ChristianAnswers.net crucifiesSpongeBob movie. WTF?

[graywarrior]

http://www.christiananswers.net/spotlight/movies/2004/thespongebobsquarepantsmovie.html

[trotsky]

1. "Offensive" LMFAO!!!!!

Oh dear, these people take themselves WAAAAY too seriously.

On edit: Check this out.
There is nudity throughout the movie. We view Patrick's bare buttocks during three scenes, and SpongeBob's once.

Oh. My. God. Animated buttocks! Hide the women and children!

On further edit: You get the feeling that the only cartoon these people would find acceptable would be those totally mocking cartoons that Rod & Todd are shown watching on episodes of The Simpsons.

[Zuni]

2. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

[ET Awful]

3. LOL . . .

Someone gets called a jack*** OH NO!!!!

You see a fucking SPONGE in his underwear? That's some evil shit.

These people have some seriously fucked up priorities. I bet the ones that are complaining are fine with their kids having toy guns and playing war though.

[iconoclastic cat]

54. They're demonizing things that they fear within themselves,

or something.

[mogster]

4. Creeeeepy. What's going on in the minds of these people? n/t

[laheina]

25. Not much.

Except that they spend way too much time looking for, and imagining, things for which to be offended.

[RevolutionaryActs]

First thing that struck me was:

"where his friends include a Squidward the squid and Patrick the starfish."


a Squidward???? What? Yes hello this is my friend.. A Sam oh and this is A Jenny.....:wtf:

[Left Is Write]

5. Whoever reviewed that needs to remove the stick from his or her posterior.

[AllegroRondo]

6. These are the same people who wanted "Team America" rated NC-17

because it showed puppets having sex

[tekriter]

7. Oh, man I just read their "review"...

"There is nudity throughout the movie"

"Parental warnings are nearly inexhaustible in considering this film"

"Sexual innuendo is present"

"Patrick also displays sexual perversion in the final scene,"

"Sensitive children would be horrified."


Hey, I just paid $13 for me and my kid to see this and I GOT RIPPED OFF! I didn't see ANY sexual perversion!

I WANT MY MONEY BACK!

[dean_dem]

11. Sensitive children would be horrified?

Really, any kids that are horrified by Spongebob Squarepants probably deserve any schoolyard beatings and swirlies that they undoubedtly receive on a daily basis.

[DrWeird]

12. I think he means the fishnet stockings.

Frankly, I thought Patrick was hot.

[laheina]

26. Animated starfish nudity

and tighty whities. I'm feeling tingly!!

[Not_Giving_Up]

8. Where to begin here....

"Violence and frightening images are in no short supply. SpongeBob and Patrick are confronted by monsters and dark, scary places filled with piles of skeletons. They are chased by bizarre creatures trying to eat them. Small children could be terrified by these scenes."

Small children have no business in this movie!


"Another disturbing event takes place when SpongeBob and Patrick are plucked from the sea by an ominous human diver hunting for treasures to sell in his gift shop on the shore. The two are placed under a heat lamp so that they will die and dry out. Eventually, they are moistened and revived, but a long scene ensues wherein the two are dying and writhing in pain. One of SpongeBob's arms snaps off. Sensitive children would be horrified."

Sensitive children probably don't watch Spongebob anyway!

"The film concludes with a rock concert atmosphere, during which SpongeBob dons a wizard's hat and cape and swoops over a crowd. Hard rock blares while Patrick (wearing the fishnets and boots) makes satanic symbols with his hands."

"Patrick also displays sexual perversion in the final scene, when he attends a rock concert wearing fishnet stockings and women's black leather boots."


Oh no, not hard rock, satanic symbols, fishnet stockings and wizard hats!

"The script contains a plethora of name calling, one religious exclamation, and the phrase "jack ***" is said once, in a whisper."

What's the religious exclamation? They WHISPERED jackass and this is a problem?

The movie is rated PG - not G...That means parental guidance...Get a grip!

