Modem Butterfly goes to the Emergency Room

[Modem Butterfly]

I spent waaaaayyy too much time typing this. If it gets locked, I understand.

On Valentine's Day about six or seven years ago, my partner and I planned on having dinner with friends. I was putting the finishing touches on a gift for one of our friends, who'd recently lost her wife. I noticed that the hand-made lace looked a little loose in one spot, so I pulled out an extremely small steel crochet hook (the hook part is about as big as the tip of a ballpoint pen). I was just mending it when I managed to drive it about two inches deep into the palm of my hand. I screamed. My partner, fresh out of the shower, came running into the living room. He took one look at my hand, and passed out (did I mention he has a fear of needles?). Anyway, so there I was, with this big ass spike sticking out of my hand and my 6'5", 250 lb partner out cold. I had to dial 911 myself. They helped my partner, but were completely unwilling to do anything but take me to the hospital once they heard the word "hook embedded in my hand".

So I get to the hospital, and after telling the nurse my problem, she promptly asks me to WRITE DOWN MY INSURANCE INFO. I showed her my hook again. A guy sitting in the waiting room with a bloody towel over his mouth looked at it and said, "God damn!" I was ushered into the ER.

After getting a lot of stares (people kept coming into my area to gawk) and x-rays (the x-ray techs asked if they could take extras for their wall of weirdness), I was told we'd have to wait for a plastic surgeon with expertise in hands to ensure I didn't have any nerve damage. He was having dinner with his wife. This prompted me to ask about my partner, who's normally very supportive. Turns out he'd passed out again.

By the time the doctor showed up, there were at least half a dozen people in the curtained area JUST FUCKING STARING AT ME AND MY HAND. I asked the doctor if all these people had to be there, and he cleared the room. It took all of about ten minutes to get the damn thing out of my hand, including the time needed for the local anesthetic to take hold. I retained full use of the hand. My partner also made a full recovery.

Later that same year, over 4th of July weekend, I had an attack of the hives at 3 in the morning. I went to the same hospital. By the time the doctor came in, my face looked like a basketball. I said to the doctor, "I'll bet I'm the strangest looking patient," And she said, "No, not at all. We had a lady in here last winter who got a crochet hook stuck in her hand," My partner suggested she read my file. Yes, I got an apology.

[BigMcLargehuge]

1. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

I love it! Too funny!

[yvr girl]

2. That's a very good story

I can't believe my thread got locked. It was pretty tame stuff.

I'm glad you're fine.

[Modem Butterfly]

3. I do have an interesting scar

And I had to fight insurance to actually pay for it. Can you believe the heartless bastards considered it to be an elective procedure?

[underpants]

4. Funny

very funny

[smbolisnch]

5. Great story......

That was too funny. Glad you both made a full recovery :)

[tk2kewl]

6. One time I got poison ivy in a rather unfortunate spot

After a few days of extreme discomfort I went to a doctor who ran a walking clinic in my neighborhood.

I explained that I had poison ivy and wanted some cortisone cream or a shot or something to ease the itch. Of course he wanted to see, so I showed him. He spent the next 10 minutes trying to convince me I had herpes; showing me pictures from text books and what-not.

I knew for sure it was poison ivy because I had it elsewhere on my body and worked delineating wetland boundaries for the town planning department at the time. Eventually I convinced the quack and got what I needed and was on my way.

That incident was during the summer. The following fall I was on a rickety step ladder cleaning leaves out of the gutters of my house when I lost my balance and began to fall. It was one of those slow-motion moments where you see everything unfolding but can do nothing to stop it. The ladder was bouncing up at me as I was coming down. One of the legs of the ladder hit my right between the legs.
I was alone at the time and in excruciating pain. I ran in the house, into the bedroom and sat on the bed with my hands between my legs. After a few moments I dropped my pants. To my horror my penis looked like ones thumb might look after missing the nail with the hammer. The end of my penis was black.

I thought, my god, what should I do? If I went to the clinic down the road again that doctor would certainly think I was crazy. Who knows what books he might pull from the shelves this time. I chose not to go. And after a few days things began to return to normal, but that was a frightening episode.

[Modem Butterfly]

7. You bruised it!

OMG, I've heard of this happening, but yowza! I'm glad your plumbing still works okay.

[paula777]

9. You just left it alone to see if it would get better? You are cRaZy

[Pacifist Patriot]

8. LOL! Great story.