One more holiday song...

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

This one's from Australia's Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, by way of Canada's own Bowser & Blue:

Quite often I get to thinkin'
How as kids we got by
Christmas time at our house
We couldn't even afford a fire
But we made do with what we had
Back then when I was young
Ol' Dad would suck a peppermint
And we'd sit around his tongue

We couldn't afford no shiny tinsel
For our Christmas tree
So we just wheeled Granddad in
An' made the ol' fart sneeze
But things change pretty quick
I've got kids now o' my own
And I watched 'em openin' their prezzies
Late last night when I came home

Here's what the little buggers were saying...

<Guitar riff>

Hey Santa! (Hey Santa!)
Where's me fuckin' bike?
I've unwrapped all this other junk, an' there's nothin' that I like!
I wrote yer fuckin' letter
I came ta see ya twice
You worn-out geriatric fart, you forgot me fuckin' bike!

If I'd wanted a pair of bloody thongs
I would've bloody asked!
An' this cowboy suit an' ping-pong set
You can shove right up yer arse!
You've stuffed me bloody order up!
It's enough t'make ya spew!
An' it ain't just me that's snakey
No, me sister's pissed of too...

<High voice>
Hey Santa! (Hey Santa!)
Where's me fuckin' pram?
You promised me you'd send me one, don't you remember who I am?
I'm the little girl
That you made sit down on yer hand
Never mind yer fuckin' ho-ho-hos, where's me fuckin' pram?!
</High voice>

So next time I see you
I'm gonna punch you in the guts!
I'm gonna turn yer fuckin' reindeer loose
An' kick Rudolph in the nuts!
You just wait 'til next year
When you come back to that store
An' me an' my kid sister
We come marchin' through door!

Yeah, we'll tell 'em, aye?

Hey mums an' dads, smell 'is breath
An' check those bloodshot eyes!
An' don't listen to 'im, boys 'n girls
'Cause he tells fuckin' lies!
He's a piss-tank an' a pervert!
He's not even very bright!
'Cause the ol' fuckin' wanker
He forgot me fuckin' bike!

HEY SANTA! (Hey Santa!)
Hey, where's me fuckin' bike?
I've unwrapped all this other junk an' there's nothin' that I like!
I wrote yer fuckin' letter
Shit, I came to see you twice!
You worn-out geriatric fart, you forgot me fuckin' bike!!

[ott]

1. Jingle Bells, as sung by my cat.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

MEOW!

Meow, meow, meow!
Meow, meow, meow!
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

MEOW!

Meow, meow, meow!
Meow, meow, meow!
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meeeeeeooooowwwwwww!

[Cyclical]

2. Excellent!

Dear god.

That's hysterical. Wonderful find. I'll have to pirate that song.

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

3. You're in luck.

It's currently available for free download from Bloody's website.

http://kevin.bloody.wilson.com.au/mp3/XmasDownload-Kev.mp3

I personally prefer the Bowser & Blue version, which is what I have quoted above, but there's little difference between the two.