How many women have fallen in love with the “bad boy” in their teens

[Wapsie B]

and twenties,only to realize later that they should’ve gotten to know the quiet shy guy in the corner? This is something I’ve wondered about for a long time. I'm not outgoing at all, especially in a group of people I just met. It takes me awhile to warm up to new faces, and in social situations that can mean the difference between having a romance with a woman or having a more assertive guy make the moves on her first.

[u4ic]

1. I always liked the shy

or brainy types...the bad boys never did anything for me.

[Wapsie B]

6. Cool.

Too bad you didn't live near me. :)

[u4ic]

11. Where's that darn teleporter?!?

lol...I've rarely had a problem talking to shy people...find out what their interest is. No matter how shy anyone is, they'll always love to talk about their passion, hobby, etc. :) Either you'll have something in common, or learn something new.

[Wapsie B]

19. I know it sounds easy even to me.

I even do it every day at work, talking to new patients about all this stuff. But get me into a social situation and my fear of rejection takes over big time.

[u4ic]

52. I hear ya

Unfortunately many think shy = dull. The two don't necessarily go together.

It seems like many people are so easily dismissed if they don't have the 'right' look, or personality, or resume. And then there's speed dating. :crazy: Who the hell thought of that?

[NewJeffCT]

29. where the heck where you when I was in high school?

I was voted shyest in my class in both 8th grade and my high school senior class. I always claimed that at least I was well known enough to win the award, so I couldn't have been truly that shy.

[intheflow]

2. It took me until my late 30's to wake up to the bad boy/shy boy thing.

Love my current shy boy!!!! Only got abuse and heartache from those bad boys.

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

3. Raising my hand, hanging head in shame....

I married him and bore his child. Now I am in my 30's wondering how on EARTH I could ever rationalize a sweet, successful, good-looking guy as "too-nice". :wtf:

On edit, I divorced after 9 hellacious abusive, alcoholic years.

[Wapsie B]

8. Thank god you got out of that.

I'm glad for you. I've got a friend who saw what was happening with her bf when she was in high school. Way into drugs and in trouble with the law. So she finally dumped him. But she's always wondered about him and a few months ago contacted him. Now she's having an affair with the guy. But even now she realizes it's not a romance, just a fling. Nothing she wants to get involved with again long term even though he's cleaned up his act.

[greatauntoftriplets]

4. I am in my 50s and now love the bad boy who existed years ago....

...and who I never knew in my teens. LOL, he has grown up, and become a wonderfully sensitive man.

[sir_captain]

5. Now that is a good question

Certainly one I've pondered about a billion times.

[Wapsie B]

10. Thanks.

n/t

[distantearlywarning]

7. I dated many bad boys in my youth.

But I'm marrying the quiet shy guy next week. Nice guys do win in the end!

[Wapsie B]

9. Oh there's hope for me yet!

But the problem I'm having is being ignored all these years. Then only after a woman has her fill of bad boys do we "nice guys" get a look.

[Radical Activist]

12. Yeah that always annoyed me too

Nice guys get women who have grown up but have all the emotional issues associated with years of being treated like crap in bad relationships. ugh Oh, and forget being a girls first.

Anyway, I learned to be more assertive without being a jerkoff bad boy. Just work on it.

[yvr girl]

45. Do men like being a girl's first?

I've never heard this brought up before.

[Radical Activist]

53. Many do

I think it's an ego thing. Then again, some men don't want that since it's such a big deal.

[Nadienne]

13. I'm attracted to the quiet type.

The assertive types (at least, the ones that seem attracted to me) are all talk and no show.

The "bad boys"... That depends. "Bad" as in "rebels against authority" usually end up as friends of mine. "Bad" as in "bullies" usually irritate me.

I, too, take some time to warm up to people. I like to understand how people in a group setting relate to each other, what kind of people they are, before I get involved with them.

On edit: My current boyfriend has expressed the same grievances. So, you're not alone.

[Wapsie B]

15. Yeah, I have to be around people

awhile to feel comfortable with them even on an acquaintance level. I'm glad I'm not the only guy to have questions like this.

[Huckebein the Raven]

30. I'm the same way

[Cadence]

14. I've always been the opposite.

I'm attracted to the shy quiet type and the bad boys are always attracted to me.

