My boyfriend forgot my birthday

[arcos]

grrr... For some reason, I always predict when things like that will happen. Two years ago my dad forgot, but I was expecting that to happen several days before... My birthday is December 1st, and he finally called on December 5th, saying he didn't have any money for a gift so he didn't call (???). Obviously it was a lie, he just forgot.

And well, this year my boyfriend forgot! I was kind of expecting this would happen... and if I hadn't mentioned that everyone sang happy birthday at the office and gave me a nice cake, he wouldn't have even realized he forgot.

He now says he's feeling like shit, and honestly he deserves it... but now I have mixed feeling and don't know whether to just ignore the issue altogether... I am obviously hurt!

Anyway, just wanted to vent... :grr: :P

[Left Brain]

1. (((((arcos)))))

Hugs and a happy birthday to ya kiddo.

[arcos]

6. Thanks!

:hug:

[imenja]

2. Happy Birthday.

and I hate to say it but you can't count on men to remember. You have to remind them. The day before casually drop into the conversation that it's your birthday the next day. It saves heartache.

[arcos]

7. I did that last Saturday...

But I guess it must be done the day before, as you said :P

Thanks! :hug:

[sushi]

14. Firstly, Happy Birthday to You!

Secondly, you must drop hints, often, not only about the date but also what you'd like for a present, or two! I do that and it works! This way I get what I want. It also works at Christmastime!:party:

[arcos]

20. haha... I guess I'll do it more often :P

thanks! :party:

[ze_dscherman]

3. Happy Birthday, then

:party: :toast:

[arcos]

8. Thanks!

:party:

[NYC]

4. Forget his.

That will make it even.

:party: Happy Birthday! :party:

[arcos]

10. Actually, I did that with my dad...

but not sure if this is the right approach in this case, hehe.

Thanks! :party:

[maveric]

5. Happy Birthday arcos. My kids forget mine and I'm a single parent.

Its a shitty feeling when the people you love forget your birthday.

I wish you the best my friend.

MAveRiC

[arcos]

12. Thanks!

Yeah, it sucks big time but oh well... x(

[HereSince1628]

9. Well, the folks at the office remembered

so the day wasn't a total bust.

[arcos]

13. yup.... and the cake was tasty!

:9

[neoteric lefty]

11. He should feel like shit... 12/1... That is so easy to remember

yet, I wouldn't try to hold it over his head. If he cares about you, then I'm sure he is distraught over the whole thing. I would sit him down and explain to him how you really feel about the whole situation and see if he wants to make it up to you. Don't keep it bottled up. Yet also, don't keep reminding him of it. Address the issue, try to make amends about it. Move on.

Just my two cents. Best of luck.

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot; Happy Belated Birthday

[arcos]

15. Yeah, he is feeling awful...

And there were signs everywhere... for example, at a local online forum where we both participate there's a "Users with a birthday today" list. I guess he didn't scroll down to the bottom when he was posting :P

Thanks for your advice!

:hug:

[shawcomm]

17. What a rational mature response... BAH!

I was going to suggest he hold it over him and squeeze all manor of belated gifts out of him. :evilgrin:

But, I suppose your way would be best...

[GingerSnaps]

16. Happy Birthday

:hug: Mark it on your calender that when his birthday rolls around that you will go out to dinner with someone else or by yourself on that day and don't give him a Christmas Gift either. I know the feeling because my birthday was a few weeks back. I had to go out and buy myself something that I needed and charge it to my Dad who hasn't bought me a gift in several years. He has dementia so I am not mad at him.

:hug:

[arcos]

21. Sorry about your dad...

Thanks! :hug:

[Divernan]

18. Don't let him turn the focus on himself.

And don't "ignore the issue altogether." It's far from enough for him to say what HE feels like - I mean if you reminded him less than a week a before about when your birthday was coming, he had AMPLE notice. It's not so much that he forgot your birthday, as that he chose to ignore your birthday. For some reason, he blocked it out. The issue before him is how badly he made YOU feel, and what does he plan to do to make it up to YOU. Your birthday is the one day a year that IS all about you.

Is the guy strapped for cash? Is he typically tight with money? Does he remember his mom or dad's birthdays? Have you been together such a short time this is the first birthday for either of you? (I know some guys who have staged a fight with their girl friend right before a birthday or Christmas just to avoid having to pay for a big night out/gift.)

That said, relationships aren't a function of how much money a guy will spend on you - it truly is the thought that counts - if someone is short on cash, they can remember your birthday in many inexpensive ways. But if all he has to do when he hurts your feelings is tell you how badly HE feels, then he's learned he can get by with bad behavior very easily.
And now you have Christmas coming up. Better have a conversation about that in advance - like setting a spending range on gifts.
Anyhoo - happy birthday, and many, many more! Have a great year.

[arcos]

22. We've been together for a year and 8 months..

and I really wasn't expecting a gift, since I know that right now he doesn't have much money, but will be receiving some soon. So, really it would have been enough with a simple SMS or MSN message, just acknowledging he remembered.

Thanks for your advice!

:hug:

[Spinzonner]

19. Don't nurse a resentment

it will eat away at you over time and ruin a relationship.

If he has apologized, forgive him, let him make amends, and go on with life.

[arcos]

23. yup, that's probably the best thing to do...

Thanks! :hug: