An email I just got from a freeper I used to work with

[bearfan454]

Headlines in 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia (formally known as California).

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwest United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally . . scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iraq is still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

1. Brings new meaning to the old saw about...

Monkeys and Typewriters.

[ewagner]

2. Ah yesssss......

Conservatives as victims........lovely recurring theme....

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

5. Remember: Germany was cowardly attacked by Poland and had to defend itself

The more things change...

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

3. I'd answer with just that: "And your point is...?" (nt)

[GreenPartyVoter]

4. Yeah, those are really likely to take place with ** as dictator-for life

--------------------------------------------------
Would Jesus love a theistic evolutionist? You bet!
http://timeforachange.bluelemur.com /

[MsAnthropy]

6. They run on fear; we run on hope. n/t

[BOSSHOG]

7. America in 1860, Conservative Nirvana

Blacks are in chains

women can't vote

Church attendance is mandatory

Boy things really have gotten rough on conservatives.

[Mike Niendorff]

8. He left out the fine print:

Headlines in 2029*

*as brought to you by the Ministry of Truth (a subdivision of Fox News / George W. Bush for Emperor, Inc.)



MDN

[MatrixEscape]

9. What would they do

without the forward button and email?

Is it really that much fun to just repeat things in short sentences?

"Hi! I am a Freeper and I love being a propaganda tool! You can be one too. Stop thinking!"

[havocmom]

10. Ah, hell, just kill off all those pesky owls. Who needs rodent control?

Worked so well in Europe all those years ago... killing off the wolves and those satan-serving cats. We love rats! Plague, smague, not afraid. We need more haousing tracks and strip malls and less owls. </sarcasm>

[matcom]

11. thank GAWD i live in MASSACHUSETTS!!!!

just wish it didn't take so long!

[dean_dem]

12. Wow, ignorance, xenophobia, and misogyny all in one email...

That must have taken some time to put together.

[NewJeffCT]

13. A few 2008 headlines I came up with

this was quick.

Headlines in 2008 after 4 more years of Bush and the Republicans:

John Smith of Houston, the 1 millionth draftee, likely headed to North Korean front

Fish eating banned nationwide due to catastrophic levels of mercury

Wal-Mart buys out Target, now runs entire retail sector of US economy

Health insurance now offered only in executive compensation packages.

After latest terror attack, martial law extended for one more year in New York, making New Yorkers unable to vote in 2008 election. California could also see martial law.

Rupert Murdoch purchases NBC and ABC, consolidates them under Fox banner.

Right to attorney repealed as it may aid terrorists, AG Gonzalez says.

Chief Justice Scalia writes majority opinion overturning Roe v Wade.

Wall Street aglow after complete repeal of Social Security.

China buys Los Angeles from US for $1 trillion. Money to go towards war effort in Iran, Syria & North Korea.

Insurgents kill their 25,000th US soldier in Iraq Civil War.