[chefgirl]

16. Why did you have to remind me?

I've been with more bad boys than I care to admit. I've had serious relationships with three of them (at least they were serious to ME)(and therein lies the rub)

Thank God I've finally learned. It wasn't easy though.

A long time ago someone on DU started a thread with a question about 'the hardest lesson you've ever had to learn'.
My answer was learning to say no to myself when I want something that I know will cause me trouble. I was referring to Bad Boys.

What still perplexes me, however, is why, so often, reasonably intelligent women like myself fall for them. :shrug:
I think I've finally given up on trying to understand it.

-chef-

[Wapsie B]

18. Maybe it's some primal thing

that some woman have. They subconsciously look at the bad boys as being better providers by virtue of their agressive nature. Just my pop-psychology point of view.

[RagingInMiami]

20. Or maybe it's women's primal need to change men

[chefgirl]

24. Well, theres where you're wrong

At least you're wrong about me. The last thing I have ever attempted to do was change ANY man.
As a matter of fact, theres where my problems begin with bad boys. I believe strongly in the philosophy that you can only have a decent relationship if you begin from a place where each person is free to be exactly who they are, warts and all.

Having allowed for that in every relationship I've been in is probably part of the problem, ironically. I think a couple of them have mistaken that for me being a doormat.
Since I am the farthest thing there is from a doormat, what usually happens is, I will watch them being 'who they are' until I decide that I've put up with it long enough and its become a useless exercise, and thats when I draw the line.

Of course, it doesn't prevent me from being hurt in the process, and that's what I meant about learning to say no to myself when I want something that I know is going to cause me trouble.

What I can't figure out is why, knowing that a guy is a bad boy, right from the start, doesn't stop me from being attracted to them in the first place.

-chef-

[chefgirl]

26. LOL....

Or maybe its just that the squeaky wheel is the one that gets the grease.

Bad boys tend to make themselves known while the shy ones usually wait for women to approach them.

Women tend to have men approaching them all day long, so the ones that don't kind of get lost in the shuffle, I think.

-chef-

[bettyellen]

17. fallen for the seem to be shy but have the bad boy lurking underneath

type of guy.. more than once. It's a very specific subtype that i've managed to isolate and study..... at my leisure...

[Wapsie B]

21. I'd like to think that even

some of us nice guys have a devilish nature underneath the surface. Heck, we've got all this stuff pent up for so long all we need is for someone to give us a chance and draw it out of us.

[azoth]

22. omg - moth to a flame. Most of the guys I dated

were of the Bad Boy persuasion. *swoon* There's just something about that brooding, smoldering kind of guy - you know, with a motorcycle and a tattoo or three - that works for me. Really works for me.

However, I married a hottie "nice guy" who worked with me. He was not a Bad Boy, but when I met him he was a married man. I have always thought that whole forbidden fruit thing was part of the initial attraction. ;)

(and ftr his marriage ended for reasons that had nothing to do with me)

[Wapsie B]

23. I can relate to your story

so very well, having met someone while we're both married. Don't know if I'd go so far as to call myself a hottie though.

[GCP]

25. Here's another one who originally went for the bad boy

But ended up still happily married after almost 35 years, to the semi-quiet guy who waited for me to see the light!

[gingergreen]

27. ALWAY went for the bad boy

thank God I learned my lesson... now I have a sweetie

[SarahB]

28. Never ever.

I fell in love with the quiet, shy boy. We were intense. The only thing resembling a "baby boy" was the man I married and most of his bad boy stage was before we met. Maybe I didn't think I could take intensity again. I don't know where my head was at as it was so long ago. Overt alpha males turn me off more than anything else.

[SarahB]

32. Ooops!

I meant to say "bad boy" when talking about the man I married. Freudian slip or something I guess. Ooops!

Then again, BWA, you are probably one of the few people around here who have noticed who exactly is my type.
:hi:

[Wapsie B]

34. Oh be still my beating heart.

:sigh:


:hi:

You just made my day.

[gollygee]

31. I dated some serious bad boys

I always thought the nice guys weren't "my type." But then I realized that if "my type" continued to be alcoholic violent men who hated women, I would be unhappy forever. So I changed "my type" and married a sweet quiet guy. I've been happy since then.

