Is the saying "there's someone for everyone" really true, in your opinion?

[liberalhistorian]

I'm curious as to everyone's opinion on this, and interested in personal experiences. I ask because in just 23 days, I'll be forty years old and, while I'm the single mother of a wonderful 13-year-old boy, I've never been married. I don't think I've ever really been truly in love, either, although there've been times when I thought I was.

I've watched most of my friends get married (and some divorced, too, of course), and family members my age and even younger get married or be seriously involved. I've even gone to the weddings of friends and family much older than me. Normally, it doesn't really bother me that much; I even enjoy being alone, which I think comes from growing up an only child. But for some reason, it's starting to bother me more even though I know that the grass is often greener on the other side of the fence. I'm beginning to wonder if it will ever happen to me, or if I'm destined to be the poster girl for "always a bridesmaid, never a bride?"

And it's not really even marriage I'm thinking about, necessarily. It's experiencing the kind of real, true love that I know exists, that I've seen firsthand with other couples, including my mom and stepdad, my grandparents, my stepsister and her husband, and many other friends and family members. I'm starting to wonder if I will ever experience that myself, if I will ever love and be loved by someone who accepts me as I am. And I'm starting to wonder why it always seems to be other people who experience that. And frankly, if I hear "just wait, it'll happen in time, etc., etc., in its many variations, and by people who haven't been single in about four hundred years, I'm going to throw my computer across the room, lol! Maybe it's just because I'm about to turn the big 4-0, I don't know. I never really thought about it to this degree, before, and it hasn't bothered me to this degree before. I guess because I have a lot to give and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to give it, and to experience it in return.

So, what do you all think? Is it really true that "there's someone for everyone", or is that just a lot of sentimental hooey?

[progmom]

1. I found someone.

You will too.

I really believe it.

[dolo amber]

2. There are really only so many

exceptional people in the world...be happy that thus far you've not settled for less. :)

[liberalhistorian]

8. LOL! That's certainly

a good way to look at it. And when I think of the men in my past that it almost happened with-YIKES! I'd rather be alone than with one of them, my only excuse is that I was young and dumb!

[NightTrain]

11. Gee, thanks.

[liberalhistorian]

13. No, no, NO, Dean, I was NOT

referring to you in that post! I was thinking about people I was with back in college and right afterwards, NOT YOU!!!

[NightTrain]

26. OK. Guess I should've known better.

Can you tell I still have some regrets about us? :eyes:

[liberalhistorian]

37. Yes, I know and I understand.

But you know the reasons, and I just don't see what can be done about it.

[dolo amber]

14. You gotta kiss a lotta frogs, sista

;)

[liberalhistorian]

39. Hey, now you sound just

like my grandmother! Aren't you a little young yet? Of course, you've already found YOUR prince! :evilgrin: :bounce: :bounce:

[livinbella]

3. definitely, no doubt about it

and 40 is not old

[liberalhistorian]

12. I know 40 isn't really old, but in

the singles world, it's getting up there. If you're a woman, the younger and thinner you are, the better off you are. That's just reality in the dog-eat-dog dating world.

[Joy Anne]

35. 40 is no big deal

I'm 59, was widowed last year, and was content to remain a widow. I got into politics in order to do something worthwhile with my remaining time on earth. Lo and behold, I fell in love with a fellow blogger far, far away. We're married now and apparently will live happily ever after. The odd part is that neither of us was looking for a mate or even interested, and no matchmaker would have ever matched us.

[Deja Q]

4. Nope. Not in the slightest. Been single and rejected for 32 years...

I currently have a guy interested in me, though I think he's more interested in sex than a LTR. And that's okay, I doubt I'd live to be 40 anyway. Trouble is, it's been 2 weeks and we haven't gotten back together.

When somebody tells you that there is somebody for everybody, get out the oxygen mask. Splash a bucket of water over their face. Pop the hot air balloon. Turn off the nitrous oxide. That comment, as is the philosophy, a kettle of steaming cattle cack.

[mcscajun]

5. My vote is for "sentimental hooey"...

...along with the whole business about Soulmates.

My own experience? I tried the usual stuff you hear about: join a club, take classes, get out and about, go do the stuff you really enjoy...it'll happen when you least expect it. Well, it oughta happen about now, 'cause I gave up expecting it some time ago.

That said, I've been married twice but am currently on my own (for the past 15 years, actually), and I believe you can be far more lonely sleeping next to the wrong person than you are on your own.

Not putting the knock on love or companionship, either. I'd be happy if the right guy came along, not that I'd get married, though. But it burns my cookies to see those movies where all that has to happen is for two people to get thrown together in improbable circumstances for true love to flourish between them...another happy ending. Ugh.

