matcom
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Thu Dec-23-04 01:49 PM
Original message |
Mrs Matcom is BORED At Work And Is Reading DU - Post Something FUNNY! |
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:D
she just called and said, "Have your friends post funny stuff so I can get through the day!"
so, fellow DUers, i'll leave it to YOU!
post funny shit for Mrs MATCOM!!!
:bounce:
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MidwestTransplant
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Thu Dec-23-04 01:50 PM
Response to Original message |
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HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED My old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next" They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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SharonRB
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Thu Dec-23-04 01:53 PM
Response to Reply #1 |
GOPisEvil
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Thu Dec-23-04 01:50 PM
Response to Original message |
2. Why does she need...oh, right...Teena's at work. |
WMliberal
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Thu Dec-23-04 01:52 PM
Response to Original message |
3. how about posting a link to the "things to not say while |
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seeing Passion of the Christ"?
wham wham wham!
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WoodrowFan
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:06 PM
Response to Reply #3 |
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I can see my house from here!
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GOPisEvil
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:06 PM
Response to Reply #15 |
16. Bob Vila would have used decking screws |
WoodrowFan
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:12 PM
Response to Reply #16 |
Midlodemocrat
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:41 PM
Response to Reply #15 |
32. That is one of my all time favorite jokes |
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...albeit very irreverent.
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underpants
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Thu Dec-23-04 03:17 PM
Response to Reply #32 |
39. Man did we really nail this one!!!(LINK) |
MichaelHarris
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Thu Dec-23-04 01:52 PM
Response to Original message |
4. Mrs MATCOM when ordering a chicken sammich ask for well done |
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Seriously, last post I only did it for Matcom and Mrs Matcom cuz she looks so good in lace and he's not bad in spandex.
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matcom
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Thu Dec-23-04 01:53 PM
Response to Reply #4 |
5. YYYYYYAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY |
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your BACK!! i KNEW you would!
:bounce:
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MichaelHarris
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Thu Dec-23-04 01:55 PM
Response to Reply #5 |
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dunno, but I knew I couldn't pass up this thread. I passed on so much funny stuff the last few days, man it woulda killed ya, and prolly got me banned.
BTW, tell Mrs Matcom her thong is peeking out, just a bit but enough for that Harvey guy to get some woodage.
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matcom
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Thu Dec-23-04 01:57 PM
Response to Reply #7 |
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i like it when she flirts
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MichaelHarris
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:01 PM
Response to Reply #8 |
13. Mrs Matcom and Matcom's day at the beach |
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Man Matcom I'm going out in a blaze of glory today.
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yellowdogintexas
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Thu Dec-23-04 01:59 PM
Response to Original message |
9. I just posted a Dave Barry column, surely she can't miss that |
rbnyc
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Thu Dec-23-04 01:59 PM
Response to Original message |
10. My right breast is going off like a fire hose! |
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I've expressed 2 ounces of milk in less than a minute!
Yes, I always read DU while pumping my breasts at work. So if I'm here, you can bet my boob is hanging out.
Funny or just TMI?
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Dora
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:13 PM
Response to Reply #10 |
18. Well, now I know what to do |
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when I start pumping at the office next April.
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rbnyc
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:14 PM
Response to Reply #18 |
Dora
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:24 PM
Response to Reply #20 |
29. New DU Group idea: Mothers Milking at the Office |
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I think it would probably attract some questionables, though. Perhaps we'd be better off keeping our teats under wraps.
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Richardo
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:35 PM
Response to Reply #10 |
30. That's not what we meant when we told you to express yourself... |
rbnyc
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Thu Dec-23-04 03:03 PM
Response to Reply #30 |
achtung_circus
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:00 PM
Response to Original message |
11. Well, God created Adam |
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and Adam came before God to get fitted with attributes.
God said: "OK, Adam, what do you want?"
Adam: "well, what have you got?"
Godd: "well, let's see". God picks up a box and looks inside. "Well, there's strength"
Adam: "Yeah, I'd like to be strong." Adam is strong. "I'd like to run fast". Adam runs fast. And so it goes. Adam thinks of attributes, God rummages around in the box and hands them to Adam.
LATER
God creates Eve and Eve shows up for her attributes.
Eve: "I'd like to be strong."
God (looking in box) : "well, Adam seems to have got that one."
Eve: "I'd like to run fast."
God: "Adam took that as well."
