Understanding Engineers or Engineering 101

[radfringe]

Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students are crossing the campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."


Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer
for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything that he do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.


Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would
run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"



Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

[Muzzle Tough]

1. Heh heh!

Heh heh heh heh heh!

Heh heh heh!

That's just great.

[dbt]

7. Welcome to DU, Muzzle Tough!

Love your handle!

:evilgrin:
dbt

[Muzzle Tough]

17. Thanks!

My handle, of course, is a play on the Jewish phrase "Mazel Tov," which means "Congratulations," and it's also the title of a Tweety and Sylvester cartoon from the 1950s.

[Dees]

2. My father was a ME with

a PhD from Purdue. I totally agree with the above. One exception..he would have never worked on a weapon system. He was a consultant, educator and inventor. He fixed Ford's "smooth road shake" in the late sixties. He was an expert in the field of vibrations.

I don't know Statics or Dynamics but I do know he was a strong Dem. I owe my politics to him and his dad...a trial attorney.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

4. So he'd take the bike too??? (nt)

[Dees]

6. Hah! Prolly......n/t

[jdots]

3. Hey i wanted train jokes or recoding engineer jokes

those were great my dad was an engineer and he had to redo everything.I finally understood and loved him for it.

[SheilaT]

5. I have a son taking engineering

and I laughed very hard, because I can hear him saying these things.

(He also has Asperger's Syndrome, which is probably practically a requirement to become an engineer)

[dbt]

8. Radio 101: Two people in a station that you NEVER piss off:

The Business Manager and the Chief Engineer. Either of 'em can hang ya.

:hi:
dbt

[signmike]

9. Beheading in the French Revolution

One fine day brings a priest, a murderer and an engineer to the guillotine. First up is the priest. The executioner asks him if he wants to take his punishment face up or face down. "My son, I have given my entire life in the service of the lord - I must leave this vale of tears gazing upward into the heavens."
OK, so they lay him down on the table and when the rope is pulled, and the blade comes down, it stops! Just above the priest's neck, and everybody gasps. "Oh, my God, it's divine intervention, we almost killed an innocent priest." So they let him go and he hits the ground running.
Next up is the murderer. They ask if he wants it face up or down. "I don't care, let's just get this over with", he says. They lay him on the board, pull the rope, and again, the blade stops just short of the murderous neck. He legs it out of town right behind the priest.
The engineer can't wait. "I wanna be face up, I wanna be face up!". OK, they lay him face up, and pull the cord, and once again, the blade stops short. "Aha!", he says, "Look right there, I see what the problem is!"

[Cerridwen]

10. A very good friend and former boyfriend is a civil engineer

I asked his help to hang a hook-strip in the kitchen. It's one of those strips of hooks you hang the spatula, a spoon, and other odds and ends kitchen utensils from. Easy, right?

He had to get his pencil, a tape measure, t-square and a straight edge. He measured the hook-strip, he measured down from the ceiling, up from the counter, in from the cabinet, distance from the corner of the wall, marking with his pencil each step of the way. I got the hammer and nails. It took about 30 minutes for 1, 12" strip of hooks.

You can guess how long hanging pictures and other art work in the rest of the house took.

:D

And, he remembered my birthday but forgot his mom's. He made friends with my dog even though he'd not grown up with pets and he had allergies. And he never flinched when I put together the a/v equipment; I was the one with the electronic know how.

But yeah, he would have chosen the bike.

:D

[tyedyeto]

13. My S/O is an engineer

Had to move our TV/audio cabinet to another room (we're remodeling) and he got his clipboard and mechanical pencil and worked up a full schematic of all the wiring.
Have to admit it didn't take long to hook it all back up after the room change.

He would have taken the bike too!

[mac56]

11. How can you tell when an engineer is an extrovert?

He stares at your shoes.

[sniffa]

12. awesome

:D as an engineer, i appreciate muchLy.

gracias

[pdx_prog]

19. same here....

We know how weird we are....lol

[Rabrrrrrr]

14. It's okay to make fun of engineers!

Because we know we're the best, and because no matter what anyone tries to insult with, it doesn't work, because it's something we take pride in. Like choosing the bike. Who wouldn't rather have a really nice bike? And the glass is, in fact, too big for the job at hand. It's not an efficient use of material. And darned right the blind should play at night.

[radfringe]

15. My dad is a powerplant engineer

I'm a mechanical drafter (among other duties as assigned) so these jokes gave me a big chuckle...

but I also know about dragging out the tape measure, level etc for every little job that needs to be done in the house...

In one house we lived in - there was an archway seperating the dining room from the living room. My mother had this decorative plate she wanted hung in the middle of the arch. After several months of waiting for my dad to do it -- she decided to do it herself

She grabbed a hammer and nail. But how to easily and quickly determine the middle of the arch? Well, she positioned herself against the wall, and counted off steps, one foot butting against the other until she reached the other side.. It was 9 of her "feet" - so she counted off 4 of her feet, turned one foot sideways (this was the 1/2 "feet") turned, placed the nail and whacked it in. Plate was hung.

When my dad came home, he insisted that the plate was not in the middle, and gripped about having to do the job again, plus patching/painting over the nail hole. He grabbed his tape measure to "PROVE" it wasn't in the middle. he was right -- it was 1/8" off

Plate stayed where it was.....

[CatBoreal]

16. Just fired those off to...

...my sister, the aerospace engineer.

[LynzM]

18. LOL, nice

My husband is an engineer, my dad is an engineer, my brother is in school (and I was in school) to become one... so those are close to home. LMAO... especially the last one!