be ready.

Thanks. :hug:

[MsAnthropy]

65. Revenge is the best revenge

Go out and find a better guy FAST!

[Phillycat]

90. Hee.

There appear to be some willing participants on this very thread!

[dr.strangelove]

68. Friends, Friends and more Friends

It sucks to get dumped. Even when yu know it is for the best, the hurt takes some time to get over. Many of the suggestions already posted are great ways to cheer up, my only suggestion is to do them with some friends. Drink coffee, catch a flick, have a meal, go running/work out, laugh, cry and get mad, but do these things with a friend or some friends. Friends are made just for these tough times. the last time I was dumped, it was by then girlfriend/now wife (so it worked out pretty well for me) I got over it with trying to make the best and spending time with lots of friends. I do drink (sometimes too much) so I spent time playing darts in the pub. My firends let me win a little, I'm sure, but just being with people I care abotu helped. After a few drinks I got out some anger and sadness and talked about it (which is hard for me).

I know you hurt. It will get better. Don;t try to hide the hurt, just let it play out and dull the pain by doing things you enjoy. When you are feeling sad, let it out, when you are mad, let it out, and when you are having fun, let it out.

[Phillycat]

92. Good advice, thank you.

My friends have been wonderful and I know they'll be there for as long as I need to keep whining about it.

Off-topic, if you ever want to think about stopping drinking, PM me. I've had some experience in this area. :)

[Modem Butterfly]

70. Casual sex. And lots of it.

Okay, I've been with my partner for ten years, and the last time I was dumped was college. But as I recall, casual sex always chased away the blues, at least for awhile, and even temporarily buoyed my self-esteem. Yes I know it's fucked up, but that's what helped me. Of course, you should have SAFE casual sex. No sense taking your life in your hands.

Okay, so if you have a shred of self-esteem and for whatever reason don't want to mindlessly bonk a few people, then I definitely think you should make a conscious decision to not be miserable. Go out with your friends, meet new people, see new things, get a change of scenery and have some fun with your new-found freedom. There will be plenty of time to be miserable later. For now, you have to go out and get a life.

[Phillycat]

93. Getting a life, check.

I don't think so, about the casual sex. :) Not really my thing, and besides, the sex was so phenominal in this relationship, it will just make me sad to have inferior sex with someone else.

But I will take the suggestions about getting out there and regaining a life. Most of my life for the past 8 months has been spent obsessing about this relationship. I'm thinking about auditioning for some community theater.

[Modem Butterfly]

97. Community theater is good

Whether you sing, act, do lighting or design sets, you're bound to meet a lot of fabulous, talented, and out-going people. Sounds like a real winner!

[VelmaD]

72. I know hearing this never helps...

but sometimes getting "dumped" is the best thing that can happen to you. I know from personal experience. If I hadn't gotten "dumped" I would still be with the most boring man on earth. I'd still weigh nearly 300 pounds. I'd still be miserable. I'd still be repressing everything emotionally. And NONE of the adventures I've had in teh last 2 years would have happened.

So do whatever you need to right now to take care of yourself and know that better days will come. :hug:

[Phillycat]

94. Thanks. :)

I've been unhappy for a while, so yes, it does feel like a relief in a way. My self-esteem was plummeting as he continued to tell me he had no feelings for me and I wasn't "the one". And I could only imagine that would continue. So maybe it's a blessing. The problem is, I really felt strongly that he was "the one" for me. I can't picture myself with anyone else. But I suppose that will pass.

Thanks for the kind words. :hug:

[Phillycat]

73. ***********************THANK YOU ALL****************************

You guys are amazing! I got a lot of good suggestions from this thread, and I also got a lot of love and support. Thank you so much for everything you've said, and for thinking of me. I love you all. :loveya: :hug: :loveya: :hug: :loveya:

[Arkana]

76. That sucks...I'm sorry

Unfortunately, I don't think you'd be inclined towards my breakup remedy--playing video games until your eyes turn to plasma and ooze out of their sockets.

