Religion IS divisive: My Mother is angry that I'm not going to church

[kerry-is-my-prez]

and is acting totally bitchy that I'm not going with them. She's in a very foul mood now. Ironic that this is the way she is being on Christmas Eve....

When I was a kid, going to church caused more arguments and dissent than anything else. We argued at home about having to go to church (my brother, dad and I all didn't want to go). We argued and bickered all the way down to church and all the way back about what we were wearing, how we behaved, etc. My brother and I would "skip" the services and go to a restaurant down the street. Then we'd lie to my mother about going.

Organized religion was the source of a lot of bad stuff in my childhood. I was an atheist for a long time because of that. And I REALLY don't want anything to do with it now that they had a lot to do with a war-mongering, greedy liar is posturing as President right now. I don't want ANYTHING to do with a group of people who aided and abetted him.

The few times I've gone along with going to church I've been resentful and angry and my mother "lords" it over me. The people make me ill there. It is out and out SMARMY. You just know that they're acting all nicey-nice there and then going back home to act like the creeps and phonies that most of them are.

[Upfront]

1. Been There.

I to have had the same experience, and do not go to church as I can't stand the phoneys, or there crap!

[saltpoint]

2. Stick to your guns.

Your mother can go if she wants. If you don't want to, don't.

Go see TARNATION if it's showing anyplace near you, or THE AVIATOR, or another film you might enjoy.

Or listen to some good music.

There's different ways of contemplation. Yours is as good as your mom's. Tell her I said so.

[Maddy McCall]

3. My folks WERE going to a Christmas Eve service tonight at...

the Baptist church here. My son actually wanted to go with him, but my mother informed me that they are doing communion tonight. I said, "So?"

I think she was letting me know that only the in-club would be there tonight. Needless to say, my son will be home with me. Our family usually has a family get-together on Christmas eve to open presents. Not this year, I guess. Drinking grape juice and eating styrofoam wafers is more important to the True Baptists. :shrug:

On edit: I talked to my father awhile ago--he said that he's going to come visit us. Don't know what my mom will do. My dad has always been more family oriented than to let something like a Christmas eve church service wreck the family get-together.

So, divisive--YES. This church event will split our family, because I bet my mother will go on to church. :shrug:

[yardwork]

6. I'm shocked that your mother won't take her grandson to church!

He's asking to go, and she won't take him because he isn't a baptized member of the church? That's terrible.

I know that not all Baptist churches feel this way. My son and I were invited to our neighbor's southern Baptist church on Christmas Eve some years ago. It was a children's Love Feast service and guests were welcome.

I'm a Pagan, not a Christian. I will go to church occasionally if somebody invites me. When I hear stories about churches denying people entrance because they aren't baptized, I feel ill. That's not the way it's supposed to be.

I recommend that you consider checking your paper for other local services where children are welcome, since your son has an interest. Let your mom go hang out with her in-crowd.

[LDS Jock]

9. sorry.. it shouldn't be this way

:hug: I hate to hear stories of how religion separates family. Its funny when you think about it. The religious right preaches about family values and the importance of the traditional family over all other matters, but yet allows church to divide their own families. This has always struck me as odd.

[izzie]

4. I used to go and now I do not. Not sure why.

It is always a nice service and specially if you go to Mass. I have been all over the place on religion I guess.

[sbj405]

5. Went through the same thing a few years ago

Now I just skip the winter holiday season. My parents don't even ask or invite me anymore.

[LDS Jock]

7. I've never understood trying to force someone into going to church

From a Christian perspective, what good is being there if your heart isn't in it? Really, there isn't any. Also too, making someone come to church and having a bad time will never encourage someone to come on their own. People push others away from church with behavior like this.

