If your spouse/s.o. cheated on you would you ever really feel the same???

[samplegirl]

Be honest.

[kedrys]

1. Nope. Not even close.

Whether or not I actually killed them upon finding out would depend on how much paperwork I'd want to fill out at that precise moment. Administrative inconvenience has probably prevented more than one murder, the way I see it.

[Misunderestimator]

2. Nope... Which is why we broke up...

about seven months ago. I'm sure some couples can work through it with a lot of effort (though I doubt anyone could ever feel exactly the same about someone who cheated on them), but without the effort, no way.

[Dogmudgeon]

3. Been There, Done That

A couple of times, in fact.

It doesn't really bother me unless it's a prelude to a break-up.

In fact, I'm just a wee bit judgemental about people who dump their partners over an isolated extra-curricular boink. They're often biding their time and manipulating circumstances so that when their S.O. walks into the trap, they get to leave the relationship without guilt, and with a sense of moral superiority.

Especially when the "aggrieved" is married. What ever happened to "for better or for worse" ... ?

--p!

[haele]

4. Me, no

Because I've gotten into the relationship at that level would pretty much mean that I've committed and connected to that person in such a way that cheating would be a serious breach of trust and consideration.

I've known a couple other people to whom it doesn't seem to be that much of a deal to so long as there were no diseases brought back - however, they had strange (to me) relationships, anyway.
But hey, whatever they commit themselves to, that's the business of them and their partner(s), not me. Unless one of them goes out of their way to try to seduce my S.O...

Haele

[catmandu57]

5. No

The trust is gone, I have big problems with trusting close people, and if I were close enough to lay myself open to someone, then to be violated, no, that's a big deal breaker.

[Cuban_Liberal]

6. No, of course not.

I could forgive him, though, if he did.

[samplegirl]

18. Forgiving?

I say i forgive.......but when you cant forget it sure makes it
difficult to do things for that person.

[RandomKoolzip]

7. She already did. And I'm okay with it.

In fact, I gave her permission.

We have a pretty accepting/forgiving relationship. Our love is based on more than sex.

[gollygee]

8. I would have a very hard time with that

I don't think a couple has to break up over infidelity though. I think it depends on why the partner cheated. I know some couples who have had real problems, one of the involved has cheated, and the cheating has forced them into counselling and things have turned out better afterward. So if he cheated because of problems in our marriage, I'd look for ways to correct the problems in our marriage and try to forgive him and work through it. But if he was just being a thoughtless pig, I don't think I'd be able to stay with him.

[Samurai_Writer]

9. Nope...

automatic divorce/breakup for me. Reason I divorced my second husband. Once a liar and cheater, always a liar and cheater.

[Left Is Write]

10. Probably not, but I can't say for sure I would leave him.

I really do not know exactly how I would react. My first instinct would probably be to leave, but we have a family together and a common goal of raising our children together.

I did leave an SO once who cheated on me, but that was long ago under different circumstances, and I was not married to him.

[fluffernutter]

11. trust is such a huge thing to me.

and breaking that would definitely change things. i can't for sure say that i would not still love my partner or be able to forgive them, but i know that part of my heart that i once gave freely would no longer be open, at least in that particular relationship.

[supernova]

15. I feel the same

as you fluffernutter.

I guess it would depend on whether it was a one-off or a pattern of behavior.

If someone is sneaking around on their SO, what's the point of being in a relationship to start with?

Trust and loyalty are a huge deal for me. I give the same in all my relationships. Is it too much to ask to expect it in return?

[SemiCharmedQuark]

12. Well...it happened to me...

And I feel completely fine most of the time and don't even think about it. But sometimes it comes into question when he is in situations that require him to have willpower. I used to trust him completely, but now I worry. So he takes extra lengths to make sure I don't.

[Gothic Sponge]

13. No

[the Princess]

14. Hubby and I have a deal

If either of us ever has feelings for another person we will talk about it and see if we can come to a compromise we both can live with.

So far it's worked fine. And we wil be married 12 years in February.

Neither of us believes the other is infallable - nor do we believe that there is anything that can end our love for each other, Honesty is the key. And neither of us believes we own the other. True love is about freedom not about locks and chains.

So I guess my answer is - there would be nothing to forgive because there is no such thing as cheating in our relationship. The other would know well before hand if one of us desired another.

So NO - nothing could ever change the way I feel about my husband - I love him with all my heart and that will never change.

[SmokingJacket]

16. "The same"? No.

He'd have to be a LOT nicer to me to from then on. Then I'd forgive... but never forget.

[pink-o]

17. It depends on the parameters of the relationship

...but since you said "spouse" I assume it means this person swore in front of a priest/minister/rabbi/justice of the peace that s/he would be faithful to you. Now why would you make that commitment if you can't live up to it?


Seriously, if you're not sure you can "forsake all others" than don't get married! Be honest with your partner and don't commit until you're ready. It's the deception that breaks the trust more than the temporary insanity that makes us lust after another.

If my ex had been honest with me, we might have been able to salvage the marriage. But it was the thought that he could so easily lie to me, far more than the idea of his jumping into bed with another woman, that destroyed things.

[fluffernutter]

22. i agree.

it's the easy lying that would get me too.

but, if you already have a more open agreement (like one of the scenarios above) that's different. some people really do work fine that way - but at least they are still being honest with each other and telling them how they feel.

[SarahB]

19. Nope.

I had a question many, many years ago as to whether I was cheated on at an extremely vulnerable time. To be honest, I still don't know. Honesty is everything to me.

One of the biggest reasons I'm divorcing is that I know I can no longer commit to him (not in love and unhappy for many years) and was about to head down that road. I didn't, but I sure thought seriously about it. I figure it's better to get out even if it's difficult at times than to go down that road. It's not fair to anyone and I'm a better person than that.

[EstimatedProphet]

20. It would be hard to, that's for sure.

[Nikia]

21. It would depend

I'd like to think that we are both honest with each other. As a result, I have no problem with him doing things that other wives might have problems with like going to a strip club or going out without me. We did meet when we were 19. Married when we were 22, but were pretty much in a committed relationship shortly after we met. Neither one of us had dated much before each other, gone to parties frequently, or gone to bars. Neither one of us realized that we might be attractive to many other people either. I think that it makes us more vunerable to bad situations. I found myself in a couple of bad situations a couple of times that were hard to get out of, that I could have been raped in. If he found himself in one of these bad situations but ended up going through it, I'd forgive him if he felt bad about it and learned from it. I suppose that it might be better for us to shelter each other more considering this, but I think that just makes things worse. We were sheltered too much as it was.
I would be upset by an ongoing affair that had been kept secret for a while. I don't know how I'd feel though.

[BlueJazz]

23. Nope I'd tell them in no uncertain terms...

Hit the road, Jill..and don't you come back no mor'...no mor',,,