[trotsky]

10. The reviewer must never have seen the TV show.

On many episodes, the characters have gotten out of the water and dried up only to be revived again. Spongebob and others have lost body parts. WTF is so different about this than when Wile E. Coyote fell off a cliff and an anvil dropped on his head? Did that inspire kids to run out in the desert and do the same?

I just don't fucking get it with these people. They are a parody of themselves.

[jeff30997]

18. "makes satanic symbols with his hands"

:headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

[AntiCoup2K4]

50. Yet the Freeps don't have a problem with their pResident doing that?

[davidinalameda]

9. what a bunch of knobs

naked cartoon characters

call the FCC!!!!!!!!

what's next--pantsless ducks?

[tjdee]

13. "Spongebob has a homosexual agenda."

A fundie (elderly woman who probably never even saw an episode) told me that. Cracked me up!!

[CatholicEdHead]

15. Yep and Harry Potter

promotes "witchcraft".

Not.

[BattyDem]

31. I would LOVE to know how she came to that conclusion

The reasoning must be hysterical!

[tjdee]

34. My sis and I tried hard to think of it, but figured this:

There's an episode where Spongebob and Patrick are 'parents' to a...little clam I think? Anyway, Spongebob is the 'mom', and Patrick is the 'dad'. Two male sea creatures as parents definitely spells
G-A-Y. :crazy:

Then there's the episode where Gary, Spongebob's snail (who is also male) follows Patrick around for the cookie in his shorts, which leads to Spongebob begging Gary to come back, and ends with Patrick crying out "Gary! I thought what we had was specialllllll!!!!"

That's all we could come up with, and that's pretty flimsy in most rational people's thinking. Most of us aren't thinking about romantic relationships of any kind when we watch cartoons. :crazy:

I'm pretty sure she has never seen one episode, but some Jerry Falwellish figure has decided that for her and she believes him. I didn't ask her, cause my kiddo asked what homosexual was--and the lady got all flustered and changed the subject! It was way funny.

[peekaloo]

35. I work with a fundie who refused my gift of a SpongeBob wallclock

for her son because "he's of a questionable sexuality". I asked who, your son or the fucking cartoon? :wtf:

[tjdee]

43. She must have been listening to that same Jerry Falwellish guy!!

I mean, anyone who has actually seen the show 1)doesn't care about the sexuality of a CARTOON, and 2)know that he likes Sandy. :silly:

[graywarrior]

14. Just in case the night crowd missed this

[barackmyworld]

16. OH WOW, They embarass real Christians

Check out this statement from a review of the Princess Diaries 2:

"There are two disappointing moral aspects to the story:

There is a feminist message in the conclusion of the film. I know that some parents will want to avoid presenting their children with the message that women are created to rule a nation, with or without a husband."

[jeff30997]

19. A feminist message ?

Lets burn the witches at the stake ! These peoples live in the middle ages.:wow:

[FizzFuzz]

30. That reviewer's son must be this one:

Seventh grade Creationism scientist comes to these conclusions:

<snip>
Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking: physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets; biology shows that women were designed to carry un-born babies in their wombs and to feed born babies milk, making them the natural choice for child rearing; social sciences show that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay; and exegetics shows that God created Eve as a companion for Adam, not as a co-worker.

<snip>

:buddychrist:

[skygazer]

52. Wages for women workers are lower

Than those of "normal" workers? :wtf: There is so much wrong with that sentence that it boggles the mind. Far be it for me to bash a 7th grade kid who is obviously the product of a warped upbringing but the fact that women are paid less doesn't mean they can't work as well - it means they're getting ripped off, you little cretin!

And what is a "normal" worker?

[HawkerHurricane]

33. Don't let the kids find out about...

Elizabeth the First...
Cleopatra VII
Catherine (the Great)
I know I'm missing some.

[charlyvi]

53. Eleanor Roosevelt wasn't a ruler,

at least not title-wise, but she was the first Sec Gen of the UN--helped write the charter too. Not too shabby. But then, the name Roosevelt probably ranks right up there with Satan and Hitler to these idiots.

