Describe your worst date ever.

[Phillycat]

Here's one from the Tonight Show I received in email:

Worlds Worst First Date

This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!!

We have all had bad dates...but this takes the cake. This just tells you
how tough it is to be single nowadays.

This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the
audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The
winner described her worst first date experience. There absolutely no question

as to why her tale took the prize!

Marilyn said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken

her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). No, not Marilyn.

They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.

The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home
late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she
gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They

were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle

of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for

awhile.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came
a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee be side
the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she

quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.

Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let
her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and
indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could
think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing
nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.

As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks
were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to

pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage
her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand

new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date's

concerns about "what was taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was

"freezing her butt off and needed some assistance"!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then,

as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.

She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves,

they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they

also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to

free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten

her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one
way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to

unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As for the Tonight Show... she took the prize hands down. or perhaps that should be

"pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing.

[Inland]

1. Okay, so what do you do for a SECOND date?

After that sort of intimacy, you might as well get married.

[pres2032]

48. heh, seriously

[Catherine Vincent]

2. Mine? THE BASTARD WAS A NO SHOW!

But that story you posted is a myth, I think. It's been going around for sometime. It is funny, though.

[Phentex]

8. I had heard a version of this too.

seemed familiar!

[SpaceCatMeetsMars]

3. Two words.

Kenny Loggins.

[Phillycat]

4. You went on a date with Kenny Loggins?

[SpaceCatMeetsMars]

6. LOL NO! The guy took me to see him in concert!

I thought I would die of boredom. Of course the guy wasn't too impressed with me either because he brought a flask of liguor and I drank most of it.

[Phillycat]

7. Well, how the hell else were you supposed to make it through a

Kenny Loggins concert? :shrug:

[SpaceCatMeetsMars]

10. Exactly. This was right around the time of "Footloose!" too.

[Phillycat]

11. Good god.

Didn't he do Highway to the Danger Zone, too?

[Fenris]

12. Yep.

:D

[SpaceCatMeetsMars]

15. Even worse than that was his acoustic set.

[Fenris]

5. Wow. It takes guts to admit that.

[TNDemo]

9. I had a blind date with a redneck who took me to the races.

It was loud, obnoxious, boring and absolutely endless. My friend owed me big time after me agreeing to this date (friend of her boyfriend or something). There were just too few teeth and too many pick-em-ups with gun racks in that place.

[Midlodemocrat]

13. This is funny.

...but alas, not true.

http://www.snopes.com/love/dating/frozen.asp

[ernstbass]

14. How much time do you have?

Lord knows I've had some bad ones in my time. I went out with a guy I ran into at my high school reunion. He turned out to be one of the biggest freepers ever!! He had a sawed off shotgun in the back seat cause he was a bounty hunter. In a desperate attempt to make conversation, I asked him about deer hunting (ugh) and he responded, "well, you know it just isn't any fun to hunt deer after you've hunted humans" He also slipped said he worked as a bodyguard for Ollie North when he ran for Senator. Another date that stands out in my mind is the blind date who told me 5 mins after meeting him that he shaved the hair off his ass so he could ride his bike - I could have gone all night without hearing that!! And folks wonder why I'm single!!!!

[TrogL]

16. I threw up

ame down with a really nasty flu all in the course of about half an hour.

[Left Is Write]

17. Well -

My worst date ever ended with a crime being committed. I was the victim of the crime. The crime was never reported.

Bad date. Enough said.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

20. sorry.

[Phentex]

18. Picked me up on his motorcyle...it was raining....

He asked me to dinner and a movie, but when he arrived he said he had already eaten. Said he would take ME somewhere to eat if I wanted to. Skipped it. Got to the theater where he bought *only* his ticket. When we got inside, I asked him if he wanted popcorn. He said no, so I bought some for myself. He ended up eating most of it. Sat through Ran, which was a good movie but too longass to sit through with someone who must talk the ENTIRE time. 160 minutes of play-by-play while I was struggling to read the subtitles. :o

[Nevernose]

30. "Ran" doesn't strike me the best first date movie anyway.