All that aside, you're 40; I think you're premature to give up just yet. In about 6-7 years when your boy is grown, things may open up for you.

I wish you well.

[liberalhistorian]

15. Oh, I haven't given up, I just

think the chances are getting smaller and smaller now. I never, ever thought I'd be 40 and not only still single, but never married at all.

[kerry-is-my-prez]

31. We are all sold a "phony" bill of goods about marriage and career.

Many women are told that they will find a "white knight" on a horse who will sweep them away. I think men might be told the truth more frequently.

We were never told that most of our lives would consist of working, eating, and sleeping and maybe a little bit of fun on the weekends - if we're lucky.

[EstimatedProphet]

6. I think it's mostly true

I do think there are a few people that are too messed up to find someone though. However, from your writing I would doubt you're one of them-they tend to be deranged.
I think the best thing to do for you is the best thing that anyone does to find a mate-they quit looking. Quit looking, relax and be comfortable, don't throw your computer across the room, and you'll be OK. Personally, I didn't find the Prophetess until I was 40, so it isn't too late.

[Lisa0825]

7. I know how you feel.

I am 36, divorced, never shoulda married that one, and really don't see myself finding someone in the near future. However, I do know a few couples that met late in life and seem blissfully happy too, so you never know. One lady I know had an abusive first marriage, and then was single for 15 years. At her 20th high school reunion, she "met" a guy she hadn't seen since school, and a year later, they are planning their wedding.

One day I was off work, and flipping channels. I saw Cybill Shepherd on a talk show. The host aksed her if she ever was going to "settle down," since she's notorious for having had many short relationships, but no real long ones. A dear friend of hers had died not so long ago, and she said, through teary eyes, that if she never married, she'd still had her "soul mate," just not in the way most people think of it. She'd found love and had a truly deep connection to one person in her life, and that person was her best friend.

I realized while listening that I feel the same. I have been best friends with the most wonderful woman for over 20 years. She's more than a sister to me. If I never meet "the right man," I can still say I have had a measure of love in my life that some never have, even if it's platonic... platonic doesn't mean "less."

And actully, I bought a nice card for my friend, and I am planning on writing this all out t o her and giving it to her with her Christmas gift.

[babylonsister]

21. Lisa, that's lovely. Perhaps because

I'm married, I never looked at it that way, but I have 2 sisters I love dearly. They are also my best friends, for different reasons including our shared memories. Thanks for sharing this.

[Lisa0825]

25. you're very welcome:-) (nt)

[meganmonkey]

9. Not necessarily true - I know a couple people who are better off 'alone'

as far as traditional relationships go. Even if there was someone out there just for them, they'd probably choose to stay single.

[NightTrain]

10. I may have met somebody who's right for me. Too soon to tell, though.

We're going out on Thursday night. Guess I'll just have to see what happens. :shrug:

[liberalhistorian]

18. I really hope it works out, Dean,

you have a lot to give and you really do deserve to be happy. And I hope she lives a lot closer than 550 miles, lol!

[phaseolus]

16. statistics

In America, there are millions of unattached people who fit in any given person's desired gender & age range. With a number that large it stands to reason that there would be dozens who would be an absolutely perfect match for anyone, and several thousand who wouldn't be half bad.

Of course, locating and meeting 'em can be difficult, but they gotta exist.

[liberalhistorian]

41. Actually, statistically there are

a lot more single women than men. And the older you get, the wider than gap is. That's good for the gentlemen, I suppose, but not so great for us gals!

[dmkinsey]

17. Well, yes and no

I really believe that I have found the one who is right for me.
Indications are that I am not the one that's right for her.
Sometimes karma is not so cool

[liberalhistorian]

23. Ouch! Sorry to hear that, it ALWAYS sucks when

that happens. I know, I've experienced that myself and I hope I never do again.

[Us vs Them]

30. Been there, done that, want my souvenir t-shirt?

I have no use for it anymore.

[Us vs Them]

19. Blame Disney. A marriage does not a happy ending make.

Honestly, if I'm single for the rest of my life, I'd consider myself lucky. Like you, I've been watching my friends pair off and settle down for a while now, always on the fringes of the whole 'couple' scene. I enjoy myself far too much to flit from pointless relationship to relationship.

I used to let that whole soulmate crap get me down. I grew up with parents who met and married young, and are still together - the model of the whole soulmate scenario. It used to pressure me into thinking I was incomplete, until I realised I was my own soulmate. Call it narcisistic, but I'm not expecting any changes soon.

The best thing is to be content with yourself, and open to possibility.

