My husband is being a jerk!

[Minimus]

Something is going on with him that I just can't figure out. I am still so sad over having my dog Sonic put down that I do not even care right now.

Does this make me a bad person?

[ohioliberal]

1. Not at all.

Your dog was a part of your family. Most men just don't have the same feelings as women. They show their emotions in other ways. I'm sure he's just as torn up about it as you. Sorry for your loss.:hug:

[NC_Nurse]

2. No.

People are jerks sometimes. You have another problem. When he is ready to tell you or you are ready to ask; then you can talk about it.

Sorry about your dog! :hug:

[Groggy]

3. What is he doing

that he's being a jerk??? Sorry about your doggie. :(

[Minimus]

6. Well for starters he changed the password on our

on-line banking account. I went to pay bills and got frozen out after attempting to use the wrong password too many times.

When I asked him about it, he said he was opening another account and had to change the password and he was planning on telling me after I dealt with my grief over Sonic. He knew I would be paying bills so that excuse seems stupid.

He went to a party tonight without me. I told him I just wasn't up to trying to be joyful just yet. I would never of thought that he would leave me alone knowing how sad I am.

He is being very quiet and mysterious lately.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

8. Check his cell phone records

Check the phone records at home.

Check his online history.

Check credit card expenditures.

Check for cash withdrawals.

Check his pockets.

What can I say? Sounds suspicious, but, hey, I'm a lawyer.

That business about the password is just out there. Makes no sense at all.

[Minimus]

10. yes, and I think it is a really crappy time for him to be

doing stuff like this. He knows how sad I am right now so maybe he is taking advantage because my mind is elsewhere.

Oh well, it is what it is. I haven't the energy to deal just yet.

Thanks for the suggestions though.

[thedailyshow]

15. I have to concur with OldLeftieLawyer here

It sounds like your husband might be thinking of divorcing you, or that he's committing infidelity.

[pnutchuck]

19. how long have you been together?

[Lone_Star_Dem]

21. Where were you when my husband was screwing up?

It took me months to think to check his cell phone records. By that time he had wiped out the savings account and run up enormous credit card bills.

I wish I would have been around here back then...

[Groggy]

12. He shouldn't have

gone to a party knowing how sad you are. That's just not nice. He is being a jerk.

I'm sorry you're sad. :hug:

[Spinzonner]

13. If you're suspicious enough

Call the banks 800 number and have hard copies sent to ANOTHER address (if possible) or go into a branch and ask for the same thing.

It sounds like he might be trying to bury a trail of transactions though unless you dont get printed statements from the bank, it's hard to see how that would be ultimately successful. Do you routinely see the statements.

When men try to hide things, it often means one of two things ...

[Minimus]

23. I changed my direct deposit yesterday after discovering he

had changed the password for our account. My paychecks will now go into an account that is in my name only.

Before my dog got ill I was getting the feeling my husband was going through some type of mid-life crisis. Complaining about all the things he never got to do, unaccomplished dreams and goals. Kind of blaming me for not accomplishing them because I've spent too much money on decorating and buying gifts for my family, etc.

I also think he got upset about the vet bills associated with trying to get my doggie better. He knew how much that dog meant to me. I had him for almost 13 years, my husbands only been around for 4.

I hope that doesn't sound cold, but damn-it I am really struggling with losing my buddy Sonic.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[ogradda]

4. That's sad about your doggie :(

Maybe he's being a jerk 'cause he's sad too. guys are like that sometimes.:hug:

[pnutchuck]

5. Men are notoriously hopeless at showing their true emotions

perhaps he's also upset and doesn't know how to deal with it either. Or, you could just be overly sensitive at this time. Losing a beloved member of the family is hard for anyone and people express their loss differently. Just give it some time to heal a bit and then you can broach the subject when your emotions are less raw. It doesn't make you a bad person, you're just hurting and can't deal with too much emotion at once.

I had to 'give' my dog, who was my best friend for 8 yrs, away 4 yrs ago when I left the country and I still have dreams about him. I think I'm a bad person for choosing another life over him.

The pain does lessen, and you still have your memories and the gift of happiness that he gave you.

BTW, I love your signature from Einstein.

[SHRED]

9. Huh?

"Men are notoriously hopeless at showing their true emotions"

Wow, I wonder what the reaction would be to, "Women are notorious for not getting in touch with their real thought patterns".

:P

[pnutchuck]

11. It's socialogically true

men are taught from an early age to be "tough", while girls are free to show their emotions. It's the paradox and dichotomy of our human condition.

[SHRED]

14. Good point

But have you truly thought about that...in detail?

LOL!!

:bounce:

[pnutchuck]

16. Not that it makes a difference, but my degrees are in Anthropoligical

Sociology and Communications. I've seen numerous studies, and done a few of my own, on the dichotomies of the sexes. I wasn't trying to create a rue. I was just stating that there are differences in the way men and women show their emotions.

There was another post before mine saying the same thing is less detail. Why aren't you picking on them too?

[SHRED]

17. Easy...

Didn't mean to "pick on" anything.

Humor...a bit sarcastic...that is all.


:hi:

[pnutchuck]

18. wasn't offended

just thought the issue of the poor woman's dog and her husband were lost in my one phrase.

[bigwillq]

7. So sorry about Sonic

:cry:


You and hubby seem like you really need to have a long talk, especially after he changed the password.

[salin]

20. That one is a big red flag

the going out is jerky - but not necessarily a point of major, major contention. And unless one has a big problem with BIG SHOPPING when upset, there isn't an easy explanation for the password thing (essentially locking one out of access to the accounts.) Long talk sounds very needed about now.

[elehhhhna]

22. Yeah, He's NOT changing banking info & accounts out of sadness

Honey, you may be down about the dog but BUCK UP a minute and protect yourself...check the bank first--might be nothing, might be bad news--but I wouldn't "alarm" him...yet.