[MaryBear]

8. It's not Christmas that is divisive.

It's about control, not about church. I got to the point where I could go to church with my mother by in my mind considering it my gift to her. She's gone now, and I'm glad I was able to do that. I did have to work on my mental attitude toward the service, others in church with us, etc. My ability to successfully manage that varied.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

13. It IS about control

In my family, the issue was "going on a little ride." For some reason, dads in the 1950s felt compelled to drag the whole family on Sunday afternoon drives to nowhere in particular.

For the first few years of my life, I had no choice but to go along, bored and usually carsick, but around the age of 11 or 12, I started refusing to go. This led to some of the biggest blow-ups in family history, since, for some reason, my father's ego was tied up in getting all of us to go riding around in the suburbs.

Church was never an issue for me. For one thing, I was usually in the choir, having a great time.

If it's not one thing, it's another. My mom and I once fought for over an hour over whether I should buy blue shoes. Of course, it wasn't really about the shoes--it was about my right to control the money I earned from my summer job.

When you're arguing about something silly, it's usually really about something else. :-)

[SOteric]

17. I'm going to have to agree with you and MaryBear

It's about control, it's an interpersonal dynamic. The religion and the holiday are convenient scapegoats, but the real issue is rooted in the way the poster's family is interacting.

[rocktivity]

10. Tell her not to take it personally

To her, your not agreeing with her religious beliefs means she's failed as a mother or even worse, as a Christian. So of course she's offended. Tell her you love her anyway and she did a great job as a parent because you learned to think for yourself and not compromise your beliefs in order simply becuase it's so much easier to drift along in the mainstream.

:headbang:
rocknation

[roguevalley]

11. THat's her problem to deal with, honey. Hugs.

[neebob]

12. Don't get me started!

I was raised in the Mormon church. You couldn't pay me to go church - any church.

[madison2000]

14. Just wait till you have to plan a funeral

not to be negative or anything!

My father was an atheist, he died suddenly in 1992. He had never spoken of his "wishes" and there were no plans for anything.

My mother was baptised, confirmed, and married in a Lutheran church but pretty much gave up going to church.
My brother is agnostic.
My sister is pentecostal and way over to the right.
I am a liberal christian and guess what, the whole thing was left to me. A pentecostal or a lutheran minister burying an atheist they never met? Not on your life. My UCC minister talked to me about my dad for about half an hour and led an appropriate service for my father.

Can you imagine having a minister who believes your loved one is GOING TO HELL giving a burial service?

[RetroLounge]

15. I haven't been to a church service

since I went with a girl who wanted to go to midnight Xmas Eve services so she could sing xmas caroles and since I wanted to boink her, I went with her.

We both got what we wanted that night, 13 years ago.

ho ho ho...

RL

[madison2000]

16. the old church for sex arrangement, eh?

[Athletic Grrl]

18. Wow. That was my life.

I haven't been to church except for Christmas Eve (and I usually have a panic attack) and funerals since I was a senior in high school when I decided that organized religion was not for me.

My mother died a year ago and my dad has become nothing short of a zealot since. He's asking EVERYONE (even members of his own church) where they will be spending eternity. I got the same question, though couched differently, about a week ago while discussing my brother. Dad, BTW, told me he thought my brother was "sick" because he did not attend church. I can only imagine what he thought of me after we had our little talk.

I DO believe in a power greater than myself and I usually call it God. However, organized religion is repugnant to me and I let him know it. I also told him (as I will state here for those of you who are church-goers): I respect your right to worship however you please. In return, I ask for the same courtesy. If an epiphany is meant to be, it will be, but not because someeone was cramming it down my throat. I've studied many religions with a historian's eye (including Buddhism, which I identify most closely with). While the stories are entertaining, they don't do much to inspire me to worship.

Thanks for the forum to allow my rant. This has been very topical in my life of late. :toast:

[NashVegas]

19. Your Problem Isn't Church

Your problem is your mother is making demands on you. Demands you aren't willing to meet.

If she wants to be bitchy about it, that's her problem. Don't let it be yours. It's Christmas. Just give her a hug and send her out the door :)