Any lonely, celibate, not by choice, DUers saddened with the holidays?

[maveric]

I'll try not to suck the life out of the lounge, but this time of year I get a bit depressed and miss the times I've had sharing with another.

I have three great sons that I live with and they make me very happy but sometimes I get so damn lonely around this time of year.

Excuse me for being such a bummer but this is my only outlet.

[NightTrain]

1. I feel your pain.

Wanna read about an experience I just had? Check this out:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=2224341&mesg_id=2224341

[chaska]

38. delete

[Deja Q]

2. I am. My newest friend is probably a player too.

Many similar interests but his personality is a bit domineering. I find it fascinating but I've already felt he's insulted me.

But I don't care. A friend is a friend and a lay is a lay. The world isn't worth it anymore anyway.

[liberalhistorian]

3. I hear ya!

Normally I don't mind being single, but this time of year I feel the same way you do, especially since all my friends and family are "paired up" and I feel like the proverbial third wheel. It does, indeed, get quite lonely.

And the singles groups around here consist of people who just sit around whining and moaning about being single instead of recognizing that they can have a good life even if they're single, and that there's so much they can do to have a fulfilling life, they don't have to be married or in a relationship to have a life. What a bummer, who the hell needs that?

[shinju1985]

40. it could be worse...

At least half your family is trying to set you up with the "nice person from down the street." Espically after you've made it clear you aren't interested in having a s.o.

[Cobalt Violet]

4. I hate Christmas because of the shopping thing.

I'm not a shopper. If I need something I get it but that's it. I know as a woman that shopping is suppose to be the only joy in my life but I HATE it with a passion. This sucks. The worse holiday of the year.

[dobegrrrl]

ME TOO!

[hippiechick]

17. Me THREE !!

Christmas/the Holidays has become so focused on people with money and/or signifigant others that those of us without one, the other, or both feel almost stigmatized. My ideal Christmas would be a 2 week vacation in a cabin or on a beach with a full cooler :beer:, some classical music, a few good books, and Hippiedog Hank to keep me company.

I try to avoid holiday festivities and keep my gift giving to a bare minimum so I don't have to sell any major organs later on to pay the rent.

I also resent the hell out of 'well meaning' co-workers who rope me into department party planning, secret Santa shit and other 'merry doings' because they only amplify my depression/alienation.


:hippie:

[Spinzonner]

22. So you don't mind selling minor organs ?

whichever those are ...

[robbedvoter]

5. I had a few lonely pathetic years when it was tough.

The most pathetic was a new year I went to Times Square. It was drizzling too.
Then I started to invent personal celebrations for myself - on the known hollidays as making up some personal ones. As circumstances changed, I included some of my inventions in our happy celebrations - and remembering the difference makes things nicer. here's something we celebrate these days:
http://www.globalgoddess.org/news/Oracle/winter_solstice/halcyon__kingfisher.htm

[dobegrrrl]

6. That's me

This year is really terrible. My Mom passed on Nov. 14, and I miss her terribly. I have lived with my furkids for years and I am ok with that, but I do get lonely. I have been very depressed this week.:cry:

[Cobalt Violet]

14. I'm sorry about your lose.

I lost my father a few years ago near Christmas and it was a very tough year.

[frylock]

15. sorry about your mom..

do have any friends to spend the holidays with? :hug:

[Maccagirl]

7. Yes

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

8. You have a family. Please, count your manifold blessings.

My parents are both dead. I buried their remains. My brother is a relapsed alcoholic. We are horribly estranged. The rest of my family is scattered. I am unmarried. I will spend this Christmas alone, again. I have made my peace with this fact. I am sanguine.

Hug those boys every day. You are blessed.

[dobegrrrl]

11. I've got my sister

but she lives 5 hours away and I don't like her husband. (Neither did Mom) But I'm going to spend time with her. Also have to pack up Mom's house.... I'm really dreading that.

[chefgirl]

28. I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom, dobegrrrl

My Mom died on January 9,2004, so this is my first Christmas without her and every time I think about it, I still tear up.

A word about cleaning out her house, though. My Mom lived in N.J., as well as my brother and sister. Since I had to travel down there from Maine for the funeral, I took two weeks off from work.
My brother and sister still had to go to their jobs every day, so I pretty much packed up Mom's house by myself.

I was really dreading it, until I got started. I have to tell you, although it was bittersweet, for those two weeks it was almost like having Mom back again.

I went through all the photo albums (even though I didn't think I would) and packed up all her clothes (smelling her perfume the entire time). I cleaned out her china closet and all her shelves full of things we had given her as kids, etc...

I must have cried a million times during those two weeks, but ya know what? I wouldn't have missed it for the world. It gave me a really good feeling to know that everything got taken care of just the way she would have wanted it. It was the last thing I could ever do for my Mom and I treasured every moment.

Here's hoping you have the same kind of unexpected, wonderful moments I had. I will keep them with me always.

