Job descriptions translated

[KurtNYC]

This is for an Executive Assistant position with a major accounting firm.

Minimum of 5-7 years corporate experience
In this context, it means they want someone who will be satisfied to be a secretary, not a climber.

Strong organizational/administrative skills
They always say this. It means the company is already f-k'd up from all the people they hired before you who don't organize so well.

Ability to work on multiple projects in a fast paced, deadline driven, ever changing environment
I believe the vernacular is "must be able to eat shit and smile." "ever changing" means they don't have to be consistent.

Excellent oral and written communication skills
This is more fluff. They put it in in case the person this job reports to looks at it. In truth, Mr. Magoo would qualify.

Strong customer service attitude
Uh oh, the customers are jerks?

Must be mature, professional, highly motivated, energetic and resourceful
Mature and energetic? They are looking for Jack LaLanne.

Excellent interpersonal skills with all levels of management and clients
Bathe, wear clothes that don't stink. Don't drool on yourself.

Demonstrate ability to work independently and be a team player
Love this one. You have to work without guidance and supervision and then if you do anything good, they will take credit for it.

Minimum typing speed of 55-60 wpm
Means there may be typing involved but not much or they would say "75WPM+."

Exhibit negotiation and problem resolution skills
Now they want Donald Trump? If I organize a union and take all the support staff out on strike -- would they be happy that I met this requirement?

Ability to deal with confidential/sensitive information
No stock trading during work hours.

Seen any good ones?

[dean_dem]

1. "A real self-starter"

They need someone who can compensate for the fact that the boss is a moron.