Was nothing else playing?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

19. 2 dates

once with a girl who was vegan (and i need meat in my food) and she insisted on eating dinner in a vegan restaurant...i would have so much preferred to just get a drink...anyway obviously the food sucked...

and another where someone asked me out and then wanted to go to mcdonalds for dinner...ummm..i dont think so!


thankfully they are both food related and not pee related :P

[sniffa]

21. when i was 20ish

there was a girL who worked at the harvard coop with me (another buiLding though) and i had a huge crush on her (she had coLored hair, some piercings, and was a raver). some of my coworkers used to tease me about it.

anyhow, one day i was informed that she was Leaving (Last day) so i figured i better go meet her. so i was nervous, and went and taLked to her and she was very receptive. we exchanged numbers and had a few conversations that went weLL.

so the day of our first date comes - i reaLLy didn't have any pLans but maybe rent a movie, eat Lunch, smoke weed. she finaLLy shows up at my pLace about 2 hours Late. that's ok, because i was just excited (i never acted on a crush before).

she immediateLy wants to go out, she doesn't care where. so we head out and she takes over. we go down to the charLes river to go for a waLk - we waLk for a few miLes and she doesn't say a f'n word the whoLe time no matter what topic or hiLarious anecdote i offered.

so now, we've had a Long and very uncomfortabLe waLk (on my part at Least) and she suggests going to get Lunch.

we go to a chinese restaurant in harvard square (a good one too $$) and she eats heartiLy (as did i). again, she was siLent and put off by me. in short, i was uncomfortabLe again - wanting to jump out of my skin. at the end of the meaL she Let me pick up the tab (which was fine i suppose) and LuckiLy i had just enough money to cover it.

so i figure the date has to be over now - it's been miserabLe; she obviousLy doesn't Like me. she suggests going to catch a movie - she doesn't care which one, just one that starts soon. so we waLk over to the movie theater and she orders two tickets.... then turns around and asks for the money (which i didn't have now). she sighed, sucked her teeth, and bought her own ticket. i had enough $$ to buy my own ticket.

in the movie, it was more of the same. i tried to do LittLe things Like touching her hand or putting my arm around her - something to make this more of a date than whatever the heLL it was. she was having none of it. so i sat through a movie just dying to get the fuck out of there.

after the movie i figured we shouLd make a mercy kiLLing and stop this nonsense. she informs me that she can't drive me home (i forget why - doesn't matter) but i made her drive me to the train station.
she was pissed again, that i had been so brash.

the short ride to the station was more misery, but for some strange reason she taLked about going out again, and how i shouLd caLL her. now i was just aLL screwed up. when she dropped me off i decided to make one Last try at affection and Leaned in to give her a peck good bye.... she yanks her head away from me and i give her kiss on the side of her head instead.

it was quite embarrassing and uncomfortabLe.

[sir_captain]

29. Heh...good chinese food in the square?

I hope we're not talking the Kong here... I hope it was at least Yenching.

But yeah, that sucks.

[sniffa]

31. no, it wasn't the kong

aLthough i used to get great drinks there when i was weLL underage. :evilgrin:

i went to that pLace next to caLifornia pizza kitchen if that heLps. if not, across the street from the JFK schooL of gubmint. is that yenching?

[sir_captain]

34. I know the one you're talking about

There wasn't any California Pizza Kitchen when I lived in Cambridge, but I'm pretty sure I'm following you...

And yes, I too have fond memories of underage Scorpion Bowls at the Kong. Good times.

[Debbi801]

22. The worst was a blind date I had in high school...

First of all, he looked like Herman Munster, but I looked past that. :-) It was the middle of winter and it was snowing. He was beyond proud that he had his own car--a Trans Am and it had a "state of the art" 8-track player in it. All he was listening to was this hillbilly twang music, and of course it being an 8-track, you could hear another track behind what was actually singing. We went to the movies and saw Reds. Which if you remember seeing it, was long enough that it had an intermission. 3 times during the movie, once in each half and once during the intermission, he had to leave the movie to call his mother. He was afraid she might be worrying about him. When the movie was over, he called her again to get permission to take me out for pizza, although I insisted I was perfectly agreeable to him taking me right home.