[Misunderestimator]

33. I always went for the quiet shy guy... well, not always quiet and not

always shy, but definitely not bad. 'Course, I didn't know I was gay at the time... :) I've had my share of bad girls.

[Wapsie B]

36. That's cool

that you could see through past everything and go for the softspoken one's. Sometimes you have to go off the beaten path to find the real treasure. btw I'm very happy for you and NSMA.

[Misunderestimator]

51. Thanks!

Appreciate that... :)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

35. not me

i have dated not nice people...but not stereotypical bad boys...some really bad girls though :evilgrin:

[Wapsie B]

37. Oooooo baby!

Sounds like good times were had by all.

:evilgrin:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

38. good times were certainly had

:D

[Wapsie B]

40. Naughty visions

are gonna be racing through my head over that one. :)

[ernstbass]

39. Made the mistake of marrying a bad boy

and it caused me many years of heartache. Women always think they can change the bad boy. It often has to do with our fathers.

[Wapsie B]

42. Yes I think you're right.

I knew a woman who had a horrible relationship with her father. She always sought out older men to try to make up for that. But most of them were physically and/or mentally abusive to her. She thought she could tame the beast within them and change them.

[rbnyc]

41. I was the bad girl that sweet boys...

...and girls fell for.

Smart and sensitive, but misunderstood, hard family life, always in trouble, played by my own rules, smoked pot, cut class, hated by parents, and took everyone's virginity.

:evilgrin:

[Wapsie B]

43. Oh dear god in heaven...........

getting a little warm in here...........


:evilgrin:

[rbnyc]

44. I'm so glad I didn't have a girl...

...I would be horrified when she became a teenager.

[Wapsie B]

47. But maybe she would've been

so straight-laced you'd not think she was yours. Yeah my mom always said she wished she had 4 boys. My sisters were a lot harder on her than my brother and I. But heck, my teenage life woulda bored a Mormon.

[rbnyc]

49. LOL

Funny...and sad! ;-)

[tigereye]

46. all my bad boys became accountants, lawyers and

scientists. Maybe they weren't so "bad" after all. A lot of the punk bad boys I knew in college seemed to be going through a phase and returned to their upper-middle class roots later and now live in very expensive houses. ;)

ps I married the sweet artist, though.

[Left Is Write]

48. Oh, me. Definitely.

I dated lots of bad boys. Stupid, I suppose, but I think I'm wiser now for the experience.

[skygazer]

50. I was always attracted to bad boys

They were exciting. When you're young and just embarking on life, exciting seems like just the thing. Besides, there's that element of the forbidden which is very alluring. And they tend to be rather noticable so you feel like you're with someone who everyone turns to look at. That can feel pretty cool.

I married a "nice boy" at 19. I divorced him 7 years later. He bored the hell out of me, to be quite honest. Then I married the ultimate bad boy and that was an unmitigated disaster. He sold and abused drugs, he beat and abused me. He was awful.

My present man was a bit of a bad boy in his youth and still carries some of that rakish charm but he was always a kind heart and good soul which makes a big difference. He works hard and always has and he's very much a gentleman. He's kind of like the best of both worlds, a romantic who still has a little bit of an edge.

I guess I need that whiff of excitement, that slight air of unpredictability.

Though I will say, I've had some good fun with the shy guys too. They can be a lot of fun to corrupt. :evilgrin:

[the Princess]

54. I always liked the quiet ones when I was younger

But NOW! LOL I am so attracted to bad boys it's not funny. But the love of my life my hubby - is a good boy - a very good boy. :)

But why the hell bad boys interest me now I have no idea.

LOL

*wink* I still prefer good boys tho *wink*

[Nikia]

55. "Bad boys" didn't like me

They thought that I was too much of a goody two shoes, too assertive for a woman, and too accomplished. The few that I actually liked told me some variation of this and preferred dating women who were only known for their appearance and sexuality.

[Wapsie B]

56. Bad girls didn't like me

so maybe that makes us even. Or at least I think they didn't. Haven't gotten anyone from my past looking me up and wanting to get to know me better, nor any come-ons at class reunions for that matter.

[Iris]

57. Married a bad boy.

Who was, in reality, quiet and shy.

[Wapsie B]

58. Maybe he was just

going along with the crowd and let you see his true self.

[Iris]

59. yeah.

drugs and alcohol can mask a lot!