-chef-

[maveric]

16. I am counting those blessings. Dont get me wrong.

Its just that I was married for 18 years in what I was told was a happy relationship. Then she met someone online and suddenly she met her soulmate. She left me with the kids and ran off to Canada where she eventually divorced me and married this handsome prince.
As it turned out he was a wife beating drunk that never gave her an ounce of respect. That pissed me off because I treated her like a queen.
Oh well, I just miss doing the holiday "things" with her. We made it fun and the boys always had a great Xmas.
Its just not the same now and my boys are also a bit down. I try to get the spirit going but its just not the same.
Oh well....

[RagingInMiami]

34. That's a sad story

What is she doing now?

[maveric]

36. Working on husband #4. (I was #2)

Whom she also met on the internet.

[babylonsister]

9. Enjoy your boys!

I do have a husband, but no kids. I'll bet my house is quieter than yours is!:hi:

[Longgrain]

10. No response but to say...

Being a single man who's never had a family of his own...I know what all of you are talking about...You have my shoulder to cry on if you want it...

[Ready4Change]

12. I had a 10 year "drought"

10 years without a (regular) girlfriend. But then I met my wife, who's sitting next to me as I type.

Things can change. Hang in there.

[frylock]

13. you are not the only one..

and the one person I would like to spend the holidaze with is all the way over on the other coast. She was here for Thanksgiving, but I won't see her for Christmas and New Years. :cry:

[HeeBGBz]

18. I'll have a blue blue blue Christmas

Actually, I don't feel like I'd be a good match for anyone right now.

Since November 3 I feel like I have tunnel vision about the state of the democracy. I don't have an interest in anything right now. Like nothing will be "right" until it is fixed.

I think I'm reverting to a feral state and it's not that attractive.

Yah, it would be nice to have a partner to fight against the oppression. Christmas is bad, but so is New Year's Eve when midnight rolls around and everyone kisses their S.O. and you have to find something else to do to look busy and make it less obvious that your lips are left hanging like a Ren and Stimpy cartoon.

[Red_Viking]

19. Sorry for your blues

And, let me just say, your ex-wife is a moron. Really. Sorry she put you through that kind of experience. Sounds like she has some issues of her own she should deal with.

Anyway, be glad for your sons. I was a single mom, scraping by year after year despite being college educated, so the holidays were always blue for me as well. I used to refer to myself as "terminally single." My daughter is 13 now, and I did meet someone, but it took a long time. In fact, 10 years! I'm not remarried, but do have a partner.

Be glad you have control over your own life, and don't have to worry about pleasing anyone but yourself and your sons. You did the hard part--you stayed behind to raise your kids. That makes you aces in my book! :)

Finding another partner could be a mixed blessing, anyway. Everyone has baggage. As I sit here, happy in my relationship, I'm also dreading the two weeks we have to spend with his very young children, starting on Friday. They are quite a pair. Because I love him dearly I smile and make nice and cross the days off my calendar until they go home. Everything comes with a price, my friend!

So, Merry Christmas to you, and may you have a wonderful holiday!

RV

[maveric]

20. Thank you Red Viking.

I hope that all goes well with the kids situation.

I wish you and all DUers a very happy holiday.

MAveRiC

[Chipper Chat]

21. My pet peeve - the nauseating "holiday commercials" on TV

Always showing a rich, white, smiling family getting Lexuses for Christmas. No matter what the product, the dad is overweight, balding, and duncelike. The mom is always "hot", pencil-thin, and intelligent-looking. The kids are always "perfect." I wanna throwup (or throw a beer bottle at the screen).
I am single, have lived alone for 33 years. Yes, the holidays are hard to go thru without family or friends, but a positive attitude is a must, and I no longer let being solitary bother me. So keep busy and find things to occupy your time. If you are a believer (I am -but not a fundie thank God) religion can help. And, dare I say it? - sure why not - MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all.

[Cerridwen]

23. I actually keep forgetting the holidays. I guess it's my way of

dealing.

I have a few presents to get for my brother's kids, my mom, and my sister and her husband. Beyond that, I'm "scrooging" this year.

I have some time off coming the week after xmas so I'll be cleaning and doing yard work.



:shrug:

[oneold1-4u]

24. To all who wish to be somewhere

The first time all the family went somewhere far off, We decided to head for Reno. That was a lot of years ago but it was great. Was treated like a celeb. everywhere, drinks and food on the house and more free money and entertainment than the cost of a room. Got to play any machine because there was no crowd. It wasn't quite "I'll be home for Xmas" but didn't have to be alone. Did the same once again, but to Tahoe, some years later alone. Nothing is ever the same but it was still better than home alone. I would certainly do something as wild as possible rather than mope all day. My best ever T-day in my whole (long) life, I went snorkeling off Maui with my son. Would do that again too. Try to go where you will be around others who are likely in the same boat and do your best to stay doing something.
This year, there is a lovely Indian Casino nearby with lots of penny slots. Some family is coming there for a couple of days for the same reason I will go there: not to slave over a huge meal and dishes to the ceiling, and then a lot of indigestion from trying to eat enough that the left-overs would fit in the frig.
One other thing is, give if you must, but make it small and save to give yourself the biggest and best!
You only have 10 days so get busy getting ready to do something!