So, we went to Pizza Hut and was shocked at the prices :shrug: and decided he didn't want anything. So, i wound up ordering my own dinner and paying for it, too. While I ate, he once again called his mother.

After dinner, he took me back home. He proceeded to get stuck in the snow near my house and demanded that I (in a skirt and dress boots) push him out because he wasn't about to let anyone else sit in the driver's seat of his car. If it had been close enough to home that I could have walked, I would have left him there.

We get back to my house and he asked to come in for a minute to, once again, call his mother. The guy had serious mother issues. The scariest thing was that he thought the date had gone great and asked me out several more times before getting the point that there was no way I would go out with him again.

Debbi

[underpants]

23. Well I can tell you about my best date ever

I just finished my last exam and was finally going to get a degree. My girlfriend at the time invited me out to celebrate. She bought dinner at a Italian place, then we went back to her apartment and......

Afterwards I was laying on the couch. I realized that the SEC championship game (football)was coming on at 8 PM. I proceeded to fake stomach pains. She offered to take care of me but I said that I better get home (30 min. drive) in case I get really sick.

On the way home I bought a 12-pack and called (no cell phone at the time) my buddy and he met me at my place mid-first quarter and we watched the game. Florida beat Alabama 45-30.

I married her two years ago and yes she does know the truth about that evening.

[Merrick]

24. My friend had a good one

Hooked up with a girl sight unseen through a personal ad. She came to his place, and besides being quite unattractive, overweight and dressed like a biker, she had brought with her a package of hot dogs and a bag of white bread and proceeded to make herself dinner. He wouldn't disclose the details of what happened once they went out, but my other friend who was his roommate at the time reported that when he arrived home he took two shots of whiskey, said "Sorry mom" and went into his room.

My worst was probably with a girl I'd met at a party while on the rebound after having a few. The first thing that went through my head upon seeing her for the 2nd time was something like "What the hell was I thinking?" as she was pretty trashy and none too bright. I plowed through the "date", the highlights of which were when she pointed out the McDonalds in downtown Long Beach she used to smoke speed behind and when we returned from our one hour trip to Subway whereupon I played dead (oh so tired) until she left.

[underpants]

26. Sorry Mom

That is too funny. The mind wonders :eyes:

[PittPoliSci]

44. LOL!

Sorry mom! That's like the best story ever.

[Xipe Totec]

25. A Pity Date With a Blond Goddess

After a breakup with my high school sweetheart and fiancee, a coworker took pity on me. She showed up at my apartment with a homemade cake to cheer me up. I asked her out and she agreed. Now when I say blond goddess, imagine Bo Derek at 22 and change nothing...

So we dress up and go to Nikita's, a very ritzy Russian restaurant in Houston (now defunct). Only then do I find out that:

1).- She's not much of a talker.
2).- She does not drink, its against her religion.
3).- She does not dance, its against her religion.
4).- She's vegetarian and none of the dishes are (this is the 70's).

So here I am, in front of the most beautiful woman I have ever met, and we realize that we have ab-so-lu-te-ly nothing in common. Not even the fact that we both worked for a high tech company; she with a master's in mathematics gave us even one topic we both wanted to talk about. Got to be two of the most awkward hours of my life.

Sigh.

[sniffa]

27. c'mon i wanna hear more stories

so i don't feeL so bad. :P

[Bertha Venation]

28. Before I came out. This date was with the last man I went out with.

His name was David Barch and I knew him from softball.

I had zero sense of self-worth, which is why I consented to go out w/ him.

We went to the drive-in movie. In his pickup truck.

The movie was "Ernest Goes To Camp."

