Gay Peoples: Do You Lose Your Straight Friends...

[Placebo]

once your straight friends get into a romantic relationship?

My best friend (who is a girl) has this boyfriend of hers, and now she isn't hanging out with me as much, and if she DOES, her f'n boyfriend has to tag along because she doesn't want to leave him alone or for him to feel lonely or jealous or WHATEVER the fuck else. And now she really likes hanging out with other couples, so a lot of the time it's like her and her boyfriend, another straight couple, and then lil gay 'ol me on the corner.

I've been talking to some of my older gay male mentor type friends, and they all tell me that once my "fag hag" gets a boyfriend that's just the first step towards doom. Just wait until she gets married and then has kids, I'll never see or talk to her again. So, they advise I get some gay friends real fast, since those are the ones I'll likely keep in the long run.

But I don't want to lose my friend! She's the coolest person I know, and so much fun to be around. And it isn't like I'm asking for it to be how it was BEFORE she got romantically involved, I'm perfectly fine with seeing her less than before, since I know she probably wants to spend a lot of time with the boyfriend and I understand that, but still, what the hell? I'd like to at least see her more in 'one-on-one' type situations like it used to be, or with fewer straight couples (who I don't even like and frankly can't stand) buzzing around.

So what is it going to be? Should I prepare for the impending friendship implosion and try and find some gay friends my age now, or, wait it out and see what happens? :shrug:

[LiberalVoice]

1. Well...

If you don't want to lose her maybe you should try explainig to her what you just typed. If she is that great of a friend she would be happy you told her.

[Miami Liberal]

2. My gay male best friend has abandoned me

for his boyfriend, so I know what you're going through. We used to be great friends but we hardly speak anymore. I'm still waiting to see what happens, I guess I'll never lose hope.

[anitar1]

3. Do You Lose Your Straight Friends ?

I am an older person and have never abandoned my gay friends. Friends are FRIENDS, regardless. There should not be a division between friends regardless of their preferences. Sadly , this happens more than we realize. Yes, find more gay friends but never abandon your straight friends, as this girl seems to be doing. My sympathy is with you.

[tjdee]

4. That happens with ALL single folks, also with hetero girl/guy relationship

s.

I have a kid, and it's hard for my friends, gay or otherwise, to hang with me (by myself!).

One of my homiest homies is getting married soon, and you just sounded like me. I will never go on a road trip again, just the two of us. I won't ever sleep at his house, just the two of us. And it's a bit sad, but how it goes. My girl friends, though, even if they get married we'll be able to do those things. Hmm.

But a little talking goes a long way--maybe she thinks you want to hang out with the couple, since she likes him so much, she figures you do too!

[Champ]

13. My best friend recently got married and had a kid

I thought things would not be the same anymore as far as friends goes, but nothing seemed to change. I can come over often and his wife doesn't feel like I am a problem and doesn't mind me coming over. I was over there from 10 pm to 3:30 last Saturday night, though I don't often overstay my visit because I'd hate to get in the way of much wanted time they want to spend together. I think it is important for your SO to be happy I think couples should encourage friendships. Just as long as they don't intefere with your relationship.

[tjdee]

14. Oh his fiancee is cool....

but I miss my time with him, it's just not the same.
(I'm a girl, so that's kind of weird)

Which is okay! But aww...I just miss OUR time. :)

[WildClarySage]

5. Sounds like it might possibly be an isolation tactic

which can make abuse more likely to occur by cutting her off from her support system, increasing his dependence on her, and rendering her self-esteem vulnerable. Most domestic violence patterns involve some form of isolation. He manipulates her by saying things like "Please don't leave me tonight, I'm really bummed out about....." or "Is it just me or does your sister act like she has a crush on me?" or the more straightforward "You DON'T want to go out tonight. You won't like it if you do." After a while, she stops asking if it's ok to go anywhere. He "forgets" to give her phone messages. He may relocate to a different area specifically to move her with him, so that she is physically separated from family and friends.

Of course, he is probably a charming guy she doesn't want to be away from around for even a second. I'm a victim's rights advocate, so I know I see potential for abuse even where it doesn't exist. No relationship is perfect, and we all manipulate our relationships- usually in small, unconscious ways. On the other hand, a healthy relationship involves openness and supporting your partner's need outside friendships and interests.

[Placebo]

7. Well he does have her wrapped around his finger...

All he needs to do is call her on her cell if we're out and say "You know, I'm not feeling so well." and our plans for the day are canceled so she can go to his apartment and be with him.

She had to LIE to him, in order for us to go see David Bowie together, just me and her. She told him she was going with her parents so that she wouldn't have to tell him she was going with me because then I'm sure he would have wanted to come.

And she is with him so much these days. She goes straight from work to his apartment, and then is there until 11 or so at night when she goes home to go to sleep.

[WildClarySage]

9. If you're really concerned about the possibility for abuse,

PM me and I'll get you some information on other warning signs.

[Kali]

11. be there for her

sounds like she will need to escape him eventually - the fact of needing to lie is the HUGE RED FLAG.

Having said that , it is true of all single to couple relationships. But yours sounds like trouble - only problem is you probably can't be the one to tell her or you will "just be trying to break them up for your own selfish reasons"

[Placebo]

12. Damn us selfish hedonist gays...

only caring about ourselves! ME! ME! ME! :crazy:

[RagingInMiami]

6. I always encourage my gfs to remain friends with their gay buddies

It's the straight male friends I am cautious about.

[Rowdyboy]

8. I have to go to bed now...no choice...but I want to answer you

tomorrow.....

[Placebo]

10. Okay...

thanks. :hi:

[donheld]

15. Gay, Straight, Male, Female it's only natural

Once anybody gets a Significant Other, it's only natural they will want to spend more time with them. Hopefully it will happen to you too.