[Chipper Chat]

25. I'll be home for "X mas" ????

Franklin Graham was just on Hannity & Colmes bitching about people using the term "Xmas" instead of "Christmas."
I may be a layman, but I know that X is the Greek symbol for Christ.
Obviously "Frank" was dozing off from too much partying when he should have been paying more attention to his Dad's sermons.

[Longgrain]

26. All right everybody...

I'm single and childless, I too have seen break ups and deaths in my family...no story here...let's just all...

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

:hi: with tears in my eye, let's just say, here's wishing...

[HuskiesHowls]

27. A difference between "alone" and "lonely"

There are times when I'm with someone, and I'm lonelier than when I've been alone. At least when I'm alone....I know who my best friend is!!

What really gets me down is all the commercialism. Have to get JUST the right present for people...sometimes for people I have NO idea what they are like....and that's family!! It gets me down when "family" wants to get together, but only at Christmas. I want to be with who _I_ want to be with....and spend time with them!!!

All the artificial good cheer and camaraderie really turns me off.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

29. I'll be with all my relatives, but I don't feel particularly close to them

My mother and stepfather are in their eighties, and my two brothers are both married with kids and living the full suburban lifestyle. I just can't relate to that. It's at such times that I feel like the odd one out and wish that I had a significant other, as I have had at some previous Christmases.

I handle it by not getting wrapped up in the commercial or gift-giving aspects at all and concentrating on the religious and artistic aspects.

[samplegirl]

30. Fellow D.U.ers would have a blue blue christmas

without you posting here. Try to make the best of it and not let
the hype of Christmas destroy you.

[Kat45]

31. My church is having a blue Christmas service next week.

I think I'll probably go.

[BTFSTL]

32. Yeah, the holidays get me down too

Having not had a girlfriend or SO in my entire life (I'm 44 now), I know what you're talking about. New Year's Eve sucks royally as well, especially at midnight, when everyone's smooching their SO's and I'm just standing there looking like Julius Dorkus. :cry:

Living in a small college town doesnt' exactly help either, but then again it's not that much different for me in big cities as well, especially when I've been in St. Louis.

I'd give most anything right now to have someone special in my life. I've tried most everything I can think of - video dating, on-line services (I'm on eHarmony right now), bar pickups, chat rooms, you name it, and it hasn't happened.

I'm not saying I want to have the Playmate of the Year with me (though we can all dream, right? ;-) ), but I know I'm a halfway decent, caring, honest guy. Yet a lot of women, for whatever reason, don't want to have much to do with me.:shrug:

Sorry if it seems I was rambling, I've been wanting to get this off my chest for awhile now. I guess the frustration must be setting in again.

Any advice or ideas are welcome, of course.

[Kindigger]

37. Where do you want to go for Xmas?

46 yr old single by choice female seeks lonely 44 yr old male for Christmas roadtrip...no strings attached. Intelligent conversation, and a few laughs required.


I'm in here... http://www.kerryaerie.org/pages/1/index.htm

I don't think I'm double bagger ugly. :think:

[BTFSTL]

42. Back home to St. Louis for the holidays...

But one problem: I work at a newspaper and I really can't do much for the holidays. I'm off Christmas Eve but have to be back on the 26th (I work in east-central Illinois, about 2.5 hours from St. Louis). Work the 26th, off the 27th, then on 28th-31. I'll have Jan. 4 off as compensation for having to work New Year's Eve.

It sucks, but that's the news biz for you sometimes.

Still wanna talk though?

[Kindigger]

46. BTFSTL if you can still find this thread....

I would love to. I've made some great friends online, and last time I checked none of the ones I've met in person have been mass murderers. :) I'm about 3 1/2 hours from St. Louis.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

33. I am precisely in that category

My parents are married, my sister and her husband are married and I yearn for a relationship during this time of the year (or actually at any time during the year). Someone I can talk to, someone I can confide in and someone who I could share life with. Yes, I know relationships have their good times and their bad times, but I know precisely what you mean

[Forever Free]

35. A lonely single college boy here...I know the feeling

I totally sympathize with ya. I always endeavor to maintain a relationship through the holidays, sometimes just for the sake of spending it with someone. Got no such luck this year.

[chaska]

39. I'm going camping *alone* Xmas just to get away from alla that.

I used to love Christmas, before I realized that it's more of a capitalist ritual than anything meaningful.

[dethl]

41. Even though I'm just 19....

Its still lonely without an SO for the holidays.

[disillusioned1]

43. I'll make you a deal

Meet me here Xmas eve and we can share stories of how great Christmas used to be. :hug:

[aQuArius]

44. This is my first year alone... in 25, uh no.. 26 years

I think I'll be ok, just trying to keep busy. Its been a rough year, I know next year will be better.

[GOPNotForMe]

45. Joni Mitchell's "River" always captures my feelings about the holidays

"I wish I had a river I could skate away on" indeed.

I always feel this way deep down about the holidays, regardless of the personal circumstances in my life at the time. It's hard to articulate, but I think other people feel down during the holidays for similar reasons. It just makes me look back and think about the past - people who for whatever reason are no longer in my life, friends and family, happy and sad moments, even thinking about the future. It's not regret. It's just this extreme, sad nostalgia that only really pops up during the holidays.