I won't tell you what I allowed him to try to do (TRY to do!) in the camper in back.

:puke:

Wasn't long after that that I came out SCREAMING.

[KinkyDem]

32. I asked her to come to my kegger and be my date

she showed up with another boy.

She didn't stay long.

I wasn't too upset ... about her leaving with her boy.

I drank way too much that night.

[Phillycat]

33. My story:

I was going through one of those single periods when you start to think to yourself, "Maybe I should try dating outside my type". You know, pick someone that you're not necessarily attracted to, but you think they're a nice person and maybe it will work out and you'll GROW to be attracted to them. Uh huh. :eyes:

This guy had been asking me out for months, so I finally said okay. He wanted to take me to a particular restaurant that was about 45 minutes away. He drove. After 5 minutes in the car, we both realized that we had literally nothing in common and nothing to talk about whatsoever. We differed completely on music, politics, religion, and our goals in life.

40 minutes of complete and very uncomfortable silence ensued. We got to the restaurant and I was climbing the walls to be out of that car. I proceeded to get very, very drunk at dinner and flirted openly and shamelessly with our young attractive male waiter.

The return trip seemed shorter, mostly because I was concentrating on not throwing up.

We got back to his house and he invited me in for a glass of water before I drove home (I was still very drunk). I went into his house and he had only lawn furniture--you know, like those folding webbed chairs. He also had a Corona banner across his entire living room, and christmas lights only. He handed me a glass of tepid tap water and scooted his lawn chair closer to mine.

I thought it was painfully clear to both of us that there was zero chemistry, so imagine my shock when he LUNGED at me, TONGUE FIRST, and tried to ram it down my throat. I literally almost threw up in his lap, I was so revolted, and I got the hell out of there.

Ick.

[noshenanigans]

35. my friends still call this guy "the schmuck"

I went out on a date with a guy who lives in Orange County, so I drove all the way down there from LA (because I didn't really want him to know where I lived, yknow). I meet him at his place and he begins introducing me to his houseplants. They all have names, and he took me around to all of them. "That one next to the couch is Edgar."

We go to Laguna Beach, and he tells me about one of his passions- digging holes. So I just sit there and watch as he digs a coffin size hole in the beach while the other people around us just look at me funny. Finally, he says "that's a pretty good hole" and we go get dinner.

He wants to take me, on our first (and only) date, to KooKooRoo (which is a cheapass chicken place). Mmm, romantic. I relent and, since this is OC after all, there are thousands of generic chain restaurants. We go to the Macaroni Grill, but first we have to stop by his house so he can fill up his water bottle with tap water. Oooookay. He then takes said crusty bottle of tap water into the restaurant and just sits it on the table. The waiter offers to get him some fresh water in, yknow, a glass. "No, I'm just fine, thanks" and he sips his tepid tap water while I order a third (fourth? I lost count) martini.

After we finally get out of there he tries to make a move and puts on some "mood music". He says "So... do you like Enya?" I say, um, no. And he follows up with "Really, how about Jimmy Buffett?"

Luckily, my roommate called about then to check in on me and I found a reason to get out of there.

The next day he wrote me an email about how much fun he had and how beautiful I am- "Your lips are so full, yet-- compact." My friends still give me a hard time about it even though it was 3 years ago, and I learned not to date outside the 310/323/818 trifecta.

[progmom]

39. Wow.

Wow.



















Wow.

[gollygee]

36. I met a guy rollerblading at the park

He asked if we could meet again at the park to rollerblade together. We did. Then he asked me out to eat.

We got to the restaurant, the waitress came by and I told her what I wanted. He said, "Don't get that - it'll make you fat."

I stood up and walked out without saying a word to him.