Plus there's Margaret Thatcher, Indira Ghandi.

[BattyDem]

17. Buttocks?

He's a f*cking sponge!! And I don't know WHAT the hell Patrick is! :shrug:

Taking offense to cartoon asses definitely falls into the "get a life" category! :eyes:

[Hillaryin08]

20. i took my two and six year old children

they loved it. as did i. at least they didnt kill off bob's mom in the first 2 minutes like a disney mo5vie.

[FizzFuzz]

21. of course, that keeps fundies happy--reinforces the message of the

disposable woman.

Ladies! Stay submissive please. Infact, we prefer you dead. Nice and passive and quiet and dead. After you've fulfilled your wifely duties of course.

:mad: :nuke:

[RevCheesehead]

40. Patrick is a Starfish - yeah. definitely gay....he's almost PURPLE!

Think about it: Barney, Tinky-Winky, Patrick.... No wonder there's an outbreak of homosexuals: it's the Hollywood Gay Agenda!

Oh, and let's not forget: The Lion King plopping in the dirt and the dust spells "S-E-X", and my personal favorite: the phallic castle on the cover of The Little Mermaid.

Ya know, if Mr. Rogers was new to TV today, they'd find fault with him, too.

added on edit:
Since Patrick is a Starfish, he is essentially a Pentagram, or a "Witch's Star". Coincidence? I think not. (/sarcasm)

[genieroze]

22. I wonder what they think of South Park? lol eom

[jmowreader]

32. Ask and ye shall receive

http://www.capalert.com/capreports/southpark.htm

"South Park is an incredibly dangerous movie for those who do not understand or are developing an understanding of the Gospel ....... INCREDIBLY dangerous. Some of the scenes in South Park reminded me so much of the image of demons screeching and dancing around a boiling cauldron as Satan gleefully looks on from the background as the demons pitch soul after soul after soul into the burning cauldron.."

Well...no shit. Half of "South Park: BLU" takes place in HELL, fa chrissakes!

And he COUNTED the number of times people said Fuck!

[genieroze]

36. I think south park is funny as heck. They make fun of everybody.

I do agree it's not for young kids though but my youngest is 17 so they can watch pretty much what they want.

[trotsky]

42. Re: Counting the swear words

My wife, raised a strict Southern Baptist, had some insight on this.

Really, what it comes down to, is that these kind of uber-moralistic people are of course horribly repressed. Getting to review the evil secular world and its products gives them a legitimate way to get their thrills. Counting swear words. Counting the number of nude scenes. (Which you KNOW they rewind to make sure. A few times.) Etc.

[jmowreader]

49. And let us not forget the "Lion King" brouhaha

In which some fundie with more cash than common sense used his $3500 VCR to step through EVERY SINGLE FRAME of "The Lion King" until he found the one where the animators ghosted the word "Sex" into a dust cloud.

And then he went all over the world claiming that Disney wants YOUR CHILDREN TO HAVE SEX SO DISNEY MUST APOLOGIZE AND GO OUT OF BUSINESS IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!

[AntiCoup2K4]

51. Jesus Himself has appeared in several episodes of South Park

so what's their problem?

[Skip Intro]

23. Remember the crusade aganst "Toy Story" - ?

It obviously promoted drugs and sex, because the lead characters were named Buzz and Woody.

I kid you not.

[BattyDem]

28. LOL! I never heard that one ...

I'll never look at that movie the same way again. ;-)

[Up2Late]

24. This Christian review is 39% EVIL!!!

That a lot of Evil for a Christian Site

<a href="http://homokaasu.org/gematriculator/?referer" target="_blank"><img src="" width="175" height="80" alt="This site is certified 39% EVIL by the Gematriculator" /></a>

[laheina]

27. And 61% stupid, obviously. nt

[Maddy McCall]

29. Hilarious excerpts here...

Parental warnings are nearly inexhaustible in considering this film. Please do not be deceived by the light-hearted, cute trailers for this cartoon and take your kids to see it assuming it will be clean, innocent fun. Many parents would not find this material suitable viewing for children.