[Phillycat]

95. Yeah, probably not. :)

Thanks though. :hug:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

78. Every time a platonic friend does something nice for you or

compliments you, say to yourself, "This person is treating me better than my alleged lover."

[Phillycat]

83. NO SHIT.

Wow, lay some truth on me, why don't ya? Shit. I'm going to think about that for a while.

[AngryLizard]

79. Do not stay at home

Go out with your friends, drink, do everything that you would normally do to have a good time. Eventually, you will actually have a good time. It's going to hurt like hell for a while, but you just have to put one foot in front of the other.

[Phillycat]

96. I'll give it a shot.

Thanks. :hug:

[bettyellen]

99. and definately go to the best hairdresser you can find-- scope out

other women who have great cuts/ color and get names of hairdressers. do this soon and do a few things you always wanted to do. put yourself out there and be friendly to people who you've been a little intimidated by. It'll be your upward spiral!
Everybody'll think you are better off and really coming into your own w/out the jerk. Including the jerk, should you cross paths.

[Phillycat]

101. You're very good at this!

I just posted above that I think I'm going to audition for some community theater, which definitely falls into the category of "things I've always wanted to do". Maybe I'll meet some nice people. I have wonderful friends already and an active social life (I've had to develop one because he never wanted to spend any time with me).

I also think, as posted above, that I'm going to dye my hair red. It's brown now. Too drastic?

[Beaverhausen]

114. I use Feria- Chocolate Cherry

it's a beautiful dark burgundy- like a fine wine color although it fades as all red coloring does.

[bettyellen]

118. you need to use Artec color deposting shamppo to refresh it.

[Beaverhausen]

119. I use the Artec color conditioner - Mahagony

it really does keep the color looking good

[bettyellen]

125. i think the shampoo works even better ... it really soaks in the color...

although it doesn't actually seem to clean your hair, :shrug: . It seems to really gloss up your hair, too. mine is coarse and gets very fried by the color. I use a colorless super moisturising conditioner, but this shampoo really helps. i only use it every two weeks or so when i'm halfway to the next dye job and looking wahsed out. It keeps me from having to do more than the roots too, so I'm frying the hair a little less!

[bettyellen]

117. go to a good colorist, or do some test streaks... do not try at home

....if you are going lighter, be very careful and pay for a decent hairdresser or get a friend to help. Trust me I screwed this up pretty good with that fancy kit that's really poplular now frm loreal. get advice from the cool stylist you're going to get the cut from.
are you med brown? you could try some mahogany cunks and keep stepping it up if you want more drama. red is very cool. loreal has gorgeous ones and you can just mix up 1/3 of the stuff in a bowl and try a few streaks, EQ shades is great like a glossing henna... and you can try artec color enhancing shampoos too,,,, red loses a lot of pigment when you wash, you don't want icolor get to washed out.
and at the risk of starting a flame war:
DO NOT FALL FOR AN ACTOR!!! PROCEDE W/ CAUTION AND TAKE EVRYTHING W/ A GRAIN OF SALT, OKAY? USE THEM FOR SEX ONLY!!

[WindRavenX]

100. Do your nails

Watch trashy TV- it makes you feel better knowing you're so much better then those people on Jerry Springer and all...
Have chocolate. And vodka.
Being dumped sucks. But it gets better...somehow. I didn't think it would, but it did.

[Phillycat]

102. Thanks.

Good to know others have lived through this and come out the other side. :)

[WindRavenX]

103. Well your situation reminds me a lot of mine

Mine was an 8 month long relationship that also I thought was awesome (lots of good times, AWESOME sex, laughing...no problems, really). I had to go home for three months, and apparently he no longer loved me (his words). That sucked HARD for me. It took a good month to get over it.
So yeah, a lot of people have been thru this. That's why DU is a kick ass place!

[no name no slogan]

104. Your ex-man must be on crack

quite frankly, he doesn't sound good enough for you.

Like so many others have said, this could be a blessing in disguise-- and it's good that he 'discovered' that he's not right for you now, as opposed to several years on.