[kerry-is-my-prez]

20. I don't think so. I think about one in every ten people finds a TRUE

soulmate and is happily married until death do us part. I personally know of maybe 2 or 3 people who are REALLY happily married. Some are somewhat content or to the point of where they think "it's ok."

Sorry to be such a cynic. Maybe it's my environment - divorce kind of runs rampant in my family. A few of my relatives are going through their second divorces. Right now, I have two really good friends who both are on the verge of divorce.

And no, I have yet to find my "match." I found about 3 people at various times who I was with for several years at a time and was crazy about but they all turned into fiascos.

[greatauntoftriplets]

22. I met my guy at age 53.

And I wasn't looking at the time.

On edit: It just happened.

[liberalhistorian]

32. That's what happened to my aunt,

she was also in her fifties. She'd been widowed for eleven years. Her marriage had been a really happy one so she wasn't looking; a friend of the family wanted her to go out with a friend who'd been widowed a few years before. She reluctantly agreed, in order to get the friend off her case. So what happens? They immediately clicked, and have now been married for almost six years. I guess it really can happen, I'm just wondering right now if it'll ever happen to ME.

[greatauntoftriplets]

36. Well, we're not married....

But it can happen at any age.

Hell, his 90-year-old father is a widower and has multiple lady friends. Who take good care of him. In other words, it can happen at any age.

I had stopped looking. We met accidentally. It happened. We live in different cities still, due to demanding jobs and elderly parents to care for, but one of these days one of us will move.

[SmileyBoy]

24. No it's not. Not true whatsoever.

I've been looking for a girl for 10 years now, and I have failed.

Sometimes you just have to accept the fact.

[Lorien]

27. Sentimental hooey

I wish it were otherwise. I'm a late thirtysomething too, but I don't have any kids. I hate the thought of growing old alone, but so be it. The world is 57% female, 43% male, with 2% of all women being lesbians, and 12% of all men being gay-so no, there isn't someone for everyone.

You've got a son, so you're not really alone. A child, some pets, some good friends; that's better than many can hope for!

[Dogmudgeon]

28. Yes, indeed

But she's always married or engaged.

I'm 46, and I'm tired of thinking something is wrong with me.

--p!

[liberalhistorian]

34. I know exactly

what you mean, believe me! That's the way I often feel.

[babylonsister]

29. LH, some perspective?

I've been married for almost 23 years, very happily for the last 10. But I could never have a child; luckily my guy had 2, and 'we' now have 3 grandkids. You have a child that I will never have. In my opinion, you're pretty lucky!

[LastKnight]

33. nope, its bs.

the idea of finding 'the one' or even there being somone 'meant' for everyone lends itself to predestination, and i believe that predestination is alot of crap. i think theres some certianty that everone is compatible with somone else. but hell, that doesnt mean anything, ive been 'compatible' with people before and wound up hating them in a matter of weeks.

im not much of an optimist on 'true' love either. sorry to darken the mood.

-LK

[fluffernutter]

38. in my opinion? yes.

but i am a serious romantic at heart :loveya:

[liberalhistorian]

40. LOL! I've always been

one of those old-fashioned, soppy, flowers-candlelight-walks on the beach-cuddling by the fireplace romantics also. Of course, it's been quite awhile since I've experienced any of those things. ;(

[DS1]

42. I think it's rather cold to post that

[liberalhistorian]

43. Really? And just

why would that be? Please share your infinite wisdom with the rest of us.

[DS1]

44. Nah, I'll wait for the next fund drive

:eyes:

[tjdee]

45. You just need a big kiss!!

:9

Liberalhistorian, that's what I think he was trying to say.
:silly:

[NightTrain]

49. No, what that punk needs is eight weeks of Boot Camp.

Followed by an all-expense-paid trip to Fallujah. See how smart you are then, funny boy!

[DS1]

51. Actually it was 12 weeks of bootcamp

Again, you're reducing numbers, I'd say you were either pessismist or small-dicked.

[Name removed]

48. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Name removed]

50. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[liberalhistorian]

53. DSI, I think I understand now

where you're coming from; however, Dean and I are still on good terms and I know he understands where I'm coming from and that it wasn't meant as anything against him. He's met someone else now, and I hope things work out for him.

[tjdee]

54. Why did the message strike you that way?

While I'm deeply interested in the saga of your and NightTrain's ignore actions, I'm much more confused about your attitude toward the original post.

(on edit: Oh I get it, there's a history here I wasn't aware of.
All I really care about is my great big kiss, dammit.)

And does this mean I'm not getting a great big kiss?

Most disappointing.