So it continues, Eve thinking of cool attributes, God replying that Adam was there first.
Finally Eve says "well is there anything good left?"
God rummages around and says "the only thing left seems to multiple orgasms."
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yvr girl
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:00 PM
Response to Original message |
12. This always makes me laugh |
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The Cats Diary
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan ......
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time.
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WoodrowFan
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:05 PM
Response to Original message |
14. did she ever approve of your 3-some with the porn star?? |
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there, THAT should get a guffaw out of her.
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Wilber_Stool
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:14 PM
Response to Original message |
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and nobody can think of what to get 92 year old grandpa for Christmas. Someone shouts" I know, let's get him a prostitute." Everyone thinks this is a great idea. That night, grandpa gets a knock at the door. He answers it and standing there is a six foot tall red head with a figure that could kill. She bends over and whispers in his ear"Grandpa, I'm going to give you super sex." Grandpa thinks for a moment and asks, " What kind of soup?"
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DS1
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:14 PM
Response to Original message |
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I'm too busy to post something funny :crazy:
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matcom
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:17 PM
Response to Reply #21 |
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she will KILL you later :P
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MichaelHarris
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:17 PM
Response to Original message |
22. If you ever visit Matcom ask to see the photo albums, pretty funny stuff |
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Matcom, age 6 after discovering Pop's liquor cabinet
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WoodrowFan
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:18 PM
Response to Reply #22 |
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he was kissing his dead goldfish goodbye.
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MichaelHarris
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:18 PM
Response to Reply #24 |
matcom
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:18 PM
Response to Reply #22 |
25. that WAS his liquor cabinet!!!! |
MichaelHarris
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:20 PM
Response to Reply #25 |
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or the half can of beer with the cigar stub in the bottom of it.
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yellowdogintexas
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:24 PM
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Midlodemocrat
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:38 PM
Response to Original message |
31. Okay, you asked for it. |
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Got this email today.
I dislike too many warning forwards in my mail as much as anyone, but this one is important! I hope I'm not too late! Send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list.
If someone comes to your door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take all your clothes off and dance around to shake off the ticks, DON'T DO IT! It is a scam; they only want to see you naked.
I wish I had gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now...
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Zenaholic
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:54 PM
Response to Original message |
33. When I die I want to go out peacefully in my sleep like Grandpa... |
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...not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
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matcom
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Thu Dec-23-04 02:56 PM
Response to Reply #33 |
34. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA |
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i am in FUCKING TEARS HERE!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
PRICELESS.
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Az
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Thu Dec-23-04 03:02 PM
Response to Original message |
35. Go here, dance, be saved |
SOteric
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Thu Dec-23-04 03:15 PM
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underpants
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Thu Dec-23-04 03:16 PM
Response to Original message |
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Edited on Thu Dec-23-04 03:16 PM by underpants
Cheers
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0007
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Thu Dec-23-04 04:04 PM
Response to Reply #38 |
41. This guy knows how to pick the good looking ones. |
hangemhigh
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Thu Dec-23-04 03:57 PM
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http://www.illwillpress.com/Click on "No Christmas for You"
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jonnyblitz
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Thu Dec-23-04 04:05 PM
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42. is she a LURKER or something?!?! |
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I think SHE needs to post !!!! :P
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matcom
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Thu Dec-23-04 04:07 PM
Response to Reply #42 |
43. you suggesting i UNCHAIN her from the basement??? |
jonnyblitz
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Thu Dec-23-04 04:08 PM
Response to Reply #43 |
44. well you let her out to go to work |
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she can post then can't she?
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matcom
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Thu Dec-23-04 04:09 PM
Response to Reply #44 |
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she KNOWS i'll "lay down the law"
*ok. i'm officially :scared: now. PLEASE don't show her this ok*
i didn't mean it REALLY! :scared:
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jonnyblitz
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Thu Dec-23-04 04:24 PM
Response to Reply #45 |
48. SERIOUSLY she needs to post!! |
Commie Pinko Dirtbag
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Thu Dec-23-04 04:10 PM
Response to Original message |
46. A Christmas story to cheer up Mrs. M |
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When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.
More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. Merry Christmas!
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JimmyJazz
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Thu Dec-23-04 04:22 PM
Response to Original message |
47. Does this mean I have to revert to calling you |
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Lord God Emperor Ruler of the Universe Sir?
(I'll pm my address where you can send the check) :hi:
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Fri Apr 26th 2024, 12:06 AM
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