Sometimes things happen for a reason, and you just can't explain them. For example, I dated the same woman for three years in college, and we broke up after she graduated. A few years later, I met a wonderful woman through an old college acquaintance. We dated for three months before we got engaged, and got married fifteen months later. We've been together almost ten years now, and things are better than ever.

Things will get better. And you'll find some other guy, who will be everything the ex was, but even better. Hang in there. :grouphug:

[Phillycat]

105. That's a nice success story. :)

Thanks for that. :hug:

[buddhamama]

110. I am sorry. That sucks

Loud music usually works for me (you've gotten that taken care of).

Bob Dylan's Positively Fourth Street is ideal for these situations.

The man is a fool. :hug:

[Phillycat]

111. A fool, I tell you, a fool!

You're right and thank you. :hug:

[Left Is Write]

113. I'm sorry to hear that.

That's always rough.

I can remember smoking a lot of cigarettes and listening to AC/DC after breakups - what you're already doing would be my default, I guess!

Let yourself wallow for a day or two or three; get it all out. Then tell yourself you deserve better, call up some friends, and have a "good riddance" party to celebrate your newfound freedom. :)

[SarahB]

116. I'm sorry.

Give yourself time to be sad and start a journal. Sometimes that helps to figure things out. You'll be ok though especially being the intelligent, kind, and extremely perceptive person that you are. ;)

[Jack_Dawson]

121. So...you're available?

Oh calm down everybody just trying to make janesez smile. Jane go buy this book: "Surving the Loss of a Love" it will help you a lot.

BTW, if it was meant to be, it will happen.

:beer:

[RagingInMiami]

122. Look on the bright side

Your Red Sox not only beat the Yankees in what was the greatest comeback in the history of sports, they won their World Series in 86 years by sweeping the Cardinals.
It doesn't get better than that.

[indigobusiness]

124. I'm available.

Nights and weekends.

[tanyev]

126. Definitely check out the community theatre.

That's how I met my dear husband! And it's a difficult thing to do if you're in a relationship with someone who's NOT into it, because it is so time consuming.

Indulge any interests you have that he didn't share with you--dance lessons, museums, indie movies, etc. Even doing these things by yourself is better than trying to cajole someone who is not interested into joining you. And you might meet someone special who does enjoy them.

[July]

127. Janesez, sorry to hear that.

I endorse all of the advice given here and add some of my own.

Don't ask why. You're just going to beat yourself up. There may be pieces of the puzzle that your ex-guy isn't telling you (I may be wrong, but I smell something like that from what you've written). And even if it's the lack of a spark (for him), it won't do you much good to examine that and yourself for days and weeks. Resist that temptation. He's already said you're beautiful and wonderful, and that the sex was great, so even HE isn't beating up on you, so don't do it to yourself.

Change the tune when you're blue. I find that dolling myself up when I'm feeling shitty helps me turn the mood. If I give in to feeling shitty, I look shitty, which makes me feel shittier ... you get the picture.

Call those friends. Do fun stuff. Play dance music and go for it. Buy your favorite foods and make yourself a fabulous meal. Start a new book, pick up a hobby, take an exercise class. Sounds dumb, but anything to break current patterns could help get you in a different state of mind.

And when you just can't beat the sad feeling, feel sad. It's not a crime, and you've lost something you valued.

It will get better, trust me.

Editing to add that I just noticed you say the relationship hasn't been good for a while. When you can stand it, think about that. You're missing the good now, but later you'll be glad to miss the bad.

[welshTerrier2]

128. this probably isn't what you want to hear but ...

there's a famous saying that "suffering is the origin of all consciousness" ...

it totally sucks to feel bad, but if you use your pain to develop a greater sensitivity to others and a greater capacity to feel, it could really help you grow as a person ...

make the most of this time; the healing will happen as the days go by ... life experiences like these can shape the very best parts of who we are ...

hope this helps a little and hope you're feeling better soon ...

[Gothic Sponge]

129. Sorry to hear janesez

I've been there...It's never easy. Try going for walks, it may help clear your mind.