Oh, great. Our exchange student is freaking out.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

We have this exchange student from Germany who has been at our house about two weeks now, and she's been expecting a package of Christmas presents from her mother. The package finally came today, but the postmaster delivered it to our front door instead of the mailbox. When I came out to get it, it had been ripped open by an animal or my dogs (we live by the woods so it could have been either). I got pretty much everything back together, but most of the candy was gone. Every little present I had taped and wrapped back up, but I didn't want to lie to her about it. When my mother got home, we tried to explain what happen and she got really really upset. She's like crying hysterically and wailing about how much it cost her mom to send the package, etc. I think she hates being at our house and hates our dogs. I don't know what to do. I understand how upset she is, but there is nothing we could have done to prevent it. She is mad and blaming us now, and it's unfair of her to do it. I literally walked around the yard for 45 minutes today to find ANYTHING remotely resembling something that was a gift.

Everything was fine up until NOW. We got along fine, there was no problems. Now something happens and she blows up.

I don't know what to do.

[wryter2000]

1. You're right

There's more going on that the package getting damaged. I'd suggest she call home and have a talk with her family.

[Stephanie]

2. She's homesick.

She misses her mother. She'll get over it. It's not your fault.

[Lex]

3. Sounds like it's time for a big family meeting

and to get everyone's feelings out on table.

I'm sure she's missing her family something fierce right now too.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

7. I know she is

She talked to her mom a short while ago to make sure everything was there. I think just about everything is except for one thing, which we are trying to find. I'm pretty sure that it's just a case of homesickness, you know? I'd be a sad kid too if my Christmas presents got ruined. Especially so far from home.

[flamingyouth]

4. She's probably having a hard time being away from home

for the holidays, and this happened, and she's having a meltdown. It sounds like you did everything you could, and I'm sure you were very nice to her throughout the whole ordeal. Again, my guess is that the magical wonders of the bullshit we call Christmas are warming her heart and causing her to lash out at the people in closest proximity - you. I'm sorry, dear.:hug:

[RubyDuby in GA]

5. It sounds like she's just really homesick

and emotional. Remain calm and she'll finally calm down too.
Of course, I say this now when I'm 30 and not when I was a teenager too. I would have been freaking out too in a strange country with strangers.....


:)

[mitchtv]

6. take her out

someplace unique. She'll get over it.oh yeah, let the mailman have it

[johnnie]

8. It could just be that she is upset by not being at home for Christmas

Maybe give her a few days and things will be ok again. She could be homesick and this just set her over the edge.
The package was her own little bit of home being sent to her and she feels like it was invaded. I hope it all gets settled out.

[sandnsea]

9. Poor thing

If her mom sent some kind of homemade goodies, maybe your mom could call her mom and get the recipes. Or some of her family's Christmas traditions. I would be upset too, if I were waiting for something special to remind me of my mom and it got ruined. And she is just lashing out, but she'll realize it and probably apologize. It sounds like what everybody is saying, she's homesick.

[Dzimbowicz]

32. Very good idea !

To call her mother and try to remake what the dogs ate.

[JHB]

10. Keep in mind you have a homesick teenager there...

...who is VERY far away from what she considers familiar, and has been for likely longer than she ever has before, and probably isn't handling it as well as she might have thought she would.

What can you do? What you can. Be patient (keeping the dogs away from her might be good too). If she's been with other families while she's there, talk to them for ideas. Certainly the people running the program have faced this sort of thing before. Depending on the program you're involved with and the expense involved, a phone call home might be in order.

And more patience.

[Dora]

11. Poor girl.

There's nothing you can do. You and your mom have done a super job already by rewrapping the gifts and being honest with her.

She's homesick, it's almost Christmas, and I bet she wishes she'd never decided to participate in the exchange. Perfectly understandable. Of course she's going to blame you, there's nobody else for her to get mad at. Please let her be mad, it's the best gift you could give.

It'll blow over. If you have the money to spend, maybe you could give her a phone card for international calls so she can call her mom? Or some other gesture - surely there's a German Xmas tradition or treat you could surprise her with. Or, you could ask her to show you and you could do/make/shop together.