There is nudity throughout the movie. We view Patrick's bare buttocks during three scenes, and SpongeBob's once. At one point, Patrick surprises SpongeBob at a community gathering by swinging over the crowd, naked, holding a sign between his buttocks which bears a message to his friend. SpongeBob and Patrick are also shown in their underwear a few times. The underwear is drawn to look like men's fitted briefs.

These characters are not real, and are not even human, so many may choose to gloss over the animated nude scenes, though it sends a wrong message to children that it's okay to pull down one's pants for a laugh.

snip/

Sexual innuendo is present, as Patrick is enamored with Mindy and flirts with her constantly, telling her she's "hot" and asking her at one point if she wants to see his underwear. Will there be little boys on school playgrounds getting charged with sexual harassment after mimicking this sort of behavior coming from their lovable cartoon friend?

Patrick also displays sexual perversion in the final scene, when he attends a rock concert wearing fishnet stockings and women's black leather boots.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

47. Thank ${DEITY} I live in Brazil

Patrick is enamored with Mindy and flirts with her constantly, telling her she's "hot" and asking her at one point if she wants to see his underwear. Will there be little boys on school playgrounds getting charged with sexual harassment after mimicking this sort of behavior coming from their lovable cartoon friend?

Isn't it true that children DO get charged with sexual harassment for this?

[kodi]

37. i saw the film with my 9 year old niece. that critic needs to get a life

i loved the movie and so did my niece.

[MisterP]

38. if they see streetwalkers on Hey Arnold and "magazines" on Ed Edd n Eddy

they'll have aneurisms.
I'll get the TV, you get the fundies!

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

48. NO fucking way. I get the TV, YOU get the fundies. (nt)

[Placebo]

39. O M G

That's hillarious. All of my friends think Spongebob is gay anyway. ;)

[kayleybeth]

41. Oh, Good Grief!

Those people really need to get a life. I think the real reason they are panning SpongeBob is because Nickelodeon is (I believe) owned by Viacom, which also owns CBS, and we all know how those people feel about CBS.

[China_cat]

44. This reminds me of the group

that was up in arms years ago about an episode of The Avengers titled "The See Through Man". As you can guess, it was about a man who had supposedly perfected invisibility.

The fundy group made a stink because if the guy couldn't be seen he must have been naked and they were not going to allow ANY nudity on tv. (They didn't even watch through to the end of the episode where it was revealed that there wasn't any invisibility...nor any 'nudity'...at all, the guy was pulling a scam with electronic gadgets.)

It's amazing the way their minds (don't) work.

[Dastard Stepchild]

45. They got but one thing right in their review.....

<snip>

"David Hasselhoff makes an embarrassing cameo in swim trunks, during which his chest is computer-manipulated so that his pectoral muscles flex unnaturally, even forming a square shape, and then he places SpongeBob and Patrick on his chest and uses his muscles like a wedge to propel them back down into the sea. It is a grotesque scene"

I concur....

[Deja Q]

46. Why do they say the TV show is 30 minutes long? More interestingly,

It's 21 minutes plus 9 of commercials. Unless they're trying to denounce the commercials too, which I HIGHLY doubt.

Okay, how does a frigging rectangular sponge have a butt? It's got two sticks for legs. A rectangular rectum? I don't think so.

And, OMG, they draw things to look like how they look on my people. Just how satanic is that? :evilgrin:

Also, if it's a 90 minute cartoon, how is it really David Hasselhoff that does all that? :crazy:

Most of all is the blither about threatening and executions. I bet they'd find the Abu Gharib pics to be less aggressive on the minds of our precious kiddies. :eyes:

Ooooh! And a wizard hat! Um, the Santa I bought at Walgreens for $2.99 wears a wizard-style hat. Maybe he's Satan. :eyes: (and I'll have a pic shortly...)

And surely the "***" means "OFF"? :evilgrin:

All in all, I love these x'ian reviews. They're funny as hell. Pity THEY don't realize it.


Edit: Spelling