My jury duty story

[ChickMagic]

I showed up wearing my DU "Under Surveillance by Homeland Security" T shirt with a blazer. I went through the metal detector with no problem.

I stepped outside to smoke a little later and had to go back through security. They found tweezers in my purse that I didn't even know I had. I had to sit on the floor and dump out everything until I found them. I asked the girl if they were afraid I'd give someone such a pinch! She said they now belong to Dallas county.

My third trip through brought the supervisor. This time they found nail clippers. Those belong to the county as well. Of course, I had to ask if they were afraid that I would do rampant grooming. The supervisor started getting testy, so I showed her my copy of the constitution. "May I keep this?" I asked. I told her they compelled me to be there so surely they must have thought me harmless.

On my form they asked "Religion". I put "No religious test required". They asked for race which I thought was absurd, so I put Celtic.

Surprise, surprise. I didn't get picked.

You'd think after spending 18 months on a federal grand jury I'd be immune for life, but NOOOO. Oh well, it's over for now.

[kslib]

1. LMAO!

:yourock:

[ChickMagic]

4. Sing it bro/sis!

I was pretty obnoxious, wasn't I? I'm a bad girl. :spank:

[peekaloo]

2. hi-larious....rampant grooming.

:thumbsup:

[redqueen]

3. The City of Dallas took my tweezers as well.

Those fascist bastards!

Hey what's that 'give you such a pinch' from?

[Lone_Star_Dem]

6. Makes one wonder what they DO with all those confiscated

...grooming supplies. Do you think they will go up for auction like all the items confiscated in drug arrest? I can see it now, Lot #238 one pair LaCross extra fine point tweezers. Opening bid, $0.15. That should help clear up the State deficit. :)

[MrMonk]

7. "Ooooh, I'll give you such a piiinch!"

"Ow, that huuuuurt!"

Comedian Joe Besser as the spoiled kid "Stinky" on the Abbot and Costello TV show. Also during his (mercifully) short tenure as the third Stooge.

[ChickMagic]

14. I thought it was from Bugs Bunny

but another poster said it was from a lesser stooge.

[RevolutionaryActs]

5. You're my new idol! HAHAHAHAHA

:headbang:

[ChickMagic]

8. Well, finally!

:yourock:

[Lone_Star_Dem]

9. I took notes for my next call to serve.

I, for some reason, am called up once every 18 mo. without fail. I almost always get picked to sit on the jury. It has reached a point of being annoying.

Next time I'm going with my full manicure kit in my purse. That should scare 'em!

[derby378]

11. You can still bring in all the cigarette lighters you want

Security, my ass. Jury room weenie cookout!!

[Cuban_Liberal]

10. They confiscated your tweezers and nail clippers!

Good Lord! Methinks they take their jobs just a BIT too seriously.

:eyes:

[Contrary1]

12. You just never know

why some get picked, and others don't. Last time I was called to serve, I made it all the way to the lawyer interview. I was the last one they talked to. All the young preppy types before me carried on about how happy they were with their chosen careers.

The prosecutor comes to me and says, "Mrs. (insert name here), I see you work for a used car wholesaler. And do you like your job too? I looked him straight in the eye and said, "You're kidding, right? How would you like spend your days surrounded by used car salesmen?" He then said, "Surely you can think of one good thing about working there." To which I replied, "Yeah, they pay me."

I was hoping my sarcastic tone would turn him off. Even the judge looked up. Everyone started laughing, and the lawyer says, "I want this one." The judge replied, "I can see why, this is the most honest reply I have heard in a long time."

I got picked.

[ChickMagic]

15. When I got picked for a fed grand jury

There were about 500 people called up. The judge took the first 32 on the list. Lucky me. It was brutal. Since it's so secret, they can't tell you what days of the month they'll be calling you, or for how long you'll be away from work. I spent 18 months like that! My dad said I blew my chance at the lottery. :)

[lpbk2713]

13. Suppose they had a clue as to what DU is?

I doubt it. Shoulda told em it's a patriotic organization (which it is). They would have let you go right on through.