[Phillycat]

37. HOLY FUCK.

Best response EVER. :thumbsup:

[Phillycat]

38. More! More!

[Blue_Tires]

40. junior prom about 11 years ago

I would find the next day that my date, this girl I'd known from childhood and was very infatuated with (and i'd have put her on a pedestal; she was that special to me, and we NEVER forget our first puppy love!) was two months pregnant with someone else's kid...the father was an 24-year-old unemployed lowlife with no fixed address, and already had two other kids by different women, and even though the courts ordered him to pay back child support, he didn't have two dimes to rub together--how he EVER got anywhere with this nice, kind, intelligent girl, I will never know, because she didn't deserve this, and he sure as hell didn't deserve her...and of course, even though we always talked about everything with each other, the girl didn't have the nerve to tell me about the father or the kid (i had to find out from my own mom!)...she's doing alright now (college educated and employed, but it was far from easy) and the sperm donor has been a no-show for more than a decade

[Pacifist Patriot]

41. Nothing to send in to Leno.

I went out on a date with a second year law student who couldn't shut up! When we got to the movie theatre I figured my ears would catch a break. Nope, he talked all though "Working Girl." I never knew what the movie was about until I saw it on television years later.

[skygazer]

42. My first "real" date

When I was maybe 15. My friend was dating a guy and thought it would be good if I went out with his friend. He invited me to dinner and a movie. Okay.

He picked me up in a cab - his parents ran the cab company from their apartment. "Dinner" was at their house. I got there and found this ramshackle place in a nasty part of town (I was a semi sheltered middle class girl - had never even been to a fast food joint - this was the mid 70's). His mother sat in the living room with a headset on, chainsmoking and dispatching cabs from her radio set. Father lay on the sofa in a pair of jeans and a dirty t-shirt drinking beer and yelling at the kids. The kids ran wild around the house, a gaggle of snarly haired, snot nosed beasts.

I sank down onto the edge of the cleanest looking seat available and was handed a paper plate with a couple of pieces of Kentucky Fried Chicken on it. No utensils, no napkin. I daintily tried to eat it without getting it all over me. I was stunned - had never been in such a place.

Another cab took us to the movie - Jaws, maybe. I think that might be what it was. I spent the entire movie fending this kid off - he wasn't filthy like the rest of the family but I certainly wasn't remotely interested after seeing his home and parents. I was traumatized and just wanted to go home!

In later years, I used to see his mother working at the local laundry, still chain smoking. His younger sister had 3 kids by the time she was about 17 and she'd drag them in there and whine to her mother. The woman told me one day that she wished I'd married her son because I was such a nice girl and his wife was such a c**t (her words, not mine). Even though I was now about 30, I was still shocked!

[CornField]

43. Very hot dress + very steep staircase + icy rain = yeah, you guessed it

In college my guy had complained that I dressed too conservatively. I went in search of a great dress for an upcoming special evening we had planned in Dallas. I found a great black dress. From the front, it looked ultra conservative, but from the back... well, there was little to it.

We made it to the play and then headed over to the Hard Rock Cafe for drinks before going to our dinner reservation. Since it started an icy rain mix, he went to get the car while I waited at the top of the staircase at the Hard Rock. When I saw him turn the corner, I started down the steps... think I made it 4 or 5 steps before I lost my footing and fell -- head over heels, skirt up around boobs -- down the rest of the stairs.

I was truly one of those moments where you lie completely still and pray that you are seriously injured.

[PittPoliSci]

45. i got a good one.

I had broken up with a girl I had dated for two years about a month before this bad idea floated into my head.

So I'm at school and I think to myself, well, I need to start dating again, it's been a while (a month), it's time to get going again. So I ask this wonderful girl out to go see a metal band I know she likes. She informs me that she'd like to go, but couldn't afford the ticket. I was like "eh, no big deal! I'll pay!" how much could i cost?

55 dollars later, I'm at the concert, and what do i see but three fucking Nazi skinheads in the pit fucking around with some black guy. I, of course, was outraged. I wasn't going to do anything, until I caught the back of this one guy's head, on it was tattooed a big swastika. I looked at his shirt and saw a picture from the holocaust of a large pile of concentration camp victims with the caption "happy Hanukkah."

