"Queer Eye" - Other 'Reality' Shows Scripted

[matcom]

SHOCKED!!! I TELL YA! SHOCKED!!!!

<snip>

We all figured some of it was fake: Joe Millionaire's slurping make-out noises, the depth of the relationship between Brigitte Nielsen and Flavor Flav, Jessica Simpson's breasts. And "reality" was always a misnomer for shows that involve Donald Trump or people on desert islands. But these shows purporting to be unadulterated documentaries are unreal in a more obvious way: They are secretly crafted in advance by writers. And I've got the entertainment equivalent of the Pentagon Papers to prove it. Maybe more like the equivalent of the photo with President Bush holding the fake Thanksgiving turkey in Iraq, but still, they are definitely papers.

Many of the shows that supposedly follow the real lives of real people are really scripted by real writers, many of whom were unemployed because their sitcoms got replaced by reality programs. So reality shows are just sitcoms starring good-looking people instead of hot actresses and the fat, ugly guys who play their husbands. That's why they're 50% more entertaining.

Through sources I cannot reveal but would definitely not go to jail to protect, I got hold of a 19-page, single-spaced outline of an upcoming episode of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy." Every moment is planned in advance, including a few specific lines for the straight guy to deliver, which Bravo says is not unusual for any reality show. It's something that people in Hollywood know and think is no big deal. Like Mike Ovitz.

This script tells the touching story of Patrick Mullare, a guido who lost 100 pounds and lives in his parents' basement (see latimes.com/realitytv for the full script and Cialis pop-up ads). On Page 5, Fab Five member Jai conveniently provides exposition and sets up the tension by finding a greeting card in Patrick's room from Rene, an unrequited crush.

Six pages later, Jai brings him to the bar at the Tribeca Grand ("INT. HIP AFTERWORK SINGLES BAR") where Patrick invites a woman to the party the queer guys are throwing for him that night. Then there's "a funny moment" where Patrick, after showering, slips back to his pre-queerified self and almost uses hair gel.

http://www.latimes.com/news/custom/showcase/la-op-stein5dec05.story

[terrya]

1. Carson Kressley's devasting quips are...scripted???!!??

Horrors! :-)

[meegbear]

3. You mean he's not a quick twit, I mean wit?

I'll never be able to take sassy repartee to heart again.

[yorkiemommie1]

2. my daughter's been on a couple of these shows

yes, scripted.

[MatrixEscape]

4. Not surprised ...

the media is taking its viewers for suckers. P.T. Barnum has reincarnated as American television. NEVER give a sucker an even break!

[Ian David]

7. Most of those shows are so lame

Can you imagine how much more lame they would be WITHOUT the scripting?

As for The Surreal Life, the main reason I stopped watching was because I couldn't stand Favor Flav in the first place, and seeing him making out with ANYONE was unbearably painful. I'd rather watch them eat bowls of cow snot on Fear Factor.

And you think they SCRIPTED Flavor Flav's nauseating affair with Brigette Nielsen? Ugh.

They really should put things like that in front of a focus group first.

If they wanted a rap singer in the house, they should have chosen someone more agreeable (and less like a walking freakshow) like maybe DJ Jazzy Jeff.

Anyway, here is who I would love to see in the Surreal Life house:

1) John Hagee (televangelist)
2) Asia Carrera (check the "adult" section of the video store)
3) Stephen Hawking (Physicist, probably smartest person ever)
4) David Cross (political comedian)
5) Isaac Hayes (Singer and the voice of Chef on Southpark)
6) Jenny Jones (washed-up tabloid TV talkshow host)

[2bfree]

8. Ewww...........

Flav was the worst, so arrogant.

[soothsayer]

5. They have to do it. Reality is slow and boring and goes in the

wrong direction sometimes, for tv show purposes.

[Squeech]

6. Yeah, but

I still want a job as Carson Kressley's joke writer.

[arwalden]

9. Why Does The Makeover-Guy On QueerEye Act Surprised When The Fab5 Arrive?

You'd think all the "hidden" cameras put up around the house (not to mention the CAMERAMAN who's walking behind him as he opens the door to greet the Fab5) would make him think that *something* must be up.