[indigolady]

12. Ditto to all the other responses. and...

Maybe she wanted to spend her exchange year in an American city, like NYC or Chicago, or California beach, or something like the America the world sees on TV.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

14. Instead of small town upstate new york...

Yeah, it never really works out the way it looks on TV, does it?

[progmom]

18. Hey LeftPeople

I'm from a small town in Upstate NY too. Boy were our exchange students disappointed when they arrived. I think many European teens don't have a concept of just how large NY state is - NY to them is NYC.

Where Upstate do you live?

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

22. near Glens Falls

nt

[progmom]

23. I grew up in Seneca Falls

Some distance away.

[radwriter0555]

41. I grew up in Marcellus and Skaneatles.

Hello!

[progmom]

45. Hey there!

A fellow Finger Laker!

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

46. That is so true ...

America is portrayed as every city being the big city - and that is so not true .

[indigolady]

15. And Saint Nickolas Day is Dec.6. when the children get the gifts.

[intheflow]

13. Maybe you could find some German bakery and buy her some

German cookies and goodies for Christmas. My extended family has a German branch. It's the German cookies and German chocolates that I miss most now that I live so far from them.

I see you're in NY. You should be able to find a good German bakery nearby. I know of some along the Canadian border, in the Catskills, in the Albany area, and in NYC. If you live in Western NY on the Pennsylvania border, Amish baked goods might work well, too. It will be worth it for her to find real German goodies--American supermarket German Chocolate cakes will taste like paste to her.

Oh, and you might give her these treats on Christmas Eve. That's when Germans open their presents, so that will feel a bit more like home to her.

O8)

[Rabrrrrrr]

16. We need to rally some good old American DUer hospitality!

And send that poor girl some candies and cookies as a goodwill gesture that hey, at least liberal Americans aren't shitknocking world-destroying fucktards, and that we take care of everyone in our midst, foreigner or not.

What do you think DUers? Can we rally?!

Poor girl - awfully homesick, I bet.

We need some good ol' American cheer sent her way!

(sad thing is, though, that if they sent her chocolates, sending her American chocolate to replace would just be a total insult, since ours sucks, unless you go to a nice local place, like Lilac in the Village or Mondels in Morningside Heights).

[Lisa0825]

30. what a sweet idea:-)

I'd be happy to send her a little something if y'all decide to do this.

[Name removed]

17. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Trajan]

19. Eek .....

Its a louse ....

[n2mark]

20. Do you have a German restuarant in your area?

If so take her to one then have a talk with her. Ask her why she is so upset. She may be willing to talk in her own type environment.

[Kellanved]

34. No, I don't think that would work

She would appreciate the gesture, but German Restaurants tend to have very little in common with the real Germany. About as much as Disneyland has with the US. I have real trouble entering these places without laughing out loud.

Most tend to be Bavarian ("Lederhosen") styled, what is rather uncommon in Germany, and there is not just "one" German Cuisine, but about half a dozen (not counting the minor regional Branches).

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

21. Update

She's like, upset and wanting to talk to her first host mother. It's a huge insult to us, since we have done so many things with her. We've taken her to Washington, DC... brought her to school events... drive her to school everyday, etc etc. Now she's accusing us of taking the presents or whatever. If something was missing that was important to me, I wouldn't accuse my friend's parents of "Stealing it".

[Frogtutor]

24. Has she talked to her real mother to confirm what she sent in the package?

It could just be a misunderstanding...Maybe you can talk to the first host mother and explain the situation; then she might be able to convince the girl you're telling the truth?

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

38. Yes, she has spoken to her.

The only thing missing is the candy, which our dogs ate. All the really nice stuff is still there, along with a few cards from her family. Up until today, she's been really nice and cool. I don't get it. She wanted to go talk to her first host mother to sort things out, so we let her. I don't want her to run back to her everytime there is a problem though. She needs to learn to trust us, and we have given her plenty of reasons to trust us.

[Name removed]

25. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Renew Deal]

27. ummm OK

Thanks doc.

[LoZoccolo]

29. I ditto that diagnosis.

I'm not a doctor, but I play one on DU.