Incensed, I just beat the shit outta him and his friends. The girl? Well, I put her in a very uncomfortable position, thankfully she forgave me and we've been together since. that was two months ago yesterday.

[Hobarticus]

46. Cute little redhead reveals herself to be a Nazi...

We got set up through a mutual friend who said we were both interested in history and politics, so we met for coffee to talk.

Cute, funny, smart, definate sparks...this is going well...

After about a half hour she started going on about her German grandfather teaching her her values (innocent enough), about her heritage (ummm, okay), about pride in her race (ding-ding-ding!!! Punch out!).

It just went downhill from there, as you can imagine.

I started to debate with her, just to get the depth and breadth of her beliefs, but realized she was too far gone. I'd never met a real-deal Holocaust-denier before.

I got real quiet and just wanted to finish my coffee and go. She tried to salvage the night, though; the coffee shop we were at had a bakery as well, and she asked if I liked bagels. To which I replied that I did, and expressed surprise that she did, and explained bagels' origins to her.

That did it. We were done. Coffee done, coats on, goodbyes said, on our merry seperate ways, all in about thirty seconds after that. Boom.

She called me a few days later and said that she was willing to consider opening her horizons. I said that this wasn't up for negotiation, and if she had to consider it, then I wasn't interested...her beliefs were part of who she is.

Beauty's skin deep...ugly goes to the bone.

Our mutual friend about hit the floor when I told her about our date. She never spoke to her again, either.

Last I heard, she found a kindred Nazi spirit and was married with kids. Eek.

[progmom]

47. By far my worst date.

When I was in college, I used to hang out and read between classes at a sunny cluster of benches between a couple of buildings. There were a few other students who would show up there from time to time, including one guy who liked to talk about old movies. He had grown up with parents who worked in the film industry.
He seemed like an interesting, intelligent guy, so when he asked me out, I figured we might have some fun.

So he shows up at my house in a cab. Which he is driving. Ok, never dated a cab driver before, but that's cool. He had planned a lovely afternoon for us - lunch at a cool Korean place, then a stroll through the art museum. I was 19, and that seemed like such a cool, grown-up date.

On our way downtown, he starts to tell me how many sexual partners he's had. Interesting topic for the first 5 minutes of your first date, I thought, but maybe he's nervous...maybe it will get better.

Nope. Next topic: If abortion were illegal, he'd have a whole vanload of kids. He started adding up how many kids he would have if they hadn't been terminated.

So I developed a sudden case of terrible stomach cramps and sheepishly asked him to drive me home. "Oh," he said, "are you having your period?"

How did I not notice how weird this guy was???

From that day on, I always drove myself on first dates.

[mitchum]

49. I was paid with counterfeit

[Wapsie B]

50. The date was a set up by mutual friends.

My friends had invited her and I to dinner one night to introduce us.
We hit it off and I asked for her phone#. Date night came. I drove an hour and a half to get to her place. I pick her up and went to dinner and a movie. The whole night through she was hard to talk to; totally different than the time I first met her about a week ago. I took her home after the movie and suprise she invited me in. Cool I thought. But her roomate was home and to top it off she ended up falling asleep watching TV with me on the couch. I walked out the front door and took her by suprise when I gave her a quick kiss goonight. No romantic passion there by god.

Like a schmuch I even send flowers to her. I call her up and she tells me that two days before our date someone else asked her to go steady with him. I was beside myself.

Fastforward about 6 months. I'm at work picking up my check on a Friday and she meets me in the parking lot. She proceeds explaining to me about how this guy who she blew me off for was living not far away from me, and that she was visiting him all the time. Then out of the blue with no notice to her, he takes off for North Dakota; no goodbye no nothing. I didn't say anything. I was too fucking mad.
She blew me off for this jerk?

She even came to my work to visit with her friend about 2 months later and to feel me out about getting back together. Fat chance of that happening. Treat me like that once and expect me to come back for more? No #$%@#$ way.

It's been dates and relationships like this that inspired my bad boy thread.