A fitting reply for those syrupy inspirational messages...

[BikeWriter]

...you always get around the holidays.

I am a very sick boy little boy. My mother is typing
this for me, because I can't. She is crying. "Don't
cry, Mommy!" Mommy is always sad, but she says it's
not my fault. I asked her if it was God's fault, but
she didn't answer, and only started crying harder, so
I don't ask her that anymore.

The reason she is so sad is that I'm so sick. I was
born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I go
to sleep. The doctors gave me an artificial body. My
body is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors
said that was the best they could do on account of us
having no money or insurance. I would like to have a
body transplant, but we need more money.

Mommy doesn't work because she said employers don't
hire crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and
she hugged my burlap body. Mommy always gives me hugs,
even though she's allergic to burlap, and it chafes
her real bad. I hope you will help me. You can help me
if you forward this letter.

Dr. Johansen said if you forward this letter then Bill
Gates would team up with AOL and do a survey with
NASA. Then the astronauts will collect prayers from
school children all over America and take them up to
space so that the angels can hear them better. Then
they will go to the Pope, and he will take up a
collection in church and send the money to the
doctors. The doctors could help me better then. Maybe
one day I will be able to play baseball. Or maybe just
use my lungs and heart, when the doctors make them.
The doctors said that every time you forward this
letter, the astronauts could take another prayer to
the angels. Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I
want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I
turn 10.

If you don't forward this letter, that's OK. Mommy
says you're a mean heartless person who doesn't care
about a poor little boy with only a head. What kind of
heartless person are you that you can't take a couple
of measly minutes to forward this to all your friends
so that they can feel guilt and shame for the rest of
their days, and then maybe help a poor, bodiless
nine-year-old boy?

Please help me. This is not very much fun. I try to be
happy but it's hard. I wish I had a puppy. I wish I
could hold a puppy.

Thank You.

Billy 'Smiles' Evans
The boy with just a head, And a burlap sack for a
body.

[Metatron]

1. LOL!

Nice one :)

[BikeWriter]

2. Thanks! I follow that one up with this one...

This couple I once knew, wanted a child so
terribly... The woman and her husband cried, and cried
begging for a child... One day, finally, she
discovered that she was going to have a child!!! The
child they 'so' longed for was finally going to be
theres... They were so happy, they couldn't believe
it!!! They had to celebrate, and let it be known!!!
9 months finally went by, and it brought them to the
hospital... The poor woman went through the most
rigorous labour you could imagine, but she never once
complained, and although her husband felt so much for
her, he could do nothing, but hold her hand, and
assure her that he was with her, every step of the
way...
In the morning, she finally gave birth... ... ... ...
... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Her husband stood at her side, and held her hand
fighting for their child they wanted so much to be
born, to come into this world... It finally
happened... And they were so proud... They both cried
a river of tears...

BUT...

The child they wanted so badly...

came out as just a head...


The woman gave birth to a very 'healthy' baby
'head'...

They had wanted a child for so long, that they were so
happy, even as things turned out, so they took that
little head home, nurtured it, clothed it, and loved
it as much as any couple could love any 'head', or any
child for that matter, and raised it to the best of
their ability, watching it grow...

Every day that little head would sit in the kitchen
window and watch the neighborhood children play
outside, and every day it would ask the same question,
"Mama, why can't I ever play with the kids outside"?
And every day it's mama, would say "it just can't work
that way baby, "maybe some day"... So the little head
waited, and waited for "some day" to come along... It
would sit in the window, and want so much, and then
just slink back from the kitchen, and roll into the
living room and watch TV, every day... every single
day... Waiting for "one day" to come...

Until...

One day, the little head was sitting in the kitchen
window watching the kids play, until, it couldn't
take it any more, and rolled off the counter, onto the
floor, and out the door, wanting so badly just for
once to play like the other kids... It rolled down the
front the steps, down the sidewalk and out into the
street... Yelling... "I'M COMING TO PLAY!!!!"

Just as it got to the center of the street, a car came
speeding along and

((((SMASH!!!!!)))) """HIT IT"""!!! DEAD ON!!!...
SQUISHING IT... FLAT!!!!
The young couple was devistated, and lost... What
could they possibly think...?
\/
\/
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\/
No matter how bad it seems,
there is a moral to this story...
\/
\/
\/
\/
\/
\/
\/
\/
\/
\/
\/
\/
QUIT WHILE YOU'RE A HEAD...!!! (heeheehee!!!)

[jdots]

4. Send little jdots a dollar

this holiday season is a gift of giving
he can buy that rolex and pimp his hummer
wouldn't you better knowing that jdots has 3 d.v.d players in his Hummer 2 and that special brush guard ?

[NC_Nurse]

3. BWAAHAHAHAHA!

I love it! I'm going to send it back to everyone who sends me one of those @#$$%% messages this year!

Thanks! :bounce:

[BikeWriter]

5. You're very welcome!

They work pretty good. Be sure to send them to the people's entire mailing list, which they usually include in their e-mail. It has worked great with one Sister-in-Law. She refuses to speak to me at all! ;-)