[liberalhistorian]

55. Well, 'tis the season, so

maybe if you hang some mistletoe over your screen name, you might, just MIGHT, get that great big kiss!

[Lorien]

57. "Cold hearted bitch"?

I don't know how you could have read the original message and come up with that assessment.

:shrug:

[liberalhistorian]

58. He meant that, since

NightTrain and I used to be involved, it would hurt his feelings. Dean (NightTrain) understands where I'm coming from, though, and that it's not against him or meant to hurt him in any way. We're still on good terms, fortunately. He's also met someone else, and I'm happy for him; I hope it works out this time.

[Skittles]

46. who was that poor comic who said

what if his "someone" was a lesbian in Pakistan? :o

[liberalhistorian]

52. LOL! Now that's

a frightening, but certainly interesting, thought!

[tjdee]

47. There is someone for everyone, but some people don't think that.

Until they meet him/her.

It certainly is something. But just because there is someone for everyone doesn't mean you'll end up with that person.

Life is cruel.

:(

[Floogeldy]

56. That would be an invalid opinion

Even opinions must be based upon some fact. To have the opinion that there is someone for everyone, which means the whole planet, would be flying the flag of ignorance. Some scientific standards are called for here and it is impossible to poll a majority of the planet.

On a spiritual level, it may be that many people have incarnated here on Earth to be alone. They would not want somebody.

The answer to your question is "No."

[Zomby Woof]

59. sure

In my case, my harem gives me a dozen someones. It's the best way to live.

[liberalhistorian]

61. ROFLMAO!

Now, ZW, why doesn't that surprise me??? :evilgrin: :bounce:

[Zomby Woof]

62. There is one downside

Xmas is expensive, and damn if I haven't screwed up a birthday or two.

But the pluses, oh baby!

[Wapsie B]

60. I'm an incurable romantic

and think there are people out there you could be quite compatible with but this soul-mate true love thing is beyond me. Some couples may be more compatible than others. Others love being alone. Even a loner like me loves companionship beyond that of a sex partner. I'm 48 and even though I'm married, never felt like I've been truly in love with a woman who loves me in return. I don't know how well that answers your question.

[CarbonDate]

63. No, it's not.

It's a bunch of crap to unsuccessfully make perpetually single people like us feel better about ourselves. In fact, we need to be happy with ourselves alone, because we might not ever meet that someone.

Granted, I'm a little bit younger than you, but I still know exactly where you're coming from. I've had one girlfriend in the past eight years; meanwhile, my twin brother is getting married in May. But you know what? I feel nothing but happiness for the fact that he's marrying a great woman and I'm gaining a super-cool sister-in-law.

Ours will come or it won't, but I'm content with that either way, for myself.

[liberalhistorian]

73. That's an excellent point about

learning to be happy with ourselves being alone. I think it's absolutely necessary to be content being single and to be happy with yourself being alone before you can have a successful relationship. You cannot depend on, or expect, someone else to fulfill all of your needs and make you happy all of the time, it just doesn't work that way. Nor should it. I think people have to be secure and content with themselves before they can be secure and content in a successful relationship.

[enigmatic]

64. It depends

If you are looking for Harliquinn Romance-type love, no. Some get it, some don't. But love in the sense of 2 people truly in love w/ each other but realizing each other's faults and accepting them, absolutely.

I didn't find my wife until I was 38; I was never married, no kids, and didn't (and don't) want any. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life and she is too, but we deal w/ the realities of everyday life as well, and life isn't pretty a bulk of the time. Neither of us is perfect, look like models, or are saints. But we love (and are in love with) each other and are each other's best friend.

I'll take that every day.

[SarahB]

65. There's more than one someone.

I'm 32 in the midst of a divorce from someone who is 42 that I've been with since I was 18. I have children and they are all very smart, good kids, but I never thought much about what I needed until it came down to the realization of just how miserable I was dealing with continual criticism, possessiveness, and emotional abuse. It's been so bad for so long, I hardly remember being in love with him. In some ways, there's worse things than being alone, but on the other hand, it made me a stronger person, a more empathetic person, and dare I say, a more evolved person. Pain sometimes teaches you things if you're willing to learn about yourself instead of becoming bitter.

I seem to attract people, but often not for the right reasons. I look young and that's a good thing, but at the same time, people often don't see beyond the shallow stuff to understand that underneath I'm a rather serious and complex person. Fortunately, some do.