[Kellanved]

35. ouch

How old is she? She probably didn't mean to insult you, but that does sound neither nice, nor good. Not knowing her (or anything specific about the current situation), I can only guess that she is not acting rationally right now.

Christmas is the typical season for homesickness to break out, but that should not be constructed as an excuse to be impolite. She must know that you'd never take her stuff, and it is still plenty of time for her parents to send replacements .

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

39. Seventeen

I know she is homesick, but if the same thing happened to me, I doubt I'd be blaming my host mother for something that happened while she was at work.

[Renew Deal]

26. You ruined Christmas

:evilgrin:

j/k It's probably the little taste of home that she was waiting for. People can get homesick quickly. That's probably a part of it.

[LoZoccolo]

28. The Bumpus's hounds.

"Go upstairs and get dressed...we are going out to eat!"

[skygazer]

31. Poor kid

Quite honestly, I would speak to your postmaster. If a package is too large for the mailbox, technically they should either leave a notice to pick up at the post office or knock on the door. It was irresponsible to just leave it sitting there, especially if you're in an area with critters.

She's homesick and upset and I know you take the fact that she wants to talk to her first host mother as an insult but she's away from home and among strangers. That's hard and to have your Christmas gifts, your little touch of home, torn up and strewn around is going to make it that much harder.

Anyway, I would complain to the P.O. which might make her realize that you're taking her pain seriously. Because I really think they acted carelessly here (I would be upset at such a thing and I'm 43 years old).

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

40. Even if we didn't have dogs...

We have deer, raccoons, squirrels, chipmunks, rabbits... we live in the freaking woods. Any animal could have ripped open that package in the middle of the woods. They could have kept it at the post office, which is two seconds away from our house. I was home from school sick today, and would have been more than happy to take the package inside if somebody had rang the doorbell. But I went to pick up the mail and it was strewn about all over the front porch, it was too late.

[11 Bravo]

33. Rough situation for her and for you.

although after growing up with two sisters, expecting rational behavior from a teenage girl is somewhat foreign to me.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

36. She is very homesick ...

and this is just a way for her to get her feelings out of her system . Especially experiencing Christmas in another country . I spent 3 years in Germany ( 3 Christmas times ) so I sort of know how she feels . This might sound cliche but ask her if she wants some taste of home :
- Find some recipes for German Christmas treats , especially " Stollen " and other delicious treats . ( Lebkuchen and etc . )
- ask her to share the tradition of the " Advent " with your family ( thats if she celebrates this ) ,
- even ask her what her family does on New Year's ( called " Silvester " in German ) and incorporate the activities into your festivities this year . In Germany it is tradition to shoot off fireworks when the clock strikes midnight , this was so cool - as soon as midnight came the skies lit up throughout the neighborhood . ( oh how I miss that tradition )
- There is this movie called " Dinner For One ( Der 90. Geburtstag ) " that is in English but this movie is played every New Year's Eve on German television . It would be cool if somehow someway a copy of this could get to her to watch on New Year's Eve .

... this way she could share a little bit of German Christmas traditions with you and your family . Hopefully this could bury the drama over the package . Sorry that happened - international postal services are stressful . I hope that she has apologized or I hope that she will . This was not your or anyone else in your family's fault .

[cally]

37. I think you need to contact the program and

ask them to intervene. We had an exchange student for 9 months and I would be insulted if she had acted this way. I understand the homesickness, but to then accuse your family of stealing is wrong. The relationship will be difficult unless this is resolved. How long will she be staying?

[Guaranteed]

42. Ask her if there's anything you can do to make it up to her.

It may not be your fault, but to patch this up you have to show her that you're there for her.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

43. we did

she seems ok now...

[flamingyouth]

44. I have a friend/customer who is from Germany

She is REALLY sweet and makes the best German cookies this time of year. Would you like me to ask her to bake her a little something and write her a note? It would come from Seattle, not Germany, but maybe it would help lift her spirits.

And believe me, Liesel would LOVE doing this for her, trust me. She also could use a pick-me-up right now, as Christmas Eve is the anniversary of her son's murder, so she always has a hard time during the holidays. PM me if you think that would make her happy.