My husband said...

[alexisfree]

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never
going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not
work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in
an argument. In fact, all comments become null and
void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
how you want it done. Not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit,
not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are
lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...Really.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
:nuke:

[ScreamingMeemie]

1. He likes sleeping on the couch, eh?

:hi:

[alexisfree]

2. he will be from now in on!!!

[FarLeftRage]

3. And it's obvious

that men are from mars and women are from venus....

[skygazer]

4. "Sympathy is for your girlfriends"?

News flash - your "husband" is an asshole.

edited to add - for the last 3 weeks both I and my hubby have been suffering with rotten colds. I have been doing the dishes and laundry and cooking the dinners like I always do. He has been on the sofa, whining for orange juice and blankets, and complaining about how awful he feels. He seems to think that because I do not complain and because I do the stuff that has to be done, that I am not ill.

This is not new. Every guy I have ever been with throughout my (long) life has been a big baby about being sick. So any idiot who says something like the above earns a big horse laugh from me. Sympathy! Yeah, right!

[alexisfree]

5. another of he's e-mails...

"If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. ":evilgrin:

[XNASA]

9. Guys can do empathy, but not sympathy.

It would be different if we wanted sympathy, but we don't. That's how it works, more or less.

(Note: XNASA's comments regarding the Battle of the Sexes are meant in the most general terms only. He's been married for over 20 years, so he must know something.)

[Not_Giving_Up]

11. My husband acts like he's dying if he gets a cold

I was dragging myself to work and taking care of the house and kids with BRONCHITIS...puleeze!

Men (most of them anyway) are weenies when it comes to being sick!

[XNASA]

15. Most men enjoy being 'mothered'.

That's true.

On the other hand, guys will suck it up if they're sick and there's something that absolutely needs to be done.

[ProfessorGAC]

21. Oh, Absolutely

I can be too sick to take the garbage out, but have never been to sick to miss a tee time. Funny how that works, huh?
The Professor

[alexisfree]

14. my husband is the same!!!

OH MY GOD!!! he complaint's for everything!! little pain is the end of the world...a one freaking piece of cabbage in the soup is over!!

[NewJeffCT]

19. it's part of a joke

He only sent his wife the male side of the joke, as there is also a female one.

[frictionlessO]

6. sexy understanding sensitive critters, men are.... just so darn insightful

While a few of these are common sense in regards to the male of our species... I find that many of the comments apply across genders...
Thus we should all learn how to couch surf, its bound to happen at least once in your life.

[demnan]

7. Well you just have to make up a comeback for this - I'll start

The vaccuum cleaner does not require female genitals for operation. Neither does the broom, the stove, the dish washer or the toilet brush.

[Not_Giving_Up]

12. I have often said that having a penis does not impair you from

washing dishes, cleaning the bathroom, picking up after yourself...etc.

[NewJeffCT]

20. I wouldn't trust my wife with most of those things

my 21 month old daughter says "daddy's vacuum" when she sees the vacuum cleaner, and I don't trust my wife to do most of the cleaning or to run the washer & dryer. And, those times she does put dishes into the dishwasher, I usually have to re-arrange them to make more room... and, then I have to constantly remind her that wooden chopsticks don't go in the dishwasher.

[liberal N proud]

8. I would hope he is not serious!

[alexisfree]

10. just playing with my morning routine..

sending many messages including jokes..

[redqueen]

13. Heh

I think it's funny!

My husband needs to learn this one:

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

[alexisfree]

16. lol

I know...he always gets in my way...

[TN al]

17. It's an e-mail I got a couple of years ago...

...I think there is a list of things women need men to understand numbered normally and then this list that men need women to understand with each one numbered 1 because they are all of equal importance.

And as an aside for those of you helping her criticize her husband and for those of you who have ever helped to criticize anyone's significan other be it on this board or elsewhere. Has it never occurred to you that intimate squabbling between couples should be left to the people involved. Eventually the couple will make up and then the person will not remember what they were mad at their mate for, they will only remember that you called their mate a jerk, or whatever else you may have called them.

[skygazer]

18. Why do you think I put "husband" in quotes?

I don't butt into people's personal business but this was obviously a joke list. Lighten up, you're in the Lounge.

[KinkyDem]

22. Love the numbering scheme ... EOM

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