I've always hated to think of things in terms of "soul mates" or one person for everyone because we're all mortals and so, what happens if you meet some amazing person and they die? I think there's probably more than just one person for everyone, but perhaps to find someone you truly understand and are compatible with is a rare thing. I think those things often happen at times you aren't even looking for it to happen. It just sneaks up on you. Right now, I'm just barely dipping my toes into the relationship waters with someone in similar shoes as me that I've known for awhile and I still have a lot to figure out within myself (nor am I afraid of being alone), but I will say that when something is good and is just effortless, you know it and it's a pretty wonderful thing. :)

[amazona]

66. it's hooey

I would say the majority of marriages I've observed are unhappy.

It is the lucky few who find the kind of love you are talking about.

Now I will say that for almost everyone there is probably some physical type or fetish that, if you happen to meet that person who comforms to that hidden template in your mind, then you will instantly be consumed with sexual desire and maybe even become obsessive for awhile about that person. So, in that since, yeah, there's someone for everybody, just as in season, for every horny male bird there's a female of his kind.

But as far as there's a long-term somebody for everybody, nah. Simple observation tells us that it's a nice fairy tale but that's all it is.

[alarimer]

67. honestly I don't know

I don't think there is anyone for me at least. I am too much of an individualist I suppose but lately I have been thinking that it would be nice to meet someone. I get really lonely. It has been about 4 years since the last one and it was a disaster so I suppose I am a little gun shy. I am 36 and there are just not a lot of guys my age who want to date women my age. Perhaps I am being inflexible but I don't want to go out with someone more than about 5-7 years older than me. Or younger for that matter. Any bigger age gap just creeps me out (at least for me- I don't care what other people do). Plus the men around here (S Texas) are all right-wing rednecks it seems. There are few well educated people in this town and even fewer liberals so the pickings are slim. Guess I better move to Austin.

[SmokingJacket]

68. At *least* one.

Yeah, I believe it. I don't believe in "soulmates"; I think there are several people for everyone, some easier fits than others.

The hard part is finding them, and finding them at the right time, and getting beyond a lot of crap that people put between themselves and others.

[skygazer]

69. I found my very special someone when I was 40

You sound much like me. I'd been married twice but I knew even when I married them that I wasn't in love with them. I didn't really believe in love, not true, deep, soulmate type of love.

I'd gotten to the point in my life where I was very content. I was on my own, my kids grown, working and doing whatever I wanted to do. I was happy. One day, I told a co-worker, "You know, I'm so content right now. I feel absolutely no need for a man in my life. I'm happy."

One week later, to the day, I met Michael. And I knew the first night we went out that he was the guy I'd waited all my life for. We've been together four years now and it's just as wonderful as it was that first night. No lie. And I'm no romantic. I'm a cynic, if anything.

Don't give up. Don't settle. Magic happens when you least expect it.

[SOteric]

70. I don't know, truly, but

I'm beginning to think that in accordance with Murphy's Laws, the most wonderful, likely candidates to be 'that certain someone' only come into one's life at the worst moment possible.

Don't mind me, I'm having an unusually jaded moment.

[LiberalFighter]

71. Doesn't do any good if that someone is in a remote place

[giant_robot]

72. I'll be facing the big 4-0 in about 3-1/2 months myself...

...I'm also single, never been married. While I see the logic in the statement, "Life's too short to spend alone", I also think that life's too short to waste on bad dates. I have given up on the dating scene for the time being. Now, if I meet someone I really like, and really want to spend time with, I will certainly ask her out. However, there will be no more going out to "see if we hit it off" or to "see where things go". No ma'am. For right now, I would rather occupy a barstool in a dive bar in the company of good friends than to occupy an awkward table for two in a fancy restaurant with someone I hardly know.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

74. This time of year is hard, not so much because of the holidays but

because the cold, dark weather makes a person want to snuggle in front of the fireplace with someone.

I think there are several potential soulmates for everyone, but we aren't always smart enough to recognize it, except in retrospect, or we meet them at the wrong time or under the wrong circumstances.

My problem is that I don't like much less love most of the single men in my age group, since the majority of them seem to be Typical Middle American Suburban Guys whose highest ambition, whose vision of the truly worthwhile life, is watching the Super Bowl on a 40" HDTV screen with occcasional glances out to the loaded Ford Explorer parked in the driveway of the McMansion. (If I found myself living like that, I'd think I'd died and gone to hell.)

When I meet the exceptions, the men who have something besides conventional wisdom percolating in their brains, the circumstances are always wrong. I'm too late or too early. I have an absolute talent for being the woman a man dates just before he meets the love of his life. One of these days, I want to be "the next one." But I realize that it's not easy, and as such, I'm not deliberately going out looking or answering personal ads or anything. Been there, done that, and the results were mostly terrible.

I figure I'm out in plain sight and involved in a lot of things, and after all, what could be better than getting together with someone who just happened to be doing the same things?